March #28: Super Sonic Pokebattle!

Fighters For Fourside: Sonic, Ash

Stock: 2

Items: Medium

Pinkie Pie: Liiiiiight Bear! (...see, I didn’t use your professor name!...) Light Bear, it’s time to get up!

Light Bear: *somewhat fatigued, behind his door* Oh... hello, Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie Pie: Great, you’re up! It’s time to come out and face the day!

Light Bear: ...no, not today. I can’t.

Pinkie Pie: Not with that kind of attitude, mister!

Light Bear: Pinkie, please... just not today, okay?

Pinkie Pie: Nonsense! You’ll be fine if you just come outside!

Light Bear: Pinkie, my dear, obviously if I’m acting this distressed, something must seriously be wrong, don’t you think? Maybe whatever it is that’s bothering me has me severely depressed, hmm?

Pinkie Pie: Well, that much is obvious!

Light Bear: Then... why are you pestering me?

Pinkie Pie: Listen, Professor-

Light Bear: Light. Bear.

Pinkie Pie: Professor Light Bear, right.

*Light Bear sighs*

Pinkie Pie: Listen, Professor Light Bear, I’ve had my sad days too. I know what it’s like when you don’t want to do anything except be cooped up, away from the rest of the world. But, when I do that, crazy ol’ Pinkamena comes out, and everyone has a bad day... I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret when you’re in a bad mood like this! I want to see you, back on your feet, as you usually are! I know deep within you you’ll find the strength you need to continue on, in spite of whatever’s troubling you!

Light Bear: ...

Pinkie Pie: So... come on and smile!

Light Bear: ...thank you, Pinkie... but my decision stands. I’m sorry.

*Pinkie Pie, annoyed, looks at YOU*

Pinkie Pie: Boy, folks, he’s sure being a stubborn one, huh?

Light Bear: ...who are you talking to?

Pinkie Pie: Why, the folks at home, silly!

*after a few seconds, Light Bear, minus his normal attire, cautiously opens his door*

Pinkie Pie: Hooray, you’re up! ...You look different without your top hat on, Professor Bear.

Light Bear: *looks around carefully* Pinkie... I don’t see Lakitu or any other camera crew... we’re not on film. Who... who are you talking to?

Pinkie Pie: I... ohhh, now wait a minute, Mister Light! You still have a job to do! I’m not gonna tell you anything until you get your job taken care of, got it?

Light Bear: ...yeah, alright. You got me out anyhow; might as well.

Pinkie Pie: That’s the spirit, Light Bear!

*sometime later, Light Bear, garbed as normal, wanders into the commentary booth with a bouncing Pinkie Pie beside him. Metal is there. He looks up and sees Light Bear*

Metal: Mister Stickly Doodleman! At last, after a trillion years, you have finally arrived! You’re here! Is our Wednesday Wailing Day over already? I had just gotten my vocal chords tuned just right so they can shatter glass. It took me all day and I had to eat several records made by Yoko Ono, but it should be worth it! They won’t know what hit them, the suckers.

Light Bear: ...um, hello to you too, boss. I’m fine, now.

Metal: Darn! I'll just have to finish eating my peanut butter sandwich.

*Metal breathes deeply*

Metal: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

*The sandwich explodes, covering the entire area in motor oil, nuts, bolts, and potato chips*

Metal: Hm... I think I was missing an ingredient. Ah, right. Phazon. Lucky for you, Sticky Doodlehead, because it would have irradiated you!

Light Bear: ...err, I’m supposed to announce for today?

Metal: What? I thought you had quit to instead scream at circuses. You know, like Saiyaman did. This is entirely unthinkable! Now my perfect calendar is ruined! *Takes out wadded up ball of paper and cringes*

Light Bear: ...

Metal: Just for that, I must gunish you! *Pokes Light Bear in the eye with his gun* Don't be late again, or I'll slap you silly!

Pinkie Pie: I have a suggestion, Mr. Metal!

Metal: Ah, a pink talking horse. I must have forgotten my medication again. *Picks up a desk lamp and eats it whole* Proceed, talking Siamese cat with fireworks for hair.

Pinkie Pie: If Light Bear missed his first match, maybe he can fill in for the second one?

Metal: What? That's a terrible idea! But it's not horrible, so it's not bad enough. We need a team of all-star wrestlers to punch a mime in the face for this match! Only then will it be perfect. Yes! That is much better than the idea I'll secretly actually do that is Yellow Bear ruins the match by running it when you're not looking.

Light Bear: Isn’t that what she ju-

Pinkie Pie: Great! It’s a deal!

Metal: Most exccelent. It's wrasslin' time! *Lunges at a random crate and smashes it with his weight* ...The match thing is fine too. Now leave before I set off this box of TNT with a body slam.

Pinkie Pie: But... he needs this room to do commentary...

Metal: Who do you think you are, SIMBER? *Stands up, picking up TNT crate* You win this round... but the next round will involve lightning, alligators and barbed wire! OLE! *Leaps through the wall backwards and out of the room*

Pinkie Pie: ...

Light Bear: ...

Pinkie Pie: ...your boss must be an interesting man to work for.

Light Bear: ...Quite...

Pinkie Pie: Alright, let’s get settled in.

Light Bear: You’re commentating too?

Pinkie Pie: I don’t see why not. You don’t seem to have a co-commentator, so I figured you could use the friend.

Light Bear: Ah... yeah, alright. The notes I prepared for last match won’t do me any good anymore anyway. So... any idea who’s fighting?

Pinkie Pie: Shhh! Looks like things are starting up! Get us started, Light!

Light Bear: Oh... *clears throat, turns on microphone* Hello ladies and gentlemen, and sorry for the mix-up between matches. I’m Light Bear, ready to bring you through thus upcoming match.

Pinkie Pie: And I’m Pinkie Pie! I’ll be here to help him with the ever-so insightful commentary you guys crave!

Light Bear: Today’s match... um... today’s match covers the second of our ongoing tournament.

*confused cries come from the crowd*

Light Bear: Did... um, did Metal forget to mention that...? Oh dear...

Pinkie Pie: *grabbing mike* Yes indeedy folks! For your viewing pleasure we open up this new season at Super Smash Stadium with a tournament! A place where champions see who will rise above the rest! An arena of awesome attacks and attempts at seizing that gilded chalice at the top of the winner’s stand! And though it started with our last match, there’s still plenty of tournament to go!

*excited cheers*

Light Bear: *whispered aside* Very nice, Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie: *whispered aside* Thank you! You’re up.

Light Bear: Oh, right *to microphone* For our next match we will be paying a visit to the city of Fourside. Fighting atop the buildings... pretty exciting stuff.

Pinkie Pie: As in the last fight, each fighter will have two lives, and items will appear at a “medium” rate. Should be a quick match with a nice taste of chaos, don’t you think?

Light Bear: Yeah. Oh, look, here come our fighters! There’s Sonic the Hedgehog, bounding onto the stage...

Pinkie Pie: And there’s Ash Ketchum! ...ouch, that looked like a nasty crash! Something must have sent him blasting off into this fight!

Light Bear: I’m sure he’s alright. Now, um, if we’re all ready-

Pinkie Pie: LET’S RUMBLE!!!!!

Light Bear: ...very nice, Pinkie. Now, we start things off with Sonic running along the rooftops on the left towards Ash. Ash meanwhile just hops to the Monotoli building and stops.

Pinkie Pie: Sonic uses his spring to hop to the top of the Monopoly building! And it looks like Ash is charging a Smash... hee hee!

Light Bear: A yo-yo?... Oh, right, Ness trained Ash, so he’s got a few yo-yo tricks, too.

Pinkie Pie: Looks like he’s showing off an overhead “trip the hedgehog” maneuver! Personally I’ve been more of a fan of walking the dog, or walking the cat!

Light Bear: I... walking the cat?

Pinkie Pie: Oh, but it looks like the hedgehog is doing the walking. Or rather, walking someone else! There goes Ash with a quick throw to the right!

Light Bear: Ash isn’t going to take this lying down, though! He-

Pinkie Pie: Well I hope he doesn’t! That’s not a very good way to fight someone!

Light Bear: I... guess not? Hey, look at the lights – I think he’s using his Poké Flash attack!

Pinkie Pie: It didn’t do any damage! He might as well be lying down!

Light Bear: Ah, but see, Sonic’s all disoriented! The bring lights must have blinded the hedgehog!

Pinkie Pie: Which lets Ash hop over and strike with a Mega Punch! Look at Sonic bounce off that building!

Light Bear: Sonic seems to be getting back alright, though.

Pinkie Pie: He sure doesn’t look happy! ...oh, lookie, a capsule appeared on the building on the left!

Light Bear: Ash hops up and tries to work his way over the building... but it looks like Sonic’s gonna get there first!

Pinkie Pie: Just goes to show you that you shouldn’t try to beat the “fastest thing alive” in a race, huh?

Light Bear: I guess not... Sonic’s snatched up the capsule and has tossed it right at Ash!

Pinkie Pie: Ouch! There must have been a bomb in that capsule, ‘cause it just blew up in Ash’s face!

Light Bear: Sonic zooms back towards Ash! Catching him in midair, Sonic spins like a drill, knocking him away!

Pinkie Pie: But Ash manages to get back okay, thanks to a jolt of electricity.

Light Bear: Ah, that’s “Poké Thunder,” I believe. And Ash tosses a violet Poké Fire at Sonic, setting the hedgehog on fire!

Pinkie Pie: Eek! Stop drop and roll, Sonic!

Light Bear: That Spin Dash did a nice job of damaging Ash, but it didn’t douse the flames. Interesting...

Pinkie Pie: Sonic drops onto the rightmost building, and Ash lands next to him. Looks like he’s charging up a Mega Kick!

Light Bear: Sonic’s not gonna have any of that, though! With a one-two punch, the hedgehog puts a stop to his gambit!

Pinkie Pie: Suddenly, a Poké Ball appears! And look, the fire went away!

Light Bear: It’s on the Monotoli building... Ash pushes Sonic away so he can hop over and claim it himself.

Pinkie Pie: Ash tosses the Poké Ball at Sonic... but what’s this??? He caught it!

Light Bear: Wow... you’d think Ash would be far better at throwing Poké Balls, all things considered. Looks like the tables have turned as Sonic throws the Poké Ball back.

Pinkie Pie: It crashes into Ash and releases...!

Light Bear: ...Machamp? Metal must’ve messed with the Pokémon probabilities again.

Pinkie Pie: Look!! That four-armed muscleman has snatched up Ash and leaped into the air! Is that a knock-out?

Light Bear: Not yet. Just before they leave the boundaries, Machamp hurls Ash back to the ground... oh, I get it. Seismic Toss.

Pinkie Pie: A seismic toss indeed! With how hard Ash hit that building, I’m surprised it’s still standing!

Light Bear: We’ve reinforced all our stages to prevent unintended collateral damage, don’t worry.

Pinkie Pie: I’m not the one who should be worrying, though – Sonic’s taken advantage of Ash’s predicament and gotten a punch charged up!

Light Bear: Ash picks himself up from the toss only to go face-to-face with Sonic’s fist! That’s a ring-out for sure!

Pinkie Pie: Ash sure doesn’t look happy coming back! It looks like he’s crashing down at Sonic with a brick-breaking smash!

Light Bear: Sonic’s too quick and jumps out of the way onto the next building!

Pinkie Pie: Good thing, too! A new item popped up on that building – some sort of flask, I think.

Light Bear: Oh, that’s a Vulnerary. He can take a few swigs from it to heal a bit of health, if he wants.

Pinkie Pie: And it looks like that’s what he wants, alright! Ash is hopping mad as Sonic’s health is hopping down!

Ash: Stop cheating by using your potions during a fight!

Sonic: You want it? You can have it!

Pinkie Pie: Oh my gosh! Sonic just threw the Vulnerberry at Ash, breaking it on him and dealing damage!

Light Bear: This just isn’t a good day for Ash. He hurls another Poké Fire at Sonic, though, so that’s something.

Pinkie Pie: Ash goes in for a good beatdown... but Sonic just jumps up to a UFO!

Light Bear: Huh...? Oh, look at that. A UFO showed up over the two.

Pinkie Pie: Look at Sonic slip and slide! That looks fun! Not too fun, though, ‘cause here comes Ash!

Light Bear: ...right.

Pinkie Pie: This is really close to the edge of the stage! I don’t think I’d be having fun after all.

Light Bear: Well, they’re certainly not up there for a party, eh?

Pinkie Pie: Sadly not. But, I don’t think I’d want such violent guests at my party. Just look at ‘em go!

Light Bear: They’re mostly exchanging punches and kicks at this point in time.

Pinkie Pie: Not for long, though! Ash hops back, then tries to take down Sonic with a charge!

Light Bear: The hedgehog side-steps the attempt, leaving Ash to... go careening off the edge?

Pinkie Pie: They’re both fast on their feet, but one’s just too slow!

Light Bear: Sonic dashes after his falling opponent, who manages to get enough control of himself to grab onto the edge of the rightmost building.

Pinkie Pie: Sonic shoots down quickly and catches up with Ketchum before he can pull himself up!

Light Bear: Sonic uses a quick midair spin to knock Ash off the ledge... then he grabs onto the corner himself!

Pinkie Pie: What an edgehog! Ash is too stunned to even recover! He’s out of the game!

GAME SET!

THIS GAME’S WINNER IS... Sonic!

Light Bear: Alright, Pinkie. You warm up a cup of tea for me; you have some explaining to do.

Pinkie Pie: Okie dokie lokie! But first, you have to interview people!

Light Bear: Hmm? ...oh, oh yeah! Right, okay. I’ll do the interviews. Then we talk.

Pinkie Pie: Got it!

*Pinkie bounces away. Light Bear walks over to the loser’s corner*

Light Bear: So, Ash. What-

Ash: A rip-off! I was ripped off! That should have been my Machamp, and my KO!

Light Bear: Hey, take it e-

Ash: Why, if that hedgehog didn’t steal my catch, I woulda been able to hit him out with a good ol’ Mega Punch! That Sonic!

Light Bear: Well, ther-

Ash: I want a rematch! A rematch!

Light Bear: Well it’ll have to wait until the end of this tour-

Ash: Rrrr! I’ll train every day until I can beat that hedgehog! Starting now! *runs out*

Light Bear: ...right, then.

*Light Bear walks to the winner’s corner*

Light Bear: Now, Sonic. You’ve just won the first round of our tournament. What do you have to say about your success?

Sonic: If I’d known it was a tournament, I wouldn’t have gone so easy on the kid. Not that I needed to. That guy seriously needs some anger management lessons or something.

Light Bear: Well, they say he’s still mad over being beaten at the Indigo Pokémon League.

Sonic: How long ago was that? Seriously, he just needs to get over it. Maybe he’d do better if he wasn’t so ticked off all the time.

Light Bear: Can’t argue with that. Thanks for the interview; we’ll see you in the next round of our tournament!

Sonic: Take care!

*A break room. Light Bear is resting on an easy chair, warm cup of tea in one hand and plate in the other. Pinkie is sitting on a couch next to him*

Light Bear: That doesn’t look like a terribly comfortable position for a pony.

Pinkie Pie: A friend of mine recommended it to me. I dunno, I could get used to it.

Light Bear: Ah... but that’s not why we’re here. You were addressing some sort of audience earlier?

Pinkie Pie: Well, yeah. You were too, when we were reporting on the fight.

Light Bear: I mean before that. You said something about there being people at home... or something.

Pinkie Pie: You know, this is actually the first time someone’s asked me about that. I do it all the time, though! It’s strange.

Light Bear: ...

Pinkie Pie: ...um, heh heh. Okay, do you ever get that feeling that someone’s watching you?

Light Bear: Well, sure. I think part of it is all the security cameras Metal’s installed around here. Do we really need them in our sandwiches?

Pinkie Pie: It’s kinda like that! ...except Metal’s not the one watching. I can’t quite put my finger on who, but I'm positive people regularly watch my adventures with my friends, even when there’s no cameras around.

Light Bear: ...

Pinkie Pie: Well... I dunno if “watch” is the right word. I mean, I used to feel like people were watching me, but now I’m sure people are reading about me, and you guys at the Stadium.

Light Bear: ...

Pinkie Pie: So, I figure I might as well say, “Hello!” to them, or let them know what’s going on. It couldn’t hurt, could it?

Light Bear: ...huh. Heh, heh.

Pinkie Pie: Light Bear...?

Light Bear: Oh, sorry, Pinkie. It’s just... you’re saying that, even when the cameras are off, there’s people constantly watching us?

Pinkie Pie: That’s right! Well, it's more that they're reading about us, but it's the same sort of thing, y'know? I... hope this doesn't come as a nasty shock to you... does it?

Light Bear: Heh...actually... this might shock you... This isn't the first time I’ve been in this situation.

Pinkie Pie: What do you mean?

Light Bear: Pinkie... I'm a fictional character.

*A lake, far away from the Stadium. Below the lake... lies a familiar mecha. Within it... is Sloan, wearing his usual ensemble of paisley polka-dot pink and lime green business suit with off-blue and yellow slacks and violently silver shoes and business shirt. He sits before a series of camera angles of the Stadium, as well as recaps of recent matches. He eats cookies filled with rusted metal pieces, forks, mirror tiles and burnt edges, before nearly spitting it all over the monitor at Light Bear's latest word.*

Sloan: Mmmph! Mpph mmmf!

*He takes out a bottle of blueberry-vinegar vodka and drinks it to clear his throat, then gasps for breath for a moment.*

Sloan: W...what is that moron doing? Does he have ANY IDEA of what might happen if he keeps challenging the walls of reality?

*A faded virtual intelligence appears, hiding its face in the background. It glows a dim blue.*

???: He is an illogical stick being. He has no clue that his behavior could bring the likes of Wulfgar or The Void into this realm.

Sloan: Yes, I know. That's what I just said, you flim-flammy piece of junk.

???: You know, but you do not comprehend. You know, but you--*Repeats, stutters and gets stuck in place*

Sloan: *Sighs* It's going to take forever to get this blasted thing into one piece. Metal is too good at killing things for my own good. *Dials some buttons* And I don't even have the power to get this thing out of the swamp...

*Sloan idly turns to a monitor, showing outer space and a large ship.*

Sloan: But THEY might... or might not. Hmmmmm...