Match #153

The Question: Who's better, the Heroes or the Sidekicks?

The Fighters: DK & Fox vs. Falco & Diddy
The Arena: Shadow Moses Island
Item Ratio: None.
Time: 3 min.

Amber: Hey, folks, it's match time again! Gonna do something a little different commentary-wise today. Saiya's tied up with paperwork in the office and 175 had to skip out. Let's see, he left me a note. (pulls it out.) "Gone to Giant Mecha Con. Entered in the amateur rounds. Wish me luck." (tosses the note aside.) So, since my usual co-commentators are preoccupied, we're going to have the Stadium's first all-girl commentator match! First up, the famous half-genie from Scuttle Town, Shantae!

(Shantae walks into the booth to enthusiastic cheers.)

Shantae: (sits down.) Thank you, thank you! I'm so glad to be here!

Amber: We also have a guest who's been all over. Please welcome the aptly-named Jenny Everywhere!

(Jenny walks into the booth to slightly-less enthusiastic cheers.)

Jenny: Hi, folks! First time here, so it's nice to see you all!

Shantae: So, what kind of match is it today?

Amber: Today's kind of a classic challenge: heroes vs. sidekicks. Let's go to the tape. (pops the tape in.)

(The tape shows DK and Diddy talking in the lunch room.)

Diddy: It's not that I don't respect you, DK, but after all I've been through, I'm just surprised I haven't been granted full game hero status yet.

DK: Can't be helped, little buddy. Until I'm unable to do my job anymore, I'm expected to keep the lead role.

(Falco, who happens to be sitting nearby with Fox, leans over.)

Falco: I hear you, man. I've been meaning to do a solo gig myself for a while now. Maybe the story of my time between the events with Andross and Dinosaur Planet.

Fox: A tale of smuggling and banditry? That'll be popular.

DK: Hey, that gives me an idea!

Diddy: This isn't like your banana peel Slip and Slide, is it?

DK: No, this is better! What if we do a "heroes vs. sidekicks" match? It's a long-time debate among fans.

Falco: Excuse me, but I am not a sidekick. I'm more of-

Diddy: That sounds pretty good!

Fox: Yeah, I'd be willing to try that.

Falco: I'm not a sidekick! But I'll try it anyway.

DK: You really didn't like the banana peel Slip and Slide?

Diddy: It broke Funky's wrist, remember?

DK: Oh right.

(The tape then shows Wario dancing.)

Wario: I'm-a too sexy for my shirt, too-a sexy for my shirt!

All three: AAAAHHHHHHH!

(Shantae whips the VCR's power button with her hair and the tape turns off.)

Amber: Oh, thank you.

Wario: (in the audience) What was-a wrong with that?

Jenny: So, um, the rules today are team attack off and no items. It's a timed match of three minutes on Shadow Moses Island. KOs aren't going to subtract from the score either.

Shantae: It looks the fighters have entered the arena, so let's get things going!

Amber: And we start off with DK charging a Giant Punch while Fox fends off the other two with a Fox Illusion! Diddy tries to attack in freefall, but DK dodges while Falco manages to hit!

Shanate: DK whacks Diddy with a headbutt and starts whaling on the poor guy! But Diddy gets back up and chucks DK upward and uses an upward Smash!

Jenny: While that's going on, Falco whales on Fox a bit with basic attacks! But Fox puts up his shield-thing to knock Falco back and return some hits!

Amber: DK jumps to the top platform, but Diddy has followed and used a lot of weak basic hits! When he tries a Smash, DK uses his Hand Slap and grabs him!

Shantae: Fox goes up to help and begins hitting Diddy with his Blaster for a lot of damage! Falco hits from underneath as he follows while Diddy manages to wriggle loose.

Jenny: Falco manages to hit Fox with his dash move, but stops just short of DK, who headbutts him and follows with a Giant Punch! It hits both him and Diddy and sends the latter flying into the right-side tower to bounce around a bit!

Amber: Fox and DK double-team Falco for a bit and as soon he gets back up, Fox uses an upward Smash on him! Falco flies up and out for an early KO!

Shantae: Diddy lands and begins extracting vengeance by using his banana peel to slip up Fox! DK grabs him again, but Diddy gets free early and uses a Smash, which breaks the tower down!

Ghost removal requested. Must have Poltergust 3000 or Camera Obscura.
Red Team
Red Team
Blue Team
Blue Team
DK
Fox
Diddy
Falco
Score: 0
Score: 1
Score: 0
Score: 0
24%
31%
68%
0%
Time Remaining: 2:30

Jenny: Falco is coming back now, so Fox gets back up and avoids him while DK lands from Diddy's attack. Falco starts chasing Fox around while Diddy uses his cartwheel on DK.

Amber: Falco is vulnerable again, so Fox uses the Fox Illusion for a quick hit...or not. Falco dodged it, then grabbed chucked Fox toward the broken left tower!

Shantae: Fox gets his bearings and avoids being tossed out while DK uses his Spinning Kong move on Diddy! Looks like the pause after gave Diddy time to go on the offensive as he...leaps onto DK's face? That's not right!

Jenny: In a less disturbing area, Falco tries to use his blaster on Fox, but gets stunned by his own shot when it's reflected by the Reflector. This gives Fox time enough to run in and grab Falco, tossing him to the left.

Amber: Diddy whacks DK some more before hopping off and using a Smash! This is enough to bounce DK off the wall and past the arena's edge for a KO!

Shantae: Meanwhile, Falco ducks under his flying teammate and shields against Fox's running attack! As the two trade blows for a bit, Fox uses a low Smash to KO Falco before Diddy comes running in!

Could someone help? I'm locked in the closet.
Red Team
Red Team
Blue Team
Blue Team
DK
Fox
Diddy
Falco
Score: 0
Score: 2
Score: 1
Score: 0
0%
40%
120%
0%
Time Remaining: 1:45

Jenny: Hey, DK's back now. And Diddy isn't paying much attention dealing with Fox, so a quick Smash is applied to knock Diddy out as well!

Amber: Here comes Falco and he's not looking happy with all these KOs. Fox and DK are quick to dodge his Falco Illusion attack by dropping down to the lower level.

Shantae: Falco follows as Diddy comes back into play. Falco is smart not to to drop between the two, but instead lands near Fox and lays on him, hoping to get a KO.

Jenny: Fox is quick to shield though and rolls back while DK uses a Smash attack! It knocks Falco back for a second, but that gives Diddy time to come down and throw Fox upward!

Amber: Falco soon heads back toward DK while Diddy heads up after Fox. Fox lands on his feet and a quick Reflector sends Diddy back to the ground.

Shantae: DK is having some trouble with Falco, though, due to some Blaster shots keeping him from getting close. Falco uses this time to grab DK and hit him a bit!

Jenny: DK breaks free and uses his Hand Slap on Falco while Diddy uses his jetpack to blast past Fox's roll! Diddy is open as he flops down and Fox uses that to Smash him!

Amber: The tower reassembles itself now, leaving Falco trapped on the left side. DK uses this time to rejoin Fox while Falco uses a triple jump to get back over it.

Seriously, let me out. It's dark in here.
Red Team
Red Team
Blue Team
Blue Team
DK
Fox
Diddy
Falco
Score: 0
Score: 3
Score: 1
Score: 0
18%
102%
12%
37%
Time Remaining: 1:10

Shantae: During that time, Diddy uses another banana peel to slip DK up when he lands before dodging a blow by Fox and using an upward Smash on him! That's enough to send Fox flying out of the arena and...

(Fox bounces off the commentator's booth.)

Shantae: Owch. Anybody got any Windex?

Amber: There's some in the drawer for moments like this. At least he didn't land on my head.

Jenny: Falco came back, so DK has decided not to get double-teamed by chucking Diddy away and dropping down. Falco follows, but that Spinning Kong move keeps him at bay!

Amber: Diddy recovers from the throw and drops to DK's level, using his peanut gun to get some hits in! DK is off-balance long enough for Falco to grab him!

Shantae: But Fox just came back, so he hops down and saves DK by hitting Falco! Now free, DK headbutts Falco while Fox goes after Diddy!

Jenny: And it's payback time! Diddy tries to flee, but is caught by Fox and hit with some repeated kicks! He follows that with his Reflector and an upward Smash!

Amber: DK powers up a Giant Punch while Falco is stuck in the ground. That doesn't last too long and Falco is free, but DK is ready with a Hand Slap to keep him off balance.

Shantae: Back up, Diddy demonstrates how wrong he is by jumping on Fox's face. He holds on good, but Fox knocks him off and uses an upward Smash to KO him!

Jenny: Falco decides to go after Fox instead of tangle with DK some more, so he hops up and tries a Falco Illusion. Fox dodges and DK is hot pursuit!

Hurry, I'm running out of-
Red Team
Red Team
Blue Team
Blue Team
DK
Fox
Diddy
Falco
Score: 0
Score: 3
Score: 2
Score: 0
35%
12%
0%
78%
Time Remaining: 0:24

Amber: But Diddy is already coming back, so Fox works quick by grabbing and throwing Falco towards DK. That prepared Giant Punch comes in handy by bouncing Falco off the walls and out of the arena!

Shantae: Diddy goes after the closer target, hitting DK while he's stunned from the punch. Fox can't help just yet, but he does start winging Blaster shots at Diddy, scoring some early hits as the invulnerability wears off.

Jenny: DK manages to roll away from Diddy's assault and smacks him with a Smash attack, pushing him back as Falco returns to the field. As Falco starts to move in, Fox lures him away by hoping back up.

Amber: The clock is ticking down, so Fox is trying to use his speed to stall, luring Falco in a chase around the arena. Falco follows for a bit, but finally manages to get in front by dropping down and stunning with his blaster.

Shantae: While that happens, DK and Diddy resume their struggle, trading some rather evenly matched blows. Finally, DK manages to get ahead by using a low Smash to knock Diddy back!

Jenny: Falco catches Fox and throws him up in the air. And as the big robot thing...that's a Metal Gear, right? Yeah, one of those pops in as the timer runs out!

TIME!

THE WINNER IS...RED TEAM!

Amber: Looks like heroes are still on top. Let's go to Navi for some interviews.

Navi: Thanks, Amber. I'm here with DK and Fox. So, guys, what are your thoughts on this match?

DK: I feel good performance-wise. Just hope I didn't hurt Diddy's feelings, considering the theme.

Fox: Personally, I felt good about my performance out there. And it was a little nice to take Falco down a peg.

Navi: And now to Diddy and Falco. What are your thoughts on this confrontation?

Diddy: I'll live. I can wait a little longer to get hero position.

Falco: I still don't like being called a sidekick.

Navi: I know the feeling. Back to you girls.

Jenny: Can I do the questions? Please?

Amber: Sure, why not.

Jenny: Yay! So, today's questions are...

  • 1. Will the sidekicks ever surpass the heroes?
  • 2. Does Falco really qualify as a sidekick?
  • 3. Should there be more all-girl match commentary?

    Amber: I don't know about you girls, but I could go for a pizza.

    Shantae: Never had that before. Is it good?

    Amber: Really good.

    Shantae: I'm in!

    Jenny: Me too!

    Amber: All right! Later, folks!

    The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.