Hello, and welcome to yet another exciting SSS matchup! Tonight, my partner Maria is unable to commentate due to her match in the World Tournament against Goom, so let me introduce my fellow commentator for tonight, a great fighter and fellow sword-user, Sir Meta-Knight!

Hello.

Tonight’s match is bound to be an exciting one! It’s a Stamina match set to take place at the Real World: NES arena!

Nu, can you please roll the pre-game tape?

…Yes, sir. *inserts tape*

[Begin Tape]

Hey, Paula, check this out! *does an Around the World*

Cool!

That’s nothing! I’m the master with a yo-yo!

In your dreams, Ness! I was doing Rock the Cradles while you were still IN a cradle!

Oh, Yeah? We’ll settle this in the ring!

[End Tape]

Thank you, Nu. That is all for now.

…Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. *Leaves*

Let’s start this fight. Ready?

The Master Weaponsmith, Baratus Swordblade II!

Kirby’s sworn rival, Meta-Knight!

THE SSS FANMATCH COMMENTATORS!

And now, for all the people in the stands, who are only here because I gave them tickets…

And for all the people who will never see this match on the site because no one ever updates Fan Matches…

LET’S SMASH IT DOWN!

Mike begins this match on one of the cartridges, while Ness starts on a controller. Mike quickly makes use of his height advantage, rocking Ness with his powerful Stomping Cleat!

Ness is quick to pull out his yo-yo, and a couple aerial Smashes keep Mike in the air. Mike responds with his own yo-yo smash, then wraps him up with it and tosses him away!

Ness wasn’t expecting that throw, and runs back toward Mike... Right into the path of a Cowhide Wonder!

Mike blocks a PK Fire, and then knocks Ness into the air for a bit of juggling!

N 117 HP  MJ 130 HP

Mike charges toward Ness, trying to get his bat into the mix, but he gets stopped by a PK Flash!

Mike Smashes Ness over the side, but Ness PK Thunder-Tackles back on, nailing Mike in the process!

Ness tries to jump down from the controller, trying to get himself together, but Mike surprises him with an Asterisk!

Mike jumps down to the system, and Ness gets off a PK Fire to stun him! Ness Smashes him out of it, and then drills him from long range with a PK Flash!

N 95 HP  MJ 77 HP

Ness currently has a good-sized lead, but the Hands have appeared, taking both right platforms. This arena’s hazards will make themselves known soon!

Mike uses his ranged grab-and –throw to put Ness in the air, and keeps him there with a few well-placed aerial attacks. That should even the damages up a bit.

Uh-oh… The game start screen has appeared! It’s Kirby’s Adventure!

(Please don’t go into Orange Ocean… PLEASE don’t go into Orange Ocean… The embarrassment of my first loss to that stupid vacuum cleaner…)

The first area in the background is the first level of Orange Ocean! The fighters will have to dodge the same cannon shots and enemies that Kirby does in the game!

(DAMMIT!)

Mike knocks Ness into the path of a Shotzo cannon, but a PK Magnet reverses that move! Mike waits, for Ness to drop, then hammers him with his yo-yo Smashes!

A Bonkers comes onto the screen, and Mike uses the opportunity to toss Ness toward it, resulting in some serious hammering!

N 53 HP  MJ 77 HP

Ness gets out of the reach of the big ape, and once again tees up Mike with PK Fire, followed by a Casey Bat Smash!

Mike retaliates with a Bola, and then does his own Bat smash!

The scene is changing… Can it be? It is! It’s Kirby’s boss battle with Meta-Knight!

([Censored]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Ness attempts a PK Thunder, but Mike knocks him with a Fireball, and then smashes him up into the middle of the screen, causing him to get caught in the slashing between Meta and Kirby!

Kirby attempts a midair slash, but I counter brilliantly and stab him in the gut! HAHAHA!

Wrong match, Meta…

N 21 HP  MJ 50 HP

Mike now has a commanding lead! Can Ness catch up?

The answer is no! Ness puts his PK Magnet up, expecting a Cowhide Wonder, but Mike uses his Throw instead, tossing Ness up into my counterpart’s downthrust for the final shot!

GAME!

Dr. Mario just hauled off Ness, and left Mike a Heart Container.

…I’ll admit, that was an impressive match. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go finish my plans to destroy Kirby! *Leaves*

You do that, Meta. Now, let’s go down to Return Gull, who is with our winner. RG?

*Begin Feed*

Congratulations! How do you feel? And, uh… what’s your name again?

DAMMIT! It’s Mike! MIKE! M-I-K-E! Why can’t anyone remember that?

Well, maybe if you weren’t such as arse about it…

Maybe I should just knock you into next week! *pulls out his bat*

Oh, $#!+… Back up to the booth! CUT! CUT! *runs away*

*End Feed*

...Boy, that was… exciting… I hope I don’t have to repair that stupid Maverick again…

…Sir, we have some developments. *hands SB a sheet*

Latebreaking news! Let’s see… Maria has defeated Goom! Big surprise there… Something in happening in Link’s locker room! That’s important… HELLO! Lesbians at the bar! I’m outta here. ThunderBolt, Ember, cover the match. I’ve got some filming to do! *leaves*

Yessir!

So… Nu, what’s going on in Link’s locker room?

…Here. *puts in a tape*

*Begin Tape*

Hey, Crono! Long time no see! How’s it going?

…

Really?

…

That’s cool! How’s Marle doing?

…

Malon? She’s doing great, thanks for asking! What’d you come in her for?

…

What do you mean?

…

You sure?

…

Okay, sound’s good. You’re on!

*leave*

*End Tape*

Thanks, Nu. That is all.

…Thank you.

So, here’s what we know. This will be a one-life stock match between Link and Crono at Final Destination, with Beam Swords turned on High. An interesting match setup…

The arena setup is complete; I believe it’s time to start this party started!

The Eclectic, Electric ThunderBolt Falcon!

The Fiery Ember Iguana!

THE SSS FANMATCH COMMENTATORS!

And now, for the 15 people tops still in the audience…

And the few people reading worldwide…

LET’S SMASH IT DOWN!

We almost forgot… Crono now has the diagonal-moving Lightning to Bv over Luminaire, and now has the ranged Slash at B>.

Link starts of the match with a Boomerang, but Crono deflects it with Slash and strikes out with Lightning!

Link gets an Arrow into Crono, and now the two have closed in and are having an incredible swordsman’s duel!

Man, too bad Swordblade is missing this match! This is an incredible battle!

Their percentages are starting to climb…

L 55%  Cr 57%

Crono finally grabs Link and tosses him, following up with a Cyclone! Link fires off a bomb, but Crono reflects and Lightnings him again!

Link uses Downward Stab to deal some damage, but gets knocked into the air by Crono’s upward Smash!

Crono uses a Lightning to catch Link, and sends him over the top and into the background!

GAME!

That was a pretty quick battle, but an exciting one nonethetless. I believe that Blast Rat is now down with the fighters.

*Begin Feed*

So, Link, why do you think you lost?

Leave him alone! Oh, Link, you poor thing…

Malon, I’m OK, really… *groans*

Don’t even give any of that! Come on, now! *grabs Link’s hand and walks off*

*looks over his shoulder*

*gives thumbs up*

*gives thumbs up*

Uhh… Back to you guys.

*End Feed*

…

What the hell…?

Well, that’s about all we have for tonight… Good-night, folks…

*And now, something completely different*

*at the Meleenium Bar & Grill*

Hey, Bartender, another beer! *BURP*

Same! Just put it on Lemmy’s tab! Hah!

Ya know, maybe he’ll get pissed…

*beep* Lemmy! He’s just a little *beep* anyway!

Whoa… Check it out! *BURP* That Swordbutt idiot forgot to put in questions!

I’ll give you some questions, you *beep*!

1) What the *beep* is wrong with Mike?

2) Was the end of either match cheap?

3)  Was Link trying to throw his match?

4) Should Swordblade stick to one group of commentators?

5) Does anyone care about Swordblade’s matches?

6) Why is there a sixth question?

Man, this place can eat *beep*. I’m leaving! *leaves*

I hear that! *leaves*

Hey, you two! Come back and pay!