Question: Who is the better Falcon? (well, kinda...)
Fighters for Big Blue: Captain Falcon vs. Falco
Background/Pre-Match:
(Digi is standing next to a door in the SSS dressing rooms. The door has a sign reading, "SSS Guest Commentator's Room." Bowser is inside.)
Digi: COME ON BOWSER!
Bowser: Fanatic, it's hard trying to find a proper suit when your shell is covered in spikes!
Digi: It's 7:15! We have a live to get to that's gonna start in 45 minutes! The crew is doing their best putting the finishing touches on everything, the crowd's packed and they're all there waiting for us!
Bowser: You're right. I'll just go classic without the suit. (storms out of the room) Let's hit it! Oh, who's your other mic-man again?
Digi: Mash, who was only planning interviews.
Bowser: Okay, just checking.
(About thirty minutes later, the two finally arrive at the Meleenium Motel--a work in progress--a few minutes before the cameras roll)
(Time for the show to start!)
Digi: Hey, Digifanatic here on a beautiful night at Big Blue for a Smash Stadium match!
(crowd cheers)
Digi: Now, I developed a policy a while back that whenever someone wins a match I host, they get the opportunity to join me in the booth for my next match. Now, if you may remember from "Fire Fighters"...
(plays clip of Navi making official Bowser's win at Brinstar)
Digi: ...that fighter is none other THAN BOWSER KOOPA!!!
(crowd gives loud roaring and applause)
Bowser: Oh, I have a feeling this is gonna be a good one tonight, Fanny Pack. (Digi rolls his eyes) Anyways, we have a match between Falcon and Falco, and well, where's the DVD?
Digi: (pulls DVD out) Yeah, we're getting high-tech now. Here's the clip. (inserts DVD, which plays this clip from a post-match run-in of Match 75 between Falcon and Falco)
C. Falcon: Stupid Unown...I had a chance to win that match...
Falco: Hey, you know those Pokéballs are a random deal.
C. Falcon: Hmph...(voice grows a bit angry) wait a minute. Falco...did you steal my name?
Falco: No I didn't! My father wanted to pick me out this name way before I was a hatchling; when he was part of the Star Fox crew years before he gave me the job! Besides, "Falcon" is probably just a stage name, isn't it?
C. Falcon: Is NOT!
Falco: Even still...wanna settle this one over a fight?
C. Falcon: What the heck...why not!
(end clip)
Bowser: Well, that was kinda weird how Lambeau just started chomping at Admiral's bit!
Digi: Hey, people sue over anything these days.
Bowser: True. Anyways, we seem to have Smash Shroomy down there who is talking to a very confident Falcon pre-match. Splash?
Mash: If you screw my name up one more time...anyways, Falcon, you won your chance to pick the rules yesterday, and have taken the obvious idea of a home arena. How are you feeling about this match?
C. Falcon: I'm gonna show Falco I got the name first, and I'm gonna whoop his semi-royal butt!
Editor's Note: I wanna know how two guys beating each other up actually PROVES any of this...
Mash: I say that's confident! Back to you guys.
Digi: I agree with what he said. Anyways, the rules are a 3-life stock match at Big Blue, and the Captain wanted a fair fight, so we agreed to make it No Items as well. So...SSS is here to present to you a Digifanatic match...
Bowser: With your special guest, me, Bowser Koopa...
Digi: And we're ready...how about you, fans?
(crowd cheers loudly)
Bowser: So, with that in mind, as we must with his matches...
Digi and Bowser: WHO LET THE FIGHTERS OUT!
Bowser: Who else? WE DID!
Digi: Alright, Falco gets the crucial First Strike with a Blaster shot and tops it off with a punch...he wants to win this badly!
Bowser: Hawk put up his shield but is still hit hard by a Flaming Bird Carcass attack! Okay, Falcon gets a semi-decent kick in.
Digi: Falco going with a two-kick combo--aerial followed by roundhouse--and somehow blocks a Falcon Dive as well!
STATS:
C. Falcon: 56% D0 Falco: 12% D0
Digi: Falcon hit again while he was preparing to execute a Raptor Boost.
Bowser: Wow, Falco Lasagna is just pulling the snots outta Falcon as they land on Octodude's machine, the Deep Claw, off towards stage right.
Digi: Falcon still taking multiple blows...he kicks Falco but is sent by contact with the Reflector!
Bowser: That'll KO him at 150%...he's back and hits Falco with a Boost...still under that hovering...thing.
Digi: Oh boy, Lombardi traps Falcon in a flurry of kicks, and gives him another taste of the Blaster to remind him this is not just a physical match.
Bowser: Hang on, Falcon's hit No N with a Dino Accelerator but he's still alive on his first life, while Commander's barely hanging onto his second...
STATS:
C. Falcon: 103% D1 Falco: 73% D0
Bowser: Alright, the Blue Falcon pilot has come back and gives Blue Jay a hard kick, missing where it counts but still hits for nice damage.
Digi: They're towards stage left now, and the Captain gets some much-needed offense on Falco, and Falco is now over 100%!
Bowser: But Colonel Vulture is trapped again!
STATS:
C. Falcon: 146% D1 Falcon: 136% D0
Digi: Falcon in the air with a kick on Falco...the bird's got a few feathers plucked but he's not dead yet!
Bowser: OKAY! Bird Man traps Falco Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is on stage left...and is KO'd! Well...alright, he's back. Now, Falcon's a bit vulnerable, dodging some attacks but is a victim of a Free Bird attack and is down to his last life.
Digi: Side note Koopa--don't use that again. Lynyrd Skynyrd's a great band.
Bowser: Colonel is yet again stuck and is hit by two Plasma Gun shots...oh, he's getting evasive now.
Digi: Falcon looking for an open space...he's found one! He's giving it all he's got now! Two Smashes...AND A FALCON DIVE KO'S FALCO! They are back on the same life now, and it's their last! Is there life in Captain Falcon's fight?
STATS:
C. Falcon: 58% D2 Falco: 0% D2
Bowser: I dunno...he apparently forgot about Hawk Lobshot's beginning-of-life invulnerability...he's hit a couple times with some close-range kicks and punches...gets in a Dunker though.
Digi: Falcon Dive...they're on the Wonder Wasp, and it's getting interesting. Falcon's charging a small kick and lands it...oh my.
Bowser: IS THIS IT? Digi, it looks like Lombardi's got no safe landing, he's trying! He lands on the track! HEARTBREAK FOR STARFOX AT BIG BLUE!
Digi: That'll do him in! FALCO IS OUT! THAT'S THE FIGHT!
This game's winner is CAPTAIN FALCON!
C. Falcon (pointing at crowd): DO YOU...BE-LIEVE...IN MIRACLES???
(crowd cheers)
Digi: Miracle, maybe!
Bowser: I think McCirrus is going to be mad at Falco tonight...
Digi: (staring at Bowser) You'll get it soon.
Bowser: Oh well. Where's--
Digi: Mash is standing with your winner of this fight. Mash?
Mash: This crowd could not believe what just happened! Falcon, do you believe what just happened?
C. Falcon: Every second of it. It took a lot for me to get going, but losing those lives was just extra fuel to my fire. WHOO!
Digi: Hey, this is Digi. You planning on perhaps entering the booth for my next match?
C. Falcon: Honestly, I'll have to think about it. And yes, "Falcon" is not a stage name--I was born with it, so yeah, Falco's father stole it!
Mash: Well, certain congratulations on that win. What a thriller!
Bowser: Well one certainly does learn something new every day!
Digi: Mash, any idea on where Falco is?
Mash: He just flew off...I didn't want to come close to him after what happened.
Digi: I wouldn't either. We'll see you whenever Mash; thanks for coming to handle interviews.
Mash: No prob.
Bowser: Good match tonight, wouldn't you say?
Digi: It's always better when SSS broadcasts live to TVs.
Bowser: I agree. So, we got some questions for reactions?
Digi: Yeah.
Bowser: (stares blankly) I think we need not know the opinions to 5, and I think you were being just a bit too relevant on 4.
Digi: The match just finished! Do you think this was scripted??? HECK NO!
Bowser: Of course not. So, on behalf of Mash and the rest of the people at SSS, Bowser Koopa...
Digi: And Digifanatic signing out! Have a good night!