March #40: Metallic Madness

Last time on Super Smash Stadium, Metal Man and Garrick were starying angrily at one another. The fighting was about to begin, as Metal was controlled by-- *Sudden record skipping noise*

*An empty office room. Though sizable, it is rather clean and unused: the only lighting is from the moon streaming in from the windows, and everything is put away neatly. Everything suggests that this is an entirely forgotten office... not uncommon, given the size of Super Smash Stadium.*

*The door creaks open as Light Bear and Kevin walk inside. Light Bear notably still looks like a mess.*

Kevin: What is this place?

Light Bear: I'm sure you could read the opening narration just fine. It's as it said, a forgotten office room. I chanced upon it not too long ago; since no one uses this office, I sometimes come here to think.

Kevin: Why don't you just use your office?

Light Bear: I don't think where I work.

Kevin: That doesn't make any sense...

Light Bear: *sigh* Just work with me here.

Kevin: Right, right... So, you said there are others who we're gonna talk to?

Light Bear: Yes, they should be here just about... now.

*Siro suddenly appears next to Light Bear, out of a warp*

Light Bear: Impeccable timing.

Siro: As usual.

Kevin: Oh, wait, I know you. You're Siro, right?

Light Bear: I think that's precisely what the narration just stated, yes.

Siro: After the death of Kazan, I figured I would stay here for the time being.

Kevin: Anyway, you've been aware of my fourth-wall breakage lately, too?

Siro: Of course. You are very sloppy when it comes to covering up the holes you've made. I think that anyone could find out if they looked hard enough, even without powers such as mine.

Light Bear: Hm... Pinkie Pie's supposed to be here, too... she must be running late.

Kevin: Oh, her, too?

Light Bear: What, it wasn't obvious? How I've been hanging out with her all this time and everything?

Kevin: Well, I knew something was going on, but I didn't think it'd have anything to do with me. Or, um... the fourth wall, I guess.

Light Bear: Well, it does.

Kevin: Gotcha.

Siro: ...

Light Bear: ...

Kevin: ...

Siro: (... This silence is unpleasant...)

Kevin: (Tell me about it.) Anyway... Light Bear, you said we need to prepare for something?

Light Bear: Oh, right, right. Yes, um, before that, why don't we get to know each other a bit better? Tell each other a little bit about ourselves.

Siro: I don't think-

Light Bear: I'll start! I'm Light Bear, and I was a comic book character, and that's why I know about the fourth wall!

Siro: A... comic book character?

Kevin: What is this, a fourth wall support group?

Light Bear: Well, we have something big coming up, and, I figure if we're more familiar with what each other can do, we'll have a better chance of being able to handle it, right?

Kevin: I get that, but-

Light Bear: So! What about you guys! How do you know about the fourth wall, and about how everything we speak is a fabrication?

Kevin: Man, I was kidding about the "support group" thing.

Light Bear: I'd love to hear it! Tell me what you know, so that we can better go up against our enemy, huh?

Siro: I could go into specifics, but I highly doubt you could grasp the fundamental concepts about-

Light Bear: And where is that darn Pinkie Pie, anyways? She should be here for this, we've plenty to discuss!

Pinkie Pie: Here I am, Professor.

Light Bear: *Turning around* I believe I have told you bef-

*Light Bear suddenly finds himself with a cake plastered over his face and the floor to the back of his head. Pinkie Pie has entered the room. Notably, her mane is flattened. She appears furious*

Light Bear: ...I suppose I deserved that.

Pinkie Pie: Professor Light Bear! What the hay is going on with you?!

Light Bear: *wiping cake off his face* Look, it's been a rough week for all of us, so I'm sure-

Pinkie Pie: Don't you give me that! A bad day is no excuse for what you did!

Light Bear: *standing up* And what, pray tell, did I do that's got you in such a snit?

Pinkie Pie: The way you've been acting is completely uncalled for! The Light Bear I know would not go around decapitating monsters and wishing his friends were dead!

Siro: That's what has you so upset? Everyone has days like that.

Kevin: Well, I dunno about the whole "decapitating monsters" thing...

Siro: You do when you're in my line of work.

Light Bear: ...the fact still remains, I had a bad day. Excuse me for letting it out on a couple monsters. Now get off my case.

Pinkie Pie: Is this who you really are, Light Bear? Someone who would scream at his friends, berate them, and force them to do something they don't want? Someone who just goes around sulking and being a big jerk to those who care for him and fight alongside him?

Light Bear: Who are you to yell at me, Pinkie Pie? You have no idea what I've been through! How could you possibly know?!

Siro: ...He actually said it.

Light Bear: Stuff it.

Pinkie Pie: I think I have a pretty good idea who you are, Professor! You told me exactly who you are, and everything you've ever gone through! You told me about all your adventures, and all your friends, and all your uncertainties, and the stickly doodleman I see right in front of my eyes is none of those things!

Light Bear: Who are YOU to judge me?!

Kevin: ...Should we leave?

Light Bear: STAY, damn you.

Pinkie Pie: Who am I? I am Pinkamena Diane Pie, and I know when somepony isn't happy. And you, Professor Super Angry Man, are not happy. I want to know why. I want to help you!

Light Bear: Leave me alone. This was a mistake.

Siro: Obviously. Well, then... *Moves to leave*

Pinkie Pie: *Bars the exit with her hoof* Hold it right there, buster. I'm not leaving until you tell me exactly what is going on.

Light Bear: No.

Pinkie Pie: Tell me.

Light Bear: No.

Pinkie Pie: Tell me!

Light Bear: No!

Pinkie Pie: Why won't you tell me?!

Light Bear: You can never understand what I am going through!

Pinkie Pie: I won't unless you tell me!

Light Bear: Don't you ever shut up?!

Kevin: Whoa-

Pinkie Pie: What would your creator say if he heard you talking like that?!?

Light Bear: MY CREATOR IS DEAD!!!!

*Silence. Light Bear is breathing heavily*

Kevin: ...

Siro: ...

Pinkie Pie: ...what?

Light Bear: You heard me... He's dead. Dead to begin with. No doubt whatsoever about that. The register of His burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. He's as dead as doornail, Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie: ...what is there particularly dead about a-

Kevin: Not the time.

Light Bear: After they captured Dark Bear and chased me out of town, I chanced upon a portal that took me to the old Smashtopia. Some kids made it, screwing around with magic they couldn't know to use or replicate. They were trying to hold a sťance for their dead friend. My creator.

Pinkie Pie: O-ohh...

Light Bear: Do you see now, Pinkie? Do you see now who exactly I am? Why I am the way I am? Why I get so moody, so over-dramatic, so sensitive and whiny and emotional and frantic and violent and grumpy and generally unpleasant? Do you see who I am? I am the sole testament of a world that was manufactured, the sole witness to reality being shaped before him and altered at the whim of a greater power. I am not a resident of this world, I am an ambassador of the fictional mind unto a world not meant for him. Conversely, I possess a knowledge that makes me unable to resume my standard motions of living. I can no longer accept the dancing shadows and echoing voices as reality, yet my home world could never see beyond what they could see. Even if I could, I could never truly return to a realm where my actions are directed by the machinations of another, where a more confident, more proud, more certain individual holds the strings that move me. Don't you see? I am a fake. I was never born. I was never meant to exist. My presence is a lie, my breathing is smoke and mirrors. Though I am alive, I defy everything that ever can and should be. I am surrounded by individuals wandering their lives through their heads, living in their worlds, when my world was denied me. How can I persist? Why should I persist? What good can I do to a world that never wanted me, Pinkie? What good am I?

Pinkie Pie: ...Light Bear...

Light Bear: I should just AAAAing kill myself.

Pinkie Pie: No.

Light Bear: Huh?

Pinkie Pie: You're making a mistake, Light Bear. You keep saying that nobody wants you to exist... but... I do.

*Pinkie's hair snaps back into its usual curliness*

Kevin: You're a nice guy, Light Bear. I don't want you to disappear, and I definitely don't want you to kill yourself.

Siro: This has been an extremely awkward meeting, sure, but I have nothing against you. You seem nice enough.

Light Bear: But, I don't belong in this world! I don't deserve to know what I know! I...

Kevin: Who cares? You're here because you are, and that's that. Life isn't about showing up wherever because you need to be there, it's... you're there, and everyone needs to deal with it.

Siro: You're taking this way too seriously. Just go with the flow.

Pinkie Pie: Light Bear, I'm not the smartest, or strongest, or bravest, or nicest pony around. Goodness, I'm just the pony who throws the parties, and if ponies don't feel like partying, they get annoyed with me. I know that. It happens.

Light Bear:...

Pinkie Pie: The important thing is, you gotta not let that hurt you. Sure, if someone's getting mad, you don't bother them... but you just pack your saddlebags and try and brighten up someone else's day!

Siro: I know you want some reason to live, something to go for... but life doesn't start only when you have something, it's about finding that something.

Light Bear: I... can't return to the way I was...

Kevin: So don't. Move on. You've got a pretty sweet gig working here at the Stadium, so focus on that.

Pinkie Pie: It's okay to be sad someone's gone, but... you need to be happy. Do you think your creator would have wanted you to be so sad?

Light Bear: I... I-I-I-I...

*Light Bear hobbles over to a chair and sits down*

Light Bear: I need... some time alone.

Pinkie Pie: I'm sorry, but I'm not leaving this time.

Light Bear: Pinkie...

Pinkie Pie: You keep insisting on being alone... it's because you feel alone, right? I don't want you to feel alone anymore...

Light Bear: ...

*Light Bear's eyes shut, and his mouth forms a tiny, gentile smile.*

Light Bear: ...thank... you.

Pinkie Pie: We can just keep in touch and get a hold of each other if something's up, right?

Light Bear: Huh?... Oh, um...

Siro: Right. I'll keep my eyes open for more cracks in the veil, specifically around Kevin.

Kevin: Heh, all right. Best we can do at this point is to be on our guards and try to pay more attention to fourth-wall breakage.

Siro: That sounds like a plan to me.

Light Bear: You guys, I'm... sorry, that things turned out like this, and that I was acting like...

Siro: You said it yourself: we all have off days. And if we don't keep our heads cool and our minds clear, we have no chance if worst comes to worst.

Kevin: Just... don't be so hard on yourself.

Light Bear: ...thank you.

*Light Bear takes a deep sigh, blinks, smiles slightly, and stands up*

Light Bear: Well, enough doom and gloom... if you're not doing anything, would you be up for a cup of tea? I... feel like sharing some stories, if you don't mind.

Kevin: Sounds good!

Siro: And maybe I can teach you how to conceal your own tracks, so as to prevent others from accidentally becoming enlightened themselves.

Kevin: Heh, okay.

*There is less weight in Light Bear's steps as the group leaves the office*

(Metal is still standing, facing Garrick. An ominous metal bulb attached to the back of his helmet glows as Metal twitches. Garrick lines up a shot with his gun.)

Metal: You... can't... tell me what to do!

Garrick: The hell I can't.

Iron Man: No, but that device on your head is.

Metal: I won't... let you! *Throws some sparks from said device.*

*Iron Man watches silently.*

Garrick: ?

*Iron Man turns to Garrick.*

Iron Man: To be entirely honest, I don't even really know either of you. I'm just going to make sure you don't destroy this arena, because I have a contract with it I would like to see completed.

*Garrick scans Metal.*

Metal: Don't worry... Iron Manny! I'll shoot this weasel and we can drink the floor polish!

Garrick: He's out of his damn mind and this place is nothing but an eye sore. I don't even entirely know where I am. Personally, I'd love to see it blown to kingdom come, and this isn't my neck of the woods, so whatever.

Metal: You don't know that! Maybe this is my favorite Christmas ornament and I carry it around with me everywhere I go?

Garrick: Hrm. Well, guess I'm going to have to rip that probe off you.

Metal: You're gonna--*Throws sparks as his hand moves towards the probe*--No... body... is going to... CONTROL ME!

*Metal twitches, ripping the device off as it zaps him repeatedly. His entire face clenches as he yells and hurls it off, using all his effort. The device continues to attack him, but he eventually gets free of it, then falls over, twitching continuously.*

Garrick: Huh.

Iron Man: That is... something...

Garrick: It sure is.

Metal: Urghhhhhhhh. *KOFF* Damn... control... devices... trying to make me into a computer...

Garrick: Welp, he appears to be taken care of. Time to take care of other business.

Iron Man: Ah, yes. That other business. He stands in Garrick's way.

Garrick walks on over to Digi....annnnnd is stopped.

Iron Man: You wish to kill this Digi, do you not?

Garrick: Kinda.

Iron Man: I have detected that, if you were to kill him now, absurd energies like the one on the other man would bring him back to life. However, I also know how to kill him for real, if you are willing to do a little bargain. You see, your realm... and you... have very fascinating technology.

Garrick: No. I'm not giving it to you. Or letting you scan it. Or letting you look at it for more than a few seconds.

Iron Man: ...I was afraid you might say that. I--

Metal suddenly stands up.

Metal: Garrick! You've been--

Garrick: Brought here against my will. Explain to me why I'm not shooting you?

Garrick would suddenly vanish.

Metal: ...Tricked...

Iron Man: By what means?

Metal: There was a device on him too. He clearly wasn't here by his own will.

Iron Man: He just said that, though.

Metal: What I mean to say is, that chicanery wasn't my planning.

Iron Man: Isn't that obvious?

Metal: No, what I mean is, somebody planned that!

Iron Man: There's nobody here but me, you, and Digi, though.

Metal: Wait a minute... you said something about being paid...

*Iron Man raises a palm and points it at Metal.*

Iron Man: Yes, I did. You weren't supposed to snap out of your mind control that easily. And Garrick wasn't supposed to suddenly realize he was being tricked. Unlike my employer, though, I'm not stupid.

Metal: Employer? But who could pay you?

Iron Man: I'm sure you've heard of my company, but hard times have come to it. You've killed more civillians than there are stars in the universe, so as far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with accepting a large amount of money to deal with you.

Metal: Hah! Who's paying you... Time Cops? Julian? Game Guru?

Iron Man: You have no clue who you are dealing with. Perhaps if you'd give me a share of your embezzled money, I could be convinced to 'fail.'

Metal: But what about the deal we had?

Iron Man: Convince me it's worth having.

Metal: What, you really want to fight me?

Iron Man: Let's be honest here. I built my suit to help protect my world from terrorists and supervillains. You STOLE your suit to STEAL OTHER PEOPLE'S THINGS and RANDOMLY KILL PEOPLE. Your suit is clearly of alien design... ...but I can't let you tarnish the brand of power-suited heroes with your evil. ...Of course, if you do survive this, perhaps I can delay destroying you long enough to finish that deal.

Metal: Well if it's a fight you want, sure! Of course, I have some loose ends to take care of first.

*Metal points his gun at Digi.*

Iron Man: Go ahead. He's not my problem anymore.

Metal: About time!

*Metal cocks the trigger.*

Metal: This is for working with the Alsan Questers! *BAM* This is for abandoning me for my evil clone! *BAM* This is for NOT actually working with said clone, making you even more evil! *BAM* THIS is for allowing an evil blond clone of yourself to attack me! *BAM* And THIS IS FOR SENDING MAIL THROUGH A HOLE IN REALITY!

*Digi's body hangs over the edge. Metal breathes heavily, his hand shaking a bit as he moves to make the final shot.*

Metal: One more shot... one more and you're dead, you SOB! Betraying me more times than I betrayed you... how could you? You're just as bad as Charles! You're just as bad as...

*Metal suddenly stumbles. He holds his head.*

Metal: Wait... wait a minute...

*Inside Metal's Memory*

*The Stadium is in flames. Bulldozers have surrounded it. Julian is helpless, captured by angry soldiers with guns. Digi is in the pilot's seat of a smallish cruiser-shaped spaceship. There, he sees below, a huge tank headed towards a casino. One that says 'Julian's Casino.'

Digi: I've got to stop that tank! Wait...who really cares about that evil casino Julian made? Is he really that good? No...

*Digi hits the button.*

Digi: I can't let him tarnish our name with his evil, probably double-agent filled casino! He... he might be a double agent too!

*Metal drops the gun.*

Metal: No! I can't kill Digi! He destroyed the mind and soul of my most hated rival!

Iron Man: Hmph. Pathetic. You've been trying to kill him all this time, and now you can't even finish the job?

Metal: He did a lot of stupid stuff, but he also destroyed my worst enemy. Who knows, maybe he'll defeat Garrick for me next?

Iron Man: Or he'll defeat YOU.

Metal: Hahahahaha... you have no clue, Iron Manface! *runs over and boots Digi so hard he flies into the announcer's box* Now, we had a battle to do!

Iron Man: Whatever. Enough time has been lost on your insanity, anyway.

Metal: It's time for me to show you what I can do, then.

*Digi wakes up, dazed and confused, in the announcer's box.*

Digi: Wait... how did I get up here? ...I feel like Swiss cheese. (picks bullet out of his chin) ...I don't think this is one of Skyhigh's fillings... who would make bullets out of... oh AAAA...

*Digi frowns.*

Metal: Hey Figi! I decided not to kill you! So instead, you commentate on this match here!

Digi: My name is not--

Metal: MUSH!

Digi: ...

Iron Man: Just humor this maniac for a moment. That's all it will take for me to defeat him.

Digi: All right... .oO(Please Tony, do whatever you can...)

Iron Man: Now... are you going to seriously fight me with all of these instant death hazards everywhere?

Metal: Of course not!

Iron Man: Then... how...


*A giant Stratofortress-esque ship flies over, bombing the arena and destroying the spikes, and making it rain pieces of arena everywhere.*

Digi: Ahhhhhhhh!

Metal: Don't mind the explosions. Them's the sign of progress!

Iron Man: You just blew up several pieces of your own arena!

Metal: And that's not all! I installed a custom system so I could fight you on YOUR terms!

Digi: Wait, is that a health bar?

*Marvel vs. Capcom esque health bars appear on the top of the Stadium jumbotron screen.*

Iron Man: I'm impressed. I thought a lemur like you couldn't even push buttons, let alone hack that sort of thing together.

Metal: The reason is simple.

Iron Man: You're one of those mad scientists, aren't you?

Digi: He's mad enough.

Metal: I'm completely insa--alright, fine! Enough of this talking, you're going down!

Iron Man: You blew up the spikes.

Metal: I know that!

Iron Man: You're slow. Your armor has no actual boosters, does it?

Metal: Boosters are for roosters!

Iron Man: ...Let me put you out of your misery.

Digi: So Iron Man fires his pulse cannons at Metal Man...

Metal: Erk...

Digi: He wanted to roll out of the way but he shields it instead.

Metal: Gah! Why didn't I put any evasive maneuvers into my suit?

Digi: And Iron Man gives him two big shots to the armor!

Iron Man: Almost one quarter of your health in two hits. Do you really think you can beat me?

Metal: Hah! Hahah! Hahahahah! You... you have no clue, Iron Monkey!

Digi: Uh oh...he's ready to fire a disc...I wonder if this is gonna be that terrible 90s Avengers movie. Metal takes the shot, Tony blocks it, but he's staggering around!

Iron Man: Gah... what is this? How did you rig up a DVD of From Justin to Kelly to jam my suit's targeting systems?

Digi: Wow, Xavier, I think I'm gonna hurl. And you were the man that used to fling Gigli at everyone...

Metal: Enough radiation will make ANYTHING do that!

Iron Man: ...

Digi: So Metal pulls out another gun and fires some shots at Iron...he's gonna block some of them but also takes several direct hits.

Iron Man: Nice try, but my armor isn't made out of tin foil.

Metal: Damn it! Stop taking damage like a champ! Oh well. You'll soon learn the evils of my powers!

Digi: Stark's suit isn't looking too good, but at least he appears stable.

Metal: Wait, why aren't you hitting yourself? I was sure that--

Iron Man: Safeguards. You know, the things you never put into your suit.

Metal: BAH!

Digi: And as Iron Man stuns Metal Man with his words, he fires a few rocket bombs at him too!

Metal: Guh... (blocks but fails) I already had my laser bath today. I don't need another. (wipes some burning shrapnel off of one of his shoulders, taking two hits) You think you're so good... HERE! Let me show YOU how it's done!

Digi: We're on the Wing Fortress, I think the right catchphrase is "Get a load of this!"

Metal: (takes out his flaming golf club and runs at Iron Man, screaming) DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Digi: Metal connects with the golf club and throws Iron Man...into a portal?! Iron Man is freefalling and takes a huge impact on the ground!

Metal: Ha! And THIS!

Digi: Now Metal's got the Sword of Light and is going straight for the suit!

Iron Man: What is it with you and damaging my face?

Metal: It's the weakest part of your suit!

Iron Man: ...told by a maniac. Great. I can still hit, you'll see. (hits Metal with a pulse laser)

Metal: Argh!

Iron Man: You can't block or dodge to save your life, tinman.

Digi: And another laser...

Metal: HAH!

Digi: Metal blocks.

Metal: Now you're in for it, foolish man! (Takes out his TT33 again...)

Digi: Hmm, what's he--


Digi: He's gonna make the viewers go deaf like this...

Iron Man: That didn't do any dama-- (his suit's legs malfunction) What are you, some sort of gremlin?

Metal: Yes. One that is fueled by radioactivity and bad rock music! Now you will pay!

Digi: Uh oh, he's going for the Deathmachine?

Metal: (summons a huge Proton Cannon--with a bunch of stuff stuck to it and PROTON CANNON crossed out to say DEATHMACHINE in red paint)

Digi: He is!

Iron Man: Oh for the love of--that's entirely stolen!


Digi: ...okay, the pun actually works.

Iron Man: (Puts up a crystal shield to defend himself) just try and get through this thi--


Digi: Fire in the hole!

(Metal's attack grows in size, and speed, suddenly overwhelming Iron Man with a cloud of broken telephones, shoes, dolls, and skateboards, that all violently explode in his face)

Iron Man: ... (slowly picks a telephone out of his shoulder) You... you couldn't possibly be serious.

Digi: Unfortunately he is, Stark...

Metal: Your technology is great. So great, that it required me to use the power of the universe to bump it up several notches!

Iron Man: But you just...

Metal: What are you going to do now, huh?

Iron Man: ...Call you on your bluff. PROTON CANNON!

Digi: And Iron Man returns the favor with a huge shot! Metal Man takes a huge hit!!

Iron Man: Got you, you--

Digi: And Metal Man is barely standing up after that onslaught!

Iron Man: Damn you.

Metal: What's the matter? I invested all my armor in sheer solidity. You'll have to try harder to destroy all of it! (glances over his shoulder, at the distant shoulderpad that flew off) Er, what's left of it! (Other shoulderpad breaks off)

Iron Man: I can always do that again, you know.

Metal: Go ahead! I... should... probably survive it! Yeah!

Iron Man: Then I will.

Digi: He fires it again, but Xavier comes through with a well-timed block. And now he's glowing!

Iron Man: That energy... it's the first time I've seen you honestly try...

Metal: Huh? This is just energy all Questers have!

Iron Man: Fascinating...

Metal: Anyway, you're toast, Toby Spitfire! (takes out his golf club and aims it like a laser gun) As we Erastians like to say... TSEEER TSEEER!

Digi: Tony takes a laser to the shoulder...

Iron Man: Lasers... out of a golf club?

Metal: Not just any golf club! (brandishes it) One that's entirely ON FIRE!

Digi (speaking at same time, mocking Metal): ON FIRE!

Metal: CHAAAARGE! (he runs in at Iron Man)

Digi: Pardon the tone I just used, but it is a pretty good shot...and it appears Iron Man's suit is shutting down.

Iron Man: Ghh...I didn't come prepared for a fight weren't even supposed to be that tough.

Metal: I'm not really that tough. I just use the power of the Smash Energy. What do YOU use?

Iron Man: (punches his chest, restarting his core) A miniature fusion reactor.

Metal: Hah...hahahahahahahahah! They threw those out hundreds of years ago on my planet!

Iron Man: (mumbles) And their common sense, apparently...

Metal: What did you say?

Iron Man: That if you had such advanced technology, why was it that only your use of outright magic could save you?

Metal: Well, uh... (beat) You know what? It doesn't matter. What you said is what you said! You don't get to kill me!

Iron Man: Yes...the deal is still on. (pushes a button on his suit)

Digi: Well, this is over for now...but I think it's just a draw. I'm getting out of here while they're still distracted. See you later. (nods and hightails it away from the booth as best he can)

(Iron Man glows, fully recharged, even if his suit is damaged)

Metal: Wait.. .what?

Iron Man: This was just a test to see if you could truly survive the Awesome Attack Arena, Metal. *He would start his suit thrusters* You caught me by surprise, but next time... your dinky little suit isn't going to cut it. No amount of magic will save you, either.

Metal: Are you threatening me?

Iron Man: No, actually. I just know you're liable to do something stupid like try to beat me at my strongest.

Metal: Why you--...oh. Right. Well, we'll see about that!

Iron Man: Hmph. *Flies off*

Metal: Now... ...wait a minute.. Figi escaped! Now who will I ramble incoherently at? (Looks to the audience)

Audience: (Runs in terror)

Metal: BAH!