Match #3: Psychic Battle

The Fighters for How to Play (SSB): Sabrina & Mewtwo vs Ness & Lucas

Stock: 2
Items: Off

Yesman: Hello all you cartoon-fight-loving weirdos. I'm talking to you Hferg.

Hferg: Yes! I get a cameo!

Demon: What about mine?

Hferg: You just had it.

Demon: Dang it!

Yesman: ... You know what time it is?

Audience: Tool Time!

Yesman: ... I wish. But no, it is instead time once again for a few of your favorite video game characters to beat the living bejesus out of each other. So I... Actually have no commentating partner.

Esco: Actually, I'm here. *NEWCOMER: Esco flashes across the screen*

Yesman: A bit late for that Brawl reference... Anyway why are you here?

Esco: Being a telekinetic user myself, I seized the opportunity to commentate on an all-psychic battle. Besides, the other SPs are too busy to commentate.

Digi: I'm not!

Esco: Shut up.

Digi: :(

Yesman: What about Metal?

Esco: Eh, he's probably still getting used to the new stadium. He might be doing something important for once...

*Metal Man is standing in his office, hanging up pictures of VG on the wall.*

Metal Man: I can't help but wonder if I'm missing something... nah. Esco would have told me.

Yesman: *talking to himself* Crap. well, I guess I'm stuck with the weird ninja guy with the really long name...

Esco: I can hear you.

Yesman: ... Oh. Anyway, what's the match up today?

Esco: You're kidding, right? You don't even know about your own matches? It's Mewtwo & Sabrina vs Ness & Lucas. This matchup should be familiar to some viewers.

Yesman: Wait, we haven't had a match like that.

Esco: We did, back at the old stadium. It was pathetic seeing Mewtwo lose to a bunch of kids.

Yesman: Oh, okay. So, I guess the match should be starting now? I don't really know what comes next.

Esco: *ahem* ENTER, THE FIGHTERS!!

Yesman: Alright, well here the fighters come now. There's Sabrina walking out onto a platform in the background. What's wrong with her? She looks kinda dazed.

Esco: Her aura doesn't seem right to me... I bet Metal is involved in this somehow.

Yesman: That's weird. Anyway here's Ness and Lucas entering to the right.

Esco: Mewtwo breaks out of his stasis tube, and Sabrina sends out a Drowzee.

Yesman: Well I suppose without prolonging this prematch dialogue any further...

Esco: Hold on a second. *flips the items switch to OFF*

Yesman: Okay, let the match begin!

Esco: Mewtwo begins charging a shadow ball, while his partner moves towards their opponents.

Yesman: Ness runs towards Drowzee and uses PK Fire! A large fireball engulfs it!

Esco: Drowzee escapes quickly, and hits Ness with a yawn.

Yesman: Meanwhile, Lucas jumps at Mewtwo with a PK Freeze! Oh, he missed...

Esco: And Mewtwo hits him with a fully charged shadow ball!

Yesman: Ness attacks Mewtwo with a barrage of fists, but his fighting seems to be off...

Esco: Drowzee runs towards Lucas and hits him with a dizzy punch! Wait, Lucas barely avoided it!

Yesman: And he zaps Drowzee with a PK Thunder!

Esco: Ness suddenly fell asleep! Looks like Drowzee's yawn finally took effect.

Yesman: Mewtwo's eyes flash yellow, as if he's going to strike the helpless Ness...

Esco: But nothing happens. What is he waiting for?

Yesman: Sabrina recalls Drowzee, and sends in Haunter!

Esco: Haunter floats over to Ness and engulfs him in purple light.

Yesman: It's dream eater!! Ness is taking some heavy damage!

Big Mountain... where SCIENCE makes improbabilities REALITY.
Lives: 2
Lives: 2
Lives: 2
Lives: 2

Esco: Mewtwo teleports over to Lucas, and flashes his eyes again. Haunter follows him and the two are beginning to charge shadow balls!

Yesman: Lucas rolls behind Haunter, but he's already finished charging? That was too fast!

Esco: Haunter's shadow ball charges faster, but does less damage than Mewtwo's. Anyway, Haunter is going after Lucas now...

Yesman: Haunter uses lick! Lucas is scared and confused!

Esco: Both of the Pokemon hit Lucas with dual-shadow ball! He just barely makes it back to the stage!

Yesman: It looks like Ness woke up, and now he wants revenge!

Saffron City Fighting Type Gym: Because the Psychic one is closed all the time due to Sabrina constantly abandoning it.
Lives: 2
Lives: 2
Lives: 2
Lives: 2

Esco: Ness runs up to Mewtwo and uses PK Fire-

Yesman: -but Mewtwo teleports behind him and throws him up!

Esco: Over to the right, Haunter attacks Lucas with a shadow claw as he climbs back to the stage.

Yesman: He manages to roll past it, and now Ness is falling towards Haunter and BAM!

Esco: Ness strikes with a perfect step kick! Haunter hits the ground HARD.

Yesman: Lucas freezes him with a PK Freeze! Where is Mewtwo?

Esco: Here he comes! He uses his disabler on Ness and looks like he's going to grab-

Yesman: Lucas jumps at him with a jump kick! He didn't go very far...

Esco: But Lucas planned this, and nails him with a swinging branch!

Yesman: Haunter breaks out of the ice, and floats over to the defenseless Ness!

Esco: Lucas is too busy pummeling Mewtwo on the left platform, allowing Haunter to take out his rage on Ness.

Yesman: Haunter uses curse! Ness shoots off the stage!

Esco: Yes, but the move severely weakens Haunter. It looks like he will fall any second.

Visit the Earthbound museum in New Pork City!
Lives: 2
Lives: 2
Lives: 1
Lives: 2

Yesman: Mewtwo is able to break through Lucas' offensive and knock him back over to Haunter.

Esco: Well, that wasn't smart. Lucas is now beating on Haunter. At least Mewtwo can charge another shadow ball.

Yesman: Ness is back, and uses his invincibility to get a grab on Mewtwo. He throws him off the left edge!

Esco: Argh, the camera is malfunctioning. I can't get it to scroll past the left edge!

Yesman: Mewtwo recovers, right into Ness' PK Flash!

Esco: I can't tell how far he was knocked back. Damn camera...

Yesman: He just barely makes it back with a well-timed teleport! There he goes flashing his eyes again...

Esco: Haunter just broke free from Lucas' relentless fury! He charges up a shadow ball before Lucas can react.

Yesman: Haunter rolls behind Lucas. Now the pokemon are on the outside...

Esco: They launch their dual-shadow ball attack again! Those kids are screwed.

Yesman: No! They use their PSI Magnets to absorb the shadow balls!

Esco: Lucas strikes Haunter with his branch again, sending him off into the white abyss!

Yesman: But Mewtwo gets behind Lucas and strikes him with his palms! He's not going to make it...

Silph Co: Developers of Missingno. and PorygonZ. Glitch your reality today!
Lives: 1
Lives: 2
Lives: 1
Lives: 1

Esco: Mewtwo flashes his eyes again, and Sabrina sends out Alakazam!

Mewtwo: Now, feel our power!

Yesman: Uhh... Alakazam's just standing there.

Esco: He turns towards Sabrina and begins motioning with his hands... Her aura has been restored!

Sabrina: Mewtwo! You will pay for this! Alakazam, psychic!

Yesman: Mewtwo is suddenly sent flying. He is KOd!

TiMe TrAvEl aT sAtUrN vAlLeY! CoMe fOr tHe CoFfeE, sTaY foR tHe FrIgHt BoTs! BoInG!
Lives: 1
Lives: 1
Lives: 1
Lives: 1

Esco: One-stock match, much?

Yesman: It seems that Alakazam has joined the other team! Lucas uses PK Freeze on Mewtwo!

Esco: Ness jumps up into the air and strikes with glowing palms!

Yesman: Mewtwo is sent over to Alakazam, who attacks with psycho cut!

Esco: Mewtwo recovers and teleports behind him! He picks up Alakazam and throws him off the right edge.

Yesman: Alakazam isn't nearly injured enough to be unable to make it back to the stage-

Esco: But Mewtwo jumps after him! He strikes him with a tail swipe, then another, and...

Lives: 1
Lives: 1
Lives: 1

Esco: ...what?! What is wrong with this stage?!

Yesman: It appears that the right-side boundary is malfunctioning and shifted towards the stage.

Esco: Remind me to never use this stage for a match again.

Yesman: Okay.

Esco: While that was going on, Mewtwo used his newfound confidence to start pounding the kids into submission.

Yesman: The two are knocked back towards the left edge.

Esco: Lucas seems to be telling something to Ness. I can't hear him though...

Yesman: And Lucas runs towards Mewtwo with a jump kick!

Esco: Mewtwo picks Lucas out of the air and throws him back towards the defective boundary!

Yesman: But lo and behold! Ness was charging a PK Flash the whole time!

Mewtwo: Oh, crap.


This game's winner is... BLUE TEAM! ...and Sabrina!!

The better player of the team is... Ness!

Esco: What's going on now?! The whole stage is starting to collapse!

Yesman: Let's evacuate the booth, shall we?

Esco: Yes, damnit! YES!

*both commentators exit while a cloud of debris forms inside the stadium*

Esco: *panting* Okay, we're never using that stage again. Agreed?

Yesman: Agreed.

*a few minutes later*

Yesman: Aaaaaand we're back! Sorry about the delay to those of you in the audience who didn't flee in terror from the arena's destruction, but we have our Stage Expert on the field examining just what went wrong.


*R.O.B. points to a sheet indicating that the last safety check was 3 years ago*


*R.O.B. points to a stadium advertisement placed right against the camera*


*R.O.B. points to the shattered remnants of the boundary and Mewtwo*

Yesman: Okay then... whose idea was it to use this arena again?

Esco: Yours.

Yesman: Right. *flees the scene*

Esco: And now, Mash Toady is on the scene with the winners.

Mash Toady: Thanks, scary guy who probably wants to kill me in my sleep! I'm here with Ness and Lucas-

Sabrina: And Sabrina.

Mash Toady: And Sabrina... so tell me: what are your thoughts on the match?

Ness: Me and Lucas probably could've taken them both on. Isn't that right, Lucas?

Lucas: I'm just glad that we won.

Sabrina: Mewtwo will not be forgiven for what he did to me. I feel that his current fate is suitable for now.

Mash Toady: Right. Now, on to Mewtwo...

[Mewtwo's Room]

*A loud commotion can be heard from behind the door*

Mash Toady: Uhh... Maybe later.

Esco: I can handle this. Wait just one second.

*Esco walks down to the room*

Esco: Ever since this place stopped making sense, I've appointed myself as the Keeper of Sanity.

Mash Toady: What sanity?

Esco: MY SANITY. Now, if you'll excuse me...

*Esco enters Mewtwo's room. The sounds coming from the room intensify, with loud shouting and breaking glass*

*Esco limps out of the room, beaten senselessly*

Esco: Well... that should keep him quiet for now... *collapses*

*In the commentator's booth, a shadowy figure creeps in*

Metal: Leave me out of a match with my favorite pokemon, Mewtwo, will you? Then how about you try some items on for size, hmm?

*Metal pulls on the items switch until the handle breaks loose*

Metal: Mwahahahahaaaa! So much for your precious sanity, bathrobe-wearing fool!

*Metal sneaks back out.*