The Question: Can Fox take down Link's pansy villains?
The Fighters: Fox vs. Ganondorf
The Arena: Great Fox
Item Ratio: Nonexistant
Larry: Hello, and welcome to the Super Smash Stadium. Your regular announcers weren’t available for today, so we thought we’d fill in.
Roy: Yeah… (He pounds his fists) They’re not available.
Wendy: Honestly, Roy… Did you HAVE to punch Pat THAT hard?
Roy: Would you have preferred harder, sis?
Larry: Well, I’ll give you a bit of info on today’s match then…
Roy: I’m giving the info… Or Else!
Larry: Or else what?
Roy: (Punches Larry in the face) That.
Larry: OW! MY NOSE!
Wendy: You don’t have a nose…
Roy: All right then, our match today is Fox McCloud verses Ganondorf. You wanna know why? Lets go to the tape… (Pops in the tape, tape plays)
Fox: Stupid elf! You really think you’re that great a hero?
Link: Greater than you, at least…
Fox: What’s the biggest thing you’ve fought? A wizard!
Link: He’s a strong wizard…
Fox: I fight FLOATING DISEMBODIED GIANT HEADS!
Link: You have a giant head.
Fox: I have a… listen, elf, I bet you I could take down any villain you’ve ever faced.
Link: You’d get crushed…
Fox: You think so? Then I’ll go prove you wrong! (Runs off, tape ends)
Wendy: Shortly after this, Fox spoke to Ganondorf. Here’s what occurred. (Plays more on the tape)
Ganondorf: All right, McCloud, what do you want?
Fox: I want a match.
Ganondorf: A match? Why?
Fox: To prove I can beat you…
Ganondorf: You’d lose. Now go away, I have more important matters to attend to. (Begins to walk off)
Fox: Hold it! (Dashes in front of Ganondorf) How about a bet? If you manage to beat me, I’ll give you the Great Fox!
Ganondorf: And what must I relinquish if you win?
Fox: Nothing important, maybe just that little token you keep on your hand?
Ganondorf: Bet the Triforce of Power? Do you think me a fool?
Fox: Well, I understand if you’re afraid to lose…
Ganondorf: The Prince of the Gerudo does NOT lose! I accept your challenge!
Fox: I’ll be in the Great Fox, then… Meet me on the ship in two hours.
Ganondorf: I’ll be there…
Larry: So there you have it. Ganondorf versus Fox. The winner gets the Great Fox and the Triforce of Power, loser gets, well, hurt.
Wendy: The two hour mark is right about up, so lets get this match ready…
Roy: Hey, we gots a rules change, don’t we?
Larry: That’s right. The competitors wanted this to be a clean match, so there’s going to be no items whatsoever.
Wendy: However, Falco, Slippy, Peppy-
Krystal: (Over loudspeaker) Actually, I’m replacing Peppy, now. He said that he was too old for it.
Wendy: However, Falco, Slippy, Krystal, and the Star Wolf team are likely going to be in the area battling as they so often do.
Panther: (Over loudspeaker) I’m replacing Pig- (Roy shuts off communications with Panther)
Roy: One other thing! These punks just wanted to wail on each other, so we’re not going for ring out. The match ends when one guy falls and doesn’t get back up.
Wendy: Well, it looks like Fox’s Arwing is landing on the ship…
Larry: And Ganondorf is coming in via a big, scary bird… thingy.
Roy: Okay. They’re here. Now do we get to watch them wail on each other?
Wendy: Not before the unnecessarily weird introduction.
Larry: May I?
Roy: Go for it, hippie.
Larry: Just because I like plants and use questionable substances…
Roy: What part of “go for it” don’t you understand? (Growls)
Larry: Uhh… Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of ages 7 and up! The Super Smash Stadium proudly brings to you, the Green Thumbed Larry Koopa!
Wendy: The supernaturally beautiful Wendy O. Koopa!
Roy: This is so stupid…
Larry and Wendy: The Koopentators!
Larry: And for the thousands in attendance!
Wendy: And the dozens on the message boards…
Roy: START THE MATCH ALREADY!
Larry: Fox and Ganondorf begin the battle by charging at each other!
Wendy: Ganondorf starts off with a magical uppercut thingy!
Roy: But the fur ball swerves to the side and kicks at his legs!
Larry: As Ganon gets up, he kicks out to send Fox backwards a meter!
Wendy: Fox retaliates with a few shots from his blaster, but Ganon doesn’t seem to be phased too much by it.
Roy: Ganondork leaps up and kicks at Fox, knocking him down again.
Larry: Fox gets to his feet and grabs Ganon!
Wendy: Fox manages to toss the massive man into the air and shoot him a few times with his blaster.
Roy: Ganondork drops to the ground and lunges once more, grabbing fuzz-face!
Larry: But the two have both been blasted! Looks like a stray shot from Lombardi!
Falco: (Over loudspeaker) Stay out of the way, Fox!
Wendy: Ganondorf and Fox slowly get back to their feet and begin a hand-to-hand spar.
Roy: A few of those headshots look pretty fun. I wouldn’t mind getting in on this action.
Larry: Maybe later, Roy. Right now, we’re just commentators.
Wendy: Lets check the scores…
Larry: Ganondorf has lost three and a half of his sixteen hearts, while Fox’s health bar is down about a quarter of the way.
Roy: Then it’s about even as Fox opens fire again.
Wendy: Ganondorf dashes through the shots for another of his magical uppercuts, and this one connects, knocking Fox into the air!
Larry: Fox comes down with a drill kick to Ganon’s dome, knocking the wizard to the ground.
Roy: So, Ganondork smacks Fox aside and stands back up!
Wendy: Things are really heating up as Fox charges his Fire Fox!
Larry: Ganon tries to leap away, but the flames quickly scorch him!
Roy: That’s another few hearts gone; he’s down to ten and a half.
Wendy: And Fox’s health bar is at about two thirds…
Larry: They both roll to the side as Krystal flies by, trailed by Panther’s lasers!
Roy: And after that brief interruption, they leap at each other for some more wailing!
Wendy: Twin kicks send them each to the ground, and they stand up as fast as they can.
Larry: Fox spins quickly for a mighty kick to Ganon, sending him to the top of the fin!
Roy: And fuzz ball dashes after him to knock him down!
Wendy: Ganon swerves now and punches Fox in the back as he passes, knocking the furry to the tail of the ship!
Larry: Ganondorf leaps down after him and reaches in for another smack!
Roy: Fox is backed up against the fin and starts kicking wildly!
Wendy: He’s managed to shake Ganondorf and he raises his fists defiantly.
Larry: Ganon runs to him, fist raised!
Roy: So Fox raises his power shield!
Wendy: Ganondorf drops his fist and grabs Fox once again, quickly slamming the animal into the back of the fin!
Larry: As Fox gets up, he activates his reflector shield, shocking Ganondorf and sending him to the ground!
Roy: Fox dashes at Ganondorf and swings for a quick kick once more!
Wendy: Ganondorf’s knocked to the edge and climbs back up with another punch to the fox!
Larry: Ganon now has half of his hearts, and Fox’s life bar mimics this at approximately half.
Roy: Fox grabs Ganon now and tosses him into the fin, dashing quickly to catch him.
Wendy: Fox starts punching and kicking Ganon, not letting up for a moment!
Larry: Looks like Ganon’s stuck up against the fin, bashed against the wall repeatedly.
Wendy: Look at those kicks… He’s a sitting duck against that fin!
Roy: How’s he gonna get out of this one?
Larry: Not a clue, Roy…
Wendy: Hunky lizard?
Leon: (Over loudspeaker) Time to die, McCloud!
Wendy: He’s so dreamy…
Larry: A series of lasers blast Fox in the back, letting Ganondorf drop free to the ground!
Wendy: Ack! Slippy’s blasting at Leon! Go away, you stupid frog!
Roy: Well, there go the ships… And Ganondork leaps back on top of the fin, not liking the bottom area anymore…
Larry: It looks like this match is drawing to a close. Ganon’s down to his last three hearts, and Fox only has about a quarter of his health left…
Wendy: Fox has leapt up to catch up with Ganondorf, and he kicks Ganon off the fin to the front portion of the ship!
Roy: Fox leaps at him, ready for a kick…
Larry: But Ganondorf catches him in midair and blows up a burst of magic in McCloud’s face!
Roy: Fox is staggering, and as soon as he gets to his feet he opens fire with his blaster once more.
Wendy: Ganon drops to the ground to avoid the lasers, and Fox is forced to run to him.
Larry: Ganon begins a series of punches, but Fox blocks them with his shield!
Roy: As soon as Dork lets up, the fur ball delivers a quick kick to his side!
Wendy: Fox continues with another few kicks, stealing another heart as Ganon hits the deck.
Larry: Ganon swings an uppercut quickly as he gets up, hitting Fox with the magical purple fire of doom!
Roy: …You’re an idiot.
Larry: Shut up!
Wendy: Fox drops down with another kick to Ganon’s head, bringing him down to his last half a heart!
Roy: Ganon’s on the offensive again and he grabs Fox, throwing him over his shoulder!
Larry: He runs to Fox and tries to ram him, but Fox uses his shield again!
Wendy: Fox rolls to the side, and Ganon delivers a kick to him as soon as he’s on his feet!
Roy: So G-Dork steps back from Fox and charges a Smash attack!
Larry: Fox raises his shield to block it…
(A loud Shatter is heard)
Wendy: And there goes his shield…
Roy: Ha! Fox is just standing there dazed! He’s a sitting duck!
Larry: Which is great for Ganondorf. He’s only got half a heart left, but Fox is down to the last 5% on his health bar.
Wendy: Ganondorf spins and laugh, showboating for the crowd a bit.
Roy: And he pulls back his right hand, glowing with evil energy!
Larry: It’s all over!
Wendy: And there goes Fox… Wait… Where’s the punch?
Roy: I don’t hear a punch…
Gannondorf: Ugh… Urk…
Larry: Look closely!
Wendy: Fox’s fist… is implanted in Ganondorf’s gut!
Roy: G-Dork Took too long to punch…
Larry: And Ganondorf…falls! That was the end of his last heart!
This game’s winner is… Fox McCloud!
Roy: Zoom in on the action! Lets hear the fighters! Bring in the camera!
(Camera zooms into the fight, microphone brought closely)
Ganondorf: (Panting) I… can’t believe… I lost…
Fox: (Breathing heavily) Game Over, Ganondorf… Now, I get the Triforce. (Bends down and takes Ganondorf by the hand)
Ganondorf: No… I need… To get it back…
(A bright glow emanates from the Triforce as Fox raises it, and then closes it into his right hand. Fox raises his right hand, showing the Triforce piece now on it)
Fox: This power! I never felt so alive! Haha! (Begins to dash around the arena) Bring on the next challenger! I’m ready for anything!
Larry: You heard the fox. Someone get Ganondorf out of there, we need a new foe!
(A group of mushroom folk leaps onto the Great Fox, grabs Ganondorf, and run off with him)
Fox: All right, fighters, who thinks they’re man enough to defeat me, Star Fox?
(A small figure appears on the Great Fox’s fin)
Ness: I’m up for it, Fox. This’ll be fun.
Fox: All right, kiddo… (Flexes) Lets do it… Standard style, one life…
Ness: (Nods) Okay.
Larry: All right, lets get this match set up…
Wendy: Turning items back on!
Larry: Setting up health meters!
Wendy: Sending Fox a heart to heal!
Roy: Honestly… Do you two have to be so annoying?
Larry: Just doing our jobs.
Wendy: Ness and Fox look ready to fight!
Roy: Then start the match!
Larry: All right… And once again, for the-
Roy: HOLD IT!
Roy: We’re skipping the stupid intro. I’LL start the match!
Roy: Three, two, one, FIGHT!
Wendy: That’s not how you…
Roy: And Ness and Fox start by charging at each other!
Larry: Wha? Ack! Ness blasts Fox with a quick PK Fire for the early advantage!
Wendy: As Fox gets out, Ness manages to kick him in the head!
Roy: Fox falls and gets to his feet, starting a few Blaster shots at Ness!
Larry: Ness takes a few, and then activates his PSI Magnet! He’s absorbed the rest and he’s feeling fine!
Wendy: Fox is thoroughly annoyed now and goes for the dashing kick!
Roy: Ha! Only to get a yo-yo in the face!
Larry: Ness throws a PK fire at the stunned Fox and scorches him once more, following up with a head butt!
Roy: And with a freakishly giant head, that’s gonna leave a mark!
Wendy: Fox comes down and kicks Ness in the head, sending him flying back to the top of the fin!
Larry: So Ness rolls off to the back, using the fin as cover.
Roy: Fox rushes in to crush him!
Wendy: And a PK Thunder shocks Fox while he stands on the fin!
Larry: Ness grabs the first item to appear so far… Bunny Ears!
Roy: Fox hops down to hit him, and Ness dashes out of the way!
Wendy: Ness then dashes back in and kicks Fox again!
Larry: Fox is in dire straits as Ness makes a quick swing at him with the baseball bat, sending him off the edge!
Roy: He barely makes it back with a Fox Fire attack.
Wendy: Fox looks angry now and he’s staring Ness down!
Larry: His hand’s starting to glow…
Roy: Huh? Is that SUPPOSED to happen?
Wendy: Fox is glowing completely now… And he’s growing!
Larry: And fast at that! He’s shooting up into a twenty-foot colossus!
Roy: Yeah! All right, Fox! Squash the stupid human!
Wendy: Ness blasts him with a PK Fire, but he doesn’t seem affected!
Larry: Fox pulls back his foot and swings it!
Wendy: He kicked so fast… I barely saw it!
Roy: Ha! Ness just got slammed in the head! He’s on the ground!
Wendy: Fox glares down to Ness…
Larry: He’s… not getting up…
Roy: What are you talking about?
Larry: Look… Ness isn’t moving!
Wendy: Should we… start a count down?
Larry: Yeah… Ten…
Larry: Uhh… It’s Six, Roy.
Larry: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six.
Roy: (Glares at Larry, clenches fist)
Roy: And Fox wins!
This game’s winner is… Fox McCloud!
Larry: Quick, get the cameras in there!
(Cameras and microphone zoom in on Fox and Ness)
Larry: He’s not moving… He’s supposed to be moving!
Wendy: We are SO fired…
Roy: Ha! Serves him right! He’s a human after all!
Larry: Somebody call a doctor!
Dr. Mario: (Leaps onto the ship) I’m a Doctor!
Fox: Get off my ship, you stupid little monkey!
Dr. Mario: (Picks up Ness) He’s not a-breathing! I a-better take him to my a-office! (Leaps off the ship and heads off into the distance)
Larry: Well… This isn’t good…
Wendy: Hey, it’s the guys in charge!
(Pat, Knight, and Game Guru walk in)
Pat: Fox sure is strong like that…
Game Guru: Too strong, he hurt Ness…
Knight: He can’t be allowed to wield that sort of power in the ring!
Game Guru: We have to take that thing away from him…
Pat: I’ll give it a shot! (Heads towards the ring)
Knight: (Grabs Pat by the shoulder) Hold on… You might get hurt. I’ll do it.
Game Guru: We’ll all go.
(Pat, Knight, and Game Guru leap onto the ship)
Game Guru: Fox McCloud! You’re out of control! Stop using the Triforce!
Fox: Are you crazy? This is great! (Laughs a bit, climbs to the top of the ship and rides it like a horse) I’ve never been stronger!
Knight: You really hurt Ness! You can’t fight like this!
Fox: Just watch me!
Pat: Give it up or we’re going to take it from you!
Fox: Bring it, smidget!
(Pat, Game Guru and Knight lunge at giant, Triforce-enhanced Fox. Fox smacks them aside)
Knight: Gotta try again! (Leaps up and punches Fox)
Fox: Off of me, you stupid robot! (Grabs Knight and tosses him into the commentator’s box)
Knight: Good thing I don’t feel pain…
Game Guru: (Slowly gets up) Let me give it a shot… Time to charge the Special Galactic Blast! (Begins to charge)
Pat: (Stands up and stands by him) I’ll lend a hand! (Channels energy) Ka… Me… Ha… Me…
Game Guru: BLAST! (Fires it at Fox)
Pat: HAAAA! (Releases his energy towards Fox) That should do it!
Game Guru: Oh… Crap…
Game Guru: REFLECTOR! (Points as the energies bounce of Fox and back at them)
Pat: HIT THE DECK! (Dives)
Game Guru: HELP! (Dives after Pat)
???: MIRROR SHELL!
(A pair of short, cloaked figures appears between the Superpowers and Fox, and the energy bounces back towards Fox)
???2: Get him now! Lets go!
Game Guru: Huh? What?
Pat: No time! ATTACK! (Lunges over the figures at Fox’s head and grabs him by the ears)
Fox: Get off me! (Raises his hand to smack Pat and the reflector shield is lowered. The twin burst of energies smacks him in the chest, knocking him to the ground)
???2: Now, GG! Grab the Triforce!
Game Guru: Right! (Grabs Fox’s right hand and pulls the Triforce off, holding it high as Fox quickly shrinks back to his normal form)
Pat: Lets get back to the offices… (Grabs Game Guru and leaps away. The two cloaked figures leap after him)
(Five minutes later, in Game Guru’s office)
Pat: Thanks for the help… Who are you, anyway?
???: Honestly… You guys are hopeless…
???2: We decide to retire and you let a giant fox-monster wreak havoc on the stadium?
???: Can’t you do ANYTHING without us?
Pat: Wait? Who are you?
Game Guru: Pat… It’s the twins…
(The cloaked figures toss off their cloaks, revealing the green-skinned, shiny-shelled, spiky-haired forms of Lemmy and Iggy Koopa)
Iggy: And don’t you forget it!
Lemmy: Yeah, yeah, we’re back… But just to save you guys’ butts.
Iggy: Don’t go thinking we’re STAYING or anything.
Knight: (Walks in) But the question remains… Of what to do with the Triforce?
Pat: Knight! Look! It’s Lemmy and Iggy!
Knight: Obviously… Who else is four foot nothing and uses the Mirror Shell technique?
Pat: Uhh… Wartortle?
Lemmy: If you ask me, I think your best bet would be to give it to me so I can, uhh, lock it up safely!
Iggy: That’s right! So nobody else can get it!
Pat: I think we should give it to Zelda. She’ll know what to do with it.
Knight: What if we just gave it back to Ganondorf?
Game Guru: What are we? Heroes or an entertainment company?
Pat: Is this a trick question?
Iggy: Entertainers, of course…
Game Guru: Then I suggest… (He holds up the Triforce of Power) We hold our greatest tournament ever… With THIS as the prize!