Match #20: SP Melee!

*Metal's Office*

*Digi and Pat are having a seemingly serious conversation with Metal*

Pat: You understand what we're saying, right? It's crazy that we'd have to tolerate this issue at all...

Digi: Yeah, not to mention you're not preoccupied on anything else, so we might as well get this problem solved now!

Metal: Okay, okay, I'll deal with it. Just as long as nothing distracts me, I-

*Que Twilight Sparkle walking in*

Digi: *Facepalms*

Twilight Sparkle: Metal! The internet is down! I can't access Wikipedia and Dash can't log into her Steam account!

Digi: I guess that's kinda important, but our situation is much more pressing so please wait your turn.

Light Bear: *Runs in* Can someone please tell me how Ridley keeps sneaking into fights and trying to kill everyone!?

Pat: Hold up, Light! We were just about to do something important!

Yesman: *Enters* Hey Metal, have you seen that sombrero I found in-

Digi: *Butts in* Hey, me and Pat were here first!

Ike: You mean Pat and I-

*Digi smacks Ike with his golf club*

Digi: Shove it! Now Metal, when are we going to fix the coffee machine?

Pat: Yeah, I can't function without my cup o' joe!

*Kevin enters*


Metal: SILENCE!!! All these problems can be solved in a logical and coherent manner.

Pat: You mean--

Metal: We all beat eachother senseless with kitchen utensils, improvised explosives and military hardware!

Yesman: You're not seriously suggesting-

Metal: Ah, but I am! We shall have an SP MELEE!!

Light: Heh, s'pose I can take a break to kick your butts!

Digi: You think you'll beat me? I know a thing or two about averting fate!

Pat: *Sigh* There's just no use in trying to oppose Metal's crazy decisions, is there?

Metal: Of course not, Pat. Did you forget when I was head of the Questers?

Pat: ...I was trying to repress those memories...

Metal: Hah! TO THE STADIUM!!

Yesman: Uhh, sir? We're in the Stadium.

Metal: No we aren't! We're on the Stadium right now, but soon, we shall be INSIDE it!

Yesman: ...My head hurts.

*Batman transition theme*

Metal: Ah yes, here we are! Now let's go to Rainbow Cruise. It'll be FUN!

*Cue groans from the rest of the SPs*

Metal: Bah, you guys are boring! Quit whining and die for my pleasure already!

Digi: *sigh* Fine...

Yesman: Hey Metal... if all of us SPs are fighting in this match, who's going to commentate?

Metal: Hmm... good question.

*Cue two questers appearing in the commentator's booth*

Metal: Well, isn't that convenient. The Questers are here to kill me again!

Pat: Shouldn't we call security?

Metal: No! I'll just tell them to commentate! *Waves at the booth* You guys! Commentate on this match!

Garrick: AAAA you, Metal! Where's my money?!

Yesman: Uhh, are you sure this is a good idea to leave them unsupervised in there?

Metal: How about I pay you to commentate this match?

Garrick: ... *Looks to Julian*

Julian: Sounds good to me. It'll give us plenty of time to... think. Yeah... *Cracks his knuckles*

Metal: See, it's not just a good idea, it's a GREAT idea Yesman! Now, let's start this fight. Come on, fire it up already!

Garrick: Whatever you say... *grinning while flipping a switch*

*The arena becomes a walkway suspended high in the air, with Chinese-esque decorations strewn about and a series of floating platforms leading to a large portal in a sunset background*

Metal: Hey, this isn't Rainbow Cruise!

Kevin: Whoa... I wish Esco were here to see this...

Digi: Whatever, let's just go!

Do not eat exploding oranges. You will not survive!

Julian: *Turns on microphone and settles in.* Welcome to th' Super Smash Stadium, everybody. Here's Julian and Garrick with th' match. Let's see here... we're gettin' some Shy guy, then to the right is Metal, then there's some pony, an' Pat... an' Digi... an' a stick figure guy... and some other guy... who are these people anyway?

Garrick: Remember, we're not here just to comment on Metal's choice of staff, Julian.

Julian: Righ', right.

Garrick: And here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Yesman starts on the attack at Metal, coming at him head on--oh, but Metal goes for a weapon immediately and counters the attack with a...for AAAA sake, a electrified barber pole.

Julian: That Pat guy throws a boomerang upside that pony's head.

Garrick: That idiot Digi goes on the offensive right off against Light Bear, sending him airborn--oh, but there's Kevin with a bolt to the side of the head! Caught him right in his blind spot, good attack on Kevin's part.

Julian: An' that pony goes to hit Pat, but gets shot by Metal. Of course he does. That Shyguy sucka fails to even get within a zip code of Metal.

Garrick: And Pat is completely in the clear, he's going to bring some pain to the damn horse! But it seems Light Bear is trying to stop him, kicking randomly below him while he's still in the air! Crude, but effective.

Julian: That other guy I have no name for is chargin' up a buncha lightning. Digi's too busy being a AAAAing idiot as he falls on his face instead of hittin' that other guy.

Garrick: Heh, it looks like Metal is holding his own down there. I would have liked to see him get his AAA kicked.

Julian: Man, you know you can just shoot the motherAAAAer right here and now, right?

Garrick: Nah, that's not my style to just shoot a guy in the back...but maybe this will get his attention.

*Garrick pulls out a mess of electronics, some coins, and his Multi-Tool! and proceeds to build a bomb right then and there*

Garrick: It won't kill him, but it'll AAAA him up a good deal. Let's let fate decide.

Julian: I still say you should just shoot him.

*Garrick gives Julian a look and then tosses the bomb out onto the battlefield*

WANTED: Man in metal-alloy silver armor. Claims to be "Metal Man."

Julian: Righ', anyway, that shy guy tries to hit Metal, and instead he hits the stick figure right in th' face.

Garrick: Alright, it looks like that damn horse is going after Metal with a light drill attack, but he's all over it before it even gets there, interupting the attack and--OH, what a sickening crunch! He just headbutted the pony in the face! Okay, well, I can't fault him for that. Horses in the damn stadium...what the hell...

Julian: Pat seems to see the bomb, while that nameless guy is too busy charging his AAAAing lightning to notice anythin' goin' on.

Garrick: That idiot Digi makes to leap over Pat and...jeez, did he just zap him with his Digivice? I'm surprised he even thought to pull it out.

Julian: I try not to think too hard about Digi. Think he hit his head a couple times too many, after what he did to my AAAAing stadium. But enough'a that, the bomb's tickin' down and is moving close to Metal. About AAAA time.

Garrick: And it seems Metal is sick of the damn horses as well. He's going apeAAAA on that Twilight one with a flurry of headbutts--and there she goes, she's flying right at Pat!

Metal Man: Hey guys, I pulled an ED!

Twilight: That's not funny Metal!

Julian: An' now the Shy guy got hit by the stick guy's lightnin' bolt and I'm getting AAAAing sick and tired of these weirdoes. The other nameless guy is just zappin' the AAAA out of Pat, remindin' me never to get near these unoriginal AAAAAAAAA in a thunderstorm.

Garrick: Digi seems to be...dancing around doing nothing while he waits for an opening. HEY! DUMBAAAA! YOU MAKE AN OPENING IF YOU DON'T FIND ONE! Jeez, he's lame...

Julian: Metal's got set up to explode. About AAAAing time, if ya ask me.

Garrick: Oh, man, that bomb is RIGHT THERE! It's going to blo--oh, for AAAA sake, Yesman is attacking Metal with some sort of...breakdancing kick thing? Stop hitting Metal, he's supposed to get blown up!

Julian: AAAA! He hit the AAAAing bomb! He also hit Metal, but that wasn't the AAAAing point!

Garrick: Metal is reeling from the attack! He goes to counter with his big ol' axe and slice Yesman in t--HE HIT THE DAMN BOMB! GODDAMNIT METAL!!

Julian: Man, that AAAAing sucked. Next time, let me deal with it. ...The Shyguy just flew off the arena and knocked off that dumb stick guy's hat, too.

Light: M-my hat! That's it, now you're going to get it!

Buy omni-secure super-guards today. Guaranteed to not allow assassins to break into your arena and kill you.

Garrick: AAAAing AAAAAAA stupid piece of garbage Metal Man bullAAAA...alright, the AAAAing horse tries to bite Lightbear a few times and Pat seems to be Falcon Kicking Kevin in his face...stupid...

Julian: The Didge pokes Pat with some sort of... headbutt?

Garrick: Alright, I'm getting sick of this. I'm going to go down there and beat the tar out of Metal alrea--

Julian: Naw, man. You had your shot with the bomb. It's my turn now.

Garrick: God...fine, alright, go, but I expect you to do something.

Julian: Don't worry, I have somethin' special planned for this AAAAAAAAAAAA.

*Julian walks off and the sound of doors being smashed and guards thrown out windows is heard*

Garrick: Alright, so, Light Bear hauls off and spinkicks the damn pony in the face, but Metal is doing his stupid illogical time stop thing and--ow, jeez, spikes Light Bear into Kevin with a flaming elbow drop. Pat meanwhile seems to be kicking up the speed, charging straight through Light Bear AND Kevin...but he pauses right infront of the damn pony. Digi is, once again, standing there like a dink and charging up a big ol' attack.

Kevin: *Pointing to the sky* What is that?!

*The sound of a very large SUV starting up is heard, as it smashes through the arena barrier suddenly.*

Garrick: Julian is coming out of nowhere on his own personal car, The Escalade! He's making a beeline for Metal, firing--yes, those are rockets at Metal! Oh, but Metal falls over and lands safely away. The bastard.

Light: *Flailing around with his cane* Get back, I say!

*Light smacks Pat away, leaving himself open for Twilight's grab*

Pat: Hey, thanks for taking that!

Julian: Righ', here I am in my personal ride, an' I can see that stick guy hittin' Pat away from that pony. Stick guy then gets grabbed and thrown the AAAA into the air and blasted by energy from that AAAAAAA pony.

Light: *Getting pummeled by starbolts* Argh, that-ow wasn't-ow supposed to-ow happen!

Garrick: Digi is left completely untouched and manages to get his fully charged ice smash off at Kevin from behind! Oh, and it looks like Metal is putting a few shots into Julian's Escalade. Yeah, that won't end well. Light Bear also seems to want in on the action, attacking Metal with some sorta deflection attack--oh, but Julian intercepts with a few shots from the Escalade!

Julian: AAAA, my shot got knocked into Didge. Ah, I don't really AAAAAAA care what happens to him anyway. *Honks horn* "You hear that, Didge?" *Accelerates Escalade at Digi* "This is for that f@# Stadium you blew up!"

Garrick: It seems that damn horse is wanting to bring some pain on Metal with...some sort of...boxing glove...horn thing...what the AAAA...Metal doesn't want any of it, and punches it away--whoa, and there's Metal's special Tri-Attack--but that damn horse dodges out of the way and Kevin gets creamed instead. Oh, and Pat wants to take all the credit with a kick to Kevin afterward. This is getting a bit heated...

Julian: Now it's time to take out th' AAAAAAAA trash. *Lowers Escalade to face Metal and honks the horn* "You're AAAAAAA going down for your two-faced bullAAAAA!"

Metal Man: I'd like to see you try, Julian. This is my Stadium, not yours!

Julian: Man, AAAA you.

Garrick: Light Bear is throwing up a defense, decently smart of him, and there's Metal doing his time stopping AAAA to avoid some lasers from Julian's Escalade. It seems they scratched Julian's paint job as they're deflected back. God, he's doing nothing but being a nuisance down there...

Julian: You're goin' to pay for my paint job, AAAAAAAAAA!

Digi: Hello, Light.

Light: *Turning around* Oh, hello- GAH!! *Is smashed into the windshield of the Escalade with a gold club*

Digi: Now to finish the job! *Strikes Light with a knee followed by a quick kick off the stage*

Julian: That Stick Figure AAAAA gets smashed into my AAAAAAA windshield by AAAAAAA Digi and off th' stage entirely.

Pat: KILLERANG!! *Throws his Killerang at Kevin*

Julian: An'... I see Pat throwin' some boomerang bullAAAA at that other guy, who jus' blocks it with some lightnin' thing.

Kevin: You know, you should learn to stop announcing all your attacks before doing them.

Tired of random muggers damaging your flying car's paint job? Professor Oak's Turbo-Car Protect Systems is for you!

Garrick: Oh, for AAAA sake. Julian! Give it up, all you're doing is driving around like a nut and being stupid! Dah, he ain't listening, he's trying to crash into Metal. But, obviously, Metal sees it coming and...belly flops onto the car face first and jets off with his damn jet elbow things. Yeah, that'll do it for the Escalade. It's a wreck now..

Julian: AAAAA AAAAAA AAAAAA Digi AAA AAAA AAAA hitting Metal AAAA golf clubAAAAA

Metal: *Turns to Digi, relativley unfazed* That was not your wisest decision.

Digi: Aww AAAA.

Pat: I've been a part of the Stadium for years! I'll announce my attacks if I want! KECHEE-YUN-ELBOOO!!

Julian: AAAA AAAA weird guy dodgin' away AAA AAAA Pat's elbow AAAAA thing...

Kevin: You see? What did I tell you? You need to be more stealthy, like Twilight over here.

Pat: Huh?

Julian: .... AAAAA Pat gets hit by AAAAA pony's grab attack.

Pat: You know, kid, you're really starting to get on my nerves.

*The SUV catches on fire and sinks off stage*


Metal: That's one way to go down in flames, eh Julian?

Julian: *Curses loudly and throws a few more security guards into the pit surrounding the arena before appearing in the booth, burnt and angry*

Garrick: Oh, you're back. Yeah, real fine job you did out there, driving around like a loon and getting busted up.

Julian: You shut your damn mouth, the suspension is off or somethin'.

Garrick: Uh huh. Right. Well, Metal seems to be preoccupied with Digi, so I guess it's my turn. If you'll excuse me...

*Garrick stands up and makes to leave the booth, cracking his knuckles as he goes*

Julian: So, the Didge takes out his AAAAAAA golf club and swings it at Metal's helmet.

Metal: *Turns helmet around 180 degrees and speaks in a creepy voice* It's not wooooorking, Figi...

Digi: Oh AAAA.

Julian: Then Metal cuts the AAAAAAA thing in half with some AAAAAAA energy axe and smashes the golf pieces into Digi's face. Then he shoots that worthless Digimon Tamer the AAAA up and knocks him away. An' the guy who I don't know the AAAAAAA name to backflips and kicks that pony into th' air, and then Pat jus' kicks him away.

Kevin: Lucky shot!

Pat: Right. Tell me again about why I should take advice from someone who never fights.

*Garrick leaps from a side area onto the stage, drawing the M-150 as he goes and racking a round into place, first targetting Kevin as the closest thing in the way and putting a strangely colored round into him*

Kevin: This power... It feels amazing!

Pat: What?! Stop helping him, Garrick!

Julian: ...What the AAAA. Nameless kid has one of those Final Smash things. Pat tries to crash into Garrick, but he gets shot by that AAAAAAA weird gun too.

Pat: That works too!

*Garrick frowns for a second as he triggers a device on his belt and vanishes with a mirrored effect, as if his clothes took on a picture of the surroundings, while Metal pulls out his Deathmachine and fires a slew vases...hitting Digi and Twilight with them*

Julian: That kid floods th' whole AAAAAAA arena wit' lightnin', and Pat gets electrocuted.

Garrick: Metal Man deflects most of it with power shielding; Digi and Twilight take some incidental damage. Garrick returns to the booth and shakes his head, suggesting Metal can't be taken down as easily as he thought... and that something was off.

Garrick: *returns from the side of the booth, sitting down and grunting*

Julian: You didn't do nothin'! All talk, no walk.

Garrick: No, I scanned Metal while I was out there. He's a good deal more powerful than I saw him last...something is off about this whole thing...Metal deflects most of the incoming lightning storm with shielding, but Pat, Digi, and the damn horse get battered around by it.

Julian: Yeah, I ain't buyin' it. He's a punk as always, you jus' failed to shoot him. Jus' like Digi jus' missed Metal entirely with that Digivice swing. And now Metal's AAAAAAA screaming at Digi. Digi then gets knocked over by tha' pony's mace attack.

Garrick: Kevin goes on the offensive, grabbing Pat and throwing him to the side...and filling him with lightning as he goes! Pat is going right toward the damn horse and Digi...


Garrick: Oh, what a massive explosion! The damn horse magics herself out of the way, but Digi gets blasted to pieces and is sent flying! Yeah, there you go, you AAAAwit! Pat also has blasted himself offstage with that! Now we're down to three. Metal, Kevin, and the AAAAing pony.

When you need a quick boost... Garrick's omni-stim booster is for you. Stolen just for you, by Grunty's minions.

Garrick: Damn, I don't want to help the damn horse...but I don't want AAAAing Metal to win either...AAAA, what a choice..

Julian: Main, it ain't about some AAAAAAA pony. It's about gettin' revenge!

Garrick: ...yeah, I suppose you're right. Alright, let's see what you guys can do when you go all out!

*Garrick pulls out his M-150, racking it twice over and putting more of those strangely colored rounds into both Twilight and Kevin*

Kevin: All right, let's do this again! SHAZAM!!

Julian: An' so that AAAAAAA pony has summoned some purple Dragon, which has grown in size and... is now trying to hit Metal. Kevin is... shootin' lightnin' at Metal.

Garrick: Metal is completely torn up by the attack! He's smoking and ripped to pieces, those two Final Smashes did a real number on him!

Julian: Man, Metal ain't got a chance now. He's damn near fallin' over.

Garrick: I don't know, something still seems off. This isn't right...

Julian: Metal's a goner as nameless dude goes to punch hi--nevermind, Metal moonwalked away from it and threw a AAAAAAA Tri-Attack into that guy's face.

Garrick: Twilight is trying to go on the offensive, but Metal blasts her out of the air with that damn gun of--

*Metal turns and takes a shot at the Announcer's booth, Garrick jerking his head to the side suddenly to avoid the shot. He glares at Metal, one hand gripping his own pistol, but he doesn't move.*

Julian: That AAAAAA, I'm gonna rip him to pieces for th'--weirdo guy just grabbed and zapped Mets for me, an' then Twilight uppercutted him!

Garrick: A massive combination of attacks between Kevin and the AAAAing horse! Metal is airborne! It could might be...

Julian: ...Oh AAAA, he jus' grabbed th' lights... with that AAAAAAA volleyball pole and a disco ball... and he's just ripped the whole thing down... bullAAAA! He jus' smashed weirdo guy and the pony, and then he's got th' Deathmachine... explodin' fish in'a barrel, what the AAAA!?

Metal: Even TIME ITSELF cannot stand up to my insanity! Electrified pogo stick Disco dishwasher bazooka, awaaaaay!


Garrick: MOTHERAAAAING AAAA! Metal the skin of his teeth, he wins the match. A few seconds more and it would have been a draw thanks to the exploding stage, but Metal just barely scrapes it together. Looks like this match goes to Metal. Strange...very, very strange...


This game's winner is... METAL!!

*Audience starts booing*

Metal: Thank you, thank you! You're too kind!

Garrick: AAAA me.

Julian: Yeah. Let's just go to the shroom-head for the post-match.

Mash: Thank you, quester-guy!

Julian: I have a name, you dipAAAA.

Mash: ... Sorry. Anyway, I'm here with all the fighters who took part in this melee. So, let's start the questions. Now Metal, what do you think about the new fighters?

Metal: Well, Kevin should be an SP.

Kevin: Wait, really?

Metal: You see, he's like Digi, if Digi actually knew how to fight. It'd be unfair to not let him be SP when people like Digi there are SPs.

Digi: Hey!

Mash: I think we should move on now. Next ques-

*Esco breaks in, his anger tangible in the form of a sudden wave of heat*

Kevin: Esco!

Twilight: Esco!?

Esco: So I heard there is a battle going on between the SPs. Now, when does it begin?

Pat: I hate to break it to you, but it's over.

Esco: What.

Pat: Yeah. Metal won.

Esco: WHAT.

*Esco staggers towards Metal and stares at him for a tense moment before speaking again*


Metal: Pah! I'll destroy you like all my other challengers. Even if you win you cannot beat me! I accept your challenge!

*All the other SPs gasp*

Yesman: Sir, I'm not sure if this is such a good idea. I mean, look at him!

Esco: . . . *Slowly shifts his gaze over to Yesman*

Yesman: Gah!

Metal: Oh yeah? Look at ME!

Esco: . . . *Slowly shifts his gaze over to Metal Man*

*Metal's helmet is gone and his head is nowhere to be seen*

Esco: . . .?

Yesman: Gah!

Metal: *Pops his head into view--it'd been hiding inside his armor* So, as I was saying, this is no real mean feat for me. I've fought Gods and Demons, and read a horrible book about conspiracies which was also named that. An angry ninja is nothing new. But first, I must go get permission from Master Hand to use the Forbidden Zone. Tah-tah!

Esco: Fine. I will wait here until you come back. You have ten minutes.

*Metal walks out the door*

Kevin: Wait! What about my SP-ship?

Metal: *echoing from the hall* I'll give you it after the match!

Mash: Well... err... I guess that's all for now! Stay tuned while we set up for the Challenge!

*Ridley's underground techno-fortress*

Ridley: *typing away at his computer* Production of the organic-infester parasites is complete. Ever since my instruments detected a sudden influx of dark energy, I have been working on a new model; one that feeds off of this raw phazon-like substance. Perhaps I can harness this energy for myself somehow...


Ridley: Again? What is the meaning of this?

*Ridley presses a button that turns on a second moniter, showing the current state of things in the Commentator's Booth*

Ridley: Interesting. It seems the ninja has no limits.

*Ridley continues typing at his computer as the camera fades out*