Digi: And so that's the way it should work.
Mash: *Flipping through several sheets of paper* All right, so going between the matches, our eligible contestants are as such: S-
*The door suddenly slams open as Yesman scrambles to his seat, decked out from head to toe in baseball garb*
Mash: You're late.
Yesman: Sorry, the Cubs were in town. Anyway, what did I miss?
Digi: Well, I just went over the structure of today's tournament, and Mash was just about to read from the list of contestants.
Mash: *Ahem* As I was saying, the top scoring fighters for this season are Sonic, Mewtwo, Luigi, Fox, Samus, Zero, Pit, Meta Knight, Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, and Ike. So in other words, this should fit right in with your idea, Digi.
Digi: All right. Twi, you should go notify the fighters about what's going on today, so that they have time to prepare.
Twi: On it! *Vanishes*
Mash: We're going to need some commentators for the fights. Yesman, due to the lack of SPs at the moment, I need you to go out and pull random people from the streets and force them to take part against their will.
Yesman: Okay!
Digi: That... doesn't sound like a very good idea to be honest.
Mash: Well, I'm the one in charge now, so unless someone were to magically show up all of a sudden, we're gonna have to make do!
Yesman: You heard him. Now, if you'll excuse me-
*A smoke bomb goes off and a familiar face magically shows up all of a sudden*
Esco: I'm back.
Yesman: B-wha!?
Kevin: *Enters through the door like a normal person* Same here.
Digi: Didn't you guys leave with the pon-I mean, the drag- I mean, the- forget it. Anyway, I thought you guys left.
Kevin: Yes, but we're back now. And we brought a friend with us! Go ahead, Esco!
Esco: All right. Introducing...
*A short young looking man in a dark blue kimono appears in the doorway. He has with long, flowing black hair, which is done up in the front in three long, slender spider leg-esque protrusions that hang over his face. He takes a few tentative steps forwards, before lightly stumbling and reaching momentarily for one of the two swords sheathed by his side. He regains his balance and looks somewhat awkwardly to the side, pretending that he didn't just embarrass himself in front of literally everyone.*
Esco: ... Sai Fasier.
Digi: Welcome home!
Sai Fasier: *Confused glance*
Digi: Uhh, that was a bit awkward. Sorry, I meant to say, welcome to the family!
Sai Fasier: *To Esco* <... You didn't tell me there were other Fasier here.>
Esco:
Sai Fasier:
Mash: Uhh... huh.
Kevin: Yeah, English is not his strong suit...
Esco: To be fair, we did find him out in the mountains past Ravengthagh.
Digi: Ravengalagathakat? What!? Just how far out did you even go? It's only been a couple weeks, max!
Esco: We did have a magic flying dragon car, you know.
Kevin: So anyway, I thought it would be a great idea to bring him back with us so he could learn the way we do things around here.
Yesman: Wait, so why did you come back?
Digi: *Facepalm* You can't just ask people that, Yesman...
Esco: Well, after Dr. Mario finished restoring my body for me, he wasted no time in making sure I was completely drowning in debt, so I've come back to reprise my role as an SP to get enough money to not have to worry about getting my kidneys removed in my sleep.
Yesman: Uh huh...
Digi: Wait a minute. You do know Dr. Mario was killed literally right after that whole "Akkan" thing, right?
Kevin: Yeah, now that you mention it, he did get totally spiked back there. I guess that means you're off the hook, Esco!
Yesman: Wait wait wait. So if I'm getting this right, Esco said that the Doc fixed him. But he couldn't've done that until right before Esco left, since he was still a dragon then. But the Doc was dead the whole time. So...?
Kevin: So...
Digi: ... Oh dammit.
*Esco violently shifts back into his dragon form in a spontaneous paradoxical explosion, all but destroying the room in the process*
Esco: Why do I even bother coming back...
Kevin: Hello everyone, and welcome to the first match of the King of the Stadium III!
Audience: *muffled confused whispers* "Three? What happened to the other ones?" "Well, there was a tournament a while ago." "Was that number two?" "I dunno, maybe?" "Then what about..."
Kevin: ... This is the first King of the Stadium, isn't it. Well, whatever. King of the Stadium! Just shove it and cheer already!
Audience: *Applause*
Kevin: That's more like it! Anyway, since Esco is currently out of commission, I'll be commentating this match with Sai instead.
Sai Fasier: ... Hello.
Kevin: Today, we've got Samus, Fox, Luigi, Sonic, Zero, and Mewtwo duking it out in an all-out battle royale! The top three will move on, while the rest will be eliminated!
Sai Fasier: Umm, Possessing this match to items nothing. Select stage of fighter by to... how do you say... from bundle scattering of sticks? *starts making hand gestures*
Kevin: This is gonna suck, isn't it? Uhh... okay, I got this. Random stage! It looks like we're going to be going to... Tourian!
*The Stadium is filled with the familiar image of the final area from the original Metroid game. There is a low platform that is partially submerged in lava, with a thin blue platform floating right above it. To the left, there is another solid platform rising out of the lava, level with the floating blue platform. This platform is covered in complex machinery that twists and Snakes about its surface, which extends straight sideways into the dark abyss. To the right, there is a wall that extends from the lava up to impassable heights. Contained within the wall is a turret that fires compressed air, a Rinka spawner that shoots deadly cheerios, and a column of Zebitite that blocks a small passage that leads behind the wall to another blue floating platform on the far right of the stage.*
Kevin: They say that the stage has other extra surprises as well, but we'll just have to wait and see, wont we?
Sai Fasier: Yes. Wait to looking at future of time.
Kevin: But for now...
Kevin/Sai: ENTER, THE FIGHTERS!!
*Fox flies in on his arwing, landing on the left platform.*
*Luigi jumps out of a warp pipe on the center floating platform.*
*Sonic spindashes onstage, landing on the left of the main platform.*
*Zero teleports in, landing next to Fox.*
*Mewtwo breaks out of his stasis tube, appearing on the right of the main platform.*
Sai Fasier: ... Missing a fighter to battle?
Kevin: That's odd. Hold on a second...
*Suddenly, the main lights dim, and a dramatic lightshow starts. A Metroid fanfare plays while Samus emerges from her save point, appearing on the right-hand platform.*
Kevin: And at last, Samus makes her spectacular entrance!
Samus: Way to overdo it...
Sai Fasier: Ready?
Kevin/Sai: FIGHT!!
Sa: 0% Fo: 0% Lu: 0% So: 0% Ze: 0% Mt: 0%
Kevin: Fox immediately starts off the match by firing shots at Zero, while Zero fires off a Hadangeki at Luigi!
Sai Fasier: Curling Sonic to ball, fire to Mewtwo in quickly-
Kevin: But Mewtwo uses Confusion, reflecting Sonic away! He's fallen into the lava!
Sai Fasier: Break Samus to barrier... travel to Missile in passage.
Kevin: That's a homing missile! Speaking of projectiles, Luigi just blocked Zero's crescent shot, and now he's just nailed Mewtwo with a drill kick!
Sai Fasier: Turn around and slash Zero to Fox, but behind strike Sonic of back kick of spinning to Zero-
Yesman: You can stop now, Sai.
Kevin: Yesman? What are you doing here!?
Yesman: Sometimes, people like to understand what they're hearing so that they can follow along properly. Anyway, we're missing stuff! Mewtwo teleported away and hit Sonic with that claw move while Luigi got hit by the Homing Missile.
Kevin: It looks like Samus has a full charge on her shot now!
Sai Fasier: Grab Fox to Zer-
Yesman: Fox grabs Zero and throws him up, then follows up with a double flip kick!
Kevin: Sonic does a spin move, but Mewtwo air dodges and spikes him back into the lava!
Sa: 0% Fo: 17% Lu: 15% So: 63% Ze: 38% Mt: 23%
Sai Fasier: Flying-
Yesman: Samus does a flying kick at Luigi, knocking him towards Sonic.
Sai Fasier: ... Zero attack Sentsuizan "Spinning Crash Slash" to Mewtwo. Hit to his back turn with dive kick!
Kevin: He follows up with a quick slash, sending Mewtwo straight into Luigi!
Yesman: Fox shines Zero, and hits Sonic too!
Kevin: Luigi and Mewtwo recover quickly...
Sai Fasier: But now Affection Beam of Samus! Strike to they!
Yesman: Grapple Beam...
Sai Fasier: Sorry. Graceful fall Sonic, roll fast to Samus and spin jump!
Yesman: That's called a Floor Tech...
Sai Fasier: ... Mind for you, sudo.
Yesman: Pseudo what?
Kevin: Come on guys, work with me here! Fox drill kicks Zero and shines him again!
Yesman: Luigi charges his Green Missile...
Sai Fasier: It misshot of fire! Fast traveling!
Kevin: Mewtwo sidesteps and avoids it, but Samus is still reeling from Sonic's attack! SHAZAM!! A direct hit!
Yesman: She rebounds off the wall!
Kevin: Speaking of the wall, it looks like the turret is starting to move!
Sai Fasier: Also appear of barrier again.
Yesman: The turret fires a blast at Samus! That's called kicking her when she's down.
Kevin: A cheerio comes out, hitting Luigi while he's still recovering from the misfire.
Sai Fasier: Make small explosion ground for Mewtwo to Sonic. Sonic hit, send flying!
Yesman: Zero fires his Z-Buster at Fox, who reflects the shot back.
Zero: Will you cut it out with the damn hexagon thing!?
Fox: *taunting* Hmmpf!
Zero: Fine! Eat plasma!
Kevin: Oh, Fox is toying with him now. He pulls out the Reflector again-
Yesman: But Zero retaliates with some kinda pink slash instead, hitting Fox through his barrier!
Sai Fasier: That Shippuuga "Hurricane Fang" attack...
Yesman: I don't care, no one knows what that means! No one knows what you mean!
Sai Fasier: Disliking to annoy performance!
Kevin: I said relax, guys! It's just a sword slash. No one cares what you call it.
Sa: 42% Fo: 27% Lu: 34% So: 88% Ze: 67% Mt: 45%
Sai Fasier: Apologies, but doing not now. Leaving me to the room. Sudo Yesman... sudo! *slams door behind him*
Yesman: Yeah, go sudo yourself, too!
Kevin: *Smacks Yesman* Watch the fight! Samus hit Mewtwo with a spinning back kick, sending him back to the left side!
Yesman: Yeah well I can't stand that guy... And Luigi hits Sonic again with a flip kick!
Kevin: That doesn't give you the right to... Fox illusions back to the stage, cutting through Zero in the process!
Yesman: Now Zero gets hit right into Samus' Super Missile, sending him into Mewtwo's tail strike! Yay, teamwork!
Kevin: Sonic tries to dive kick into Luigi, but he gets hit by the turret instead.
Yesman: Another spaghetto comes out, but Luigi and Samus avoid it.
Kevin: ... Spaghetto?
Yesman: I know what I said! Zero barely ducks under it, and tries to attack Fox with some kinda spinny sword move, but Fox does that weird slide move and dodges it!
Kevin: That's Kuuenzan, or "Air Circling-"
Yesman: I don't care! Fox hits Zero with a strong spinning kick!
Kevin: Now Mewtwo eyes Zero, and follows up with another tail-
Yesman: And he gets hit by the spaghetto! Zero gets to Mewtwo first, sending him back to Cleveland!
Kevin: Why Cleveland?
Yesman: Trust me, you do not want to be there right now.
Kevin: Well whatever... it looks like Zero's gonna join him there! Samus caught him with her Charge Shot!
Sa: 42% Fo: 27% Lu: 34% So: 105% Ze: 0% D1 Mt: 0% D1
Yesman: Now Mewtwo and Zero revive, and go after Samus!
Kevin: Makes sense. They get a flurry of hits off on her, before Fox comes in and nails all three with a spinning back kick!
Yesman: Samus crashes into Sonic, and both of them fly right through the Zebetite and end up on the far right platform.
Kevin: Luigi hits both Mewtwo and Zero with a Luigi Cyclone-
Yesman: But Fox grabs him and throws him into the air as well!
Kevin: Meanwhile, Sonic jabs Samus a couple times, then gives her a strong right hook, right into the wall!
Sonic: Come on! Step it up!
Samus: Try me.
Yesman: Hey, is that a Metroid?
Kevin: Huh, you're right. It is.
Yesman: It latches onto Sonic's head while he's taunting!
Sonic: AAUUGH!!
Samus: Who needs to step it up now?
Kevin: Zero uses another Kuuenzan, striking both Mewtwo and Luigi and sending them flying in opposite directions! ... And Luigi gets hit by the turret again.
Yesman: Meanwhile, Samus just booted Sonic offstage. With a boot to the head.
Kevin: And another for Jenny and the wimp!
Sa: 118% Fo: 27% Lu: 62% So: 0% D1 Ze: 22% D1 Mt: 37% D1
*A strange grinding noise is heard, accompanied by a series of heavy pounding sounds.*
Yesman: What is that!?
Kevin: It looks like... Mother Brain has appeared! Her holding tank has just slid into place on the left-hand platform!
Yesman: It looks like she's starting to charge up something... And another spaghetto fires out, hitting Zero, as Fox goes after Mewtwo.
Kevin: Sonic respawns and strikes Zero again with a spinning axe kick, sending him crashing to the floor!
Yesman: Mewtwo teleports away from Fox's spinning kick flurry, and land on Mother Brain's tank. Hey, why hasn't the pounding stopped?
Kevin: Huh, good question.
*The door to the Commentator's Booth flies off its hinges and smacks into the main console with a heavy crash, as Esco enters the room accompanied by Sai Fasier.*
Yesman: ... Esco!
Kevin: Oh hey Esco, did you fix your dragon-
Esco: NOPE.
Kevin: *Turns around* Oh! I thought you were gonna go recover in private-
Esco: Everything always goes to Hell when I'm not around. Yesman, apologize to Sai! NOW!
Yesman: Meep! *Attempts to sneak out the side entrance, only to realize that there is no side entrance, and he's just backed himself into a utility closet*
Yesman: *Brandishing a mop and a plunger* Evildoers beware! Do not worry, fair Kevin! I shall slay the-
*A seizure-inducing rainbow light fills the room*
Yesman: Every man for himself! *Crashes through the window*
Esco: Dammit, not again...
Kevin: *Spins back to the arena* And Mother Brain just unleashed her Laser Brain Attack!! Who got caught!?
Sai Fasier: Ah! Fox, Luigi, and Sonic! Hit to all them!
Kevin: Samus came back to the fray, and hit Luigi with her own drill kick!
Esco: Fox gets a few potshots off on Sonic and Luigi with his blaster, then drills Samus into the lava, getting another KO!
Sai Fasier: Kick of scissors Sonic to Luigi. Fly away now, the Man of Green.
Sa: 0% D1 Fo: 77% Lu: 0% D1 So: 52% D1 Ze: 44% D1 Mt: 37% D1
Kevin: Is it just me, or is the lava rising?
Sai: Hit the lava, Fox and Red Sword Mega!
Esco: Mewtwo finishes charging up his Shadow Ball, taking full advantage of his opponents' preoccupation with each other.
Kevin: Mother Brain fires off a couple of quick eye beams, but Zero, Fox, and Sonic airdodge out of the way!
Esco: Luigi and Samus have just respawned, and waste no time in attacking their now vulnerable opponents! Sonic gets hit by a flying karate chop, while Zero and Fox get burned by Samus' flamethrower!
Sai Fasier: And hit turret to Sonic on blast.
Kevin: Fox and Zero are both falling towards the lava, but a stray cheerio hits Fox, knocking him up and ironically, saving him from the lava!
Esco: Zero is not quite so lucky, and he gets launched by the liquid flames. Not enough to KO, but pretty close.
Kevin: Mother Brain undocks from her place, and slowly recedes back into the nether regions. Mewtwo takes this time to get off her tank, to prevent getting dragged back with her.
Sai Fasier: Luigi spin sweep kick "break dance" to Samus, knocking backwards.
Esco: Samus retaliates by blasting Luigi with a Super Missile point-blank, sending him back towards the lava!
Kevin: Fox hits Sonic with a double flip kick, and chases after him again to finish the job...
Esco: But Luigi interrupts him with a Shoryuken, sending Fox over the horizon instead!
Kevin: Zero, however, is close enough to Sonic to finish him off with a rising flaming slash! RYUENJIN!!
Sai Fasier: Eliminate to Sonic!
Esco: While helpless, Luigi falls into the lava again, because why not.
Sa: 13% D1 Fo: 0% D1 Lu: 35% D1 So: OUT Ze: 75% D1 Mt: 37% D1
Sai Fasier: Up spin kick Samus attack to Zero for two times. Struggling Zero to fall down.
Kevin: Luigi lands a spinning back kick on the distracted Samus, sending her right into the hands of a newly respawned Fox!
Esco: That's not going to end well for her...
Sai Fasier: Fox hit to Samus over and over and over! Samus no can try, stuck of the attacks!
Esco: The lava finally recedes back to normal.
Luigi: Hey, wait-a second-a! What's a-Mewtwo doing-a?
Kevin: Luigi finally notices that Mewtwo has been keeping a safe distance from the action, and goes after him!
Esco: He gets as far as Mewtwo's tail, which thwaps him away at the last second.
Kevin: Now Zero's the one doing the hiding! He's broken through the Zebitite and is now protected behind the wall.
Sai Fasier: Samus see this, right now go fight to Zero-
Kevin: But Zero uses his Twin Dream! Samus gets hit by his shadow duplicate before she can approach!
Esco: And now Zero is hiding behind his duplicate like a coward. Conveniently blocking the only entrance to his side, at that.
Kevin: Well, he is at high damage on his last life, so it makes sense.
Sai Fasier: Not matter for Fox. Fox blast shots to Zero several. Zero no appear to cares?
Esco: That's going to cost him dearly.
Sa: 75% D1 Fo: 0% D1 Lu: 42% D1 So:OUT Ze: 102% D1 Mt: 37% D1
Kevin: Luigi grabs Fox from behind and throws him towards Mewtwo, as a last-ditch effort to force Mewtwo back into the fight!
Esco: Mewtwo has other plans, however, and reflects the hapless Fox with Confusion, sending him hurtling right back into Luigi. Now the Zebitite reforms, sealing Zero away from the other fighters.
Kevin: Samus attempts to get to him again, but Zero's Twin Dream can pass through anything, including Zebetite! He nails her before she can break through!
Zero: It's the perfect defense! Why didn't I think of this earlier?
Luigi: Mama mia, this is-a worse than-a Brawl! Fox, I need-a your help-a to defeat the stupid-a campfest before a-the crowd starts-a to leave-a!
Fox: Fine by me, but we start with that friggen cat...
Esco: Oh? It seems that Fox and Luigi have made a truce for the time being, and are now preparing to fight Mewtwo from two fronts!
Kevin: Meanwhile Samus, now annoyed as hell, begins charging her shot in frustration while Zero continues to taunt her from his safe place.
Esco: Never let your guard down...
Sai Fasier: Ah! Metroid appear from to right! Zero no see to it before too late!
Zero: AAUUGH!!
Samus: "Perfect defense"? Please, tell me more.
Kevin: Zero breaks free from the Metroid's grasp with a RYUENJIN, but he jumps off the platform without realizing it! He's helpless!
Esco: Three guesses as to what happens next, and the first two don't count.
Sa: 84% D1 Fo: 12% D1 Lu: 42% D1 So: OUT Ze: OUT Mt: 37% D1
Kevin: Into the lava he goes! We're down to four!
Esco: Fox and Luigi attack Mewtwo now. Fox from above, and Luigi from the side. Mewtwo flicks Fox away with his tail, followed by a shadow claw!
Kevin: But Luigi's Missile hits its mark, dishing out the first damage Mewtwo has sustained in like, three minutes!
Sai Fasier: Samus fire her charge shot. Hit to Fox when he come down.
Kevin: Oh, he didn't like that! He immediately makes a beeline for Samus-
Esco: Right as Mewtwo fires his fully-charged Shadow Ball!
Kevin: Luigi quickly dodges to the side, while Fox continues to pummel Samus!
Sai Fasier: Fox hit to Samus with Reflector Shine, but unaware of Shadow Ball! Reflect to it also!
Esco: But Luigi's reflexes are unmatched today! He sidesteps again, dodging it a second time.
Kevin: But Mewtwo reflects it yet again, and it hits Luigi before he can react! That's gotta hurt!
Esco: And with that, Fox finishes his Samus combo with his signature bicycle kick, sending her flying straight back to her last save point!
Kevin: So much for the fan-favorite.
Sa: OUT Fo: 65% D1 Lu: 82% D1 So: OUT Ze: OUT Mt: 52% D1
Sai Fasier: And then there were three.
Yesman: Wow, that must be the first grammatically correct thing you said all day.
Sai Fasier: *Spins around* Sudo man!? Why come back to here?
*Esco turns his head towards Yesman and gives him the side-eye while growling*
Yesman: ... And that's my cue to leave! *Crashes through the window directly adjacent to the one he just broke moments before*
Kevin: *Facepalm* I'm surprised we even bother replacing them at this point...
Esco: He'll pay for it. I'll make sure of that.
Sai Fasier: Sudden Rinka appear. Fire shot another to Fox, but he reflect.
Kevin: Luigi recovers from the Shadow Ball shenanigans, and goes right back to fighting Mewtwo again.
Esco: Apparently having learned from last time, Luigi avoids Mewtwo's tail, and uses the resulting opening to launch his own flurry of punches, pushing Mewtwo dangerously close to the side blast zone.
Kevin: But Mewtwo recovers quickly and grabs him, hoisting him into the air in preparation for the back throw!
Esco: But Fox interrupts, hitting both of them with a quick spin kick, sending them both straight into the blast zone instead!
This game's winner is... Fox!
Kevin: And that does it! Fox goes straight to the finals!
Esco: But Luigi and Mewtwo still have a shot to compete. They move on to the semifinal!
Kevin: Which means that Samus, Zero, and Sonic are unfortunately eliminated.
Esco: My work is done here. Sai, go retrieve Yesman from the Stadium grounds. If anyone needs me, feel free to go bother someone else first and let me rest in peace.
Sai Fasier: Okay, I go get Sudo now. *Crashes through a third window*
Kevin: ... With that, let's get Mash Toady with the interviews!
Mash: Hey, I'm the Head SP now! I shouldn't have to do this anymore!
Lakitu: Just do it before Metal's replacement inevitably appears and fires you over it.
Mash: All right, fine! So Fox, congratulations on winning the first fight. What do you have to say?
Fox: Camping is bad folks, unless I'm the one doing it!
Mash: Okay then. Luigi, how about you?
Luigi: I cannot a-beat a-Mewtwo when a-he camps the side! Whose-a idea was it-a to give-a the Mewtwo a walk-off stage-a?
Mash: Apparently it was randomly chosen.
Luigi: A tournament-a is no place-a for the random-a stage-a!
Fox: I can agree to that! Unless it's Temple.
Mash: Anyway Mewtwo, how's it going?
Mewtwo: It seems I made a slight miscalculation in the final seconds of the match. I will be sure that it does not happen a second time.
Mash: So, you're gonna be fighting against Luigi again in Round 2. What is your strategy for next time?
Mewtwo: I see no reason to deviate from the original plan. Luigi is completely incapable of defeating a defensive counterplay-oriented fighting style.
Mash: Just don't camp too much, okay? I've got seats to fill! Anyway, we have Samus, Zero and Sonic, our three losers...
Sonic: That fight was bogus! I couldn't do anything with all of those hazards getting in the way!
Zero: Don't forget the Mother Brain.
Sonic: Mother-!
Samus: Oh relax. The stage isn't the problem here.
Zero: Says the Metroid character...
Samus: Well, if either of you were paying attention, you would have seen the Metroids before they latched onto your heads.
Zero: Do you want to fight over it? We can go to my stage next time!
Samus: Try me!
Mash: Guys, guys, you're already eliminated! We still have three more matches to cover today. Speaking of which, it seems the next one is starting already...
Twi: *runs into the commentary booth, panting, having finished notifying the fighters about where they need to be* Hi all you, uh, fan people! It's time for the hitting thing to um, start! Wow, I've been away way too long.
King Dedede: Ain't a problem, 'cause a professional is here to handle it!
Twi: King Dedede? Uh, thanks for showing up, your majesty, I er-
King Dedede: Come on girl, can th' stutterin'. Ratings aren't gonna raise themselves.
Twi: R-right. So, without further adue, here's our second match on Hyrule Castle! Items set to medium, with Pit, Meta Knight, Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, and last but not least, Ike!
King Dedede: So nuff with the jabberin' and let's get jabbin'!
Twi: The fighters all show up in the center of the castle as Pit and Meta start trading a few short slashes. Mario and Donkey Kong start their usual rivalry off with a few jabs and hooks.
King Dedede: Link tosses one of them there bombs, but it ain't doin' nothin' for 'em cause Ike gets the flames goin' out his blade, knocking that baby right back at Link with an Eruption! The Hero O' Time is looking hella crispy!
Pit: 40% Meta Knight: 35% Mario:25% Donkey Kong: 23% Link: 33% Ike: 0%
Twi: Ike grabs Link with his free hand and tosses him towards Pit and Meta on the left, right as all three of them get got up in a tornado! Lucky break for him!
King Dedede: Not so lucky as Mario grabs DK in the ol' cakemix spin and Ike gets crushed by 800 pounds o' ape! Now things are finally gettin' excitin'! Would ya kindly toss in an item Twi?
Twi: Righty O'! *tosses in a hammer*
Pit: 60% Meta Knight: 55% Mario: 25% Donkey Kong: 44% Link: 42% Ike: 15%
King Dedede: Ike gets a footstool jump on DK and snatches the hammer out of the sky, runnin' right towards Mario!
Twi: Pit and Meta Knight are dueling on the left edge of the castle now, using quick aerial dashes. Pit's Upperdash Arm and Meta's Drill Rush are just clanging off of each other, and...ooo! Meta got a hit in, and another, and another! I'm not sure if Pit can survive this one!
King Dedede: Nah, the boy's gonna be fine for now. Pit gets Power of Flight a goin', and pays back Meta Knight with a few arrows to the face.
Twi: Meanwhile, Link's been biding his time, but he finally jumps down and grabs Meta with the Hookshot, kicking him back towards the center of the castle!
King Dedede: Donkey Kong's jumped to the tower on the right side, he don't want any o' that hammer's whackin'! Ike's nearly caught up with Mario as they scale up those middle platforms, but Mario reaches the top first and sprays Ike back with a dash of FLUDD water!
Twi: Not a bad trick, Mario's leaping back down, but Meta Knight catches him in a Shuttle Loop, sending him sailing towards Ike-
King Dedede: Ike jumps and revs up an Aether slash-
Twi: Donkey Kong leaps into the Spinning Kong-
King Dedede: And BAM! Mario is sent to the sky! Three on one was odds he couldn't take!
Pit: 80% Meta Knight: 75% Mario: OUT Donkey Kong: 55% Link: 42% Ike: 15%
Twi: Just goes to show you, being clever and keeping your damage low isn't always going to save you in these huge free for alls! Ike's in the lead, but he'd better watch his back!
King Dedede: Time to spice things up again! *flings in a beam saber*
Twi: DK grabs the beam saber and slashes at Ike! But he counters right back, blocking with his sword getting a hard hit with that giant blade!
King Dedede: Donkey ain't takin' that lyin' down, so he's got him flyin' to the left with a smash slash-
Twi: Where Pit and Link are firing arrows at each other, Meta Knight using Dimensional Cape to avoid getting hit! Meta grabs Ike in midair-and tosses him between the arrow fire! Really crafty!
King Dedede: Well, he's not on my payroll for nothin'.
Pit:110% Meta Knight:75% Donkey Kong:69% Link: 99% Ike:45%
Twi: Pit and Link are still shooting at-nope, Link's pulled out the Master Sword and gone into his spin attack, ripping through Pit's volley's. Pit's going, going, and this time it looks like he won't be able to fly back as he explodes into light off the left side.
King Dedede: Looks like two shorts swords ain't worth one big one after all. Anyways, DK throws the saber at Ike, but he hops over it, now it's headin' to Meta Knight but he Capes past it and the sword hits Link in the face-
Twi: Link's not taking that lying down as he readies another bomb. Let's see where this goes.
Pit: OUT Meta Knight:75% Donkey Kong: 69% Link: 120% Ike: 45%
Twi: DK is winding up his arm. That pose looks familiar.
King Dedede: Oh really, ya think? *glares at Twi:
Twi: Yikes!
King Dedede: *smirks* Ya flinch too easily, kid. *pats Twi on the head in a condescending but somewhat friendly way* But seriously, we're about to witness something special.
Twi: Yay!
Donkey Kong: BANANA SLAMMA!
Twi: DK punches the bomb hard, but just lightly enough that it doesn't go off-
King Dedede: It flies over Ike and Meta Knight as they duck-
Twi: And Link catches it-only for it to go off in his hands! There he goes off in the back ground!
King Dedede: Herd's getting thinned down! *tosses in a fire bar*
Meta Knight: 75% Donkey Kong 69% Link: OUT Ike: 45%
Twi: The item lands on the lowest of the middle platforms and DK grabs it!
Dedede: He leaps at Ike and takes a swing, Ike tries his counter but he's too slow this time! Donkey's slapping him like a beaver on a dam!
Twi: Meta Knight gets on the act by spinning into Mach Tornado over and over!
Dedede: Ike better have somethin' up his sleeve or-he does! Quick Draw gets Ike away from Meta Knight's spinnin' onslaught and slashes DK He goes off to the right and bursts into pieces! Bye bye!
Meta Knight:75% Donkey Kong:OUT Ike: 84%
Twi: MK Capes to the weapon, he can still win this, the fire bar has lost all but one fire ball, but that's when it's strongest!
Dedede: One more item for good luck.*tosses in a Smash Ball*
Twi: MK tries to swing the fire-
Dedede: But Ike grabs him and flings him up, right at that there Smash Ball!
Twi: And because Ike attacked, the energy goes to him!
Ike: Enough of this! GREAT AETHER! *knocks Meta Knight upward and uses many exploding slashes*
Dedede: That's all she wrote! Meta Knight's knocked into the background!
GAME! THE WINNER IS...IKE!
Twi: Any words from you all?
Mario: Well, I a-tried my best but I-a-guess I'm not creative enough to deal with that much chaos. Back to training and pasta for me for a little a-while.
Pit: Eh-icus. I don't think I made the best use of my skills, either. I'll try a more varied fight plan next time.
Link: Less bombs and more boomerangs for me next time.
Donkey Kong: I'm pretty happy. Third place isn't too bad.
Meta Knight: Hmm, I think I need more practice.
Ike: Slow and steady wins the race. I outlasted them all.
Meta Knight: *sighs* I suppose you want to take me down another peg, Sire?
King Dedede: Nah, you pulled through pretty well. *shrugs* Besides, you're goin' to another match!
Meta Knight: Hmm that's right, I forgot about that other bracket.
Donkey Kong: Woo, more fun on the way for me too!
The battle for the last position in the final match would be settled among the second and third place finishers in the opening two matches. It marked the Stadium's debut of the new Fire Emblem Coliseum arena. In addition, the fight would be scheduled for two lives with healing items on low frequency.
Meta Knight came out swinging from the beginning, drilling immediately into Donkey Kong and Luigi with his sword while Mewtwo hung back and fired a set of Shadow Balls shots from stage right. Luigi was able to retaliate on the Pokemon with a fireball but was quickly swallowed into a fray with Mewtwo and Donkey Kong. After trading a flurry of blows, the platforms began to dance upward; Mewtwo took the opportunity to jump up onto one of the smallest, only to bail out and strike with a tailwhip from above, collecting both Donkey Kong and Meta Knight! While Mewtwo was gathering his feet, Luigi was able to charge a smashing punch which threw him into the elevated platform farthest on stage left.
Mewtwo: 49% D0 Luigi: 27% D0 Donkey Kong: 53% D0 Meta Knight: 38% D0
With Mewtwo wanting to retaliate on Luigi, the match now split into two separate frays. Meta Knight threw Donkey Kong into the air and followed up by catching him in a Mach Tornado, while Luigi was able to score a Flaming Jump Punch on Mewtwo after several punches and shots from both ends. However, meal time was calling! A Party Ball appeared on the wide platform and Donkey Kong was first to get there, having the honors of tossing it up and pulling the string. No Maxim Tomatoes or Heart Containers dropped, but many other foodstuffs did, and all were eager to take a bite. Unsurprisingly, Donkey Kong was able to manage the most healing out of this, but Mewtwo and Luigi ate their shares as well. Meta Knight was mostly kept away, stunned by a Disable from Mewtwo and a modest Giant Punch from Donkey Kong.
Mewtwo: 57% D0 Luigi: 50% D0 Donkey Kong: 45% D0 Meta Knight: 72% D0
After the brief "intermission", business picked back up, particularly with Mewtwo and Donkey Kong on the receiving end. Meta Knight succesfully reflected another Shadow Ball from the Pokemon, and Luigi chimed in with a Cyclone followed by his running jabs, knocking Meta Knight back down to ground level. Donkey Kong successfully shielded himself from another fireball, but a punch from Luigi set him up to be swept away by Mewtwo's psychic smash. Out of his way, Luigi and Mewtwo resumed fighting each other, the plumber able to grab Mewtwo and fling him to the side, dangerously close to the KO line. Meanwhile, the other two traded a few pokes and stabs until Donkey Kong cleared Meta Knight out with a well-timed Spinning Kong, leading into a full-charged Giant Punch to score the first knockout.
Donkey Kong took the time to eat some more food that dropped down, but was soon met by a stray fireball from Luigi. This turned their fray into a three-man brawl with Meta Knight soon following. Unaware the tiny platform below them was starting to rise, it was soon evident there were too many men fighting on too small a space...Mewtwo cleared them out with a drop shot, setting up a smashing finish on Luigi. But Donkey Kong, determined as ever to show off his strength with a victory, came through with his second knockout, launching Mewtwo away with a throw. He continued to square off with Meta Knight while Mewtwo had a rare miss during his invicibility period, soon exposed to a sweeping kick and missile from Luigi.
Mewtwo: 19% D1 Luigi: 0% D1 Donkey Kong: 107% D0 Meta Knight: 23% D1
A capsule appeared on the highest of the elevated platforms, and the fighters were eager to see if anything big was hiding in there. Luigi kicked DK out of the way and made it to the top first, throwing down the capsule and indeed revealing a Maxim Tomato. This sent out a visual alarm to the rest, with everyone scuffling for the tomato before Mewtwo managed to gulp it down, healing himself almost completely.
DK was ready to avenge Luigi for taking advantage of the item (wouldn't anyone?!) but unfortunately he was sent away by another tornado from Meta Knight. This now left everyone down to their last life, with even more brawling ensuing. Donkey Kong managed to clear the house once again after a brilliant headbutt, but not before Mewtwo retaliated with a meteor smash, slamming him hard into the surface, well below the others. For good measure, Mewtwo followed him down to ensure he wouldn't rest it off. The Kong would try to shield a Shadow Ball but was too slow, instead taking a few brief jabs at Mewtwo afterward.
Mewtwo: 62% D1 Luigi: 39% D1 Donkey Kong: 44% D1 Meta Knight: 68% D1
With the four fighters split again, Mewtwo and Meta Knight found themselves on the defensive trying not to be gapped by their healthier adversaries. Mewtwo was able to hold off Donkey Kong, jumping around and crashing through the hometown hero several times while still racking up the hits, but Meta Knight was thrown off by Luigi's eccentric blows, particularly a misfired Missile which brought him dangerously close to the alive, yet narrowly remained alive.
Both Donkey Kong and Meta Knight came back though--Luigi had managed to gulp down a sundae, giving Meta Knight a chance to swoop in with his sword, and Donkey Kong pounded Mewtwo into the ground with another headbutt before stepping on him and swinging away. Unfortunately for Donkey Kong, Mewtwo was able to scrounge up more food himself to pad his advantage, even grabbing Donkey Kong in place of a steak! Around the same time Luigi managed to toss Meta Knight around for several punches before another perfectly timed Jump Punch. However, it would be Donkey Kong falling out first, from a forward smash by Mewtwo.
Mewtwo: 65% D1 Luigi: 63% D1 Donkey Kong: OUT Meta Knight: OUT
With half of the battle cleared out within a blink of an eye, Mewtwo and Luigi had space to fill. Luigi dropped back down to ground level, only to be met by Mewtwo's Shadow Balls once again. However, Luigi managed to shield the second shot and sweep in a kick that Mewtwo couldn't block in time.
Mewtwo grabbed Luigi and flipped him upward again, but Luigi had enough energy to not be launched over the top, managing a piece of fruit on his drop back down. Mewtwo tried charging himself again, but Luigi overpowered it with a square downward kick at the peak of Mewtwo's jump. With Mewtwo out cold on the floor, Luigi was able to launch a headbutt to take him out for good.
GAME! THE WINNER IS Luigi!
After the match, the fighters did offer some words leading into the final:
Luigi was excited at being able to beat two of the heaviest hitting fighters and getting a second chance against Fox, but Ike might present a challenge due to his techniques.
Mewtwo was stoic but disappointed with his result, however satisfied with clearing out the frays, especially his smash on Donkey Kong.
Meta Knight felt he was overpowered and the varying range of platforms made it difficult for him to efficiently adjust his aerial game. But he did offer congratulations to Luigi and was looking forward to watching the final.
And finally, Donkey Kong was frustrated more than anything else. He had all the power he needed but the others were ganging up on him too much, and that the healing items were neutralizing his advantage.
Mash: And now, the final matchup! Fox vs. Ike vs. Luigi! Anybody could win here, folks!
*A strange rustling noise occurs*
Mash: You know, it occurred to me, I don't have a commentator for this match either. Maybe I will have to just have the same people from earlier do it... ....that would probably be boring, though.
Audience: *Is busy staring, waiting for another match*
Mash: Well, I guess it's just me.
*The rustling continues, and is followed by the sound of military jet engines. In a moment, a weird B-2 bomber shaped craft lands, and a military looking man walks out and walks up the stairs into the announcing booth, and hands a piece of paper to Mash.*
Mash: What is this? Ah... *reads it out* 'Attention Stadium-Goers: Xavier is too busy fighting multidimensional super-beings to commentate this match, but he has noticed the lack of help. In his place, here is Borne, who is a T-1000-ish military commander who is well-versed in tactics and Krav Maga to commentate while Xavier looks around for somebody who can permanently work at SSS to help fill the gaps.' ...Well, it's unconventional, but I guess it'll work.
Borne: Technically I just wanted a vacation here. He's just trying to make it sound good for his own sake.
Mash: So... have you commentated on these sorts of things before?
Borne: Well, I've died and reformed so many times that if I did, I probably forgot it. But I am part machine so it's not like I can't analyze all the past matches to figure it out.
Mash: You might not want to do tha--
*Borne freaks out for a moment and nearly falls over, twitching*
Borne: What the hell? What... why... what kind of Stadium is this? What is WRONG with you people? Forced marriages??? Going inside video game cartridges? Creating energy that made Roy go insane? Reliving another dimension's conflict just so you can get the same people who observed that dimension to stare at this one? Going into another realm... wait, Sloan was here and nobody told me? ...And there were a bunch of other rejects running some other Stadium? ...
Mash: It's okay. All of that is over now. Now if we could start the match...
Borne: Fine, but if any of those wacky things tries to happen during this match, I have a gun that fires a 50 foot diameter beam capable of erasing metals up to the toughness of titanium from existence.
Mash: Glad to have some sort of security... ...just don't point that thing at me.
Borne: *Gives a scornful look as he sits down*
Mash: So without any further annoying adieu, we begin! The match on Final Destination! One life each! It's the final ultimate battle!
Borne: Fox is on the left, Ike is on the middle, Luigi is on the right.
Mash: Fox immediately runs to the right and kicks Ike! But Luigi is also going towards Ike!
Borne: Luigi does a Super Jump Punch and hits with his powerful fire move, hitting Ike into the air.
Mash: Ike gets hit by Fox doing an upwards kick in mid-air!
Ike: Hey! This is a free for all! Stop hitting me!
Luigi: You're-a the newcomer! We're sick of-a you new guys getting all the attention all-a the time!
Fox: Yeah, we've been in this battle arena for two decades and you just came around mid-way to grab all the glory with your sword!
Ike: ...
Mash: Ike goes downwards with his sword and stabs both Fox and Luigi!
Borne: The green plumber runs towards Ike but gets hit with his overhead smash, sending him flying.
Mash: And Ike is on a roll! He counters Fox's Fire Fox attack, hitting him away!
Borne: Ike has begun charging his powerful downward magical stab attack...
Mash: Luigi recovers with a Luigi Missile, then he leaps over Ike and attacks Fox with a downward mid-air punch!
Borne: Fox recovers and climbs up onto the stage, kicking Luigi as he does so.
Mash: Luigi is knocked backwards... oh, and straight into Ike's charged downward stab! The massive explosion sends Luigi FLYING!
Borne: Luigi flies near the edge of the arena, but high up in the air. Meanwhile, Fox has begun pummeling Ike with punches and kicks, and has used his Reflector to shove him rightwards repeatedly.
Ike: Give me a break! I didn't choose to become popular!
Fox: Okay, so you didn't. I still want to win this tournament!
Mash: Ike swings back but Fox dodges it, and Fox grabs Ike and kicks him off of the side!
Borne: Luigi is still falling. He has only one chance to make it... he's charging a Green Missile.
Mash: Luigi won't make it at this rate... meanwhile, Ike jumps up and uses his recovery sword move to smack Fox around a bunch.
Borne: Fox lands and charges up a sideways kick. Ike has no defense against it as he's recovering...
Mash: Ike is about to get hit... Oh no! Luigi's green missile misfired!
Borne: Fox is hit before he can even hit Ike.
Mash: The misfire knocks Fox entirely off the stage! He's down!
Fox: KO Ike: 56% Luigi: 35%
Borne: Luigi gets hit back by Ike's sword.
Mash: Ike swings some more, but he barely misses.
Borne: Luigi goes for a kick, but Ike shields it.
Mash: And now Luigi is doing a spinning tornado attack!
Borne: Ike shields that, but drops it too soon and is stunned by the last hit!
Mash: Ike tries to do a mid-air downward stab...
Borne: But he is too late. Luigi hits him with a Super Jump Punch.
Mash: The match is concluded in a fiery explosion. Ike is knocked into the skies!
MATCH SET; THIS MATCH'S WINNER IS: Luigi
Borne: And Luigi wins the tournament.
Mash: Well, that was certainly a comeback. He was almost done for so early on...
Borne: And now, you can interview Luigi. I have other things to do.
Mash: Uh, sure.
*Borne casually opens the window and leaps out of it, crashing into the ground below as if it's nothing, then walks into his jet plane and flies off*
Mash: Showoff... *Walks down the stairs to the winner's area*
Luigi: *Is posing as people take pictures of him* That's-a-right! I've taken down that annoying newcomer and the guy who-a-always-wins! Luigi numbah-one has won!
Mash: *Holds microphone to Luigi* So what is it like finally winning a tournament?
Luigi: Well, I-a have been here for so-a long and yet never won a-tournament, you know? It's-a finally come to me! But I-a know it's not just-a me that matters.
Mash: And who are the other people or person you speak of?
Luigi: All-a the neglected fighters out-a there! I'll-a use my prize money to help the others like-a me train and get better so they-a too can win!
Mash: Well, that's certainly an interesting thing to do. Anything else before we tune out for the night?
Luigi: I-a hope you-a fans out there know that we're-a more than a bunch of people who-a fight for entertainment. Don't-a let another AAA show up--support the-a SSS Stadium. It's-a neglected too, but like-a me, it has far more interesting-a fights than those places where-a they do all the special effects and-a ignore anything that isn't-a 'popular.' Those places have-a their place, but so does-a Super Smash Stadium.
Mash: Right... I never expected such a speech from you, but then again, you never had a chance to deliver one before. On that inspiring note, that's it for this tournament, folks. Tune in next year for more of the same Smashing Action!
King Dedede: Why do I hear someone screaming bloody murder down the hall?
Twi: Yipe! I think I know who that is, I'd better check on him! Bye your highness! *Vanishes*
King Dedede: Never gonna figure out ninjas and their tricks, nope.
*The medical ward.*
???: *Scribbling notes on a clipboard* Well, everything seems to be working as it should. I think you should be feeling back to normal by tomorrow morning!
Esco: Thanks, Stanley. I knew bringing you back was a good idea.
Dr. Mario: Don't mention it! After Metal fired me, I knew it would only be a matter of time before that other quack got himself killed off somehow. It feels good to be back.
Esco: That feeling is mutual.
Dr. Mario: Now, your dragonitis shouldn't return as long as you make sure to stay as far away from the paradox space as possible. It's all in your mind, so don't even think about paradoxes if you can.
Esco: Can do.
Dr. Mario: And don't go dumping bags of Dragonite on your head either! You don't want it to become permanent.
Esco: Noted. Is that all?
Dr. Mario: Indeed. Now, have a good night! Your first bill should arrive by the end of the week.
Esco: Bill!? You mean Metal forgot to get health insurance coverage!?
Dr. Mario: I'm afraid so. Assuming you continue to work for the Stadium, you're going to be completely drowning in debt for... *looks at his clipboard* about ten years.
Esco: Okay.
*Esco leaves the room. A loud yell of frustration can be heard moments later coming from the hallway.*
Dr. Mario: And don't get too angry, either!
*???*
Kevin: Okay, so it looks like there's still one more loose end to fix. Are you guys ready?
Pinkie: Ready!
Siro: All set!
Light Bear: Indeed.
Kevin: All right. Let's go take down the Dark Bear.