Match #134

The Question: Who qualifies as the new strongest at the Stadium?

The Fighters: DK vs. Bowser vs. Ganondorf
The Arena: Hyrule Temple
Item Ratio: None
Lives: Three

(Game Guru walks into his office grumpy, as Rita Reed sits on her desk)

Game Guru: (sighs) Ms. Reed, get the aspirin. This will be a loooong day.

Rita: Right away, sir.

GG: Who in there right mind would think it's a good idea to drive an F-ZERO Machine inside a building?!

Rita: (hands GG two aspirin and a cola) Your aspirin, sir.

GG: (takes it and washes it down with the cola) Thank you.

(GG sits at his desk)

GG: Now--

Zelda: (from down the hall) GG! Something bad has happened to time! We need your help re-establishing order to the multiverse!

GG: (sighs) This will be a loooong day.

***

(GG has entered the hall to see Link, Zelda, and what looks to be a big-headed cartoony Young Link sitting on a pile of feathers)

GG: He's sort of a Toon Link, isn't he?

Zelda: Yes, he is.

GG: Lakitu, do we have a tape of what happened?

(tape rolls)

Young Link: (looks sad) But why?

Link: Look, it's too dangerous for you to stay in my time. You saw what Ganondorf tried to do.

Zelda: Yes, it's for the good of Hyrule for you to return to Termina and fulfill that part.

Young Link: Alright...

(Young Link pulls out the Ocarina of Time and plays the Song of Soaring and is teleported out of the room in a ball of feathers... and is replaced by Toon Link sitting on the feathers)

Toon Link: Where am I?

Zelda: Huh.

Link: But he-- You can't-- Love, hate, clouds. (faints)

Zelda: GG! Something bad has happened to time! We need your help re-establishing order to the multiverse!

Toon Link: What are you two talking about?

(tape ends)

GG: And that's when I came in.

Link: I want to know who the heck you are!

Toon Link: I'm Link!

Link: Well, I'm Link!

GG: (checking a PDA-like device) Well, the Stadium does identify him as Link.

Zelda: You really got to fix that system.

GG: It doesn't matter... The Stadium thinks he is Young Link.

(Zelda rolls her eyes and leaves)

Link: But... But... I never looked like THAT!

GG: Can you tell us what you were doing before you appeared here?

Toon Link: Well, I was sailing the Great Sea with Tetra, and that girl that was just here is a poor imitation... Tetra never wears THAT outfit much. I can understand that. I didn't like my outfit at first either.

Link: I don't care about this Tetra or your outfit. What is this Great Sea nonsense?

Toon Link: Well, that's where we sail... Me and Tetra. Tetra's going to try to find me... Might even try using the Triforce of Wisdom to find me.

Link: Wait! Triforce of Wisdom?!

Toon Link: Yeah, she was in fact Princess Zelda of the lost kingdom of Hyrule. I couldn't believe it at first either, but--

Link: Lost kingdom of Hyrule?!

Toon Link: Yeah... Hyrule flooded long ago leaving the Great Sea.

Link: Wait, if you are who you say you are, then you have the Triforce of Courage!

(Link & Toon Link both show their hands which mark that they BOTH have the Triforce of Courage!)

GG: Huh.

Link: By the gods... He is me, or I am him.

Toon Link: You are me... I'm you!

Link: GG, explain!

GG: Hmm... I have a theory... Perhaps, this Link standing in front of us is from an alternate dimension where Hyrule somehow flooded...

Link: But he's me, only not.

GG: Yeah, that's the definition of Alternate Dimensional Counterpart. Metal could give you a better explanation, as he's well versed in that subject, but SSS itself has been in contact with at least four other separate dimensions in its history. I've even been to one of them.

Link: I... guess that will do... Welcome to the club, kid.

Toon Link: Thanks, big guy!

***

(GG enters his office)

GG: Now to ge--

(A Knight of Smashtopia enters the office)

GG: Loooong day....

Knight of Smashtopia: Sir, Captain Maple Syrup has escaped from prison.

GG: Well, find her and bring her back!

Knight of Smashtopia: Sir, we are currently searching her whereabouts!

(The Knight of Smashtopia leaves)

GG: This job was easier with a liason to the Knights of Smashtopia...

(GG waits for the door to open again, but it doesn't)

GG: Well then--

(Ganondorf enters the room, and GG slam his head into the desk)

GG: What do you want?!

Ganondorf: Why, merely to fight in the arena.

GG: Well, there is a match between DK and Bowser, scheduled today. Three lives, no items, and in Hyrule Temple.

Ganondorf: Perfect!

(Ganondorf leaves. GG looks around and turns on the TV in his office.)

TV: From those people who brought you ALL those Parody Movies comes Not Another Parody Movie!

GG: GAH! (turns off TV quickly)

***

(Ganondorf enters the SSS Lunchroom.)

Ganondorf: I need to find that Koopa.

Tingle: Kooloo-Limpah! It's Tingle!

(Ganondorf uses a Warlock Punch to send Tingle flying)

Ganondorf: I found that... strangely satisfying.

(Little Mac is in front of a Vending Machine, angry that it ate his money)

Little Mac: Give m' my damn cola!

(Little Mac punches the Vending Machine breaking it open, and getting a cola. Ganondorf rolls his eyes, and glances over at Tron and Shadow)

Tron: Do you believe it? They made me an Assist. Me, Tron Bonne!

Shadow: Why the devil are you telling me this?

(Ganondorf rolls his eyes, and spots Hammer Bro.)

Ganondorf: (grabs Hammer Bro) Where is your king?

Hammer Bro: Hands off the shell, bro!

(Ganondorf tosses the Hammer Bro. Saki, Isaac, and Lyn get up, quickly)

Saki: Watch it, Ruffian!

(Ganondorf sighs and leaves)

***

GG: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Super Smash Stadium! I'll be your commentator, Game Guru! With me today is my lovely office assistant, Rita Reed.

Rita: Umm, Hi?

GG: Hi?

(GG continues to talk to Rita, as DK, Bowser, and Ganondorf get ready for the match)

Ganondorf: Bowser, I need to talk to you?

Bowser: Hmm? What is it, Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: I have an offer to propose to you.

Bowser: What?

Ganondorf: Master Hand has a big plan, and he wants your help. He's already got Ridley and the Pig King signed up, but to have the great King Koopa and his army would be a real boon. He was even nice enough to return my Triforce of Power to me.

(Ganondorf holds up his hand to show Bowser that Ganondorf has his Triforce back)

Bowser: Really.

Ganondorf: Yes, just throw this next match when I give you the signal. We'll get away in the ensuing chaos.

Bowser: You just want to win!

Ganondorf: Huh?

(GG and Rita continue to talk to the audience)

GG: ...And of course, the winner of this match will be participating in the King of the Stadium. So let's get this fight started! 3... 2... 1... GO!

Rita: Ooh! Nice Music.

GG: Yeah, we have a LOT more music now.

Rita: DK, Bowser, and Ganondorf have already started the battle!

GG: Seems DK & Ganondorf are teaming up to lay waste to Bowser.

Rita: Ganondorf certainly has the advantage in this battle.

GG: Bowser uses his Whirling Fortress on Ganondorf.

Rita: DK slams Ganondorf down hard into the ground from the top of the Temple.

GG: Bowser tries to spike DK and Ganondorf! Literally, with his shell!

Rita: DK has charged up his... (looks up on the movelist) Giant Punch.

GG: Ganondorf has the power advantage, I will grant him that. He's got Bowser cornered at the edge.

Rita: But a surprise Giant Punch by DK sent him off as well!

GG: DK is beating Bowser back to the edge now.

Rita: And Ganondorf uses his... (looks up on the movelist) Dark Dive on Bowser to get back to the platform!

GG: DK uses another Giant Punch on Bowser!

Rita: And Ganondorf uses his... (looks up on the move list) Warlock Punch on DK.

GG: DK charging another Giant Punch, but Bowser is using his Fire Breath on the Ape!

Rita: DK uses his... (looks up on the movelist) Hand Slap to hurt Bowser and Ganondorf!

GG: Our fighters are in the cave part now, so we shouldn't see a KO anytime soon.

Rita: Bowser swipes Ganondorf into the ceiling!

GG: Oh man. DK tries to attack Bowser, but Bowser counters with a Whirling Fortress!

Rita: DK send Ganondorf flying!

GG: Bowser tries to use his Fire Breath to Edge Guard!

Rita: They are... (looks up on the movelist) shielding.

GG: You don't even know what SHIELDING is?!?!

Rita: Hey, I'm new at commentating!

GG: Damn every is still in the cave and flying around from their attack.

Rita: No KOs yet, though.

GG: Okay, they moved to the platform next to the cave.

Rita: Oh my!

GG: Bowser is using his new Flying Slam on Ganondorf!

Rita: Ganondorf has been KOed!

GG: What the?! Bowser has KOed Donkey Kong!

GG: Ganondorf has made his way to Bowser and it looks like he's talking to Bowser!

Rita: Ganondorf uses his Dark Di--

GG: Ganondorf dove off the stage!

Rita: Bowser and DK look confused.

GG: Ganondorf returns and he jumps off the stage again!

Rita: DK is Strugging his shoulders! GG: I think that's DK's taunt!

Rita: Now Bowser is jumping off the stage!

GG: And again! Bowser and Ganondorf have thrown the match!

THIS GAME'S WINNER IS... DONKEY KONG!

GG: Navi! I want you to talk to Bowser and Ganondorf first!

Navi: I can't! They've run off!

(Zelda runs into the Commentator's Box)

Zelda: Toon Link has run off to the forest! Link's gone after him!

GG: What the heck is going on?

Rita: We need the questions.

GG: The questions?! Err.. FINE! The questions!