Match #10: Super Robot Lifeforms

The Fighters for The Mario Bros. Sewer System: Zero, ROB

Stock: 4
Items: Off

Twilight: Hi gang! It's your old pal Twilight! I'm a cute colorful pony! And you know that means! Song sequence out of nowhere. Ahem...*starts singing* We may be divided, but of you all I beg, to remember we're all hooved, at the end of each leg...

Applejack: *runs into the commentary booth* No matter what the issue, come from wherever you please! 'Cause fightin' gets you nothin', but hoof in mouth disease! Arguing's not the way-

Rainbow Dash: *flies into the commentary booth* Hey, come out and play! It's a shiny new day...so whaddaya say?

*All three ponies stand on their hind legs, hold hooves and start dancing the can-can*

Applejack: You gotta share!

Rainbow Dash: You gotta care!

Twilight: It's the right thing to...

*Twilight suddenly notices Esco in the commentary booth. The ninja is staring in frustration.*

Twilight: ...do. Uh...heh. *smiles nervously as she and the other two ponies stop dancing* H...hi Esco! Didn't see you there...I mean, I guess that's the point, since you're a ninja and everything but, um...We should start the match, shouldn't we?

Esco: *nods silently, then walks out of the booth*

Applejack: Well...it's been...fun and all, but I'll leave y'all alone, 'cause I don't wanna die...I mean, because ah've got to bake some pie. And eat it. Yeah. Bye. *runs out of the booth*

Twilight: Huh. That was awkward.

Rainbow Dash: Eh, wasn't that bad. I mean, we should be fine unless we get another random interruption.

*A half lion, half eagle woman flies into the booth and lands in front of Twilight*

Gilda: Hey. Unicorn girl. I'm a random interruption.

Twilight: Do I... know you?

Gilda: Lemme "jog your memory" a little, toots. *starts punching Twilight in the face repeatedly*

Twilight: Agh, why!!! Dash, you're my bodyguard! Guard my body!

Rainbow Dash: Got it! *takes flight and charges at Gilda*

Gilda: *turns to look at Dash* You can't beat me, I'm stronger!

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, but I'm faster! *flies behind Gilda with ease and uppercuts her through the ceiling*

Gilda: Aaaah! *clutches one of her arms in pain, scowling down at the ponies in the booth* You haven't seen the last of me! *flies away*

Rainbow Dash: You okay, Twi?

Twilight: ...I'm Popeye the Sailor Man...

Rainbow Dash: Uh...

Twilight: ...I mean, yes Dash, I'm...I'm fine. Thank you. *struggles to her feet, her horn glowing as she casts a spell to fix the ceiling* Well. Good riddance to bad rubbish, eh Dash? *takes her seat*

Rainbow Dash: Y...yeah. *frowns sadly as she takes her seat.

Twilight: *blushes* I...um...I'm really sorry Dash...I really didn't think she meant anything to you anymore...

Rainbow Dash: *cheers up, smirking* Eh, Gilda's gonna come around some day. It's just gonna be a while 'cause she's...well, kinda stupid.

Twilight: Speaking of stupid, we'd better speed things up before the audience begins to question our intelligence.

Rainbow Dash: *chuckles* No objections here. What did you have in mind, Twilight?

Twilight: Well, I thought we'd do something huge and spectacular, with lots of items! In fact, I've got this Home Run Bat to help me tell just how great it's going to be!

Rainbow Dash: How you gonna do that with a bat?

Twilight: It's easy! I've polished to the point that I can use it as a reflective surface for scrying! Before you ask, Dash, that's using psychic powers to look into places normally inaccessible to the naked eye.

Rainbow Dash: Cool!

Twilight: Cool, indeed. Now let's see... *Her eyes glow, and she stares at the bat. Twilight sees the stadium crumbled into rumble, and Dash using the very bat Twilight is holding to hit her over the head repeatedly while screaming in aggravation.* Uh...

Rainbow Dash: *smiles happily, oblivious to what Twilight is seeing* Well? Is it awesome?

Twilight: Um...well...it's...hard to tell...that's...more the future of the bat than our future, anyway! *she snaps the bat in half and tosses it out of the booth* You know...maybe having a match with lots of fighters and items isn't the best way to go. I mean that's so, um...cliched! Yes. Why don't we have a simple itemless duel between two powerful fighters?

Rainbow Dash: A contest of skill, huh? I'm likin' the sound of that!

Twilight: So does my skull.

Rainbow Dash: Come again, Twi?

Twilight: Er, I said, I'm glad it won't be dull. *presses a few buttons on the transmitter with her hooves, and an arena is shown on screen* The Mario Bros. Sewer System. Simple but effective. The fight itself will be between two of our resident mechanical warriors, Zero and ROB. *presses a few more buttons to alert Zero and ROB that they are needed on the air*

Rainbow Dash: Ooo, Zero is awesome! That perfectly, designed suit of armor, those lethal, yet graceful attacks...

Twilight: ...Are you going to fangirl over someone every time we commentate one of these things?

Rainbow Dash: Cut me some slack, Twilight, fighting here at the Stadium is a performance art! It's like ballet. With violence!

Twilight: Uh...Rather than tempt fate and continue this philosophical thread, I'll recommend that we start our intros. Here come the fighters...

*Zero teleports into the arena, landing on the upper left platform, while ROB's pieces fall into place on the upper right platform*

Rainbow Dash: And here we go!

Twilight: Without further ado, dear viewers...

Rainbow Dash: Let's fly into overdrive!

Twilight: Robert uses Robo Burn to fly over the big middle platform...

Rainbow Dash: While Zero dashes onto the same platform with a quick blast of air from the jets in his boots!

Twilight: Robert gets the first attack, burning Zero from above with the jet flame from his hover skirt.

Rainbow Dash: But Zero's not taking that lying down, stabbing Robutt twice with his beam saber and following up with a swift sweeping kick!

Twilight: ...We're just renting out advert space to anyone now, aren't way?

Rainbow Dash: Looks like it. Zero tries a new trick, changing his beam saber into a light bolt and jabbing it at ROB, sending the uncooler bot flyin' towards the right middle platform. Shocking! *giggles to herself*

Twilight: Zero had better not get too cocky...here comes a ROBo Beam from ROB, angled up at a charging Zero, and knocking him down before he has a chance to reach Robert.

Rainbow Dash: ...And a green fireball just came from up behind ROB and knocked him to the right most lower platform.

Twilight: Wait, a random green fireball? I...sigh, okay, now I remember. That was one of the hazards listed in this arena's fire. Still doesn't make it any less jarring to see.

Rainbow Dash: Heh heh, I can deal with random, as long as it goes in favor of the dude I like! ROB's really gonna get it now, 'cause Zero's dropping down with an ice powered saber, freezing that dumbbot instantly! Now that's a move that's twenty percent cooler!

Twilight: ...I knew you were going to say that. Anyway, it looks like ROB's finally had enough. A quick grab and a toss to the right, and Zero's first life is gone.

Rainbow Dash: Ah, man. Who'd have thought it'd be so easy to die on this stage?

Rainbow Dash: Here comes Zero, respawning on that top middle platform. A Shellcreeper's crawlin' out of the upper right pipe...I think Zero's got plans for it.

Twilight: Robert's got plans, too, because he's spinning a gyro...he'd better not spend too much time charging, though, or it could cost him.

Rainbow Dash: Zero gives that turtle a quick slash, and grabs it...

Twilight: While ROB flies up to the top middle platform using ROBo burn, landing right in front of the ponytailed one...

Rainbow Dash: Zero tosses the shell at Lamebot...

Twilight: But with a dizzying spin, Robert knocks it back with Arm Rotor. Looks like Zero's in trouble, because ROB's about to toss his fully charged gryo...

ROB: GYROMITE! *flings a disk at Zero*

Zero: RAKUHOUHA! *punches the floor, causing a burst of energy to fly from his body*

Rainbow Dash: Ha! The joke's on ROB, 'cause the blazin' field of light around Zero knocks that disk right back into ROB's face! That bot's soarin' past the right pipe, and he's up, over, and gone!

Rainbow Dash: Zero gives a thumbs up, taunting, but he'd better watch out for that Sidestepper comin' out the left pipe on the top...nope, never mind, he's got it taken care of. Two plasma bullets from his trusty Z-buster, and all is well.

Twilight: At least if he manages to avoid another ROBo Beam from a freshly respawned Robert...

Rainbow Dash: Nothing a quick double jump won't take care of! The Z-man flings that crab at ROB and the bot gets a good claw slashin'!

Twilight: But it's not enough to knock him off that top middle platform. Robert looks like he's starting to get angry, running up to Zero and hitting him with a forward smash eye blast, then grabbing him, tossing him up, and up smashing him with a hover skirt flame. And now he's grabbing him and pounding Zero head first against the ground...and then he does it again...and now he does it again...and now...okay, this is getting a little stupid.

Rainbow Dash: Good thing Zero's got such a big an' fun bag of tricks 'cause he's got his saber turning into a flame rod, knocking ROB up in the air!

Twilight: ...But Robert makes a quick come back, spinning in mid-air and slashing Zero with a rocket flame!

Rainbow Dash: Zero tries out another tactic, smashing forward with both hands converted into Z-busters, shocking ROB with electrical energy and sending him flying!

Twilight: Since when did you start saying "tactic?"

Rainbow Dash: *smirks* Since you told me what it meant.

Twilight: ...Oh. Huh...well, um, Robert fell all the way to the floor, somehow...guess he was just hit that hard enough. He fires a ROBo-beam at the POW Block, causing Zero, who's dashing to the right atop the top middle platform, to trip and fall down to the same level ROB is standing on...

Rainbow Dash: Good thing that didn't add to Zero's damage percentage.

Twilight: He might still have to worry, Dash...ROB's punching up at the POW block again, giving him a quick opportunity to hit Zero with the ROBo Beam while the blonde haired bot trips, and then Robert tosses a gyro at him for good measure.

Rainbow Dash: He'd definitely in a bind, but not for long. Zero's got a lot of fancy tricks, but he's quickly showin' he can still take the direct approach with a quick flying kick to that POW block. ROB gets a taste of his own medicine as he trips over, and then Zero grabs him...heh heh, this is going to be good! As he tosses ROB toward the bottom left pipe with one hand, Zero changes the other into a Z-buster, and showers him with plasma bullets that shove him off screen, and BOOM! KO! Take that, loser!

Twilight: ...I've really got to find you an outlet for that aggression.

Twilight: Robert's back up top and he's...no wait, he's dropping back down to the floor, and-

ROB: GRAAAAH!!! *fires a ROBo-beam twice as wide as usual*

Zero: What the-*flies off to the right of screen, past the bottom right pipe, and gets K.O.ed*

Rainbow Dash: Um...that was kind of...scary...Oh, look, a Shellcreeper is coming out that pipe that Zero just flew by...would be pretty cool if it could charge into ROB right about-

ROB: DO YOU WISH TO CHALLENGE ME, FLESHING?

Shellcreeper: Meep! *runs off*

Rainbow Dash: ...Or not.

Twilight: Well, with that, Zero's on the top middle platform again, and Robert's flying up there, still angry as hay...

Rainbow Dash: ...But it's a good thing Zero's prepared, slashing the air with with his stupendous shining saber and firing a crescent blast at ROB.

Twilight: ROB takes heavy damage from that, and falls back to the floor...A Sidestepper pops out of the bottom right pipe, but Robert makes short work of it with his Arm Rotor spin...And as soon as Zero drops all the way down on the left, Robert wastes no time in tossing it at Zero.

Rainbow Dash: Zero's drawing his saber, and...nope, he doesn't make it in time. The slash from the crab claw does minimal damage, but unluckily the knockback is enough to push my main man off the screen and into oblivion again.

Rainbow Dash: Zero's charging both his Z-busters on the top...

Twilight: And Robert moves to the left, firing a ROBo beam up at the very top right platform, which ricochets off it and zaps Zero as he stands on the top middle platform...

Rainbow Dash: ...But not before Zero can finish charging. Zero leaps off to the right, slamming down with his ice stab once again...

Twilight: But ROB is quick enough to roll to the left and dodge, ending up under the regenerated POW block.

Rainbow Dash: Not so faster, Buster, that's not gonna help ya this time! Zero fires off one cannon and the charged bullet plows slowly through that POW block, hitting it three times, ROB tripping each time! His head's bashed into the floor again and again, and now he's stunned, tipped over, out of energy, and out of luck! Zero fires the other cannon, and ROB's flyin' off to the left, losin' yet another life! You go, Zero, my man!

Rainbow Dash: This match is really close...I hope Zero will be okay...

Twilight: My chair is getting sweaty. I feel like I've been commentating on this match for a year.

Rainbow Dash: Maybe you have been.

Twilight: WHAT?

Rainbow Dash: Well, you did tell me that the space-time continuum is incredibly unpredictable.

Twilight: ...Sigh. I did, didn't I? But anyways...Robert respawns on the top middle platform, and...wait, why is there some pony-tailed girl walking out of the top right pipe?

Lip: I should have been fighting in this stadium years ago! Hmph! Take this! *Lip waves her Stick, and a huge pink block with a happy face on it smashes through all the platforms, destroying them, and doing heavy damage to Zero and ROB as well. She floats ominously in the upper right corner of the arena*

Twilight: WHY MUST THERE ALWAYS BE A PROBLEM?

Rainbow Dash: Easy, uni-girl. Fight's not over yet...Looks like Zero and Box head are gonna take out the trash.

Zero: If we don't stop her, neither of us will win.

ROB: Hmm...I cannot disagree with your analysis, inferior model.

Twilight: Huh...looks like it's taking that girl time to cast another spell...she's still waving that flower thingy in her hand...

Rainbow Dash: Which gives Zero plenty of time to fire another of his awesome crescent shaped sword beams, while Bucket Face finally makes himself useful by adding the power shooting an eye beam at Zero's blast, increasing it's power tenfold!

Lip: Eep! Well, at least I got people to notice me again! AAAAAH! *is blasted out of the arena*

Twilight: ...Ooookay. Now the match can end, right? I'm not sure I care who wins anymore. I just want to get out of this increasingly uncomfortable chair.

Rainbow Dash: Well, I don't think it'll be long now. It's a lot easier for the fighters to get at each other without any platforms to get in the way.

Twilight: ...Sigh. Robert flings a gyro at Zero, knocking him down, and knocking him far...This could be over with one move. He's using ROBo Burn to fly over to Zero...he's firing his rockets down at the other bot...

Rainbow Dash: ...But Zero rolls to the left, and out of the way, leaping up at ROB with a super stylish somersault slash, sending ROB skyward!

Twilight: *eye starts twitching, getting annoyed* Try some more alliteration. No really. I dare you.

Rainbow Dash: No time, 'cause ROB is out of there, and this match is over!

GAME SET!

THIS GAME'S WINNER IS... ZERO!

Mash: Well, I'm here at the lockers to talk to the fighters...ROB, how do you...

ROB: Silence, flesh creature! I have no time to indulge your curiosity! I must go an calculate a way to prevent failure such as that which I have had the displeasure of experiencing today! *flies off*

Mash: I...guess I should have seen that coming.

*Meanwhile, Twilight and Dash are still in the commentary booth*

Twilight: Well, I suppose it's time that we-GAH!!!

*Both Little Ponies feel a strong electric shock and fall to the ground, their hair and fur having turned to gray*

Twilight: Ah, crud, not this again...

Rainbow Dash: Ugh...what happened?

Twilight: *taps a few buttons on the console causing it to scan herself and Dash* According to the Stadium System, there's some kind of...tiny light aura draining robots inside our bloodstream.

Rainbow Dash: ...Discord again?

Twilight: Uh...*smiles nervously at Dash* ...No, it's not him, even if I do sound kinda mopey right now. *puts on a serious face again* This just isn't his style. It's too complicated, too technological. But...we don't have time to worry about it right now. We've got to go meet up with Mash...

Rainbow Dash: ...Not my problem.

Twilight: *backs away from Dash in fear in shock*

Rainbow Dash: Whoa, whoa! Easy Twi, I'm sorry. It's just...you remember what I'm like when all gray like this right?

Twilight: *smirks playfully* Right, you have to act in your own self interests at all times. Well, you certainly won't be very popular with Zero if you don't come meet him, right?

Rainbow Dash: *smiles awkwardly* Heh...I guess not...*starts to fly away, then stops* Hey, what happened to my light trail?

Twilight: I hate to say it, Dash, but our powers won't work right now. Pony magic, whether it's that of the unicorns, pegasi, earth ponies, or alicorns, won't work without true happiness and good will.

Rainbow Dash: *sighs in disappointment* ...Right. Well, at least I have an excuse to dress like this for the time being. *floats under the console for a moment, then zooms back into the air dressed in a black leather jacket and pointy pink sunglasses*

Twilight: Um...okay. *smiles nervously* Well...that's interesting. I guess we'll be off now, huh?

Rainbow Dash: *frowns sadly* ...Please don't let me say anything mean to Zero.

Twilight: *smiles softly and reassuringly* Dash, it'll be fine, don't worry, we'll get through this.

*The two ponies exit the room and look around*

Rainbow Dash: Hey, where's Zero?

Mash: That's what I want to know.

Twilight: Wait, I think I hear something...

Zero: *teleports into view* Hmm. Sorry to keep you all waiting. I wanted to make sure it was safe.

Twilight: ...And by "safe" you mean until Robert was gone.

Zero: Affirmative.

Mash: I can't blame you at all.

Zero: *smirks* Well...at least I enjoyed myself. It's kind of nice having an admirer, as well. *smiles at Dash*

Rainbow Dash: *chuckles, Zero's attention causing her to perk up a little in spite of her drained condition* That's what I'm here for!

Twilight: *looking off into space, as if something is on her mind*

Zero: You seem troubled, Twilight. Anyway I can help?

Twilight: *frowns sadly* It's...not me, it's you. I read your file...You've lost many friends, some by your own hand. What...drives you to work in a place like this?

Zero: Hmm...*rubs his chin for a moment, then smiles at Twilight* Things aren't quite as bad as they used to be. Sometime I'll tell you the whole story.

Twilight: *blushes, smiling back at Zero*

Zero: I think we should all relax. It's been a long day. Follow me, I'll buy us all dinner.

*The ponies and Zero start leaving*

Mash: ...

Zero: *walks back in, smirking* That means you too, Mash.

Mash: Oh, um, of course! Right behind you guys...*follows Zero out*

Captain Falcon: *walks out of a door and into the room with some coffee* Ah, finally time to relax. Surely nothing strange will get in my way...

Zero Suit Samus: Howdy!

Captain Falcon: Hmm...You certainly look like Samus. But you are not speaking in long, monotone monologues boasting about how you have caused mass destruction across several planets across the galaxy. Therefore, I deduce that you are actually an insidious impostor!

Zero Suit Samus: Aw, shucks, you got me! I'm sorry, I only took this form so you'd like me! *changes into a pony in a flash of light*

Applejack: My name's Applejack! Wanna go get some donuts from the food court!

Captain Falcon: FALCON ACCEPT. *jumps on Applejack's back, and she runs out of the room*