Match #17: Battle of the Pilots!

Fighters for Mario Circuit: Captain Falcon vs. Samus vs. Tails vs. Fox, Falco and Wolf (three-man tag team)
Stock: 3
Items: Smash Balls only

*A technological fortress deep within the earth*

*Enter Ridley, battered and bruised from his previous fight*

Ridley: That's it. I've had ENOUGH of this AAAAAAAA! Every single time, the deck is stacked against me! *slumps down into a chair and turns on a monitor*


Ridley: *typing furiously* No matter, for I have come one step closer to achieving the previously unachievable!

*The monitor displays a close-up wireframe model rendition of a nano-parasite sample*

Ridley: With these changes, the reprogrammed specimens will be able to infest organic robotic systems, and shut them down permanently. THIS TIME, BOUNTY HUNTER, YOU WILL NOT GET AWAY FROM ME!!

(A while after the Aerial Dominance match, Digi has caught up to Sonic and Tails at the cafeteria)

Digi: How's the chili?

Sonic: Waaay too many beans. I've gotta tell them to tone it down!

Digi: (chuckles) Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Anyways, after the last match, the Superpowers and I have been considering giving Tails a position on the fighters' roster.

Tails: Really? I would love to fight with Sonic!

Digi: I know, you two are great friends and I think you deserve a chance. And the best thing is, you fight very differently from Sonic, too.

Sonic: Yeah, he might not be the fastest thing alive but he's got quite a few tricks! You should add him, for sure.

Digi: (nods) In fact, I've got a pretty good idea for a match for you, buddy.

Tails: Let's hear it.

Digi: You're a pilot. I'm sure you've still got a lot of your vehicles around, right?

Tails: Of course!

Digi: Good. There are a bunch of other pilots we've got around here, too... guys like Captain Falcon and Fox McCloud.

Tails: (nods) I do know of them. They're supposed to be very good fliers, too.

Sonic: Ah, so you wanna put him in a dogfight?

Digi: Not quite. It's still going to be regular hand-to-hand combat, but everyone's Final Smashes are just going to involve their vehicles.

Tails: I really like that! It would give me something to show off my own abilities without having to try and mimic Sonic's idea of absorbing the power of the Chaos Emeralds...

Digi: Yeah, that is definitely more like Sonic than you.

Sonic: (smirks) I wouldn't worry about him not going Super, the guy's got it made with his workshop...

Digi: I know, you should see the bickering between the Star Fox and Star Wolf guys about their Landmasters... (he rolls his eyes) Although this does give us incentive to talk to them about that. Are there any toys you want to take out of the box, Tails?

Tails: I still have the Tornado III... uh, you've seen the Cyclone, right?

Digi: Yes.

Tails: That's one of its modes.

Digi: Ahh, right.

Tails: I could fire just about anything from that, and it'd work.

Sonic: Go for it, Tails!

Tails: (nods) Sure thing, guys!

Digi: Great. Welcome to the Stadium. (he shares a handshake with Tails)

(Speaking of the Landmaster crew...)

Metal: So, you guys have something special this match.

Fox: The Landmaster, of course!

Falco: Psh, you can keep it. I'm taking to the air.

Wolf: I'm only here because I haven't gotten into a match any time recently.

Metal: All three of you sharing one slot... isn't that likely to cause conflict?

Fox: No, it shouldn't be a problem.

Wolf: To be honest, I'd rather be with MY team, but you fools haven't bothered to let them into the Stadium.

Metal: Understandable, of course. Some day my team will be here too.

Fox: In any case, the Landmaster will be all we need. The others have their vehicles ready, but I don't see them using--

Falco: Yeah, right! Do you see us fighting Andross with one of those? Nope!

Wolf: Don't forget, my Wolfen is at least twice as powerful!

Metal: Nothing like a little rivalry, eh? Well, have fun guys!

(Now up to the booth for the match...)

Metal: ...and that's how my disco powers got me through high school.

Digi: Metal. We're on.

Metal: Alright, it's story sharing time! Endless blathering power, activate! *Takes out a coin with the image of a pair of lips on it and slams it on the controls, and lightning powers fly from it, as awesome rock music plays*

Digi: No! If you do that, you'll miss the match entirely!

Metal: *Music fades and the coin uselessly smokes on the desk* Aw man, I had my 32-minute transformation scene all figured out and everything. Whatever.

Digi: So Folks, today we've wrangled up some of the best pilots in the Stadium and we're making them navigate the crossover at Mario Circuit.

Metal: Yes, the last match that happened here with the Shy Guys was so popular, we're gonna make them deal with them again.

Digi: Uh... sure? At least this time, the only items we'll be sending out are Smash Balls, so no Spiny Shells or Lightnings will be in the way of our match. (looks at his notes again) Wait, what's Samus doing on the list?

Metal: Are you kidding me? She's got one heck of a Smash planned...


Metal: So you aren't kidding me.

Digi: I don't think so.

Metal: Well, I'm no stranger to being booed at. You could almost say I'm a boo-tagonist. You know... the Boos in Mario?


Digi: Moving on. As you might have noticed, Fox, Falco and Wolf have actually agreed to share one of the positions, using one life apiece. You can do the math. After the Stadium's last match, can you blame them?

Metal: There was a previous match? Er, uh... yeah! Of course.

Digi: Right. As seen in the preview, Tails is using his Cyclone for a Final Smash, Fox keeps his Landmaster, Falco is using an Arwing and Wolf has a Wolfen at bay. The Captain's is the same as normal, and whatever Samus brings in is her surprise.

Metal: Well, that's all just great. But you know, I could use my Wing Fortress. Sure, it costs 57 billion coins just to fly it onto the stage, and another 57 billion to repair the damage after it crushes the Stadium, but it'd be fun!

Digi: Metal!

Metal: All right, all right... I'll just settle for creating true vehicular terror with my limo.

Digi: You are NOT abandoning me in this booth just so you have an excuse to drive your limosuine around Mario Circuit and interrupt this match.

Metal: But I've learned how to powerslide this thing as good as Mario! Besides, my limo is lightyears ahead of those jalopies!

Digi: Well, I thought Cranky Kong was the only person around here to still call vehicles jalopies.

Metal: Cranky Kong and I go way back. By that I mean, I traveled back in time and helped him throw barrels at Mario once. The pies were my idea.

Digi: Whaaaaat?

Metal: Heh heh heh.

Digi: Oh, what do you know, the Blue Falcon just parked outside the jump and Captain Falcon's jumping out of it.


Digi: Samus parked her ship on the other side of the track and hops in. Now Fox and company have landed their mechs next to each other with Fox beaming into the arena. Tails drives the Tornado up to the Blue Falcon, hooks a transmitter up to his fur and twirls himself into the arena, floating down next to Samus.

Metal: Now I have to wonder if I could stick a radio to that hair growing on your skull, Digi.

Digi: I will politely refuse that request. Lakitu's hovering over the start finish line to give the Shy Guys the green... there goes the race and here goes the match!

Metal: And the match starts out with me gluing a radio to Digi's face. Er, I mean Samus shooting a rocket into Fox's face. And Tails flying up and throwing a weird mouse-shaped explosive thing on the floor.

Digi: Ahh, the Chu2s... good eye, Metal. Unfortunately, Falcon pays no respect to the projectile and blows up the scene with a Falcon Kick. Fortunately, Fox shielded himself in time from that explosion and fires his Blaster back at Samus, landing in a kick as well.

Metal: Samus rolls into a ball after being hit, and Tails decides to pick up Fox and drop him down on the floor. But Falcon leaps up and grabs Tails for a Falcon Dive! BOOM! That's gotta hurt.

Digi: The Shy Guys are already getting a little loopy after all this, but one of them manages to run over Samus when she leaps a bit too late. Tails charges up a Spin Dash and bowls her over some more.

Metal: Falcon is busy going on a rampage. He grabs Fox and throws him into the floor, then punches a Shy Guy off the track, then a barrel appears on an incline and hits him in the face! ...But is there anything in it?

Digi: Not unless it's a Smash Ball--but it is! And off it floats, but who's going to get it first? It might not be Tails, since Fox tossed him up into the air and shot him with the Blaster...

Metal: Tails takes out his own blaster cannon, but the projectile is too slow. Samus then Screw Attacks Tails out of the way, but only nudges the Smash Ball. Falcon leaps up and kicks it, and Fox, out of the way, but it's still in play!

Looking for lost plungers... stolen by fuzzy, loud animals? --Mario Bros.
Lives: 3
Lives: 3
Lives: 3
Lives: 3

Digi: Tails with a Dummy Ring to Falcon, that hits... now he flies over to the Smash Ball and absorbs it with his Propeller Flight!

Tails: (presses a button) Cyclone engage! Fire Power Laser!

(The Tornado III transforms into the Cyclone mech as Tails walks it into the stage left boundary of the arena, firing a huge laser at the lower level of the track)

Metal: And amazingly, the Shy Guys aren't killed! But Samus is and Falcon nearly goes off the edge himself!

Digi: He's back in, though as Tails hops off the Cyclone and gets back into the fray, grabbing his fellow vulpine and tossing him at Samus.

Metal: Samus launches Fox into orbit with a mean left hook. Guess that means we won't see the Landmaster. (feigns sadness) What a loss.

Digi: Falco makes the tag and fights it out with Tails on the top while Falcon runs in and throttles Falco with a Raptor Boost. Tails gives Falcon a quick tailwhip that is broken up with the bird firing his reflector at the little guy.

Metal: Falco and Falcon then start fist fighting... which is ended by the previously-zapped Tails throwing a weird punching-glove attack. Samus has other plans, as she breaks open a capsule and finds... nothing in it.

Digi: She should have at least tossed it the group, it could have exploded. But that gives her the chance to charge a shot, which she maxes out. She jumps over to the fray and fires it, catching everyone and knocking out Tails! Falco takes the opportunity to Fire Bird her like he's ready to show Captain Falcon his own move!

Metal: Whatever just happened, Falco blasted open the Smash Ball. And Falcon just tossed Samus at him... this isn't going to be pretty.

Digi: Oh, not at all...

18-wheeler clearance sale... WARNING: Sudden throttle failures and lack of reverse gear governors have been reported.
Lives: 2
Lives: 3
Lives: 2
Lives: 2

Digi: We all know Falco prefers the air, and he gives Samus a meteor kick into the ground. Tails juggles him with his propellor but I don't think that's going to be good enough to free the Smash Ball from his feathers... meanwhile, a Falcon Punch to Samus sends her across the arena some more. She's definitely in danger.

Metal: Falco uses the Final Smash, and suddenly there is the Arwing. A line of Shy Guys drive in, only to be blasted by lasers. Samus then gets hit by a Nova Bomb fired by the Arwing. It's Falco's specialty! ...Tails takes a bunch of damage and Falcon gets humiliatingly nerfed out of the arena by a rogue Shy Guy.

Digi: Our plan is working, Metal. Falco ejects from the Arwing as it parks itself next to his teammates' mechs, but is ganged up by Tails and Samus. And Falcon is just waiting in the wings, hoping to take his vendetta out on that poor Shy Guy. And Samus' Drop Bombs really do work, as she surprises Tails and Falco with a pair.

Metal: It's time for some crispy chicken. Falco burns while Tails slaps Samus so hard her helmet is temporarily flattened. Falcon reappears as... a barrel starts rolling around. The items! They never end!

Digi: Does Tails know how to treat a woman?

Metal: I think he's watched Amy stalk Sonic too many times.

Digi: In any case, Falcon cracks Samus' back over his knee as Tails grabs the barrel, hurtling it at Falco and blasting him clear out the arena! Falcon whips a smash at Samus to knock her out too! So this means Wolf will be in to anchor his team and Tails is still on his second life.

Metal: The barrel rolls off the screen. Falcon then grabs another capsule and chucks it at Tails, but it's another dud. I wonder what's up with the capsules today?

Digi: We already stated, no items but Smash Balls. (rolls his eyes) Wolf's a bit slower on his draw but he zaps Falcon a good one. The Captain turns around and does a Dive on Wolf.

Metal: Yeah, but I want more... MORE SMASH! Falcon keeps trying to grab Wolf, but Wolf just slashes his face. Tails then picks him up again, and... drops him on Wolf, for extra damage. Samus shoots a missile into Tails' back...

Digi: Tails and Samus toss their own bombs at each other, blowing up in midair and knocking them both back. It's trouble for Tails, who gets caught in Wolf's arms and pulverized into the ground! This sets up a Falcon Punch which knocks him clear off the screen!

Metal: I could really go for a chili dog made of plutonium right now... er, there's also Wolf doing that illusion thing. It's a poor attempt to hit Falcon. And then Samus leaps down and grabs Wolf and throws him around the stage with the grapple beam.

Rare Candy's new formula--50% less sugar, same party-breaking levelup power!
Lives: 1
Lives: 2
Lives: 1
Lives: 1

Digi: I think if you want more Smash, we can give it to you. (hurls another Smash Ball into the arena)

Metal: I love you so much right now, Digi...well, I don't love you but you know how to make me happy... now someone break it open. Yes! Go get it, Samus. She's kicking and punching it like she needs all the power right now.

Digi: And for once, Ridley isn't here to intervene in this.

Metal: Ridley attacks! No, that's just Tails flying up and throwing another mouse-bomb. It misses and hits Wolf instead. Samus on the other hand, almost has the Smash orb.

Digi: I'm sure Tails would like as many hits as he can get. Wolf flings Falcon backwards and jumps up to confront Tails.

Metal: Tails Spin Dashes, but Wolf counters. Tails then smacks Wolf with a punching glove. But unnoticed in this is Samus grabbing the orb and... flying off the stage?

Digi: Considering the other Final Smashes, I'm not worried yet. The other three are oblivious though as Falcon uppercuts Wolf into the air, allowing Tails to juggle him in flight.

Metal: And then... a weird reticule aims at the arena... ...Oh, this is gonna hurt. Massive energy bombs rain from the sky! Falcon runs but eventually gets caught on the side of the arena, while Wolf can't seem to jump high enough. The explosions fill the entire arena and destroy many Shy Guys... but Tails manages to fly over them! Guess that's the problem with trying to bomb a flying target, eh Digi?

Boshi: (blank gaze) ...I want a refund. (gets out of his seat and leaves the Stadium)

Digi: While Falcon returns to the fight, Tails has been using just about every trick in his bag today, but Samus gets back at him avoiding her Final Smash by torching him. Wolf swipes Samus, and Falcon swats at her with his boot.

Metal: Falcon then goes to do an ill-timed Falcon punch. To his great dismay, he gets smashed out of the arena by Wolf.

Wolf: There's only one Falcon, and it isn't you, Captain Falcon!

Falcon: Don't hijack the Blue--(slams into the boundary) GYAAHHHH!

Digi: Tails fires his glove at Samus and connects, but gets shot in the back by Wolf's Blaster. She launches a Missile at Tails, but he rolls under and it hits Wolf instead.

Metal: Wolf rolls backwards while Samus throws Tails into the air. Samus then receives a blue Chu2 bomb to the face.

Digi: Tails flies to safety towards the other side of the arena, looking over his weaponry... and Wolf kicks Samus into the pack of Shy Guys. One of them tosses her into the air... Wolf leaps up for her and uses the Fire Wolf to take her out.

Metal: Wolf is now falling and vulnerable, allowing Tails to fly up and grab him... mid-air... like Sonic?

Wolf: Hey! What do you think you're doing?

Tails: I haven't gone this far just to lose to a criminal!

Digi: Tails throws him straight down into an oncoming Shy Guy! Wolf is sent into the air again, could this be the hit that takes him out? No it's not, Tails is going to have to connect at least one more time.

Metal: The two of them start trading laser shots, as a Smash Orb appears mid-air... are you thinking what I'm thinking, Digi?

Digi: Maybe...Wolf's looking pretty hungry for the orb. He throws down Tails, leaps up and smashes it, just bouncing it around the arena some more.

Metal: And as if this wasn't chaotic enough, yet another orb appears in the arena. It's gonna be a Final Smash showdown, as Tails gets the first orb!

Digi: What? We never put more than one Orb in at once!

Metal: So? (grins maliciously beneath his helmet)

Digi: Well, anyways, Wolf breaks the other Orb right as Tails resummons the Cyclone into the arena.

Metal: Wolf summons the Wolfen, and now the two of them are shooting each other. The Wolfen's Nova Bomb is almost invisible underneath the massive Cyclone Laser attack.

Digi: The bomb can't make it through that laser!

(The Cyclone is hit by the bomb, but the laser grows enough to shoot the Wolfen as well.)

Digi: I take that back. Both are hit by the other's weapons!

Metal: The entire stage is covered in a massive explosion! I... can't tell who's out!

Digi: It's Wolf! He was able to fly the Wolfen out of the range of most of the laser, and he ejects onto the arena, growling in triumph.


This game's winner is... Fox, Falco, and Wolf!

Metal: And that's the match, everybody. Another wonderfully violent explosion festival for us!

Digi: Fox and Falco are watching on and applauding Wolf, but you can tell they would have itched to be in his position after what just happened.

Metal: And I wanted to be there too, because I would have won! Those vehicles were cooler, but you can't beat mine!

(footage of Metal Man driving his limo by barrel rolling it across the ground sideways)

Digi: (points to the tag team) Their barrel rolls are much better.

Metal: Well, mine can destroy a small neighborhood in fifteen minutes flat! ...Anyway, you go interview the winners.

Digi: Sure. (makes his way over to the team) You three put aside your differences and came out swinging. How about that battle between the mechs at the end?

Wolf: (shrugs) The Wolfen's built to take those kinds of shots. Tails is smart, but he just doesn't have the power.

Digi: Okay. And Fox and Falco, you two started it off out there for the team, how was it being out there with the others?

Falco: Well, I just feel happy being in an Arwing for once! I can't believe Fox convinced ever convinced me to summon a Landmaster!

Fox: Falco, we're teammates, I was hoping to make some form of unity... it was unfortunate I got taken out early, but these two fought well.

Digi: Very good. A little bit of teamwork taking Star Fox and Star Wolf to the top today.

Metal: Losing is fun, isn't it, Samus?

(Samus punches Metal in the helmet and walks away)

Metal: And I'm sure you deserved better, Falcon!

Falcon: I've heard about you. Aren't you someone who rips off my moves?

Metal: No, that's Ganondorf.

Falcon: Are you sure? Ganondorf has a sword.

Metal: Definitely Ganondorf.

Falcon: I saw you scream loudly and burn someone--

Metal: Ganondorf!

Ganondorf: *Walks in* You rang?

Metal: Uh... no.

Falcon: Ganondorf, is Metal ripping my moves off?

Ganondorf: No. He is however parodying some of them.

Falcon: ...Well that's no fun. I was going to FALCON LAWSUIT.

Metal: So... what about you, Tails?

Tails: Not bad for a first try. I just need to adjust the accuracy of my laser.

Metal: So you're not mad? You're not going to punch me so hard you break my visor? You're not going to tell me your shirt is haunted and you must steal another one from Julian's closet?

Tails: No, no, and you're almost as silly as Big.

Metal: ...Touche.

Tails: Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do. (walks off)

Metal: And there you have it. Three los--

Falcon: (glares at Metal)

Metal: Absolutely awesome people who had a slight setback!

Digi: Yeah, you're on your own with Captain Falcon there. He's probably ticked off he only had a show car today unlike most of the others--

Fox: Watch it.

Digi: Your teammates had Final Smashes.

Fox: Okay, okay...

Digi: But anyways, a pretty good match all around, we got to see a lot of weapon flying around and utter chaos. So I believe Metal and I shall sign out! Take care!

Metal: Yeah, signing out here. Instead of telegramming out. That would just be weird.