Match #18: Mega Villain Rumble!

Fighters for Random Shift: Bowser vs Wario vs Ganondorf vs Meta Knight vs Ridley vs Wolf vs Mewtwo vs ROB
Stock: 2

You find yourself floating in an empty void with only your own hatred to keep you company. Off in the distance you see a white ninja surrounded by a brilliant light, her long hair waving in the nonexistant wind.

Embrace the darkness...

*Esco's Room*

Esco: *waking up* Oh damn, I had that dream again... *rolls out of bed and stares at the wall for a moment* Those damned light beings... They are everywhere, leaving me without peace.

*Metal breaks down the door*

Esco: What the Hell, Metal?! I just got the wall fixed!

Metal: Wall, schmall! It's time you did a match, ED!

Esco: Today's Yesman's day! And stop calling me Ed!

Metal: Ah, but according to the reformatted schedule I whipped up five minutes ago, you're up!

Esco: *sighs* Of course I am. Just give me a few minutes. *mumbles to himself in an incoherently angry stupor*

Metal: Of course. Ciao! *Turns and smashes through the wall next to the hole he made*

Esco: . . .

*A few minutes later, in the comentator's booth*

Kevin: *Looking over the roster for the day's match* Oh man, we have a mega 8-man rumble for today's match! It looks like we have the best of the best; the eight most fierce villains duking it out for the title of... the DEADLIEST WARRIOR.

Audience: *Cheers*

Kevin: This means we're going to be running a series of one thousand simulations in our advanced... *a Lakitu flies over and whispers something in Kevin's ear* Oh sorry, wrong show. This is a free-for-all, 2-stock match on the Stage Roulette. Now, if I'm not mistaken, this is the first time we've used this feature...

*Enter Esco, short on breath and twitching furiously*

Esco: I'm here! Are we going to start this or what?!

Kevin: Oh hi Esco! Late as usual, I see...

Esco: I almost got trampled by a herd of pastel-rainbow happiness on the way here. I thought Metal banned crazy sleepover parties!

*Metal breaks though the ceiling headfirst and hangs down from the opening*

Metal: On second thought, I decided only to ban ones that involved my office! Otherwise, I don't really have any reason to care!

Kevin: Uhh... why do you refuse to use doors like a normal human being?

Metal: I hate this stadium's decor. By slowly demolishing it, one hole at a time, I can eventually bill the Hands into rebuilding the interior decor... my way! *Loudly smashes through the floor*

Esco: Before I lose any more of my sanity and the audience loses any more patience, let's start the match.

Kevin: Agreed.

Both: ENTER, THE FIGHTERS!!

*Bowser appears in a wall of fire*

*A mushroom cloud of noxious fumes appears, revealing Wario as it clears*

*Ganondorf descends from above, playing on a floating organ before jumping to the ground*

*Meta Knight glides into position in an ominously slow fashion*

*Ridley loops around the stage before landing on the top platform*

*Wolf ejects from his Wolfen and jumps onto the arena*

*Mewtwo emerges from his stasis tube*

*ROB self-assembles himself on the far corner of the arena*

Esco: This stage looks a bit featureless, don't you think?

Kevin: That's because they're fighting on the Stage Roulette, one of Metal's new inventions. Every so often, it randomly switches to a new stage, starting when the match-

Esco: Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, it's Metal we're talking about here.

Kevin: I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's just another something to make things interesting.

Esco: I guess, but I don't really trust it. Anyway, speaking of making things interesting... *Flips the item switch to 'off'*

Kevin: A pure skill match? What a surprise.

Both: Ready... FIGHT!!

Kevin: It looks like the stage is shifting to... Bowser's Castle! Let's see, we have a large lava pit in the center with a bridge above it, two walk-off edges, and a ceiling.

Esco: Robot starts things off by pummeling Wario with spinning fists! Why is he in this match, anyway? He's not a villain...

Kevin: Beats me, Metal arranged the fight. Anyway, Ridley wastes no time preying on a defenseless Wario! Now he's being thrashed about from both sides!

Esco: Ganondorf is ignoring the fight completely... Perhaps he is actually a coward with no sense of honor whatsoever.

Kevin: Or maybe he's just smart. Bowser and Mewtwo get caught in the fray and begin throwing their own punches! Mewtwo sprays ROB with a wave of dark energy while Bowser grabs onto Wolf and prepares for a body slam.

Esco: Meanwhile, Meta Knight is flopping around in an unsuccessful attempt to reach the others... What is he doing?

Meta Knight: Damn these accursed nondirectional air-dodging physics! All of my training was for naught!

Kevin: Now he's whipping up a frenzy, pulling several contestants into his Mach Tornado!

Esco: Ridley stops his assault on Wario to lunge straight at Ganondorf!

Kevin: Ganondorf was expecting this, and grabs Ridley, throwing him over his shoulder towards the stage boundary!

Esco: But Ridley is at a low percentage, so he doesn't go nearly far enough. In fact, Ganondorf's in his grab range! Ridley lashes his tail out and pulls in the dark wizard, throwing him over his own shoulder!

Kevin: He's standing right next to the walk-off edge too... That's our first stock of the match!

Esco: The axe has just appeared off to the right! Wolf grabs it and destroys the bridge!

Kevin: Now everyone's scrambling to reach either side of the stage! Ridley's fending off those who flee to the left side!

Esco: Now Robot's having a field day in the center of the stage! He's just flying above the lava, pumelling Wario and Mewtwo- And he just spiked Koopa into his own lava pit with that rocket-spike of his!

Kevin: I think it's about time we execute a stage switch, right?

Esco: Sure. *Flips some switches, turning on the Stage Roulette again*

Kevin: It's time for... Battleship Halberd! Everyone is now standing on the ship's main deck.

Esco: Ganondorf has just appeared on his revival... organ? What's going on?

Kevin: It looks like he's preparing to play a song. Dark energy is enveloping the stage!

Esco: What the- oh, I flipped the "loser gets a final smash" switch by mistake. *Turns it off*

Kevin: The organ disappeared, and Ganondorf falls towards the stage, right onto the ship's extending claw!

Esco: Now Mewtwo is charging a Shadow Ball, only to be tripped up by Wolf's sliding claw strike.

Kevin: Speaking of which, Meta Knight has just tripped for no reason whatsoever.

Meta Knight: ... SAKURAIII!!

Esco: The ship launches one of its huge bombs, and I am officially done with this stage.

Kevin: *Grabs Esco's arm* At least wait for the bomb to drop! Who doesn't like explsions?

Esco: *Sigh* Fine. Koopa returns to the stage, just in time to witness an incoming stream of bouncing fireballs courtesy of Ridley.

Kevin: Meta Knight runs in towards Wolf with a dive kick! Wolf zaps him with his reflector just as he gets in range, then follows up with a blaster shot and a running flip kick!

Esco: The bomb drops on the right side of the arena, sending Robot and Wario into the Red Abyss.

Kevin: Isn't it "White Abyss"?

Esco: That doesn't make sense here. However, for the next stage... *Activates the Roulette*

Kevin: Oh, Bowser just grabbed Ridley mid-shift with a Koopa Klaw! What's the next stage going to be?

Esco: It's Hyrule Temple. Koopa lands safely on the top-right ledge. It looks like Meta Knight and Wolf engage the two!

Kevin: Meanwhile, Mewtwo and Ganondorf end up in the cavern. Wario and ROB respawn and join them!

Esco: Meta Knight screws up Wolf with a drill rush! Now Koopa jumps in and shell-spins them both!

Kevin: Ganondorf just smashed Mewtwo with a Warlock Punch! SHAZAM!! He's- wait, he teched off the ceiling. Never mind!

Esco: Ridley recovers and pushes the opposition back with a Wing Flap. Now he's lobbing some more bouncing fireballs at the trio!

Kevin: ROB pummels Wario and Ganondorf with his spinning fists again, but Wario uses his fully-charged Wario Waft to escape! Mewtwo gets caught in it and flies straight leftwards off the edge!

Esco: Into the White Abyss. Wolf escapes from Ridley's barrage and adds to the chaos with some blaster shots!

Kevin: Ganondorf uses flip kick and spikes ROB off the cave's ceiling into a quick jab off the edge. Wario gets the jump on Ganondorf with a flying kick and a shoulder bash!

Esco: Meta Knight escapes from his flaming Hell and pulls another Mach Tornado, but Wolf uses his Wind Kick to send him flying into the background!

Kevin: Mewtwo returns, charging his Shadow Ball while his opponents are preoccupied. I want to see the two groups come together again. Let's stage shift!

Esco: No, let's wait a while. This is getting interesting.

*Bowser hits Ridley with a headbutt, sending him flying off the stage*

Esco: ... And that's my cue! *Flips switches like mad*

Kevin: Next stage is... the Zebes Escape Sequence from Melee?

Esco: Not exactly. The stage is auto-scrolling upwards like Icicle Mountain. Ridley apparently spawned inside the rock wall and is being dragged down to his death.

Kevin: It's the first time we used stage shift, so its bound to have some problems...

Esco: Now he's gone. Alas, I was too late.

Kevin: Eh?

Esco: Oh, nothing. Meta Knight and Robot seem to have no problems navigating the scrolling stage. Now they're duking it out high above!

Kevin: Oh, and Wolf just BARELY misses a platform with his illusion. He plummets into the depths below.

Esco: So now everyone's on their last life! This calls for... a stage shift.

Kevin: Again? The terrain is starting to change into Tourian-style! They must be approaching the elevator!

Esco: The stage has opened up into a small room with a single elevator, and the screen stopped scrolling. Now they will actually have to fight EACH OTHER instead of the stage! Go on, start fighting for the elevator already!

Kevin: Rob opens up with another Rocket Blast, boosting closer to the elevator-

Esco: But Ridley cuts him off with a powerful Wing Flap, pushing him back down to the main struggle below, where Meta Knight is busy Mach Tornadoing everything.

Kevin: And Wario reaches the elevator unnoticed! He has this match in the bag!

Wario: So long-a, suckers! Wa-ha-hah! *Activates the elevator*

*Wario ascends up the shaft while the others stare in disbelief for a moment, then resume fighting*

Esco: Robot's loading up one of his Gyroids for once. I don't think I've ever seen him use one in the Stadium before.

Kevin: Wario has disappeared off the top of the screen on the elevator now. He's been star ko'd?!

ROB: Correct, inferior bag of flesh. I tampered with the elevator in the pre-match to induce a malfunction.

Kevin: That's... surprisingly evil.

Esco: Metal must have tweaked his programming again. Didn't he learn a thing from SIMBER?

Kevin: Who?

Esco: Never mind. Anyway, it seems we've reached the end of this stage. *Flips the switches again*

Kevin: Nothing's happening. I think we may have a problem.

*The remaining fighters are suspended in whitespace*

Esco: Uhh, sorry for the technical difficulties, people! Give us a moment to work on a fix...

Audience: ...

*Meanwhile, in a nondescript hallway of the Stadium, someone paces.*

?????: I need to find a light warrior soon. Eventually, the threat may be too great to overcome. Wait, what is this feeling?

*Twilight Sparkle walks past, and this mysterious man stops [him] in the hall*

Twilight Sparkle: Can I help you?

?????: Your aura is so pure, so innocent! You're just what I needed!

Twilight Sparkle: Okay, this is getting a bit weird...

?????: *Regains his composure* Oh, sorry about that. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Polemikós Leukos. I need your help- the realm of the lightness is being threatened by an evil power. Perhaps I should explain...

Twilight Sparkle: Go on.

Polemikós: Long ago, my people, the Leukos, lived in perfect harmony within this realm of Revanda. However, it would not last; we were invaded. A race of menacing dragons overwhelmed us and slaughtered us indiscriminately; man, woman, and child. The few who were able to survive left in a mass-exodus, eventually settling in what you now call Smashtopia. When I was just a young boy, I joined a gang of fighters Hell-bent on getting revenge on those invaders. Over the course of many years, we ventured out and slaughtered countless dragons and beasts, their evil energies disappating with each kill. Eventually, we killed all of them, and emerged victorious!

Twilight Sparkle: Okay, so then what's-

Polemikós: -Or so we thought, which brings us to the present. I have detected a new evil energy within the vicinity. This being poses a great threat to the powers of light! I can sense its aura... vicious, blackened, intense hatred consuming it through darkened scales..."

Twilight Sparkle: Ridley!

Polemikós: Ah! So you know! Are you willing to help me out, by slaying this mighty dragon for the sake of our people?

Twilight Sparkle: I knew he was working against our kind! Count me in!

Polemikós: I fear that it will not be easy... You need to arrange a council of fighters. Find the best light warriors you can find! Once this beast is destroyed, all will become peaceful once again.

Fighter: Did someone say-

Polemikós: Wrong light warriors.

Fighter: Aww...

Twilight Sparkle: Okay, I'm going to go get some of my friends to help out. Bye! *walks away*

Polemikós: Oh, by the way, beware those people who ally with this devil, for they will be the ruination of us all!

Twilight Sparkle: ... Esco...

*Back at the stadium*

Esco: Well what do you know, Metal was right for once. When all else fails, bludgeon the machine into working again.

Kevin: All right, it looks like we got it back up and running!

Audience: *Cheers*

Esco: now to continue from where we left off. Let's put up the display again while we stage shift. *The Stage roulette sputters a bit before firing up again*

Kevin: Now the stage is shifting into... Melee Battlefield?

Rainbow Dash: *Enters the booth* Hey Kevin, I need you for something.

Esco: *Turns around* What are you doing here? We're commentating, now get out! I swear, if I see another pony today, I'm going to go ballistic!

Kevin: Speaking of which, Meta Knight has unleashed absolute fury on Mewtwo! He's wavedashing like crazy now!

Esco: I think either the Random Shift changes more than just the stage, or we just screwed up the machine in our attempts to fix it.

Kevin: Regardless, he's gone from the punching bag to the dominator in this fight! Now he shifts his attention to Wolf, sliding right behind his reflector and punishing with a series of quick up-slashes! Nw he's chasing him into the air...

Esco: Koopa has knocked Robot off the stage and jumps off after him! Robot air dodges Koopa's claw swipe, but is not programmed to fight with Melee physics and helplessly falls into The Void anyway.

Kevin: Bowser makes it safely back to the stage, but Ridley is preparing to attack from above with a tail thrust!

Esco: But He's clipped by yet another Mach Tornado, giving Koopa enough time to grab him with his Koopa Klaw!

Kevin: Now Bowser gnaws at his adversary, just as Ganondorf blasts Wolf off the stage with a feirce back kick!

Esco: Ah, but Mewtwo gets the jump on him with his fully charged Shadow Ball! Ganondorf follows Wolf off the stage!

Kevin: And here comes Meta Knight, jabbing his sword at a recovering Wolf and pushing Ganondorf underneath the stage with a Shuttle Loop! He's gone!

Esco: Wolf ALMOST recovers, but he aims his Wind Kick slightly off so that he slides right under the stage lip. Looks like we're down to our final four!

Kevin: Now the stage is shifting again!

Esco: That's odd, I didn't change anything...

*The Roulette starts clicking furiously and smoke billows out of the machine*

Kevin: The four appear in a small chamber that resembles a bedroom. I don't see any KO points, other than that one hole near the room's entrance.

Esco: Hmm it looks familiar...

*After a few seconds, Esco's mind finally clicks*

Esco: IS THAT MY ROOM?! WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN MY PERSONAL SANCTUM?!!

Kevin: Mewtwo starts out by lifting the computer monitor off its desk and throwing it at Meta Knight!

Esco: That's my computer! AAAA!!

Kevin: It shatters over Meta Knight's head, giving him a momentary shock, allowing Ridley to strike him a few times with tail swipes! In the meantime, Bowser uses his Flamebreath to toast Mewtwo a bit.

Esco: Some of Koopa's stray flames have caught the carpeted floor, setting it ablaze! PERFECT!!

Kevin: Meta Knight breaks free from Ridley's assault and counters with a Drill Rush!

Esco: Now he's breaking though my OTHER WALL!! DAMMIT!!

*The broken wall reveals Twilight Sparkle casually walking down the hallway, with a few friends following*

Esco: . . . *Falls to the floor and spasms wildly*

Kevin: ... It looks like I'm alone again. Anyway, Twilight Sparkle & Friends get the Hell out of there as Ridley blasts Meta Knight back into the room with a powerful Wing Flap! Now he's lunging forwards and lashing out with some claw swipes!

Esco: *Still spasming*

Kevin: Mewtwo is caught up within the raging inferno which is Esco's room, allowing the fire-immune Bowser to finish him off with an upsmash through the roof! SHAZAM! Meta Knight is also caught in the inferno!

*Ridley shoots his own bouncing flames from his mouth, adding to the fire*

Kevin: Now Bowser grabs Meta Knight and throws him through the back wall, KOing him as well! I sure am glad that Esco isn't here to see this!

*Twilight Sparkle returns, along with a team of ROBs with extinguishers to put out the fire*

Kevin: Now the room is filling up with a white mist! I can't see what's going on, but it sounds like Ridley's grabbed hold of Bowser! He might actually win for once!

*The extinguishing cloud disappears as Ridley winds back with his throw*

ROB Leader: *Points to Ridley* That one started the fire.

ROBs: Affirmative. Preparing for incapacitation.

*All the ROBs fire their built-in taser arms and zap the AAAA out of Ridley*

Ridley: THIS IS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- *blasts off*

Kevin: Uhh, this counts as interference, right? We can just call off the-

*The ROB Leader rushes into the room and blasts Bowser through the last wall with a rocket thrust, causing the ceiling above to collapse into the room*

ROB Leader: Through blatant manipulation of the Stadium's rules, the machine has again triumphed. Who is most evil now?

Kevin: *To the audience* You know, he has a point.

GAME SET!

This game's winner is... ROB!

Kevin: Uhh, here's Mash Toady with the interviews.

*Stadium locker room*

Mash: I really don't want to be here...

*Seven menacing shadows appear behind him*

Mash: ... And I REALLY don't want to turn around. Too late. RUN, Lakitu!

*The camera turns around and moves quickly towards the exit before abruptly cutting out*

*Later, in the Smash Lounge*

Esco: *Wakes up*

Yesman: It's about time you woke up! Because your old room technically no longer exists, we've set up a new one for you. On the sixth basement floor.

Esco: Great...

Yesman: Also, good luck getting over your breakup!

Esco: You just HAD to bring that up again...

*Esco leaves as laughter echos through the halls behind him*

*Later, in Esco's NEW Room*

Esco: *Typing away at his desk* Dammit, I knew I should've done that online cloud storage thing instead of an external drive. Now everything's gone! ... Someone's knocking on my door, but I despise the thought of putting things off. *continues typing*

*Someone knocks on the door harder*

Esco: All right, all right, just give me a second! *Opens the door* What do you wan... oh my God.

*Before Esco stands a woman surrounded by a brilliant light, her long hair waving despite being indoors with no source of wind*

Esco: *Stunned* X-Xaless? Is that really you?

Xaless: Come, Esco. Approach the light.

Esco: *Lights up* You came back for me! I can't believe it... *slowly walks towards Xaless in a trancelike stage of bliss*

*At this moment Xaless changes into her original form...*

Rarity: *smiling* I'm afraid this has all been a clever use, dear.

Esco: What.

*As Esco spirals back into his world of despair, his face distorts grotesquely into a form resembling the entirety of ten year's worth of intense anger; his body begins to shake as his seething hatred becomes a palpable aura surrounding him in the form of blackened fire*

Rarity: *Startled* D-don't take it so hard, darling! It's only a jok-

*Esco flies forwards and grabs Rarity's neck, screaming in agony as he runs her through several stone walls. He proceeds to beat her within an inch of her life with heavy fists backed by scorching heat. Silver fluids splatter on the walls and floor, lighting up the mangled body of the victim. Suddenly, Esco stops what he's doing and snaps out of his rage-induced insanity, calmly getting back up to his feet*

Esco: You know, one more punch would have killed you. Consider yourself lucky.

Rarity: *Attempting to get back on her feet, only to succumb to pain* Why... d-did... you...?

Esco: You should learn to stay out of my business. That's why.

*Esco returns to his chamber, leaving Rarity to whimper softly to herself in the darkness*