March #29: Psycho Lasers!

Fighters For Jungle Japes: Mewtwo, Fox

Stock: 2

Items: Medium

Light Bear: Surely you must have suspected something was up with the living stickman.

Pinkie Pie: Actually, I never thought about it!

Light Bear: I find that hard to believe. But whatever. Point is, I'm not from this world, or any "real" world. My world was created by a child who loved to draw comics.

Pinkie Pie: Should I recognize you? I've never been too good at keeping up with all those comic books out there. Maybe Rainbow-

Light Bear: I'm not from any sort of graphic novel, Pinkie. Just the sketchbooks of a kid who loved doodling stickmen.

Pinkie Pie: What's this kid's name?

Light Bear: ...I refuse to say it. Keep in mind, Pinkie, we are talking about my literal god here. I kinda hold Him in high regard and get a bit uneasy at the prospect of saying His name.

Pinkie Pie: Ah, I can see that by the capital "h"!

Light Bear: Hmm? ...oh, right. But, now you should understand why it doesn't exactly surprise me to hear that this world... "Revanda," was it?... that it could be some fictional creation, too. Because, I've already lived through that revelation.

Pinkie Pie: ...

Light Bear: ...

Pinkie Pie: ...so tell me!

Light Bear: Hmm?

Pinkie Pie: Tell me, what was it like, back in your world?

Light Bear: Back at Placeton?

Pinkie Pie: Is that what it was called?

Light Bear: Yeah. You know, I haven't seriously thought about ol' Placeton since...

*Light Bear trails off, his expression gradually becoming more uncomfortable and distant*

Pinkie Pie: ...What's wrong?

Light Bear: *sigh*...I don't want to talk about it.

Pinkie Pie: W-

Light Bear: Please. Don't push me on it. At least... not now. Ask me some other time, okay? Just... I need some time to myself, now.

*Light Bear gets up and walks away, leaving Pinkie Pie alone*

Pinkie Pie (mournful): ...ohh...

*Meanwhile*

Yesman: *Arm extended* Wonder Twin powers activate! Form of... A guy with a million dollars!

Esco: Ugh, this is stupid... *Arm extended touching Yesman's* Shape of... A guy with a million dollars.

*... Nothing happens*

Esco: You see? I told you this wouldn't work. Where did you get these rings anyway? A bag of Cracker Jacks?

Yesman: Captain Munch Cereal, thank you very much!

Esco: Of course...

Yesman: But I felt it that time! Let's have one more go at it.

Esco: I don't have time for this! There are still many things on my personal agenda today that I have no intentions of slacking off on. Next time, leave me out of your idiotic ideas.

Yesman: Whatever, but when I get Twi to do it and it works you're going to be sorry....

Esco: Right. Twilight. You should stay away from her, if you know what's good for you.

Yesman: What about Light Bear?

Esco: He's probably still locked in his room, looking through his secret porn stash and crying to himself.

Yesman: Wait, I don't think that's correct. Also, what do you mean "stay away from Twilight"? Is there something-

Esco: Don't you have some sort of quest or something you need to get back to?

Yesman: ... No...

Esco: Well, MAKE ONE. I have no more time for you.

Yesman: Fine then. I will.

*Yesman's: In Search of a Story Line*

Yesman: Where should I start? .... Metal's office!

*Enter Yesman into Metal's office*

Yesman: Hey Metal?

Metal: Ah, another interruption. Just what I needed!

*Metal is in the middle of building a card house out of molten magma donuts, and about to put the top one in, as they melt into the desk and threaten to burn the entire room down*

Yesman: I was just wondering if you had some sort of important quest, or something for me to do?

Metal: Well, you could steal all the money out of the pockets of fans and give it to me!

Yesman: No. I mean... Don't you any Stadium's that need to be defended from an evil army of Alloys, or an eternal time being that needs to be defeated, or a giant hole in the sky that could potential destroy this dimension that I could fight... Or something...?

Metal: Why would I tell you to do those things? Only my most trustworthy associates are qualified to do those! *Points to an image of what looks like a bunch of psychos shooting up a town with magitek super-weapons* Besides, we're inside a tournament right now!

Yesman: A match? Ya... I guess I can do that...

Metal: Good, now run! Run away! I need to finish the lava sculpture so I can go back in time and smash it atop Tidus' head, then yell "JAMAICA WINS!"

Yesman: Okay then... *Backs away slowly*

*Later*

Yesman: Welp... Here I am in the commentators booth prepared to commentate on today's match between... Uhh... I don't know...

Mash: *Whispering from behind the camera* Fox and Mewtwo...

Yesman: Right. Fox and Mewtwo. And as you can see, I will be doing this alone today. Commentating that is. *Enter Doctor Mario*

Dr. Mario: Oh, if it isn't my favorite little Shy-a-guy. He's-a commentating right now, isn't-a he?

Yesman: Oh sh-... Hey bud? God how long has it been?

Dr. Mario: *Takes out rusty sawblade* Of-a course! It's time for your daily wallet checkup! It won't-a hurt a bit... if-a you cooperate!

Yesman: SHHH! Mash turn it off! *Camera fumbles around for a second and a click is heard, but the image stays on the screen*

Yesman: *Looking directly into the camera* Does the red light mean it's off?

Mash: Yup.

Yesman: Okay. Listen Doc, I don't have your money. I don't know if you know this, but the Stadium is broke. But if I host this match, hopefully there will be income. So if you want any money at all, you're going to have to let me do this match.

Dr. Mario: I can-a take your organs and-a extra limbs instead, then! I'm-a expert black market organlegger!

Yesman: That can be arranged, but your going to have to let me do this.

Dr. Mario: Sure-a thing. Then I-a will be taking your mask and-a your soul! I hear there are some-a people on Alsa who want the energy of a Smash Power for themselves!

Yesman: Thank you.

Dr. Mario: Of course-a, I'm-a staying here to make sure my new-a cash cow doesn't escape!

Yesman: Fine, whatever. Mash turn it on.

*Camera fumbles around for a second*

Yesman: ... We're on? Oh. And we're back folks! I apologize for the technical difficulties. As I was saying, today's match will consist of Mewtwo and Fox beating the bejesus out of each other. Their arena? What other arena could possibly hold such an epic scuffle between two gods of the Stadium?

Dr. Mario: Hurry-a-up! Those-a stupid lines are ruining your valuable vocal cords-a!

Yesman: That, my nameless friends, is my co-commentator today! Meet the miracle worker himself, Dr. Mario!

Dr. Mario: *Glaring at Yesman* Hello everybody! It's-a me, the best Doctor! Dr. Mario! Soon to-a be selling Shyguy organs at a reduced-a price-a!

Yesman: Anyway the arena will be Jungle Japes. Items are on medium. Stock is set to 2.

Dr. Mario: *Starts sharpening his surgical tools... which include hedge clippers, a golf club and a bowling trophy.*

Yesman: .....

Dr Mario: What-a?

Yesman: We need to take turns commentating. That way the match flows better and it's not just one giant paragraph of one person speaking.

Dr. Mario: What? What's-a that supposed to mean? The-a fans are-a listening to us commentate, you-a indebted Shyguy!

Yesman: Er, I mean that if you help me co-commentate you will get what you want!

Dr. Mario: That's-a more like it! *Gets commentator face on* Fox is jumping out of his ship. Just-a like this Shyguy's-a demented brain is gonna do soon!

Yesman: And there is Mewtwo, breaking out of his stasis tube like a boss.

Dr. Mario: Mama-mia, are we gonna be doing this forever? I have important-a customers waiting on those-a feet of yours!

Yesman: Right. Without further ado, let the games begin!

Yesman: Mewtwo starts it all of by charging a shadowball. Fox gets the first hit or should I say kick in though, before Mewtwo has the chance to throw it.

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo in retaliation, grabs-a Fox and throws him to the left.

Yesman: Fox recovers, but as soon as he does Mewtwo sends a shadowball Fox's way.

Dr. Mario: Fox is-a hit by it, and is sent up into the air.

Yesman: While falling though Fox decides to use a Firefox at Mewtwo.

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo teleported-a away from Fox's firefox-a, and is now-a charging a shadowball.

Yesman: Yup. And he throws it.... but would you look at that! Fox uses his reflector, and the shadowball goes straight back to Mewtwo.

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo is-a hit. He's-a sent to the left!

Yesman: He recovers and charges toward Fox.

Dr. Mario: Fox-a rolls around him, then he-a grabs him from behind.

Yesman: After beating him a few times, Fox throws Mewtwo away, just like I threw that gum away last-

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo recovers-a from that-a poor excuse of commentating, and throws a shadowball at Fox. A crate-a falls on the left platform-a.

Yesman: Fox picked up the crate, and throws it at Mewtwo. Mewtwo is hit by the crate, and it busts open.

Dr. Mario: Inside was-a a sword and a fire flower! Mama Mia! Why isn't-a this match over yet! I-a charge 3000 coins-a an hour! This is-a costing me more than it's-a worth!

Yesman: Mewtwo picks up the flower an throws it at Fox.

Dr. Mario: Fox uses-a his reflector to dodge it. He then-a picks it up.

Yesman: Mewtwo proceeds to pick up the sword, and dash toward Fox with it.

Dr. Mario: Fox burns-a Mewtwo with the flower, and-a I warm up my blowtorch to help-a save time on the organ surgery!

Yesman: The fire power runs out and Fox throws the flower back at where it came from, at Mewtwo.

Dr Mario: Mama mia! I forgot to-a bring enough propane-a! And-a Mewtwo is hit by it but is unfazed, and just teleports-a closer to him.

Yesman: Mewtwo smashes Fox with his sword, and Fox goes high into the air.

Dr. Mario: In-a midair, Fox charges a Fire Fox, and rockets toward Mewtwo.

Yesman: Owned! Mewtwo threw his sword at fox, and Fox goes flying! KOOoooOoOOOooo!

Dr. Mario: Silence-a! I'm trying to concentrate-a on this gauge! Besides-a, you're the one owned by-a me now!

Yesman: Fox returns, and uses his invincibility to good use by using a fox illusion on Mewtwo.

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo is-a sent flying to the left platform. *Starts measuring Yesman's skull.*

Yesman: Fox shoots a few lasers Mewtwo's way, but he guards from them.

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo-a charges a shadowball. Fox jumps-a toward him to stop him, but fails-a because of Mewtwo finishing and smashing him away.

Yesman: Fox jumps toward him and kicks him.

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo goes-a flying and barely recovers, when Fox smashes him, and KOs him. *Starts drawing marks on Yesman*

Yesman: KOOOOoooooooo!

Dr. Mario: I told-a you to be quiet! If you're any louder I-a might accidentally kill you while removing the-a extra parts of your brain!

Yesman: Mewtwo is back, and Fox Is taunting. Bad choice because Mewtwo disables him while doing so.

Dr. Mario: He-a then grabs him, and hits him-a a few times before throwing him. *Revs up chainsaw*

Yesman: Fox recovers, and runs back toward Mewtwo but is just smashed to the left.

Dr. Mario: He-a goes flying again. *Moves to hit Yesman with the chainsaw, barely misses*

Yesman: Fox recovers again by grabbing the ledge, and hops up.

Dr. Mario: Come-a back here! I'm-a just prepping for surgery-a! *Slashes a monitor in two by accident* ...Mewtwo tries-a to smash him again, but fails when Fox rolls around him, and smashes him-a himmself.

Yesman: Mewtwo is barely phased though, and... suddenly a smash ball appears.

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo makes-a a dash for it like this-a little Shyguy I'm-a chasing while Fox hops up and jumps-a to the center platform.

Yesman: Mewtwo jumps over toward the right one, and hits the ball a couple of times.

Dr. Mario: The ball goes-a toward Fox, who uses-a a fire fox on it. *Tries to set Yesman on fire, burns an old flier instead*

Yesman: It is just hit away. It's about to break!

Dr. Mario: Mewtwo-a jumps off of Fox's head, and hits-a the ball! *Shoots a tranq gun and barely misses Yesman*

Yesman: It breaks! Yes.

Mewtwo: Psychic! *The sound of glass shattering is heard*

Yesman: Fox goes flying away! KOoooooOoOO... O... or not, as he just barely gets back on stage!

Dr. Mario: That's-a it! I'm-a not even going to pretend-a not to be killing-a you!

Yesman: Give me one more try! I'm sorry! Think about the coins!

Dr. Mario: ...*Quietly begins dragging in the go-kart motor.*

Yesman: Phew.

Yesman: Fox is back, and he runs straight for Mewtwo.

Dr. Mario: He-a grabs Mewtwo, and beats him a few times. *Attaches electrodes to Yesman*

Yesman: Mewtwo escapes however and uses his shadow palm attack on Fox, and then smashes him away.

Dr. Mario: Fox is-a knocked back, but gets-a up and uses a fox-a illusion-a on Mewtwo.

Yesman: Mewtwo retaliates by grabbing him, throwing him to the right, and sending a series of shadowballs after him.

Dr. Mario: *Starts revving the motor* A crate-a drops to on the center platform. Mewtwo jumps-a for it, and grabs it.

Yesman: Fox gets up, and shoots Mewtwo with his laser causing him to drop the crate.

Dr. Mario: Now I-a get my payment at last!

*Mewtwo shows up in the booth*

Mewtwo: Ah, Dr. Mario.

Dr. Mario: What-a? I thought you-a fired me! Like the other Mewtwo dropped the crate and it broke open-a and inside-a there seems to be a lips stick, and a bumper....

Mewtwo: I just wanted to say, you are as good a commentator as you are a doctor.

Dr. Mario: ...Should-a I be mad or thankful?

Mewtwo: *Eyes glow*

Dr. Mario: Uhhhh... thank-a you, Mewtwo!

Mewtwo: *Silently floats off*

Yesman: *Having taken off the electrodes and moved across the room* Fox grabs the bumper, and throws it at Mewtwo.

Dr. Mario: Where is-a that... Mewtwo shields-a himself, and the bumper bounces-a off in front of him. He proceeds-a to grab the lipstick. *Grabs at Yesman, who just barely avoids*

Yesman: Mewtwo teleports passed the bumper, and hits Fox with the lipstick.

Dr. Mario: Fox-a composed himself, *Gets out his saw and swings at Yesman, but misses* and-a smashes Mewtwo toward the bumper.

Yesman: The bumper bounces him off the side! Whoa he is barely hanging in by the ledge. *Is trying desperately to climb up to the control panel*

Dr. Mario: He needs-a to pull himself up. *Climbs up the panel and stands in the way of Yesman* Now I've-a got you!

Yesman: Before... A Klap Trap jumps up, bites Fox, and pulls him down! KAY....Oh... *Falls off, then randomly hits a hole in the floor Metal had made previously and vanishes*

Dr. Mario: ...I'm-a gonna get you, Yes Man!

GAME SET!

THIS GAME'S WINNER IS... Mewtwo!

Dr. Mario: This isn't-a the end, Yesman! *He gets out his Smash Dex* Oak-a! Someone is evading-a payment!

Professor Oak: What did I tell you about stealing organs, Dr. Mario?

Dr. Mario: Only-a do it when it is-a most profitable?

Professor Oak: ...No. *Looks around, notices no one is in the room* Er... yes. Who is the person who has evaded you again?

Dr. Mario: Some-a SP named Yesman.

Professor Oak: I could use some more coins myself... *Puts a hand to his chin* ...Come to my lab. We'll make a proper plan there. My Pseudo-cubes should be able to fix this... I created a new invention you should see.

Dr. Mario: Righty-o, Professor-a Oak!

Professor Oak: That's Professor, not Professora!

Dr. Mario: What?

Professor Oak: ...Nevermind. Warping you to my lab in 3... 2... 1...

*Dr. Mario vanishes*

Yesman: *Comes up from under the broken floor panels in commentators room* ... Let's go interview the fighters now that I'm no longer in mortal peril...

*Mewtwo's locker room*

Yesman: So Mewtwo, how exactly did you beat him?

Mewtwo: Isn't it obvious? I used the awesome power of my psychic abilities to detect where when the Klap-trap would take him out. From there it was child's play.

Yesman: Awesome. So you fight well with stage hazards.

Mewtwo: Yes. I'm the true master of Strategy.

Yesman: That's great! Also how does it feel to have a Klap Trap do all the work for you?

Mewtwo: ... Get out.

*Fox's locker room*

Yesman: So how are you feeling?

Fox: Oh, fine. Sort of embarrassing the way I lost though...

Yesman: Well he is better at flying.

Fox: Wait... What? Hahaha, no. You haven't seen my Final Smash.

Yesman: Ah... Well do you think you would have won if you had gotten a Final Smash?

Fox: No doubt.

Yesman: Well, nice talking you. And to all of you Stadium lovers out there, I am Yesman, signing off.

*Meanwhile*

*Old Quester HQ, Nintendus*

Dr. Mario: *Watching Yesman sign off* I'm not as stupid as you think Yesman. I'll get you...

Professor Oak: You know, Dr. Mario. These kinds of obsessions aren't healthy.

*Oak is wearing a black labcoat and seems to be wearing some sort of blue gloves*

Professor Oak: Now this is how you will crush him into a small ball. *Generates a powerful energy field with the gloves*

Dr. Mario: Hahaha... I'll-a get you, Yesman.

Television Yesman: *Appears back on the screen* And also... KAY- OooooOoooo... Oh. *Disappears*

Professor Oak: Now you must ABSOLUTELY not touch them to chocolate, peanut butter or anything else sticky or else--

Dr. Mario: You'll-a pay for that, too, Yesman!

Professor Oak: Pay attention, Dr. Mario! These are highly sophisticated devices of mass destruction!

Dr. Mario: Oh-a yes, I-a heard everything, just give-a them to me.

Ophanis: Good evening, everyone. You must all be wondering why I have gathered you here. What I tell you tonight is of great importance... and sadness. For I have received news... such terrible news that will no doubt rock you to your cores. Yes, it is with great regret that I must announce the passing of our great leader, Seraphis Polemikos.

*Voices raise and cry out within the crowd as the distress eminates from the streets below. Ophanis raises a hand, quickly silencing them.*

Ophanis: I'm not finished. I have also received word of the next great conflict. Yes, my fellow Leukos, the dragons are back. This time, they are determined to finish what they have started. They will not stop until we are extinct, no matter who gets in their way, even going so far as to level this great city of ours if they have to. We must let them know that this is unacceptable!

*The crowd erupts once again*

Ophanis: We must prepare for war once more! At the end of this gathering, you must all immediately begin your training in the ancient arts of the Leukos and become one with the White Winds! When the dragons threaten our homeland, we shall be strong and powerful; a hurricane of power that will rip apart their evil influence, and I will be there to lead you all into a new era of Revanda! A Revanda that is LEUKOS!!

Crowd: OPHANIS!! STRATOS!! OPHANIS!! STRATOS!!

Ophanis: NO!

*The crowd dies down, the people giving each other confused looks*

Ophanis: From this day forward, you will call me... Seraphis Stratos!

*The crowd erupts once more, their applause echoing through the surrounding empty streets and passages of the Leukos' last known civilisation.*