Match #135

The Question: Who of the current SPs is the greatest?

The Fighters: GG vs. Saiyaman vs. Pat vs. Digi vs. Metal Man
The Arena: Hyrule Temple
Item Ratio: Very High
Time: Five Minutes (Bonus)

Lemmy: Hi, folks! The Superpowers have been abducted, so you'll have to deal with us for this match.

Iggy: Actually, Lemmy, they haven't been abducted. They're fi--

Lemmy: Shhh! You're not supposed to tell them that!

Iggy: But "fi--" could mean "fired"...

Lemmy: (sigh) Well, because Four Eyes here decided to ruin our suspense, the SPs will be fighting in a match that you, the fans, picked the rules for!

Iggy: This sounds like another SSS-rips-off-the-WWE thing, isn't it?

Lemmy: Why, yes it is!

Iggy: ...we're in trouble.

Lemmy: Today's match, as you voted for it, will be a Bonus Match. The goal here is to try to impress the judges who will dole out bonus points accordingly. However, while KOs count towards the points, they are NOT the key to winning a bonus match. Instead, impressive fighting will add to it and cheap tactics will count against it. Bear with us, as this is something we haven't tried before. Our judges are Professor Oak...

Prof. Oak: Glad to be here, Lemmy.

Lemmy: Professor Elvin Gadd...

E. Gadd: Your baby brother still has my brush.

Lemmy: And... that guy from the NES Zelda Games?

Error: I AM ERROR.

Lemmy: ...Good for you, Error.

Iggy: We'll go to Navi who is currently talking to the fighters of this match. Navi?

Navi: Right here with Game Guru!

Lemmy: Hey, Gaspar! How've you've been?

Game Guru: ...

Navi: So GG, what happened to SP Battle Royal II?

GG: Huh? (checks the list of matches) Oh err, numbering issues. Ignore it.

Navi: How would you judge your opponents?

GG: I figure Pat and Saiya will be the toughest, being Saiyans. Metal is unpredictable, but strong. However, Digi only has a golf club.

Navi: Now Pat, it said you sent in a resignation just yesterday? Are you really quitting, again?

Pat: Yes, I've got too much to do to work at SSS.

Navi: Digi, what do you say to GG for saying you only have a golf club?

Digi: I have heart!

Navi: Now Saiya...

Saiya: You know, confidentially, I totally won SP Battle Royal II. GG is just being a sour loser.

GG: I am not!

(Metal takes the mic from Navi)

Navi: Hey!

Metal: Let me first say that I am dedicating this match to VG, the greatest SP this site has ever had.

GG: Hey!

Metal: Second, be sure to vote for me for President of Negle--

Lemmy: (pressed a button to switch cameras) Oops, it seems we accidentally lost the signal.

Iggy: Be sure to vote for Wario as President of Negle--

E. Gadd: You shouldn't really be pushing your political parties on this program.

Iggy: Well, we have to start this thing, so let's go.

Lemmy: Ladies and gentle-Koopas, goombas of all ages...

Iggy: The Super Smash Stadium PROUDLY presents...

Lemmy: THE CLOWN PRINCE LEMMY K!

Iggy: THE FOUR EYED IGGY K!

Both: THE SSS KOOP-EN-TATORS!

Lemmy: And now for the thousands in attendance...

Iggy: And for the millions watching world-wide...

Both: LET'S GET READY TO SMASH IT!

Lemmy: The fighters start off strong with GG striking the first blow on Metal Man with a Galactic Blast! On the other end, it looks Saiyaman has grabbed Digi, but got interrupted by Pat's Kamehameha!

Iggy: Metal tries his Exploding Object Attack on GG, but GG leaps to avoid it and strikes from above! Pat rushes with a running attack on Saiyaman, who rolls to safety, leaving Pat to get smacked by a Smash from Digi!

Lemmy: Saiyaman rolled behind Digi, so he takes his chance to use his Justice Punch on him! Pat smacks them both as they come down with an upward attack.

Iggy: Meanwhile, Metal has managed to snag GG and slams him into the ground! He follows up with a close-range Crazy Ax Murder Attack, but GG shields the blow.

Lemmy: GG drops his shield and heaves Metal to the left, tossing him right into Digi! Digi isn't fond of that and gives Metal a quick taste of his Blinding Ray!

Iggy: Here comes our first item! (tosses in a capsule.) The item lands safely, but nobody's going after it! They're too busy dueling with each other at the moment!

Lemmy: Looks like Metal noticed it. He just rammed through GG to get it and chucks it downward to reveal a Chaos Emerald!

Metal: In your face! Hah!

Iggy: The super-enhanced Metal quickly makes use of this power, plowing into the others with a Crazy Axe Murder Attack! He inflicts some serious damage, but takes some as well when Pat uses his Dragon Strike!

Lemmy: As Saiyaman clashes with GG using a Explosive Ki, Pat finds himself on the receiving end of a Smash from Metal! That sends him flying as Digi moves in on Metal with his Running Charge!

Iggy: Pat recovers from Metal's smash attack and lands behind GG, who throws Saiyaman into him! As Digi rolls out of the way of Metal's follow-up Smash, it hits GG and sends him flying too!

Lemmy: Time for our next item! (tosses in a Pokeball.) Metal is closest, so he picks it up and chucks it down to reveal a Lugia! Lugia flies on up and sweeps the arena with Aeroblast!

Iggy: Wow, it's really going at it with that Aeroblast! I think it just KOed everyone except Metal!

Metal: Yes! Destroy them, Lugia! In the name of VG!

Lugia: (blows Metal out of the arena.)

Metal: Hey, you're not supposed to attack m--aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Iggy: That's not supposed to happen! We've got a runaway!

Lemmy: Quick, stop the return function before the fighters reenter!

Iggy: Too late; they're already back in! Lugia's taking aim for another attack!

Error: IF ALL ELSE FAILS USE FIRE.

Prof. Oak: I can handle this!

Lemmy: You?

Prof. Oak: Of course! I always carry a few emergency Poke Balls on me. Hee-ya! (flings a Poke Ball at Lugia.)

Iggy: Oops, we just lost the fighters again. We need to stop talking so much in these situations.

(The Poke Ball bounces off the Lugia's head, causing it to turn towards the commentator's box...)

E. Gadd: Uh-oh.

Error: DODONGO DISLIKES SMOKE!

Iggy: Abandon booth!

(The commentators and judges scatter as the Lugia moves in for a second, then flies off, seemingly in search of something. Back in the arena...)

Digi: Uh, is it over?

Metal: Don't look at me, it was obviously GG's fault! Only he knows!

(Iggy and Lemmy make their way back to the booth.)

Iggy: Don't worry, folks, everything is under control. The Lugia seems to have gone off on its own to find Prof. Oak. We'll send the Knights out to make sure he's okay.

Lemmy: We're not going to count those KOs. Purely an accident.

Saiyaman: (raises his hand.) Are we still fighting?

Iggy: Huh? Oh, sure. We've still got time.

GG: Works for me.

Pat: I'm game.

Lemmy: Pat begins smacking Saiyaman with a few punches as a Beam Sword drops into the arena! Digi grabs it, but is smacked by Metal.

Iggy: GG, meanwhile, attacks Pat with a Galactic Blast, distracting him to let Saiyaman hit them both with his Justice Kick! While that happens, Digi leaps back and takes a few swipes at Metal.

Lemmy: That last attack left Saiyaman dangerously close to the edge, so GG turns to smash him, giving Pat a chance to do so first, enough to KO GG! Digi uses his Fire Punch on Metal, which sends Metal flying a good ways back!

Iggy: Pat is thanked for his earlier help with a toss into Digi from Saiyaman, who starts powering a Kamehameha as GG returns. Pat interrupts Digi long enough for Metal to get back on his feet and hit both of them with Crazy Axe Murder Attack, KOing Pat!

Lemmy: (tosses a barrel.) And in comes yet another item container, which GG snags! He heaves it at Digi and connects, taking him out while revealing a Starman!

Iggy: Pat's convenient return to the field has him getting that Starman first, forcing the others to run around as he chases them across the field. He seems to be enjoying it very much.

Lemmy: Pat does get in a Destructo Disk attack on his fleeing foes before the Starman wears off and the fighting starts back up again. Metal tries his Exploding Object attack and misses while Digi, who just came back, hurls GG with a left throw!

Iggy: Saiyaman takes this opportunity to hit Metal in the back with some basic blows while Pat aids with a few of his own! As GG heaves Digi out of the arena with a toss, Pat KOs Metal with his Kamehameha!

Lemmy: Metal returns and Digi safely leaps back as Saiyaman finds himself sandwiched and smacked by GG and Pat! He manages to roll away and fire his Kamehameha, but GG shields against it while Pat hits with a Destructo Disk!

Iggy: There's one of our new Assist Trophies coming in and Digi has it, releasing Waluigi! Waluigi goes over and pummels Saiyaman for a KO while Metal nabs Pat and pummels him!

Lemmy: Digi starts to attack from Metal while he's distracted with Pat while GG drops in on Pat. Both Pat and Metal are quick to roll out of harm's way while Saiyaman hops back into the arena.

Iggy: Seeing an opportunity, Pat and Metal double-team GG and Digi, using simultaneous Smash attacks to knock them into each other. Saiyaman is still invulnerable, so he rams through the nearby GG with a Justice Punch!

Lemmy: Saiyaman is hittable again, so GG rights his injustice with a Kouki Kongou, powering-up in the process and hitting Pat. Digi goes after Metal with a Fire Punch and strikes!

Iggy: As for Pat, he smacks 'em all with a Blur Speed, ending just after Metal. Metal turns and whacks Pat while Digi hurts GG with a Smash attack!

Lemmy: GG recovers while Pat and Metal are engaged in trading blows. On the other side, Digi tries a Blinding Ray, but Saiyaman dodges!

Iggy: Saiyaman hits Digi with a Justice Kick while GG hits both of them with a Staff Throw! Meanwhile, Pat gains the upper hand on Metal with his Dragon Strike, only to get stunned by a Electrified Barber Pole Baton!

Lemmy: Who makes up these attack names? (heaves in a crate.) Here comes a crate, which Digi throws to hit Metal and Pat with due to those wheels on the bottom. Too bad it just slid off the arena!

Iggy: Let's rectify that! (throws in a non-sliding crate.) Now Pat has the crate and his toss sends it into GG, who was advancing towards it! The contents are a Cracker Launcher and Hothead.

Lemmy: Saiyaman uses his Explosive Ki to blow the others away and flings the Hothead! Digi, who was outside the range of his attack, slips in and nabs the Cracker Launcher for himself.

Iggy: Digi puts that Cracker Launcher to good use, immediately blasting Saiyaman into the air and taking a few shots at everyone! Too bad he didn't pay attention, as the earlier thrown Hothead zaps him.

Lemmy: The projectile reprieve gives Metal a chance to Smash Digi, sending him flying! While Digi recovers, GG uses his Staff Throw to smack Saiyaman while Pat has his attack towards Metal avoided!

Iggy: That Hothead is coming back, but all combatants save the immune Saiyaman leap over it. While that's happening, Saiyaman hits Digi with a Justice Punch while Metal flings an Exploding Object Attack!

Lemmy: That move hit GG while he was heading in towards the falling Digi and Saiyaman, but it also left Metal open for a Kamehameha from Pat! Metal flies off, but uses Star Board to recover while Pat plows through Saiyaman and Digi with Dragon Strike!

Iggy: This gives Metal a chance to bring out his Crazy Axe Murder Attack, moving in and smashing towards the other SPs! Most manage to dodge, but the blow fully connects with Pat, who was closest!

Lemmy: GG hits Digi with a solid Smash attack before being fried by that Hothead! Metal dodges it as Saiyaman hits him with a Explosive Ki.

Iggy: Digi and Pat both land from their high-flying, so Pat lands before the stunned GG and hits with a Kamehameha for a KO! As Digi touches down, he uses a low attack and Fire Punch on Saiyaman!

Lemmy: Saiyaman is thrown off, but makes it back as Digi and Metal engage in combat. Pat interrupts with a Destructo Disk, only to have GG return and drop in.

Iggy: While Saiyaman prepares a Kamehameha, the others back off from the attacking invincible GG. Using a Kouki Kongou, GG pumps while Saiyaman fires his blast, hitting and KOing Digi!

Lemmy: GG stops being invincible, so Metal uses a Crazy Axe Murder Attack to score to some damage. As Digi returns to the field, Pat grabs Saiyaman and throws him into the ground!

Iggy: The Hothead skims through the arena for the last time, hitting GG and Pat. Metal dodged, but that gave the immune Digi time to use his Blinding Ray on Metal, stunning him!

Lemmy: As Saiyaman strikes Pat with a Smash for that earlier throw, GG hits Pat with his own upward Smash to knock him into the sky! With Metal stunned, Digi hits with Fire Punch, sending him to the left!

Iggy: Saiyaman tries a Justice Kick on GG, but that is dodged when he leaps to try and attack Pat. Pat's ready for that one and smacks GG back into the ground while Metal recovers with Star Board.

Lemmy: Pat tries to combo his last attack on GG, but Saiyaman has already thrown him to the left, hitting Metal by accident. As Digi zips by with a Running Charge, the clock signals the end of the match!

THE MATCH'S WINNER IS...

E. Gadd: We can't declare a winner if one of the judges is missing!

Metal: Oops. That means I win, right?

Saiyaman: Geeze! Come on!

Digi: You mean it was for nothing?

Pat: Just like the last two times.

GG: (shakes his head and sighs)

NO CONTEST!

(Later, in the lobby...)

Pat: Well everyone, it's time to say goodbye.

Digi: So long, Pat.

Saiyaman: Been nice working with you.

Metal: Uh... Fare thee well, Pat.

GG: Good bye.

(With that, Pat heads off into the horizon.)

GG: (under his breath.) I swear, employment here is like a revolving door.

Metal: (Looks at Digi) I guess that makes me the senior pro-VG person. Digi! Drop and give me 50!

Digi: What?

Metal: Oh, right, it's time for Insane Pyromaniac Robot Death Battle 8000. I'll be back! (Walks away)

Digi: (Sighs) I hate being the new guy...

GG: I like how he qualifies that with "Pro-VG."

Saiyaman: Does that make the rest of us independents?

Lemmy: (Clears throat and faces camera) Can't we at least have questions?

E. Gadd: Sure.

Lemmy: Ok, questions...

1. Should we have had another match where the fans choose the rules?
2. Was it fun having me and Iggy back?
3. Who do you think should've won?
4. Will Pat be back?
5. Why does Lugia hate us so?
6. What happened to Prof. Oak?
7. Will Digi do 50 pushups?

Billy: {Pat, I thought what we had was special!}

***

(Meanwhile, with the Legion of No Good...)

Fawful: Now, we strike with unparalleled FURY! We shall crush them like a cartoonish weight!

Prof. Oak: Run for your life!

Fawful: What?

(Prof. Oak runs by, chased by the Lugia, which fires an Aeroblast towards the Legion.)

Fawful: This appears to be most painful!

(You guessed it: the Aeroblast sends the Legion of No Good into the stratosphere.)

Fawful: A rain of pain again!

Remember to visit Neglected Mario Characters and vote for your favorite candidate in the General Election!