Match #110: Sonic vs. Waluigi

The Question: Who will win this round of the Triforce Tournament? (Unoriginal, I know.)

The Fighters for Sub-con.

Lives: Three
Items: None.

(Game Guru is in his office. Rita Reed walks up to his desk. A cardboard box is also in the room.)

GG: Rita, how are the SSS's ratings.

Rita: Not good, Mr. President. Look!

(Rita shows a fancy table.)

GG: Jump Battle Stadium is beating us in the ratings?!

Rita: Actually, it's called Jump Ultimate Stadium, now.

GG: What?! Why do they keep changing names?!

Rita: I do not know, sir.

GG: Well, how are they beating us in the ratings. (changes channels to Jump Ultimate Stadium)

Rita: They have over 40 fighters.

GG: Forty?! How did they get THAT many?

Rita: Lots of people just love to fight!

Interviewer (on the TV): So Dio Brando, how do you feel about being soundly trashed by Yugi Moto, all without him summoning a creature?!


GG: ...

Rita: ...

Cardboard Box: ...

GG: How do we compete with THAT?!

Rita: Have you talked to a lawyer about suing them for ripping us off?

GG: SSS hasn't trusted a lawyer since our original one, DVGBC, attempted to charge $10,000 for saying anything remotely against him. All because of Solid Snake... He shall NEVER be in the Stadium, again.

(Pit walks in)

Cardboard Box: You better like eating those words...

Pit: O.O ... The cardboard box is talking...

Cardboard Box: O.O' Umm... ignore the cardboard box...

Rita: Wha??

Pit: This cardboard box is talking!

GG: What are you talking about? Cardboard boxes don't talk!

Pit: (looks at GG, then to the cardboard box, and then back to GG) I'm leaving the Stadium.

GG: You're not joining Jump Ultimate Stadium, are you?!

Pit: What?! NO!!! Palutena has summoned me to Angel Land.

GG: The goddess of light?

Pit: Yeah! I'm the leader of her royal guard. See, Eggplant Wizard is on a rampage and has been turning denizens of Angel Land into eggplants. Palutena says that he befriended a condor who LOVES eating eggplants, so you can see why I'm needed.

GG: Ok, you can go.

Pit: Thanks! I'll be back as soon as I save Angel Land! (flies out the window)

Rita: I might know of a good lawyer SSS can trust...

GG: Continue...

Wario: It's a ROTTEN day here at the Super Smash Stadium! Because the SPs are lazy, I am commentating today with Shadow the Hedgehog!

Shadow: (pulls out a machine gun and points at the camera) Who the **** keeps suggesting me for this stadium?!

Wario: Uhh... right...

Shadow: I am the ultimate lifeform, I do not NEED to fight these foolish beings.

???: OBJECTION!!! Mewtwo is the ultimate lifeform!

Wario: Hello, Mr. Wright.

Phoenix Wright: Hello, Wario.

Shadow: Can I kill him?

Wario: What?! No!!! He helped me get off from paying child surport in addition to my castle! He saved me money! Isn't that right, Wright?

Phoenix Wright: ... (noticing Shadow's machine gun) I'll say yes.

Wario: Smart move.

Shadow: Bah, Mewtwo got beaten by SNEASEL and Ness and Paula!

(Mewtwo barges in)

Mewtwo: Hey, HEY! Back when there was 151 Pokemon, I was top cat! But ever since that accursed Dark-Type came along, it hasn't been the same. Now there is even a Dark-Type LEGENDARY! The Pokegods must have it in for me!

Shadow: BAH! This is idiotic... I'm going home to update my blog of the misery of my life. CHAOS CONTROL!!! (teleports away)

Wario: Can we get to the match, already?! Mewtwo, Phoenix... (throws both of them out the window)

Phoenix Wright: OBJECTION!!! I object to your presence!

Wario: (throws Phoenix Wright out the window, again.) Good. ... Wait, I can't color-commentate with myself! (looks at a piece of paper) Oh wait, there are four guests... Fighter...

Fighter: I like swords!

Wario: Black Mage...

Black Mage: Why didn't you keep the idiot I sent last time? I got two back!

Wario: Hey, didn't we play basketball together?

Black Mage: ... I would've remembered if I killed you.

Wario: Come on. You, White Mage, Ninja, Moogle, and Cactaur.

Black Mage: Now I know I wasn't there.

Wario: (looks back at the list) Biggs & Wedge... huh.

Wedge: Good morrow!

Biggs: A good morrow indeed!

Wedge: I am Ninji 2, Wedge

Biggs: And I am Ninji 1, Biggs.

Fighter: I like swords!

Black Mage: More meatbags to kill later...

Biggs: This is a stupendous building.

Wedge: By the looks of it dear Biggs, it appears to be a colosseum of some sort.

Biggs: I believe it's called "SSS," dear Wedge.

Wedge: Ahh, let us do an interpretive dance to show our appreciation for this "SSS."

Wario: (mumbling) I can see why the SPs took the day off.

(GG, Knight, Digi, and Saiya are planning a game on the Wii)

Knight: (motions the Wii Remote in a stroke) Eat Golf Club!

Digi: (pulls the Wii Remote back) Kamehameha!

GG: (stabs the Wii Remote upward) I just Apollyon'd your butts!

Saiyaman: (spins the Wii Remote around) Why did I get stuck with the weak staff user?

GG: HEY!!!

Wario: Ok! This is a match for the Triforce of Power between Sonic and Waluigi! Three lives the match is in Subcon.

Sonic: (lying on the ground bored) This'll be a cake walk. (jumps into fighting position)

3... 2... 1... GO!

Help! I'm trapped in a billboard!
Lives: 3
Lives: 3

Wario: The match begins with Sonic charging up his Spin Dash.

Black Mage: The purple meatbag jumps next to where the blue meatbag is.

Fighter: I like swords.

Wario: Sonic launches towards Waluigi.

Black Mage: Purple meatbag jumps.

Sonic: (falling to his doom) Ah, crap.

Wario: And Sonic ends up falling down the cliff.

Wanted: Decent security guards. -Peach
Lives: 2
Lives: 3

Black Mage: Blue meatbag gets back in the arena.

Wario: Waluigi and Sonic duke it out with their fists.

Black Mage: Purple meatbag uses his springy jump.

Wario: Sonic uses his spin jump.

Black Mage: Purple meatbag throws a Bob-omb at blue meatbag.

Wario: Sonic grabs a hammer!

Fighter: I like swords!

Black Mage: And Purple meatbag is out of the park.

Wedge: By the looks of it, I would say it is Hammer time!

Biggs: Exquisite irrelevant pop-culture reference!

Wedge: Let us interpretive dance in style of a goal in FIFA football.

Sword-Tacos now on sale!
Lives: 2
Lives: 2

Wario: Waluigi reappears and starts beating up Sonic.

Black Mage: The blue meatbag jumps.

Wario: Waluigi grabs Sonic.

Black Mage: And throws him like the meatbag he is.

Wanted: Ruin Miasma. Preferably in a container. -Metal Man
Lives: 1
Lives: 2

Wario: Waluigi grabs a beam sword!

Black Mage: Blue Meatbag also grabs a beam sword!

Wario: They are now swordfighting!

Fighter: I like swords!

Wedge: Let us do an interpretive dance of how much Fighter likes swords!

Biggs: Yes, let's!

Black Mage: Okay that's it... Ha...

Saiyaman: (from the speaker) Wait that's not an interpretive dance... That's a Fusion Dance!

Biggs & Wedge: Fuu... Sion... HA!

Black Mage: ... Uh-oh...

Giant Ninji: Let me do an interpretive dance.

Black Mage: AHH!!! He's interpretive dancing on my spleen!!!

Wario: Oh, boy!

Black Mage: Somebody help me! Chaos, you owe me!

Fighter: uhh... uhh... SWORD-CHUCKS, YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (charges into the melee and begins slicing stuff with his Sword-chucks)

Black Mage: No, you idiot! You are making it hurt worse!

Fighter: Sorry, Black Mage, I can't hear you over the incredibly good idea I'm acting upon!

Wario: Uhh! Sonic's been thrown out of the arena!

Mapquest: Mapping aquatic land routes since 2003.
Lives: 0
Lives: 2


Wario: I'm getting out of here before the world explodes or something. Fighter can handle the questions. (leaves)


Black Mage: Pain... HURTS!!!

Fighter: I'm a helper! ^^

GG: A good lawyer, huh.

Rita: Yep, only lost one case!

GG: Huh. What's his name?

Rita: Phoenix Wright.

GG: (raise eyebrow)

Written by: GG
Pics by: GG
HTML by: Metal Man88
Biggs & Wedge used with permission from Neglected Mario Characters
Fighter & Black Mage may be distinctly similar but not entirely congruent to the Fighter and Black Mage depicted in 8-Bit Theater.
Brought to you by the Letters S, Gamma & the hexadecimal number FF
Readers like You!