Match #5 - 5uper 5mash 5ixty-four 5howdown 5pecial! (55555)

*Metal's office. Esco is standing there, arguing with Metal at the desk*

Metal Man: Nah.

Esco: But he shows such promise! Let me bring him back for-

Metal Man: Silence! What I say is the law! Which is also written down on this handbook that I very tediously made! I am right, and you are a vile combination of bacon and pineapple! BAH! FAH! GANABAZU! *Brandishes handbook in Esco's face*

Esco: Let me see that! *snatches the manual from Metal's hands* This is just you scrawling ["NINJAS CAN'T CATCH YOU IF YOU'RE ON FIRE"] across two thousand pages!

Metal Man: That doesn't matter. I'm the head honcho here, Billy Goat! And when I say jump, you're supposed to get me a plate of lemon meringue pie! Besides, I haven't vetted your little friend there. What if they're an evil agent, out to kill us all and arrest me for breaking time la--er, destroy the stadium?

Esco: Destroy the stadium?! YOU were the one who destroyed the old stadium! There has to be something I can do to change your mind!

Metal Man: Of course there is.

Esco: ... Yes?

Metal Man: You have to commentate on a match with psychedelic ponies of happiness!

Esco: WHAT?! I can't do that! They're beings of absolute light!

Metal Man: In that case, I'll just have Garrick co-commentate with you instead!

Esco: ... Fine. I'll do it. Now can I bring him back?

Metal Man: Okay, but only because I find your pain at being near beings of diabetes-inducing levels of cuteness incredibly hilarious.

*Commentator's booth, match day*

*Metal Man has removed part of his suit for some reason and is staring at it while looking off-to-the-side of the actual camera*

Metal Man: Four score and five radishes ago, I actualized greenly.

Metal Man: For today, I cannot believe there isn't not not not not buffalo buffalo buffaloed buffalo cheese in the mailbox.

Metal Man: Five people and five aliens, locked in mortal combat.

Metal Man: There is only one life to live, until you have two.

Metal Man: The five battles and five Amish goat herders will battle with the salad tongs of righteousness.

Metal Man: It is there that the true spirit of Christmas will be found.

Metal Man: After everyone celebrates the coming of the blood moon and the ceremonial shoe is chopped in two.

Metal Man: Only you can prevent forest permafrost.

Crowd: ...?

*Yesman walks in*

Yesman:... Let me try to explain what my superior was attempting to say. Basically we have 5 matches going on today. Each one will have a different commentator coming from different spots. I was lucky enough to make it to the ACTUAL commentating booth before anyo-

*Esco walks in*

Esco: I'm commandeering this booth for today's match!

Crowd Member: But you commentated LAST match!

Esco: SILENCE! Okay, you two, get out of here!

Yesman: But... uh... Metal gave me permission to commentate here-

Metal Man: Perhaps I am made of fiberglass today. Perhaps I don't mind a change in venue. *Re-attaches device to his chest* Oh... that's what happens when I detach my logical compression unit. Oh well.

Yesman: What? But Metal, you're in char-

Esco: You heard him. Now get out! *gives Yesman a menacing look*

Yesman: Yessir! *runs out*

Metal Man: Okay, you hood-wearing thug, it's all yours. I've got some toasters to coat in barbecue sauce. *walks out*

Esco: All right. Come on up, Kevin! You're commentating with me again!

Kevin: YEAH!

*Kevin enters the commentator's booth*

Esco: Okay, let's test the link-up system we set up for this match. Metal's Office!

*bzzt*

*Twilight is sitting in Metal's office, looking around her. Suddenly, she sees an octopus twice her size crawling around the room*

Twilight: Uh...how is that even able to survive outside the water?

*A lobster comes along and pinches Twilight's tail"

Twilight: AGH! Pain, horrible pain!

Rainbow Dash: *flies into view* Hey, nice fashion statement, Twi! Guess Rarity was right when she said crustaceans were in this year!

Twilight: IT'S NOT AN ACCESSORY! *manages to shake the lobster off, and it skitters away* Ugh...Darn it, the cameras are rolling, aren't they? Um...*slowly manages a smile* Hi everypony! I'm just here in Metal Man's office, setting up one of several matches taking place all at the same time today. And doing it with...some difficulty. But uh...I am sure that we'll have a great show for you! Isn't that right Dash?

Rainbow Dash: *is now sitting next to Twilight, smirking* Yeah, we're really gonna wreck some stuff!

Twilight: That's...one way to put it. The fighters for this match are a pair who need no introduction. But I'm going to introduce them anyway, because I like explaining things. The "Furry Fighters", as they like to call themselves, consist of Donkey Kong, hero of Congo Bongo Island, and Fox McCloud, the famous heroic mercenary. Today, they'll be partaking in our special multi-match event by facing each other one on one.

Rainbow Dash: I can't wait to see Fox win!

Twilight: Dash, not to burst your bubble or anything, but you can't be sure if he's going to win yet if the match hasn't even started.

Rainbow Dash: Come on Twi, he's no Sonic, but he's still super cool! And he's a snappy dresser! How much do you think Rarity would charge for a pair of pants just like his?

Twilight: ...

Rainbow Dash: *smirks* Making you uncomfortable is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Twilight: I'm not familiar with that idiom. What does that even mean?

Rainbow Dash: *chuckles* I'll tell you all about it once we get off work, Twilight.

*One of Metal's 'fish in barrel' units rolls off a shelf and into the hallway for no reason*

Rainbow Dash: ...

Twilight: ...

*The two ponies decide to forget that just happened and continue on.*

Twilight: ...Whatever you say, Captain Crazy Hair. Moving on, the battle will be held at one of Donkey's home stages, the simple yet elegant Congo Jungle. Not a lot of surprises here, save that barrel cannon below the arena...Um, speaking of which, did you get it working, Ditzy?

*The barrel full of fish rolls out a window and onto the stage, and Ditzy pops out of it as fish fall out of it and out of the arena*

Ditzy Doo: *riding in the barrel as it spins around* Hee, I sure did, Twilight! It was a piece of muffin!

Twilight: You weren't supposed to actually get inside the thing, you ignoramus!

Ditzy Doo: *continues spinning around in the barrel, giggling*

*bzzt*

Esco: . . .

Kevin: That was weird.

Esco: Yes. How about the Abandoned Room?

*bzzt*

Light Bear: YOU GUYS!!

Light Bear: HELP!!

Light Bear: IT'S ALL CROWDED IN HERE AND I CAN BARELY SEE PAST ALL THESE BOXES!!

Light Bear: COMMENTING MIGHT BE DIFFICULT!!

Light Bear: MY CO-COMMENTATOR SEEMS TO BE BURIED IN THESE BOXES SOMEWHERE!!

Light Bear: WHO PUT ME IN HERE ANYWAY?!

Light Bear: ... Provided I get everything settled, my co-commentator and I will be hosting a three-way fight between Samus, Captain Falcon, and Ness on Planet Zebes. Items should be on medium and lives should be on two.

*Some faint groaning can be heard in the background*

Light Bear: HOLD ON! LIGHT BEAR'S COMING! *Light Bear dives into the boxes*

*bzzt*

Kevin: Hang in there!

Esco: Now, the rooftop...

*bzzt*

Digi: Yeah, Esco, I'm up here, and unfortunately I couldn't bring anyone to the roof with me. Apparently nobody thought the view down there was worth it. Come on, people, take a look! It's beautiful up here!

Esco: Maybe because they didn't want to fall off the roof?

Digi: I would like to think my friends are smarter than that--

*A Green Koopa Troopa hops off the roof, only to be saved by one of the Lakitu cameramen*

Digi: Well, I stand partially corrected. Anyways, Jigglypuff, Luigi and Yoshi will be the fighters for the classic Mushroom Kingdom arena. Rules will be the same as the others, 2 lives and all items on medium. Watch out for the ? Blocks and the Warp Pipes, folks.

*The fighters start to enter*

Digi: Luigi warps in on the left hand side, Yoshi hatches above him, and Jigglypuff is summoned towards the far right. So, if we're ready- *bzzt*

Esco: And finally... the bathroom? Who set up a booth in the bathroom!?

*bzzt*

Yesman: Uhh... hi.

Metal Man: Behold! The first booth with a built-in toilet! Absolutely, positively no correlation to where the quality of this match is going to go!

Yesman: It smells so bad....

Esco: I don't care.

Metal Man: Don't be so smug, bandit! I jammed a peanutbutter-and-plutonium sandwich into the still-broken item switch! ITEMS FOR EVERYONE!!!

Esco: Damnit!

Yesman: Anyway, our match is Pikachu vs Kirby on Dreamla- *bzzt*

Esco: Enough of them!

Kevin: Our match is the classic Miyamoto Match, Mario vs Link, on Hyrule Castle. Right?

Esco: Yes it is. Now then... ENTER, THE FIGHTERS!!

Kevin: It looks like Mario jumped out of his warp pipe, and Link- *bzzt*

Ditzy Doo: WHEE! *finally shoots herself off into the horizon... complete with the last of the fish*

Twilight: *blinks, looking a little worried about Ditzy, but manages to calm herself down* Um...Well, at least she's having fun! Um...Sigh. I am really not on my game today. Dash you wanna start things off?

Rainbow Dash: Do I ever! Ahem...fillies and gentlecolts!

Twilight: All those in attendance...

Rainbow Dash: And everypony watching worldwide!

Twilight: The SSS proudly presents yet another installment of our special multi-match spectacular!

Rainbow Dash: And without further "ado"...

Twilight and Rainbow Dash: Let's fly into overdrive!

*bzzt*

Metal Man: Stop complaining, before I beat you with a giant, burning salami sandwich!

Yesman: *sigh* okay.... Anyway our match today will be between Pikachu, and Kirby.

Metal Man: There's two lives in this match. You never die thrice, in other words. This match will occur... in YOUR DREAMS.... er... a land made out of dreams, right.

Yesman: Here Kirby comes onto the stage on a warp star. And there is Pikachu entering in from a pokeball.

Metal Man: And we're gonna start now.

Yesman: Without further ado... G-

*Zero Suddenly runs through the door and starts using the urinal*

Yesman: What?!

Zero: I had to go.

Yesman: Come on- screw it, GO!!

Metal Man: Robots need to use the bathroom? Everything I know is wrong! AHHHHHH--

*bzzt*

Digi: Luigi and Yoshi are starting off by ganging up on Jigglypuff but she breaks out of it by giving Yoshi a Pound and Singing Luigi to sleep. However, the plumber recovers pretty quickly and catches her off guard with a Green Fireball...

*Digi looks around, anxious to toss in an item, but they're not easy to come by on the roof of the Stadium*

Digi: A little help here guys? Items are supposed to be on medium...

Lakitu: Chill out and wait a few seconds, would you?

Digi: Fine...Jigglypuff's still holding her own though, as she grabs Luigi and tosses him onto one of the floating platforms. He'll jump off with plenty of time to spare though. Yoshi kicks the misfit around a bit- hey, she's the only fighter without Mushroom Kingdom credentials...

*bzzt*

Kevin: The two fighters continue to dodge each other! I can't believe they still haven't hit each other yet!

Esco: It looks like Link gets off the first hit with an upslash! Now he's starting to juggle Mario with his sword combo!

Kevin: Can't Mario just air dodge his way out of danger? Why doesn't he do anything?

Esco: There was no air dodging in Smash 64.

Kevin: Oh.

Esco: But he breaks out anyway! Now Mario's beginning to drill-combo Link in a plumber's fury!

Kevin: Oh, but he knocks Link just out of range! He comes to his senses and runs after-

*bzzt*

Light Bear: Ha, I've finally found you! I think...*looks the crate over...then gets knocked aside as a large, crocodillian man bursts out of it*

King K. Rool: Ha-HA! Finally I, KING K. ROOL, will make my illustrious debut on this "Super Smash Stadium"! *notices the unconscious Light Bear* Oh my, it appears I don't know my own strength... Erm, I mean... Ha! My villainous aura smites all that gaze upon it! And now, I shall command power over this spectacle by unleashing THE CRYSTAL COCONUT!!

*bzzt*

*Donkey Kong drops onto the left side of the bottom platform in an exploding barrel, while Fox lands on the left side of the same platform in his Arwing*

Rainbow Dash: Fox knows not to pussyfoot around! He's already got his blaster out and rockin' the apey dude with tons of firepower!

Twilight: Luckily for Donkey Kong, Fox's lasers aren't very effective, allowing him to run over and trip Fox up with a sliding kick.

Rainbow Dash: That doesn't keep Fox down for long, 'cause he's right back in the game with a drill kick and an electrifying shine from his reflector shield! How dashing!

Twilight: ...what?

Rainbow Dash: It's one of my catch phrases.

Twilight: Um...okay. Donkey manages to get up behind Fox by rolling, and starts pounding the ground with his famous hand slap...Poor Fox is really taking a beating from those shock-waves.

Twilight: It's anyone's game here. Fox has the edge in speed, but Donkey's got superior strength on his side, and each fighter is just as agile as the other.

Rainbow Dash: Sounds kinda dull. I think things need to be about twenty percent more exciting. *throws in a Pokeball...that beans Donkey in the head*

Donkey Kong: GAH!

Twilight: DASH! What are you thinking!?

Rainbow Dash: *blushes, smiles awkwardly* Uh heh...sorry Twi, must have put two much grease on that fast ball.

*bzzt*

Esco: Mario just BARELY makes it back to the stage with his super jump punch!

Kevin: But Link anticipated this, and lands a powerful forwards smash! SHAZAM!

Esco: Well, it looks like Mario's down a life. Fortunately for him, Link's not that hard to take down.

Kevin: What do you mean?

Esco: well, Mario has just jumped down from his revival platform and kicked Link off the edge.

Kevin: But he's only at 34%! Surely that's not enough-

Esco: Listen kid: have you ever played Smash 64?

Kevin: Not enough.

Esco: Okay. Just watch. Link is using his sword spin in an attempt to make it back to the stage, but Mario can just jump down and drill kick him from above.

Kevin: Oh. Well, look at that! Mario jumps off and drill kicks Link while he's trying to recover! Just like you said!

Esco: Of course. I know my Sma- *bzzt*

Digi: The Lakitu's giving me the nod, so here goes. *tosses a crate in the middle* Yoshi and Luigi rush for it, eventually broken by a Yoshi Bomb. Bunch of heavy hitting items in there- a Hammer, an MSB, and a Beam Sword! Yoshi grabs the bomb, jumps up and plants it near the pipe on top. Better stay careful, cause Jigglypuff has the Hammer and is chasing Luigi around- yeah, she knocks him out with it! That's right, she got the first kill of the match, and while Yoshi takes a hit, he's not gone yet...

Luigi: Oh, you're-a gonna get-a roasted!

Jigglypuff: PUFF! (TRY ME!)

Digi: But Yoshi catches her and tosses her at a Piranha Plant! No kill yet, but she's dangerously close- and Luigi takes out Yoshi with a powerful Shoryuken! He dukes it out with Jigglypuff for a few hits while Yoshi returns and joins the fray.

*bzzt*

Metal Man: -HHHHHHH Macarena.

Yesman: ...

Metal Man: *Continues on like nothing happened.* Kirby bounces over toward Pikachu, and brutally commits puff-fist battery on his face.

Yesman: Pikachu uses thunder though, and escapes the attack.

Zero: But Kirby quickly recovers and begins to float toward Pikachu.

Yesman: You're still here? I thought you were just using the restroom.

Zero: Well I wanted to commentate, and I haven't had an appearance since the first time you guys showed up.

Metal Man: No! No non-match-related commentating from you! Don't make me leap in a walker and force you to self destruct!

Zero: *Mumbling* Stupid self-important d--

Metal Man: What did you just say?

Zero: ...I'll settle this later.

Metal Man: ...Anyway, Kirby just scarfed down Pikachu, then began using his own electricity against him!

Yesman: A crate just fell on the middle platform. Looks like Pikachu is interested.

Metal Man: Interested? He's not a stock market investor! He's a thief! One who throws Kirby off the stage and then runs at the crate. Let's hope there isn't a barrel near it, or we'll be in for some incredibly tacky interior decoration, folks.

*bzzt*

Rainbow Dash: Fox, bein' the nice dude he is, lets Donkey grab the Pokeball...

Twilight: ...And some kind of hugely muscular cat girl person pops out. Riiiiight.

Purugly: Pur Pur! RUGLY! *leaps at Fox and starts scratching him with Fury Swipes*

Rainbow Dash: Fox is taking a lot of damage from those claws...I wonder how he's going to recover from that?

Twilight: Apparently he won't, because as soon as the cat is gone, Donkey Kong takes out...some sort of...flower...thing...that's firing a stream of flame at Fox. Um...Yeah, the point is he's getting burned real bad, and not even his shield can protect him. That's enough to make Fox soar off into the background, as soon as his guard breaks.

Rainbow Dash: He's flying, but not in the good way...Darn.

*bzzt*

Kevin: -AND IT EXPLODED! ALMOST ALL OVER LINK!

Esco: Fortunately, he was able to get it away just in time!

*bzzt*

Zero: Kirby is quickly recovering.

Yesman: I never said you could stay.

Zero: Can I stay?

Yesman: ... Nnnn... Yes.

Zero: Ha, you can't say no!

Metal Man: *Shoots at Zero with his pistol* SHADDUP! A match is going on! No more non-match speak!

Zero: ...

Metal Man: Anyway... the crate was opened by Kirby smacking Pikachu. While Pikachu was holding it.

Yesman: Inside is a Star rod, a pokeball, and a motion sensor bomb.

Zero: Pikachu smash attacks Kirby, who is sent to the right. He then picks up the pokeball, and throws it.

Metal Man: Hey, it's Meowth. I wonder if he's still with Team Rocket. Oh, there he goes, stealing Kirby's money... and Pikachu decides to aid Meowth in wounding the poor puffball.

Yesman: Meowth disappeared. Kirby jumps up over Pikachu and uses his ground pound. Pikachu's been hit by the falling rock!

Metal Man: Pikachu is mad! Sort of like me, only more mean than crazy. Oh, and there comes another wooden cube of goodies on a side platform!

Red: *Walks into the bathroom and sees what's going on* Ah! A match! Can I commentate?

Zero: Can he Yesman?

Yesman: Yes...

Metal Man: You're lucky this is his match. I'd just shoot the both of you for disrupting it if it were mine!

Red: ...

Metal Man: Yeah, that's more like the Red I know!

Red: . . .

*bzzt*

King K. Rool: Mmm, yes, the combatants are repeatedly punching and kicking each other, and bouncing from platform to platform like a bunch of over stimulated gibbons! But this is not enough to truly entertain me, no...*holds the Crystal Coconut up in one hand* Behold! The power of this bauble shall increase the strength of these pugilists one hundred fold!!

Ness: *Grabs Samus with telekinetic energy and flings her foward, sending her soaring out of the arena and losing her first life*

King K. Rool: Yes, yes! What sadistic delight I may savor in increasing the efficiency of the already broken Nintendo 64 tossing physics!

Captain Falcon: *Leaps at Ness from behind and bursts into flame in midair* FALCON KICK!

King K. Rool: And the kid with the funny hat soars to the stars! Marvelous! Sensational! But what's this? The two fallen fighters resurrect at the top of the arena, but they cannot exact revenge on the blue suited one! No, not at all, for the brilliantly blazing boiling acid rises and burns all present OVER AND OVER AND-

*bzzt*

Digi: *Tosses a Poke Ball to the bottom stage right* No takers on the Pokeball, really? Guess they don't like the thought of me throwing one in. *smirks* Unsurprisingly, Luigi grabs the Puff, Yoshi hits her a few times and Luigi finishes the job by tossing her over the stage left border. Let's see how this works... *Tosses a Green Shell in* Ah, here we go! Jigglypuff grabs the Shell from afar and slings it, nabbing Luigi and the Piranha Plant! Yoshi's a bit luckier...

Lakitu: Sure you don't want a Spiny Shell? *8D face*

Digi: No thank you, it's not an original item.

*bzzt*

Kevin: SHAZAM! Another powerful strike from Link knocks Mario off the stage again!

Esco: Link takes this opportunity to run off and consume a nearby Maximum Tomato. WHERE'S YOUR CODE OF HONOR?!

Kevin: Without Link guarding the edge, Mario is able to recover! He grabs a Maximum Tomato that spawned right at his feet!

Esco: . . .

Kevin: Hey, At least they're even now.

Esco: . . .

*bzzt*

Twilight: Donkey tries tossing the Fire Flower...

Rainbow Dash: ...But Fox is ready with his reflector, sending the shot right back and knocking DK over! You go, Fox!

Twilight: I think it's time another item was thrown in...another one of these things? That's... strangely convenient...*Tosses in a fire flower* Donkey grabs it, and tries to bathe Fox in flames...

Rainbow Dash: But the reflector comes through again, with the monkey man gettin' singed!

Twilight: Not a bad reuse of that trick, but it's not going save Fox for long... Donkey tosses that flower so hard it smashes right through Fox's reflector shield, and with a powerful smack of his palm, Fox goes sailing up on to the platform on the upper right.

Rainbow Dash: Fox looks like he's takin' his time, plannin' his moves...

Twilight: ... As does Donkey as he leaps upon one of the floating platforms, eyeing Fox like the flyboy is a big, ripe banana...

Rainbow Dash: ... Thank you for the lovely mental image, Twi.

Twilight: Hey, it's not like you aren't freaking me out on a regular basis! Um, anyway, it looks like Donkey's reflexes are in top shape today, because as the tiny platform floats by Fox, he's able to snatch him up with a strong grip from both of his big, meaty paws. He throws him against the floating platform and sends him up in the air. Quite impressive.

Rainbow Dash: Not impressive enough, 'cause Fox falls with style. He lines up for a Firefox, and with blinding speed and a totally rad explosion, DK's out of there.

*bzzt*

Kevin: I'm surprised the tornado hasn't appeared yet.

*the tornado appears and throws Mario into the air, nearly killing him*

Esco: ... You just HAD to say that.

*bzzt*

Red: Cool! So Pikachu just picked up the crate and threw it. I wish I had a Pikachu. They're so cool.

Metal Man: Inside are a bunch of raving, uncontrollable SSS fans... made of paper... okay, fine, they're the other kind of fan. There's also a light saber ripoff in there. Pikachu sticks the filthy laser sword thing in his mouth. Yuck.

Zero: Kirby jumps up and tries to use Final Cutter on Pikachu, but Pikachu side steps.

Yesman: That gives Pikachu his chance! He smashes Kirby with his beam sword!

Zero: KO!

Metal Man: Oh man, there goes some of my bettin' money.

Yesman: How much?

Metal Man: Uhhh... fifty five zorkbusters of cucumber corn!

Red: ... That doesn't make any sense.

Metal Man: The fact you aren't being silent as you usually are makes even less sense!

Yesman: Burned!

Mewtwo: *Walks in* I sense a match going on. I would like to commentate.

Zero: Yesman?

Yesman: ... Yes! Stop asking me!

Red: Ah! A Mewtwo! Go pokeball! *Throws pokeball but it freezes in mid-air*

Mewtwo: Don't do that... *Breaks pokeball with his mind* Kirby has returned.

Metal Man: Hey Mewtwo! Remember me?

Mewtwo: I thought I told you, I'm NOT THAT MEWTWO.

Metal Man: Ouch. Always the cold shoulder from you, Mewtwo.

Mewtwo: ...

Metal Man: Anyway, Pikachu is charging up for an electric boogaloo.

Zero: But Kirby floats behind him, and uses a smash on him.

Red: A star just fell into view!

Yesman: Kirby is going for it.

Mewtwo: As is the Pikachu.

Metal Man: Psh, so many wannabe commentators. I'm the only real star in THIS booth!

Red: Kirby hits Pikachu in midair, but then gave the star enough time to bounce right past him.

Mewtwo: Kirby once again floats toward it.

Yesman: But it's too late! Pikachu uses quick attack and grabs it.

Metal Man: Pikachu behaves like a non-UL licensed appliance, as he electrocutes Kirby with Thunder, then punches him a couple times.

Red: That's so cool...

*bzzt*

Esco: Come on! this is a 2-stock match! It shouldn't be taking this long to finish! Kevin, what's the total heart count?

Kevin: Uhh... five.

Esco: FIVE?!

Kevin: Yes.

Esco: I don't really want to ask how many Maximum Tomatoes they consumed...

Kevin: Fourteen. You're welcome.

Esco: Sometimes I almost hate you. Almost.

*bzzt*

Twilight: Time for more items. *tosses in a Ray Gun*

Rainbow Dash: You couldn't be more right, Twilight. *tosses in a hammer*

Twilight: Donkey hops off the left side of the stage...wait, what? Oh, he's just landing in the barrel cannon. After shooting himself onto the upper left platform, he's got the ray gun, and a just re-spawned Fox can't stop the great ape from blasting him off one of the floating platforms.

Rainbow Dash: But as expected, Fox still has awesome air control. It's easy for him to just aim another Firefox dash up at DK, knockin' that gun out his hands. And with the blaster gone, it's time for Fox to show off his own style of gunplay! He tosses that huge lummox right up in the air and zaps him again and again, landing every shot! Now that's the mark of a real showman!

Twilight: ...It's always style over substance with you, isn't it?

Rainbow Dash: Style AND substance, my nerdy little friend! Which Fox is showin' right now...Donkey's jumping down off the platform, but Fox scores three fast flyin' kicks in midair! And when they both touch down on the ground, Fox lands two perfect jabs and... is that what I think it is! Yes! It's the lightning kick! Kick his fuzzy butt, Fox!

Twilight: You need to switch to decaf. Seriously. Anyways, DK's rolling his way to the middle of the arena, and grabs the hammer you threw in, and... Dash, seriously, that's another thing. You need to learn to toss in stuff that's actually going to help the fighter you favor.

Rainbow Dash: Ugh...I wish I could have trained wherever Fox did, then this crap wouldn't happen. As much as I hate to say it, the speed boost Donkey gets from the hammer knocks Fox out of the ring again...Looks like he lost 'cause of me...no wait, he's recovering with a firefox! It's not over!

*bzzt*

King K. Rool: Well, it appears the fighters managed to survive that one...Let's see what other carnage we can-

Ness: PK THUNDER! *hits himself with his own lightning bolt, and launches himself into Falcon*

King K. Rool: That was enjoyably prompt! The helmeted racing man loses a life, and thusly all are down to their last-

Samus: *quickly leaps up to the top platform and takes out Ness with a Screw Attack*

King K. Rool: You were fun, hat boy, but it's time I bid you farewell! Now then, let's see what the bounty hunters can do for a finale...

Captain Falcon: FALCON...PUNCH!

Samus: *catches Falcon's fist with her grapple beam, then tosses him behind her, K.O.ing him*

GAME SET!

This game's winner is... SAMUS!!

King K. Rool: And the battle has concluded! Bravo, bravo! *is suddenly hit in the head with a cane* OOMF!

Cranky Kong: *Takes the Crystal Coconut* Hmmph! Lousy Whippersnapper. *Leaves the room, leaving Light and K. Rool unconscious amongst the boxes*

*bzzt*

Digi: Yoshi senses his surroundings and bolts for the center of the stage while Luigi reels from the shell. Jigglypuff pounds him but the dino comes back with a frontflip- falls off the edge but hops back on! Now Luigi gets a shot in with a Flaming Jump Punch! Now we're all in one huge mess! *Tosses in a capsule*

Luigi: Hey! An item! *Chucks the capsule down*

BOOM!

Luigi: Gaaaaah!

Yoshi: Wah!

Jigglypuff: Puuuuuuuuuff! (Nooooooooo!)

Digi: And they're all--*khht*--flying, but they're--*khhthhkkt-bzzt*

Kevin: WHAT WAS THAT?! The whole stadium is shaking!

Esco: I don't know, but I think this is Metal's doing. Ignore it.

Kevin: Okay. A heart container appears on the far left of the stage!

Esco: . . .

*bzzt*

*Meanwhile, Mash walks in and sees a large number of people crowded around a small tv in the middle of the restroom, then slowly walks out*

Metal Man: That's right. Run away, coward! None can bear my awesome presence!

Zero: He's done some major damage to Kirby.

Yesman: Yup. Kirby is being a trouper though.

Red: Pikachu's tired from calling down his thunder so much. That gives Kirby a chance to jump in and start attacking.

Mewtwo: They are mixed in a tussle of hits.

Ganondorf: They could both be KO'd if someone would just...

Metal Man: Ganondorf is here? I guess my visor is on backwards. Er... Kirby smashes up Pikachu like a cheap porcelain vase, KOing him.

Red: I don't think Kirby will last much longer though.

Zero: Nonsense, anything can happen. Pikuchu is back.

Marth: [indecipherable Japanese]

Metal Man: Yes, Marth. I am the most handsome person in the universe. Now comment on the match again.

Marth: [slightly annoyed Japanese]

Metal Man: No, I am not an alien wig come to suck out your brains.

Marth: [rage-induced Japanese]

Metal Man: Fine, fine.

Yesman: What did he just say?

Mewtwo: You're better off not knowing. ...A capsule falls to the right. Kirby goes for it.

Popo: He gets it and throws it down. Inside is a fire flower!

Zero: Pikachu takes a shot toward Kirby.

Yesman: It connects. Kirby is sent flying while Pikachu picks up the Fire Flower.

*bzzt*

Esco: And yet ANOTHER item appears! What the Hell, Metal?! Why must you torment me so?

Kevin: Link takes advantage of it and breaks the container at his feet. Inside is a bob-omb!

Esco: ... of course. Watch as this godawful random chance determines the outcome of a match once again...

Kevin: Hey, he could miss.

Esco: What's the chance of that hapening?

Link: Take this! *throws the bob-omb* Aww crap...

Kevin: See that! Mario shielded the bomb right back into Link!

Esco: He goes flying off the stage... I told you this would be determined by one item!

Kevin: Not quite! Link is going to mak- *bzzt*

Rainbow Dash: I can still make it up to him! This is the best day of my life!

Twilight: Dash, calm down, it's just a game! *Gets shoved out of her chair by Dash's suddenly extending wing* GAH!

Rainbow Dash: I'll save you Fox! Catch! *Tosses in a strange looking egg*

Fox: Thanks, kid! I owe you one! *tosses the egg at Donkey Kong*

Donkey Kong: I don't think I'm going to like this...

Twilight: Donkey Kong prepares for anything, charging a Giant Punch...

*The egg opens, and a yellow furred vixen pops out*

Rainbow Dash: Hey, that fox chick looks pretty cool! And she's got snazzy purple gloves!

Twilight: Looking cool isn't enough...

Mysterious Vixen: It's time! Feel my wrath! DIAMOND STORM! *Fires thousands of glowing blades at Donkey Kong*

Twilight: ... Holy mother of Celestia, that looks painful.

Rainbow Dash: *Crosses her hooves across her chest and smirks proudly* See Twi? She's just like me...she talks the talk and walks the walk!

Donkey Kong: *On the ground, in pain* Ugh, I should listened to Diddy and stayed in bed this morning. Only one thing to do...

Twilight: The fox is shooting even more sharp pointy shards of pain, but Donkey just runs through them... running on sheer adrenaline and determination... and now...

Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA! *Punches the fox out of the arena*

Twilight: Well, he just took out your secret weapon, Dash.

Rainbow Dash: He's tough, I'll give him that. But he's taking a big beatin'... and Fox knows what that means. A quick jump n' flip, and a tail swipe, and Donkey's out of there for good.

GAME SET!

This game's winner is... FOX!!

*bzzt*

Light: Uuuungh...What happened? *Rises to his feet, and notices K. Rool on the floor* I wonder what I missed...

*bzzt*

Metal Man: Kirby is doomed! Just like this overly crowded room is!

Yesman: Unless an unexplained change of events suddenly happen for the sake of Kirby.

Zero: Wait! Something is falling. An item.

Mewtwo: How unpredictable. *rolls eyes*

Red: It's a Hammer! If Kirby can just make it back!

Ganondorf: Pikachu picks it up.

Metal Man: Boooooo!

Mewtwo: And Kirby is KO'd.

GAME SET!

This game's winner is... PIKACHU!!

Zero: Well, that's it. *Warps out*

Red: Same here. *walks out*

*Mewtwo teleports out*

*The rest of the crowd leaves, until only Yesman and Metal are left*

Yesman: That was a let down. I thought Kirby might even the odds...

Metal Man: I was hoping for the entire Stadium to explode again, that'd even the odds. And also give me six figures of coins due to the insurance I just purchased on it.

Yesman: ... Cool. Me too.

Metal Man: Really?

Yesman: ...No.

Metal Man: Hah! I made you say no!

Yesman: Yes.

*bzzt*

Esco: Yeah. For those of you who didn't see it, he didn't make it. Link once again plummetted into the white abyss.

Kevin: Yep.

GAME SET!

This game's winner is... MARIO!!

Esco: I'm going to go talk to Link. You handle Mario.

Kevin: Uhh, okay!

*Mario's room*

Kevin: So, Mario, how did it feel to win a match?

Mario: I feel-a really good, but mama mia! Too many-a healing items.

Kevin: Yeah, I don't know what's up with that. I'm going to ask Metal later.

*Link's room*

Esco: So, Link, how does it feel to be item-screwed?

Link: HYAAAH!! *throws a clay pot at Esco's head, barely missing it*

Esco: ... Must everyone go insane after losing? That's it, I'm going to take you down!

Link: TRY ME! SCRAAAAA-*bzzt*

Digi: -and Jigglypuff has just won this match!

*Lakitu floats over and mutters a few words to Digi*

Digi: What?

Lakitu: *mumble mumble*

Digi: ... That might not go over well. Anyways, Yoshi tossed Luigi onto the MSB he planted earlier, knocking him out. Jigglypuff then stunned Yoshi with a tossed Fan, which gave her enough time to use Rest for the winning knockout. Some excellent uses of the items in this match, and I think this is the first time any of us Superpowers have personally seen her win...well, you get the drift. Apparently a camera was knocked out for much of the last end of the match due to the capsule blowing up in the trio's faces. Navi, is Jigglypuff there?

Navi: Yeah, she's here and--

Jigglypuff: (Are you KIDDING ME? I finally win a match for the first time in what feels like forever and nobody got to see it because of a FAULTY CAMERA?)

Navi: Uh, Jigglypuff, calm down, ple--

Jigglypuff: (I used a Paper Fan perfectly and beat Yoshi with the most difficult move in my set, and THIS IS WHAT I GET?! A quick recap after the technical difficulties are settled?)

Navi: But you won, Jigg--

*Jigglypuff puffs up in anger and scribbles over the camera, blacking out part of the lens before presumably storming away*

Navi: Yeah, Digi, she's a diva. *giggles*

Digi: I see...can we get some cleanup for the camera and either Luigi or Yoshi?

Navi: Well, the marker might be hard to get rid of, but I do have Yoshi who finished in second... wild fight, wasn't it?

Yoshi: Yup! It was a good fight all around. I haven't seen a Fan in a match in a while... forgot it cracked my egg. I'm a bit surprised I lost to Jigglypuff, but it happens.

Navi: Alright, Yos'ter, keep it up out there! Ian, we'll bring it back to you to wrap things up from your match.

Digi: Yeah, thanks Navi. That's it for my match, hopefully the other four haven't had too many problems of their own. Thanks for sticking around for this wild fight!

*bzzt*

Twilight: All right guys. You're free to go. Despite what Dash may think, you both did an excellent job.

*Donkey and Fox nod to Twilight and head to the lockers...Fox giving Dash a small wink as the Furry Fighters leave*

Rainbow Dash: *makes a high pitched squee as she notices Fox's wink* So cool, so cool!

Twilight: Again, Dash. Decaf. I'm going to go take a nap...

Metal Man: *Walks in* Nice job, young lady. But you've forgotten one thing. Your Care Bear Stare. Without that, we are doomed to be victimized by evil children with glowing red eyes and demonic superpowers.

Twilight: What? Metal, I'm a Little Pony, not a-

Metal Man: You're what I TELL you to be! Just be happy I didn't decide you were a porpoise today!

Twilight: *Gets her tail pulled by Metal* GAH! WHY ME! *Her reflexes cause her to shoot a huge laser from her horn into the camera, breaking it*