Match #136

The Question: Can the Mario Bros. beat DK and Diddy?

The Fighters: Mario and Luigi vs. DK and Diddy
The Arena: 75m
Item Ratio: Medium
Lives: 3

Game Guru: Ladies and Gentlemen, I, the Game Guru, welcome you to the Super Smash Stadium!

Cranky: Why do I have to work with Stanley.

GG: We have Cranky Kong, the original Donkey Kong, and Dr. Stanley Mario, who has decided to give us his reasons for quitting the Stadium.

Dr. Mario: I'm a doctor, not a fighter. I'm-a the Stadium's medic now.

(Cranky hits Dr. Mario over the head with his cane)

Dr. Mario: Ow!

GG: Cranky, why do you hate Dr. Mario so much?

Cranky: I had hemorrhoids for three months because he sprayed insecticide up my--

GG: WHOA! Too much information!

Dr. Mario: He-a deserved it.

GG: To cleanse our minds from that disturbing mental image, we have a tape on why DK & Diddy are fighting Mario & Luigi in this match.

Cranky: Wait, what?

(tape begins)

(Various beings are eating in the Lunchroom. DK is eating with Mario, Peach, and Luigi, as two Kongs enter the lunchroom... Diddy Kong and Funky Kong)

Funky: Gnarly! It's my main man, DK! (high fives DK)

DK: Banana-slama, Funky. (high fives back)

Diddy: DK! It's been a while since I've been here!

DK: Little buddy! I'm glad you could make it!

Mario: Hello-a, Diddy!

Peach: Hi, Diddy!

Luigi: Nice to see you, again.

Peach: How are the Karts, Funky?

Funky: I should have the Karts tuned up for you in a few weeks, dudes and dudette. Also, I've fixed up some bikes for you dudes to use as well!

Diddy: I always loved the karting!

DK: Yeah, Diddy. Did you bring your Peanut Popguns and Rocketbarrels like I asked?

Diddy: Of course, DK! Why?

DK: We're going to be fighting Mario and Luigi in a arena designed by a mystery guest star.

Cranky: Bah, it's not a mystery! I want to see you defeat Jumpman and his brother!

Mario: Oh, no... Cranky Kong! Cranky, why-a you a-call me, Jumpman?

Cranky: Because that's your original name, Jumpman.

Mario: I a-don't call-a you Donkey Kong!

Luigi: (points to DK) I thought-a he was a-Donkey Kong.

Cranky: This isn't about me! This is about having my good-for-nothing son beat my enemy Jumpman!

Mario: So-a you are-a stubborn and a-cranky as ever, Cranky?

Cranky: ... DK! Diddy! Stop consorting with the enemy! You've got a fight to win!

(Cranky begins hitting Mario, Luigi, DK, and Diddy with his cane)

Funky: Bummer. Cranky's totally bogus.

Peach: I agree... I think.

(tape ends)

(GG and Dr. Mario glare at Cranky, and Cranky smacks Dr. Mario with his cane)

Dr. Mario: Ow!

Cranky: Just explain the rules, you good-for-nothing--

GG: This match is scheduled for three lives and all the items on medium...

Cranky: And in a new arena that I designed!

GG: Wait, what?

Cranky: Let me introduce you to 75m! This is how video games SHOULD be!

GG: Wait a second...if Donkey Kong's fighting...and you're in the booth...who's that?!

(GG points out the 8-bit Donkey Kong in the background of 75m)

Cranky: Why, that's me at the peak of health!

GG: That doesn't make any sense!

Cranky: Jumpman racing his baby self doesn't make any sense, either!

GG: ... Point.

Dr. Mario: Why don'ta I get invited to these-a races?

Cranky: Because you stink, Stanley.

GG: Is that why you aren't invited, either?

(Cranky smacks GG with his cane)

GG: Ow! Anyway, the winning team of this match will be headed for the King of the Stadium match in the middle of the season. After a controversial win from DK, Will he be able to bring in his partner Diddy, or will Mario and Luigi both headline the King of the Stadium with Sonic, Link, and DK. So let's get this fight started! 3... 2... 1... GO!

Cranky: Jumpman and DK begin by getting hit by the Living Fireball.

GG: Diddy scores 800 points with the hat, but just like "Whose Line?", the points don't matter!

Dr. Mario: Uh, only Drew did that...

GG: Well, Yeah... But nobody remembers Clive.

Cranky: Diddy Dumb hits the living fireball as well.

GG: DK just barely made it back to the platform after being knocked off by Mario!

Dr. Mario: Diddy seems to be grabbing all of the items.

Cranky Kong: Donkey Dumb gets hit by the living fireball again.

GG: DK looks to be charging up his Giant--

Dr. Mario: And there it is, the Smash Ball.

GG: 8-Bit Donkey Kong looks angry!

Cranky: All four of the dum-dums are fighting for it.

Dr. Mario: And 8-bit Donkey Kong knocked the Smash Ball away from the fighters.

GG: Someone seems to have popped open a Party Ball full of food, but I don't know if it was Mario or Luigi.

Cranky: The four are going at it like--

Dr. Mario: Rabid Monkeys?

Cranky: (smacks Dr. Mario with his cane) Is that any way to treat your elders, Stanley?

GG: Diddy is using his banana peels to his advantege to trip the Mario Bros.

Dr. Mario: Mario has the Smash Ball!

GG: But DK is rolling out of the way of the Mario Finale.

Cranky: (holds head in shame) Donkey Dumb rolls off the arena for a KO!

GG: DK returns to lay waste to Luigi.

Dr. Mario: And Diddy taking advantage of the slipping Mario!

Cranky: My younger self is back to hurl more springs!

GG: Diddy is sent flying all the way across the arena by one!

Dr. Mario: Mario tries throwing a few fireballs.

GG: Diddy shoots off his Peanut Popgun.

Dr. Mario: Now DK is grabbing at Luigi.

Cranky: Donkey dodges a fireball from Luigi!

Dr. Mario: Diddy gets hit by the living fireball.

GG: DK and Luigi are going at it!

Cranky: Diddy fires a Peanut at Jumpman.

GG: He airdodges it!

Cranky: And... just barely made it back, darn it!

Dr. Mario: Ouch! DK sent Luigi flying, but no KO.

GG: Right into 8-bit Donkey Kong!

Dr. Mario: Donkey Kong uses his Giant Punch on Mario

GG: Luigi returns and clears the area with a Luigi Cyclone.

Cranky: Donkey is charging up a Giant Punch again.

GG: Mario alleviates that with a few fireballs.

Dr. Mario: The Smash Ball is back.

GG: The Kongs are double teaming Luigi.

Dr. Mario: Mario joins in, and now they are fighting for the Smash Ball.

GG: Mario has the Smash Ball!

Dr. Mario: And he KOs both DK and Diddy with a Mario Finale!

Cranky: Rats!

Dr. Mario: The Mario Bros. taunt.

GG: The Kongs return for revenge on the Mario Bros.

Cranky: Diddy is looking for... something on the top girder.

Dr. Mario: Donkey Kong plants a Motion Sensing Mine.

Cranky: Jumpman runs right into it.

GG: Mario is KOed.

GG: DK is having a bad day today, isn't he?

Dr. Mario: Looks like it.

Cranky: My younger self is back with the springs of pain!

GG: Another Smash Ball appears.

Dr. Mario: Looks like 8-Bit Donkey Kong is winning, don't you think?

GG: Definitely.

Cranky: Ouch! Another spring hits Luigi!

Dr. Mario: The Kongs are teaming up on Mario.

Cranky: They are trying to get the Smash Ball!

GG: They... give up as it flys out of reach.

Dr. Mario: They continue beating on each other.

GG: Mario grabs DK and tosses him out of the arena!

Dr. Mario: Diddy is all alone now!

GG: A Team Healer appears... Useless to Diddy Kong at this point though.

Cranky Kong: Jumpman gets hit by my younger self's springs.

Dr. Mario: So is Diddy Kong, for a KO!

Dr. Mario: Diddy returns!

Cranky: The two dum-dums are teaming up on Diddy.

Dr. Mario: Luigi is really giving Diddy a beating

Cranky: Why is Mario running from Diddy?

GG: Mario's got a gleam in his eye!

Mario: Time for the a-Wavedash.

Luigi: Mario, nooooo!

GG: Oh dear, Mario looks to be attempting to do the Wavedash...

Cranky: Wavedash? What's this nonsense?

Dr. Mario: Yeah, the SPs found the move cheap and since it was an aspect of the air dodging system, we removed it.

Cranky: Diddy Kong tosses out a Banana Peel!

GG: Mario trips! Looks like he can't perform the Wavedash!

Cranky: Diddy Kong KOs Jumpman with his Rocketbarrel Boost!

Dr. Mario: Luigi KOs Diddy with a Smartbomb!

GG: Mario and Luigi go on to the King of the Stadium match. Let's go to Navi with the winners!

***

Mario: CHEAP! You-a disabled the a-Wavedash!

Navi: Yeah, because the Wavedash was cheap and didn't make good television.

Luigi: Aww, it's-a ok. We won anyway.

Mario: No, it's a-not ok!

(Mewtwo floats in)

Mewtwo: Too bad, I have to put up with Dark-Types and Steel-Types now. Things change. (sighs)

(Mewtwo floats out)

DK: Little buddy, we lost!

(Diddy throws his hat down and jumps on it)

DK: You two fight good. (offers his hand to Mario)

Mario: Hmmph.

Diddy: Yeah! You two were really good! (offers his hand to Luigi)

Luigi: Thanks. (shakes Diddy's hand)

(Suddenly, Funky Kong runs in)

Funky Kong: Dudes, it's the banana horde! It's been stolen!

DK & Diddy: (looks at each other) K. Rool!

Funky Kong: Dixie and Tiny are already headed off to find the horde.

DK: Sorry, we got to go.

(Funky, DK, and Diddy leave quickly)

Navi: Back to you, GG.

GG: Ok, questions...

#1: Do you think the Wavedash was cheap?
#2: Do you think it should be reinstated?
#3: Do you think Mario is just being a sore loser?
#4: Do you-- (trips)

GG: (gets up) Uhh... Go to credits.

***

(Darkness envelops this Land of Subspace... A shadowy figure has just finished watching this match, and laughs... Two of his own highest ranked lieutenents stand behind him)

???: Galleom, Duon... I need to contact the Anicent Minister... It's nearly time... SSS shall soon meet... the Subspace Emissary.

(The mysterious figure laughs evilly)