Season X2 Match 45: Rise of Lanos

Metal: Hello, everybody. It's been a pretty long time since we last saw eachother, hasn't it?

Metal: While I'm sure few people are watching this, I still have some responsibilities to handle, now don't I?

Metal: Otherwise I would be Zer. And as we both know, that would suck. So... while interest in here has diminished, I think I'll just complete this so your cliffhanger senses won't be set off anymore!

Metal: I'd normally talk about 'interest returning again', but we all know this is really just some silly fan thing, so it's more up to the creators of it than the fans as to whether it continues. So whether or not anyone reads this... I'll at least finish this just so it isn't hanging there. Er... anyway! Let's begin this...


Pinkie Pie: What would your creator say if he heard you talking like that?!?

Light Bear: MY CREATOR IS DEAD!!!!

*Silence. Light Bear is breathing heavily*

(Cinematic whoosh)

Garrick: Hrm. Well, guess I'm going to have to rip that probe off you.

Metal: You're gonna--*Throws sparks as his hand moves towards the probe*--No... body... is going to... CONTROL ME!

*Metal twitches, ripping the device off as it zaps him repeatedly. His entire face clenches as he yells and hurls it off, using all his effort. The device continues to attack him, but he eventually gets free of it, then falls over, twitching continuously.*

(Cinematic whoosh)

Metal: Employer? But who could pay you?

Iron Man: I'm sure you've heard of my company, but hard times have come to it. You've killed more civillians than there are stars in the universe, so as far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with accepting a large amount of money to deal with you.

Metal: Hah! Who's paying you... Time Cops? Julian? Game Guru?

Iron Man: You have no clue who you are dealing with. Perhaps if you'd give me a share of your embezzled money, I could be convinced to 'fail.'

(Cinematic whoosh)

Iron Man: This was just a test to see if you could truly survive the Awesome Attack Arena, Metal. *He would start his suit thrusters* You caught me by surprise, but next time... your dinky little suit isn't going to cut it. No amount of magic will save you, either.

Metal: Are you threatening me?

Iron Man: No, actually. I just know you're liable to do something stupid like try to beat me when I'm at my strongest.

*Metal is in his office. He seems to be... building guns.*

Metal: So that hopped up tincan dictator thinks he can tell ME what to do, huh?

Metal: Well I'll show him!

*Digi walks in*

Digi: Sir! Nobody shows up to matches anymore! Nobody has even clocked in for weeks! What have you been DOING?

Metal: Preparing to kill Iron Man.

Digi: That isn't an important thing to do! I mean... I mean... haven't even gone to your home world!

(Editor's note: This chapter takes place in the long void between sessions in SSQ, before everything with Illian hit the fan. Yes, all 2 of you who know what I'm talking about.)

Metal: So what?

Digi: Well, you... you can't just abandon everything for a simple vendetta?

Metal: Are you trying to tell me what to do?

Digi: Uh... no.

Metal: Good. Now go out there and let me concentrate.

*Digi walks out, shamefully*

Metal: Damn fool. He still thinks I'm hopped up on CRAZYPILLZ. I kicked the habit while no one was looking, though. And I'll kick it again!

*Metal violently kicks a badly labeled tupperware container labeled 'Phazon'. It splatters blue radioactive goo everywhere.*

Metal: Damn. I need to swear less and buy more mops.

*Metal awkwardly cleans up the mess, then gets back to what he was doing beforehand.*

Metal: Now then, time to go see us some Awesome Attack Armadillos.

*Metal slaps down a rocket skateboard and flies through a window*

*Awesome Attack Arena*

*The stands are full of fans. Currently fighting is.... ...Megaman vs. Wii Fit trainer, in Final Destination?*

Iron Man: And as you can see, the Trainer has the advantage!

Protoman: Oh, but Megaman's copied her ability! I wonder what will happen next?

*Metal lands in the middle of the arena, pointing one gun at Megaman, and the other at Wii Fit Trainer. He has his own PA built into his suit, allowing him to issue loud speeches to everyone at once.*

Metal: What happens next? I beat them both, and then Iron Man, all simultaneously! Hahahahahaha... Muahwahwahwahwahahahahahaaaa! *Shoots violently at Megaman and Wii Fit Trainer, causing them to have to duck as the shots randomly hit glass in the stands and set walls on fire*

Protoman: Wha-whaaat? Is that that nutjob you warned us about the other day? He's wrecking everything!

Iron Man: *Staring completely straight ahead* Yes. I didn't expect him to interrupt us like this, but I'll deal with this.

Protoman: But... shouldn't you let security handle this? That man's completely unhinged!

Iron Man: *Shakes his head* Heheh, no... I was the one who let him think I'd give his second-rate Stadium an advertising deal. I'm going to fix this, like I do everything. After all, the Awesome Attack Arena is my Stadium, and at least twenty times better than that loser's trash-hole of a Stadium. Now just watch me!

*Iron Man gestures to the fighters below, who walk away. The cameras of the AAA Stadium turn around to face Iron Man, while epic music swells on the speakers. Meanwhile, Metal Man brandishes his weapons at Iron Man.*

Metal: I spent the last three months gluing random things from Earth's 1980's period to other things from its 1970's period and painting woodgrain on the result! It took me almost three years! So you had better at least give me a fancy sticker for it, or else I'm going to erase your face on the outside of this Stadium and replace it with Max Headroom's! Hahahahaharaharahahaha--*begins choking on his own spit and awkwardly stumbling*

Iron Man: *Rolls his eyes.* All right. I forfeit, you are truly insane.

Metal: *Suddenly stops coughing and stares at Iron Man, confused* WHAT? But I thought--

*Iron Man rudely blasts Metal mid-sentence with a palm beam, sending him flying to the edge of the stage*

Iron Man: I don't doubt you've been "improving" your "tech". I even watched you do all of it. Hell, I broadcast it as a segment in-between my matches, to amuse people with how stupid you are!

Metal: *Struggling to climb up onto the stage* But... but... but...

Iron Man: I bugged everything after last time. Couldn't hurt. Now I need to get rid of you now, because if you keep plaguing my Stadium, you'll be as bad to its business as you were to your own. And nobody wants that, right fans?

*The fans cheer*

Iron Man: That's right. So you're going to go bye-bye, either permanently or out back into the air whence you came.

Metal: Nobody tells me when to say goodbye! Except maybe Wolfman! Or VG? ...Or maybe Garrick? ...Nah, not Garrick. *Awkwardly puts hand to his chin while holding a pistol in it.* It really makes me think...

*Iron Man smashes one of Metal's hands so hard it drops the gun. Metal struggles to hold on.*

Metal: Gah! How could you do this? I was only trying to ruin everything you did while benefiting from your help, and all the strange things I drank recently made me start saying all my motivations outloud. By the way, I'm really thirsty and--

*Iron Man smashes the other of Metal's hands, and it is so mangled it can't grab the stage either*

Iron Man: Look, I don't deny that sometimes, I can sort of resemble you, especially when I've had too much alcohol. But there is one key difference.

Metal: You finally know what Cinnamon Toast Crunch is made out of?

Iron Man: I'm not AAAAing crazy, and I have friends who would put me out of my misery if I ever got as AAAAing insane as you did. Now GOOD BYE! *Punts Metal off the edge of the stage*

*The AAA Stadium crowd cheers as Metal falls to his doom, and the cameras replay him falling as an instant highlight over and over again while Iron Man holds up his hands and begins to resume the match as if Metal never appeared in his Stadium*

*At the non-AAA Stadium, nothing is happening. Or at least, it seems to be nothing. A masked figure walks out into the arena, along with some fans, who filter in of their own accord. Lanos glances at the dust and begins speaking, using a megaphone.*

Lanos: Remember a Stadium you could truly enjoy?

Lanos: Remember a Stadium where Luigi would lose to Mario, again and again?

*Mysteriously, previously empty stands begin to fill as Lanos speaks. The people stare at him, as they are covered in dust from waiting for weeks for the next match to commence.*

Lanos: Remember when these battles were just about the important characters and things that matter--like the exact events that went down during a very precise time period analyzed and written in perfect prose?

*The fans begin to cheer for Lanos as he speaks, watching him, as the Stadium goes from completely empty to half-full in moments.*

Lanos: Well worry no longer, my fans! I have brought you here to note that, seemingly, the previous Head SP is missing, and so is most of his staff!

Lanos: I hereby proclaim this Stadium saved by me--Lanos--the one and only defender of the Stadium, the one who defended it from the beginning. The temporary anti-Seraphis era has ended, and the stability shall return as before!

*Lanos continues to talk as others cheer. The Stadium is now full of people. Digi looks and runs back inside.*

Lanos: As the new TRUE leader of this Stadium, I will bring back the matches! I will bring back everything you looked for in the Stadium! And all of those who dared to replace it with confusing, nonsensical battles between people you really couldn't care less about... will be GONE!

*The crowd cheers even louder, as somehow, even the defunct Stadium lights and equipment turns back on. ...And a strange metal hand clanks on a window overlooking the Stadium...*