March #32: Tournament Semifinal 2

Fighters for Pokemon Stadium Duo: Mewtwo vs Zero
2 stock, all items off

Kevin: *Wakes up* Ahh, today's the day I get to commentate again! I wonder what time it is...

Alarm Clock: *4:51 A.M.*

Kevin: Damn. Well, it can't hurt to get in a bit early. *Climbs out of bed, throws his clothes on in one fluid motion, then heads towards the exit, passing by another room*

Kevin: Hey Mike, I'm going out for a while.

Mike: Mmmmfh.

Kevin: All right then. See ya. *Grabs his signature hat and slips out*

Kevin: *Walking the streets* Man, there's a lot more people out than I expected. I wonder-

*Kevin bumps into someone*

Kevin: Oh, sorry man. Hey, you look familiar... Do I know you?

*A young, brown-haired swordsman stands before him*

Swordsman: You don't know me, but I know you. You're Kevin from the SSS?

Kevin: Yeah!

Swordsman: I'm glad someone from the south side finally made it. Keep it up, kid.

Kevin: Thanks. I...

*The swordsman vanishes before Kevin can react*

Kevin: ... Huh. *Shrugs and continues walking*

My name is Kevin. I'm 17 years old, and an SP at the Super Smash Stadium. I-

Kevin: Oh cool! I'm narrating myself in real-time!

... And that is when I discovered yet another hole in the 4th wall. This is not good... I'm outta here!

Kevin: Wait! Tell me your secrets!

*Everyone stops to stare at Kevin*

Kevin: Er... can I at least get a scene transition? This is getting a bit awkward.

*Kevin has arrived at the SSS Stadium*

Kevin: Thanks.

Pat: Hey, who are you talking to?

Kevin: *Startled* Oh! Err... nothing. It's nothing.

Pat: Are you sure? I could've sworn you were-

Kevin: No! ... Anyway, where is everyone? This place seems a bit deserted today.

Pat: Well, it's really early. I'm pretty sure most sane people won't be here for a few more hours.

Kevin: Damn. Oh, speaking of sane people...

*Metal's Office. Kevin kicks the door open with a satisfying 'BANG'.*

Kevin: METAL!

Metal: Hey! *Points his tri-barrel gun at Kevin* I DON'T HAVE THAT MONEY, AND I'M DONE HIDING FROM YOU! YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT THIS TIME, I--

Kevin: Metal, it's me. Kevin. I'm here about my upcoming match.

Metal: Oh. Right. Not those people. What is it?

Kevin: Well, I still can't find Esco anywhere, and the match starts today. Have you seen him?

Metal: Oh, no. Of course not. I've been doing very important things. *Twists lock on a safe he's been working at with a variety of tools* Yes... very... VERY important things.

Kevin: Err, where did you get that?

Metal: Psh, like I'd tell you. You might steal my stash! Now begone! *Shoots a light fixturee near Kevin's head, showering him with glass*

Kevin: All right! Sorry! *Exits*

*Metal picks a sonic screwdriver off of the floor and looks at it.*

Metal: Nah, this tool's worthless.

*Metal hurls it out a window, with a resounding SMAAASH. He then takes out his Smash Dex and waves it in front of the safe for a few seconds. Nothing happens.*

Smash Dex: You are a moron. I am not a safe unlocking device.

Metal: Phooey! If Julian was here, he could just BS it open by calling it names and then violating the physics of reality with his punching power!

Smash Dex: He also plans to use those fists to smash you for not paying him.

Metal: Fine, fine. I'll get Digi to deal with it. *Sighs and continues prying on it.* But not until I'm SURE this can't be opened!

Smash Dex: I'll turn off to spare myself the boredom of watching you.

Metal: You sound a lot like SIMBER...

Smash Dex: I am not him. He was also stupid. I simply react to your stupidity and his equally. *Turns off*

Metal: Stupid machines! Whatever...

*8:53 A.M., a few minutes before the scheduled match. Kevin is pacing in the Smasher's Lounge, waiting for Esco to show up.*

Kevin: This can't be happening... Even though Esco disappeared, he would NEVER just blow off a match like this! This isn't Esco at all...

Fox: Just get someone else to commentate with.

Simon: Yeah, I'm sure it won't be a problem.

Kevin: I guess I have no choice... Now, where will I find someone to-

Rainbow Dash: *Enters* Hey Kev, the Mortal Kombat tournament's still on for later today, right?

Kevin: Perfect timing! Hey Dash, Esco's not here and my match begins in three minutes, so do you want to help me commentate?

Rainbow Dash: Sure!

Kevin: All right, if we hurry, we can still-

?: Kevin, GET OVER HERE!! The match is about to start!

Kevin: Whuh?

*Esco suddenly appears. He grabs Kevin and vanishes as quickly as he appeared.*

Rainbow Dash: O...kay...

*Commentator's Booth*

Esco: Welcome, everyone. This is Escomanivero Deisedarah, presenting the second semifinal of the SSS Tournament!

Crowd: *Cheers*

Kevin: And I'm the Lightning Master, Kevin!

Crowd: *More cheers*

Esco: Today, we have Mewtwo fighting against Zero on Pokemon Stadium Duo.

Kevin: You mean Stadium II?

Esco: No. The Stadium decided that having two identical stages was redundant, so they merged them together.

Kevin: Oh. Well, Stocks are set to 2, and items are turned off, as per Esco's request.

Esco: I see you've learned well. Anyway, let's get this match started.

Both: ENTER, THE FIGHTERS!!

*Mewtwo breaks out of his glass prison on the top-left platform*

*Zero teleports in on the top-right platform*

Esco: Let this be an honorable battle. Now, FIGHT!!

Kevin: Mewtwo starts off right away by throwing some shadow balls Zero's way! Zero swings his blade around a bit and cuts them up!

Esco: Zero dashes forwards and jumps at Mewtwo with his sword flip. Mewtwo sees this coming and flips Zero around with confusion.

Kevin: Say, do you think Zero stole that from Samus' Screw Attack? -Anyway, Mewtwo climbs down to base level and glides under Zero, flipping him into the air with some quick tail swipes!

Esco: But Zero recovers and slashes Mewtwo a few times. He takes out his Z-blaster and continues to juggle Mewtwo with a spray of bullets!

Kevin: And he finishes with a flaming uppercut! Mewtwo looks pissed right now.

Esco: Who could blame him? He confuses during descent, barely avoiding another strike from Zero.

Kevin: He teleports back to the stage, and starts charging his shadow ball...

Esco: Zero shifts to lightning blade and dashes in at Mewtwo again! Why is he being so predictable?

Kevin: I don't know, but Mewtwo slides behind Zero, avoiding the-

Esco: And Zero strikes Mewtwo with a reverse-swipe! Mewtwo might not make it back!

Kevin: You're the last person I would expect to underestimate someone, Esco. He makes it back with no trouble!

Esco: I'm still a little out of it. Here, I'll be right back. *Exits the booth*

Kevin: Okay. Mewtwo deflects some more of Zero's shots with another confusion, then floats in and consumes Zero in a shadowy claw! Now he finishes charging his shadow ball, and continues his assault on Zero. Now the stage is starting to shift...

Rainbow Dash: And Zero catches Mewtwo off-guard with his ice blade!

Kevin: Huh, what are you doing here, Dash?

Rainbow Dash: I wouldn't miss a Zero match for the world! Also, I took advantage of Esco leaving.

Kevin: Right. Anyway, it seems the stage has shifted to grass type! Mewtwo lands on the far left, while Zero waits on top of the tree.

Rainbow Dash: Mewtwo jumps for Zero, just in the perfect range of his blade! He smashes him into the stratosphere!

Kevin: But Mewtwo isn't dead yet! He's coming back-

Rainbow Dash: And Zero spikes him down off the edge!

Kevin: But Mewtwo isn't dead yet!! He starts to recover-

Rainbow Dash: But Zero jumps after him to finish him off-

Kevin: SHAZAM!! Mewtwo nails Zero with his fully-charged shadow ball, sending him under the stage! Zero is down!

Rainbow Dash: NO!!

Kevin: Now Mewtwo teleports... and falls short of the edge. Well. Anyone care for a 1-stock match?

Rainbow Dash: Zero comes back. Now he's... oh AAAA.

*Enter Esco*

Esco: What the Hell is going on here!?

Kevin: Th-this isn't what it looks like!

Esco: *Turns to Dash, his expression too filled with rage to properly represent with words* GET OUT.

Rainbow Dash: Eep! *Runs*

Esco: *Sits down, acting like that exchange never happened* Now then, back to the match.

Kevin: Okay... So Mewtwo comes back, and Zero's preparing for another strike. He takes out his flame blade!

Esco: With another quick uppercut, he fails to hit Mewtwo. Mewtwo now teleports beneath Zero and blasts some dark clouds over his head, straight into Zero's path!

Kevin: But Zero avoids the attack and plunges his sword into Mewtwo's face again! Hey, is something burning?

Esco: No, that's just me. *Continues to light candles and place them around the booth* Mewtwo snaps out of it and returns fire, swiping at Zero with more darkness claws...

Kevin: Err... why the candles?

Esco: Horses are afraid of fire. Hey, maybe you could throw around some lightning. They hate loud noises too.

Kevin: Why do I even... Oh AAAA. The tree's on fire! Zero must've lit it up with his sword! Quick, switch the stage back! Do it! Hurry!

*Some panicked rustling can be heard from below the commentator's booth, and the stage reverts back to normal*

Kevin: *Phew* Good thing those Lakitus down there know how to do their jobs.

Esco: Indeed. Anyway, the match still seems to be even, as displayed here.

Esco: What do you say we "spice it up" a bit?

Kevin: I don't get it.

*A soft 'plink' sounds as a bob-omb appears at Mewtwo's feet*

Kevin: *Shocked* Esco!?

Esco: *Grinning evilly* Mewtwo picks up the bomb, carefully calculating Zero's every move...

Kevin: This is insane! What the Hell is wrong with you!?

Esco: Zero treads carefully, as every move could potentially be his last...

Kevin: I'm going to report this to Metal!

Esco: And... Mewtwo throws the bomb straight up while Zero attempts to jump in and strike with a reverse slash, causing Mewtwo to sidestep the blow, grab Zero, and throw him straight up. He then jumps up after Zero, swiping at him with his tail a few times before he has the chance to recover, sending him hurtling forwards, lining him up perfectly within the trajectory of the arc the bob-omb makes when reflected by Mewtwo's confusion. BAM! Zero goes flying!!

Kevin: Y-you were planning this the whole time!?

Esco: Mewtwo taunts. Zero surely can't make it back now...

Zero: Don't... underestimate... me!!

Kevin: Amazing! Zero just barely recovers!!

Esco: Dammit.

Rainbow Dash: *Pops in* You rock, Zero!

Kevin: Zero sets his blade to lightning and fires a blast from his arm, stunning Mewtwo enough to get in close with a deadly barrage of sword slashes!

Esco: DAMMIT.

Rainbow Dash: He's going so fast... It's hard to keep up with him!

Kevin: This is unreal... He's just zipping all over the place. It's like a brutality! Where's the dark screen when you need it?

Esco: DAMMIT!!

Mewtwo: No, it can't end like this!

Rainbow Dash: Zero prepares for the finishing blow! Do it-

*Mewtwo techs one of Zero's blows, then suddenly grabs him and throws him offscreen*

Kevin/RD: ...

Esco: Yes. YES!!

GAME SET!

This game's winner is... Mewtwo!!

Esco: All right, let's bring in the post-match banter with haste!

Lakitu: Okay-

Rainbow Dash: HOLD IT! Esco, WHAT THE AAAA IS WRONG WITH YOU!? THAT IS THE MOST BLATANT ABUSE OF SP POWERS I'VE EVER SEEN!!

*Esco grabs Dash by the neck and slams her into the wall*

Esco: No, what the AAAA is wrong with YOU!? Your kind sicken me! You destroyed a civilisation and opressed its people, forcing them to cram themselves in ghettos and live off of rats and sewage while you live the life of luxury!

Kevin: Esco, stop-

Esco: YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!! So then, on top of all this, you decide that these people don't have the right to live anymore, so you plot out an attack to exterminate them all! WHY. CAN YOU TELL ME WHY!!?

Rainbow Dash: *Struggling for air* What... are you... talking about...?

Esco: You know what I'm talking about. The Leukos!

*Kevin electrocutes Esco from behind with a scatter of lightning, causing him to drop Dash, who staggers into a corner.*

Esco: *Seizing up from pain* Kevin... Why...

Kevin: I can't let you do this, Esco! You may think you're fighting for a noble cause, but all you're doing is hurting innocents! You've become obsessed with the annhilation of a generation who had nothing to do with the wars of old!

Esco: But...-ghuh! their... attack...

Kevin: Esco, there is no attack! Even if there was, what makes you think Dash has anything to do with it? You've become like the Seraphis! You're a danger to the Stadium, and I won't allow you to harm it any longer!

Metal: Kevin, stop. I'll handle this!

Kevin: *Stops his barrage* Metal?

Metal: Esco, come with me. We must talk.

*Metal picks up Esco and walks back to his office*

Kevin: Dash. Are you okay?

Rainbow Dash: I think so. A little bruised, but that's it. *Coughs up some silver fluid*

Kevin: You should probably go to the medical center.

Rainbow Dash: No, I'm fine. Kevin, what was Esco going off about earlier? Is something going down?

Kevin: Honestly, I don't know. Esco's been acting like this ever since we fought Seraphis. I think he's getting into Esco's head somehow. I think you should let the other ponies know to stay away from Esco for a while. I'm not sure when he'll come back to his senses.

Rainbow Dash: All right. Oh, and Kevin?

Kevin: Yeah?

Rainbow Dash: Thank you. *Leaves*

*Kevin stares at the ground sadly for a few moments.*

Lakitu: Don't worry, I'm sure everything will turn out fine.

Kevin: You've been recording us this the whole time, haven't you?

Lakitu: Hey, as long as it gives us ratings-

Kevin: Get out of my sight, you filth.

*Metal's Office*

Metal: Esco, I've been watching this whole time. I noticed you spawned an item in a blatant attempt to fix the match. And that's completely against the rules! Didn't you realize that when you did that?

Esco: Yes.

Metal: Well, you know what I do to people who break the rules, right?

Esco: I'm not sure if I want to know.

Metal: I... shake hands! Welcome to the club, Ed!

*Metal shakes hands with a dumbfounded Esco*

Metal: That was some awesome cheating. I haven't seen underhanded tactics like that since the Koopalings completely destroyed all sanity back at the Quester Stadium!

Esco: . . .

Metal: Anyway, enough about that. I think I know what your problem is now. You haven't had any alone time at all, and that's driving you totally nuts!

Esco: That's not really it. It's-

Metal: Silence!

Esco: Isn't he-

Metal: DOUBLE SILENCE!

Esco: ...

Metal: If it was up to me, I'd just let you lose your mind. But if it was up to me, I wouldn't risk dying yet again, even though I'm pretty sure I could kill you this time.

Esco: What makes you say that?

Metal: It involves pianos, chainsaws, and deadly, flammable substances.

Esco: Forget I asked.

Metal: So, instead of having to probably slice you into atonal chunks and golf club them into the ocean, I think I'll send you to Ridley's old base. He forgot to lock the door when he went back home and I jimmied it open. It's still full of valuable treasure that I definitely did not leave behind because it is dangerous and probably likely to have tracking de--I mean perfectly untrackable booty! So... you can rummage through his old base for something to give you the peace and quiet you really need!

Esco: I... err... thanks?

Metal: No, thank you, ED!

Esco: ... Hey, is that my safe?

Metal: No, this is parallel universe ED's safe. I think he was serving Evil Wolfman or something. Why... you need some fresh air, ED, you're looking awfully... flushed. So... why don't you go get some? I have work to do! *Pushes ED out in a "nervous" manner and slams the door shut and locks five different locking mechanisms on it*

Smash Dex: He can kill you again if he wants.

Metal: No he can't! I fixed that loophole!

Smash Dex: He's a ninja, he can just wait for you to sleep and-

Metal: I'm a machine! I don't need to sleep!

Smash Dex: Wasn't that your last words before you went insane and destroyed reality?

Metal: I lost track. Which reality was that?

Smash Dex: ...

Metal: Probably unimportant anyway. *Goes back to tinkering with the safe*

(Light Bear’s office. Light Bear is working at his computer. A knock is heard at the door)

Light Bear: Come in.

(Pinkie Pie carefully walks into the room)

Pinkie Pie: Light Bear?

Light Bear: *turning around in his chair* Oh, hi, Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie: Oh! Hi Light Bear! I was wondering... are you feeling better today?

Light Bear: ...yeah... I’ve had some time to think things over... I’m surprised. Turns out I haven’t really thought much about Placeton since I got to the Stadium.

Pinkie Pie: Yeah? What exactly happened?

Light Bear: It... wouldn’t do us any good if I started with the end. There’s too much you wouldn’t get...

Pinkie Pie: I see... well, then, how about you tell me about Placeton? That’s where we left off last time, anyway.

Light Bear: Very well... well, as I’ve said before, I’m from a comic series... "The Adventures of Nick McStick," I think it was called.

Pinkie Pie: Who’s Nick McStick?

Light Bear: He was the main character. Except, of course, we weren’t aware he was the main character. I guess we were always somewhat aware that the exciting stuff around town only seemed to happen whenever he was there, but we never put two and two together.

Pinkie Pie: So... you weren’t the main character, then?

Light Bear: Me? Nah, I was just the absent-minded professor who made stuff for him. Couldn’t you tell I was just a side character by the wordplay with his name being better than with mine? Nick’s name always had that nice rhyming scheme, while my name was just a pun.

Pinkie Pie: "Light Bear" is a pun?

Light Bear: Oh, nonono. My real name... Professor Philip Nathan Donald MacBlank. Y’know, "Phil N. D. (Mac)Blank."

Pinkie Pie: ...oh, yeah... I wouldn’t have gotten that, Professor.

Light Bear: Ah, well. And that’s still Light Bear to you.

Pinkie Pie: Oh, sorry. But, if you were an inventor... what did you invent, exactly?

Light Bear: Oh, all sorts of things. You’ve seen my "Self-Defense Cane™", of course...

(Demonstratively, Light Bear lifts and thunks his cane on the floor)

Light Bear: ...and there’s also my "Laser-in-a-Jar™"...

(Light Bear reaches under his cap and pulls out a transparent glass jam jar)

Light Bear: ...don’t ask me for a demonstration, though. That ain’t happening unless I get 1.21 jiggawatts of energy.

Pinkie Pie: Oh, I won’t ask, then!

Light Bear: I invented a ton of other stuff, but these are all I managed to bring with me.

Pinkie Pie: What kind of adventures did you go on, Light Bear?

Light Bear: Well, I never really went on adventures; that was more the job of Nick and his friends.

Pinkie Pie: None? Really?

Light Bear: ...I guess, now that I think about it, I kinda did go on one adventure... that was right around the "Time of Uncertainty," now that I think about it.

Pinkie Pie: The "Time of Uncertainty"? What’s that?

Light Bear: That was when...

(Light Bear trails off. As before, he has that "thousand-mile stare")

Pinkie Pie: ...yes, Light Bear?

Light Bear: ...

Pinkie Pie: ...you don’t really want to talk about it... do you?

Light Bear: ...not right now.

Pinkie Pie: I’ll ask again in a few days, then.

Light Bear: ...thank you, Pinkie.

(Pinkie Pie leaves the room. Light Bear turns his chair back to his work, but after a minute, he sighs and turns his chair towards the window, his legs resting on his bed.)

*Smashtopia. In a non-descript apartment complex in the heart of the city, an SP ends his day.*

Kevin: Hey Mike, I'm back.

Mike: Megh, just let me sleep.

*Kevin enters his room*

Kevin: Finally, the day is over. I wonder what time it is...

Alarm Clock: *4:51 A.M.*

Kevin: Damn. Well, it can't hurt to get in a bit of rest. *Climbs into bed, throws his clothes on the ground, and silently waits for sleep*

My name is Kevin. I'm 17 years old, and an SP at the Super Smash Stadium. Today, I learned just how hard it can be to live through a seemingly normal day.

Kevin: Tell me about it. *Falls asleep*