Match #7: LASERS!

The fighters for Wing Fortress: ROB vs. Samus vs. Fox vs. Megaman
2 Stock
Items: LASERS!

Metal Man: Welcome, welcome one and all to this SSS match!

Es De: Wait a minute, you're late. You're late! LATE!

Metal Man: Silence, annoying distraction! *Shoves Es De off camera*

Mash Toady: Here we go again...

Metal Man: Today we will have the most fascinating of pugilistic punch fights! Because instead of fists of flesh... all the punching will be done by LASERS!

Metal Man: And today's co-commentator is...

Metal Man: ALSO ME!

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Metal Man: Alright, alright. Here's... uhh... my old buddy... uhh... Garrick!

Digi: What? Not me?

Garrick: Hey, Dige. Long time no punch-in-the-face. How sad. Why don't you go play around with that Digidex of yours or whatever it's called so I can call this match before I shove it up your AAA. Then you might get some use out of it as a suppository.

Digi: Yikes! Fine, fine, you can go comment on this! *Runs away*

Metal Man: I never did really get why that kid had to keep emulating me. All I did was mimic what his evil robotic clone did once, anyway... *Glances at his burning golf club ala-Ganondorf's SSBB taunt, then puts it away.*

Garrick: Welp, I'm here now, so let's get this train wreck a'rollin'. I'm itching to see someone explode for no reason.

Metal Man: Sure, I've been itching too. Stupid metal suit. Can't reach any of the itchy spots anymore. Er, anyway, here's the stage: The Wing Fortess.

Garrick: Oh God, this place...I remember this place. You used to run into things with this place all the time. Then again, you also used to run into everything with everything all the time.

Metal Man: Of course! It was my favorite place... the ONLY place I liked the best! But it also has... LASERS!

Garrick: And you can also shut the AAAA up. I'm not going to deal with you acting like a AAAAing loon this entire match.

Metal Man: *Raises hand and waggles a finger* I'll tone it down, but only because it's you! No one else would get such treatment... no one! That includes you, Ed!

Garrick: That's right. I AM one of the only ones that vaporized you. Keep that in mind.

Metal Man: So as I was saying, this place has lasers. Two platforms, one on the left, another on the right. In the middle are alternating cannons which pop in and out. Up above there's a lone set of sideways platforms that like to receive items and then flip over and drop people. But don't jump too high, or you'll get burned! ...The left side is also covered in sharp propellers.

Garrick: You've done your research, it seems.

Metal Man: Yes. Many arduous years spent flying from dimension to dimension in it, plus that time I attacked the Brawlers with it. I've used it more than Eggman himself! That's why I hogged all the announcing about how it works.

Garrick: Ah, well, you can go on with announcing about the battlefield while I focus on talking about the fighters caving each other's skulls in. It reminds me of the good ol' days.

Metal Man: Oh yeah... those good days... where I blew up the world and then you came after me and... eheh.. eheh... ...SO there's gonna be plenty of items, and... uh... Match Start! NOW!

Metal Man: ROB and Samus appear on the left platform...

Garrick: The robot and the woman that thinks she's a robot. And Fox and Megaman appear on the right platform.

Metal Man: The match starts as Samus shoots a bunch of energy beams at Fox, who retaliates. Ooh, both are hit, due to the different shot heights!

Garrick: One of those TV monitors Sonic is always running into has shown up and the path is open via cannons. Oh, but ROB is spinning up a top like a spinning person and Megaman seems to be all over that monitor, jumping clear over Fox to get at it.

Metal Man: The Blue Bomber is showing his platforming skills today--he just leaped up the last few platforms and grabbed the item. And what is it... speed shoes? Wow, he's really running now!

Garrick: Yeah, and you seem to be completely missing ROB chucking that top at Fox and cracking him right in the head with it. Oh, but Samus steps in with a rocket to the face! There's those random explosions I was hoping for.

Metal Man: Oh, yeah... eheh... ROB did bad things against me in the past. Sorta like yo--er, nevermind! Megaman takes a bit of damage from leaping too high into some flames, but now he's kicking a soccer ball into Fox... OUCH, Fox just reflected it back into his face!

Garrick: Hold on, now we've got ROB and Samus in a old school fist fight! Probably trying to see who's the real robot. Ah, and we got a ray gun on the field near Fox and Mega. That might even the odds for Fox with those shoes on the little guy.

Metal Man: What's that noise? Robotnik's theme? ...The gun platforms keep alternating.

Garrick: Oh, you have got to be AAAAing me. I don't want to see that fatAAA's crazy mustache anytime soon. Mr. 'Oh, I claim this floppy disk in the name of the Robotnik empire'. Come back when you finally get cold fusion working, you AAAAing quack!

Metal Man: Oh yeah, there's old Robotnik right now... and he's the Ivo kind, I'm sure. He just shot ROB with his beam, propelling him into the air... BOOM! HE'S GONE!

Garrick: The first real death of the night! Oh, and Fox has grabbed that gun and is starting into Megaman, smart mov--but the Blue Bomber jumps clean over the shot and is laying into Robotnik! Pour it on, Mega!

Metal Man: And there's Samus, also leaping up the platforms.. and shooting missiles at Megaman... one of them sorta hits.

Garrick: Fox is raining some death on Samus with that ray gun. And now we've got a glowing mine on the left platform just waiting to be used by someone. AND that AAAAAAA Robotnik is blasting Megaman with some of his own lasers! Things are starting to get a bit hectic.

Metal Man: And Robotnik seems to be leaving... but the battle isn't over yet. ROB arrives... by riding atop the Tornado?

Garrick: Everyone is dropping everything and pouring it on the Tornado. Ohh, that's gotta hurt, they've sent him flying over toward that mine. He's in for a world of hurt if he runs over it. WHAM, and there's Samus dropping the Arwing pilot into the pit! Megaman seems to want to bring more pain for ROB and is headed his way. Robot on robot action!

Metal Man: Samus goes to jump back to the platform, but the guns close... she falls... but she uses the grapple beam to make it onto the left platform!

Garrick: Looks like ROB has grabbed that and chucks it off toward Megama--OH, and a massive laser blasts the bounty hunter skyward and toward that bunch of fire! She's sent CLEAR over the stage! And now Megaman is sent flying to the other side of the stage, but he's up again and counters ROB with a Torpedo! Beautiful hit there, ROB nearly brushes the propellers on the left, just BARELY getting away with his arms intact!

Metal Man: Fox has returned. And along with him is a barrel at the middle of the stage! ...The lasers which shoot down the Tornado he was riding also seem to singe ROB...

Garrick: Here comes Samus on the Tornado, wanting some payback for that burning execution. Now those lasers are ripping into both Fox and ROB. ROB is making a mad dash for that barrel, crashing into it...it might just--YES, it flings off to the right and smacks right into Fox!

Metal Man: Samus is mad now. She leaps up, drop-bombs ROB mid-air, then grabs him, punches him, and hurls him into the flame jet!

Garrick: ROB's bouncing around like a nut, heading for Samus--but Fox intercepts with a gunshot! He blasts RIGHT past him with a Fox Illusion!

Metal Man: And Mega Man summons a huge Guts Crusher brick and blasts ROB off the stage!

Garrick: Welp, ROB is down for the count, there's no way he's coming back now--Oh, but he's giving one last farewell with a fully charged laser blast! It smacks RIGHT into Mega and Samus! A stubborn little AAAAAA right till the end!

Metal Man: Oh yeah, there were items in that barrel! ...Beam swords... and now everyone's picked up some swords.

Garrick: We got ourselves an old school sword fight now. Samus and Fox are trading blows back and forth! But Samus appears tired of this AAAAAAAA and cannon punches Fox RIGHT into Megaman! Mega is looking to respond with another one of those Crusher blocks, but Samus wants none of it and super missiles him clear off the stage! Beautiful shot!

Metal Man: Fox throws his sword at Samus, but Samus leaps over it and barely misses him with an energy shot.

Garrick: Oh, for the love of--GET AAAAING ROBOTNIK OFF THE STAGE!! The damn doctor is back again in that Big Arms thing of his! He grabs Mega Man and tosses him RIGHT into the fire! God, that clown shoes, fatAAA, son of a AAA--

Metal Man: And Samus has decided to missile Robotnik like he's Ridley! He doesn't like that. He turns around to smash Samus, only to be hit by Fox Fire Fox-blasting him!

Dr. Robotnik: I'll get you for this, Star Fox!

Fox: You should really know to keep your large, robotic-controlled hands to yourself!

Garrick: Samus is all over the lull in the fight to Screw Ball Megaman right in the face! Maybe she's trying to tell you something, Mega!

Metal Man: A superscope... uselessly falls off the stage while Samus charges up a charge beam... only to be interrupted by Fox kicking her in the head.

Garrick: Megaman is creepin' up behing Fox to drop a Rush jet right into the back of his head--but he's sent flying off to the right by another of Samus' super missiles!

Metal Man: Samus chases after Megaman across the cannons, while Fox can only spend his time shooting lasers at her and Megaman as the laser turrets retract.

Garrick: We've got another ray gun on the field, Mega's all over it. He's taking a few potshots at Samus. She responds with her own arm cannon energy beams, but neither of them seem to make much headway...

Metal Man: Some energy beams rake the lower platforms. Megaman dodges, but Samus and Fox are hit!

Garrick: They're both flying, but Samus beats Fox to the ground and punches Megaman right into the blades!

Metal Man: The Blue Bomber is nearly out of it... but wait! He's flying over to the middle of the stage... where some massive cannon has appeared!

Garrick: That...looks like a BFG 9000! Somehow, the Big AAAAing Gun itself is on the middle of the stage, ripe for the picking!

Metal Man: Wait, how'd that get here? Did you do that?

Garrick: Are you kidding me? Like I'd let a gun like that out of my hand for more than a few seconds?

Metal Man: Then what is it doing there fo--

BOOOOOOM

Garrick: The entire ship has been blown wide the AAAA open! Fox is down and Samus is on her last legs! It looks like the BFG only had enough power for a single shot, cause it's gone now, but what a shot!

Metal Man: Well doesn't that just beat all. It's a fight to the Sudden Death, as the ship is falling!

Garrick: It's raining pieces of the Wing Fortress all over the place! The fighters have to deal with it slicing into them as it comes down!

Metal Man: The lower gravity has both fighters fighting it out in mid-air...

Garrick: Megaman kicks a soccer ball into Samus. Samus drop-bombs Megaman. Megaman hurls a Guts Crush block but Samus steals it from him with a Grapple and then throws it into him.

Metal Man: Megaman Rush-Jets back and shoots Samus with a tornado. Samus is almost off the stage...

Garrick: But she responds with a missle that lands clean on Megaman's chest!

Metal Man: Megaman goes to smash Samus off the stage...

Garrick: He's looking for the kill, he goes for it--BUT HE MISSES! HE SCREWS UP THE FINAL BLOW AND HE'S FALLING!

Metal Man: BOOM! BAM! That's it!

GAME SET

This match's winner is... SAMUS!

Garrick: Damn, what a fight. Lasers and guns all over the place, I AAAAing love it.

Metal Man: I'll interview the losers.

Garrick: Wait, you're leaving ME with the winner interview job? I figured that's your deal.

Metal Man: Samus... uhh... don't mention me to her. Really. *Runs to interview the others*

*Megaman is in the Stadium infirmary, having missing armor pieces re-attached.*

Megaman: I just can't believe it. I had that match in the bag, and then I miscalculated!

Metal Man: Yes. So what will you do different next time?

Megaman: I think I'll throw more tornadoes at people. It's less likely to backfire.

Metal Man: And what about you, ROB?

ROB: THIS ARENA DID NOT FIT NORMAL SPECIFICATIONS. VICTORY WAS IMPOSSIBLE. I ONLY FOUGHT IN IT TO COLLECT MY DECADECIMAL PAYCHECK.

Metal Man: Right, and...

ROB: THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY. CEASE YOUR POINTLESS QUESTIONING.

Metal Man: Ah... and... you, Fox?

Fox: There were too many hazards in that stage. Half the time I had to fight that Dr. Robotnik dweeb. Maybe if I had a more fair stage I'd win.

Metal Man: Like... Final Destination?

Fox: No. Not Final Destination. Don't ever mention that to me. *Puts on sunglasses and leaves.*

Metal Man: I guess SOMEBODY hates a certain terrible movie!

*Meanwhile...*

Garrick: Alright, Samus. You showed some real mastery of AAAkicking out there today, fighting not one but TWO robots, not to mention the ace pilot Fox. What were you thinking going against these three?

Samus: In my travels, I have fought many robots and "ace" pilots. Alone. Most of my opponents in today's match were used to having allies... and that is why they failed against me.

Garrick: And what were your thoughts on Robotnik entering the stage?

Samus: He wasn't much different than the Ing or the Space Pirates. His technology was inferior to theirs. Although he was distracting, he really didn't have a chance of stopping me--I easily scanned and discovered his weaknesses mid-battle.

Garrick: Any changes to your strategy for next time? Perhaps more explosions?

Samus: While my missiles are effective, it's best to save them for when they are necessary. Otherwise I might run out if, say, a real threat were to join the match and become a problem.

Garrick: Right, well, congrats on the victory, hope to see more from ya next time.

Metal Man: And that's it for this match. Stick around for the next exciting smash fest!

Garrick: All in all, Metal, not too shabby of a place you got setup here. I might have to turn up for another match calling. Or maybe you and I can step into an arena and you can try your luck again on the Son of Solid Snake?

Metal Man: Ah. Well, with my new TRIDUS GUN and TIME POWERS, perhaps this time I might stand a chance. Maybe I'll take you up on it sometime.

Garrick: Name the time and the place, slick. Until then, see you folks next time.

*In a mysterious place...*

?: How long? Just how long has it been?

??: It's only been two months since our fall from grace, sir.

?: I know, but it feels like it has been forever!

???: Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't our collapse of power caused directly by your actions?

??: Don't question the Number One like that!

?: Now now, underling, I am partially to blame, but I didn't expect things to change so quickly like that!

???: Yeah. One moment, we abandon our failing project; the next moment it revives with an intense power!

*A fourth figure appears from the darkness*

????: Leader! The weapon you requested is finished!

?: Good. We are making progress towards our former glory.

??: The project will become ours again?

?: Yes. Now then, release the virus. Infect every single computer system on the surface of this world!

????: Okay! *leaves*

???: What do we do now?

?: Now, we prepare ourselves for the aftermath! You three will undergo extensive training to ensure that you are at your absolute pinnacle by the time the fighting begins!

??: Yes sir!