Match #155

The Question: Which Mario series is the best? Super Mario Bros., Donkey Kong Country, Yoshi's Island, or WarioWare?

The Fighters for Mario Circuit

Mario	Donkey Kong
Yoshi	Wario

Pre-Match

Light Bear: Welcome to another fine day at Super Smash Stadium! Today's match seems a good one! We've got the four faces of Super Mario face-to-face-to-face-to-face today! Who will come out on top? Who'll be crushed under the heel of the opposition? Just one way to find out! But first, let's review the origin of this argument. Let's roll up the tape!

(The shot switches to Mario Circuit. As the camera is somewhat shakey and taken from an aerial camera, it's undoubtedly the work of a Lakitu filming the race for official records. As eight go-karts circle the track, it becomes apparent that Mario, Luigi, Peach, Yoshi, Toad, Wario, Donkey Kong, and Bowser are racing each other. They seem to be in about the same spot, though Wario is a fraction of a second ahead of the rest of the pack.)

(The eight karts cross the finish line, but this simply means that they have entered the third and final lap. The karts pass through a group of item boxes. Mario, Luigi, and Peach collect items. Luigi and Peach take advantage of their Mushrooms, but Mario holds tightly onto his Blue Shell. As he turbo-boosts around the bend, Mario gains a slight speed boost and simultaneously hurls forward his Blue Shell.)

Wario: (spots the Blue Shell) Oh nooooooooo!

(The end result of this is the eruption of Wario's go-kart and Mario's overtaking of him. In the end, Mario pulls in for a first-place finish and Wario pushes his kart over the finish line in dead last.)

(The shot shifts to a few minutes later, when Mario is surrounded by the other races, excluding Wario. Another Lakitu pulls down in front of Mario, holding a microphone.)

Lakitu: So, Mario! Congratulations on your victory! What do you attribute to your success?

Mario: Well, it-a takes hard work and skill to pull-a victory like-a that, but if you work-a hard...

(Suddenly, Wario throws down his hat and stomps over to Mario.)

Wario: That's a lie! You didn't work-a hard! You just-a stole from Wario! (snatching mike from Lakitu) Work hard like-a Wario, that's how you get-a victory!

Mario: Hey, Wario!

Wario: No, YOU listen to me! What do you do all day? Sit in-a drain pipe, doing NOTHING but-a pumping filthy water! Meanwhile REAL heroes like-a me work on beautiful video games!

Mario: I'd-a hardly call them-a beautiful...

Yoshi: Come on, guys, can't we just go one kart race without us bickering about something?

Wario: And you, Yoshi! What have YOU done-a lately? Sit around eating people? Hardly-a heroic.

Yoshi: Yoshi! That's more heroic than YOU can say! Why, if it weren't for us Yoshis, neither of you two would be able to do what you do!

Mario: Is-a that-a so?

Donkey Kong: Guys, come on. I wanna go get a banana shake.

Mario: And you, Donkey Kong! You get your-a bananas stolen more-a often than Wario's gold! What kind of-a hero are you?

Donkey Kong: Oh, you did not just say that. You've never fought King K. Rool! You wouldn't last three seconds before he'd crush you!

Wario: Wario could-a take him. Wario's-a far stronger than some dumb monkey.

Donkey Kong: That does it! We're settling this right here, right now!

Mario: You're not getting a piece-a him without me! I'll-a fight, too!

Yoshi: Count Yoshi in!

Wario: What, are ya nuts? We're still-a messy from our race! Let's-a meet back here in an hour as-a we get cleaned up.

Mario: Fine-a by me!

Yoshi: Yoshi!

Donkey Kong: Count me in!

Lakitu: Wait! But there's supposed to be a Shy Guy race in an hour!

Donkey Kong: Hold it off! We're gonna settle this here!

Peach: But we can't hold it off! It's a benefit for the Mushroom Orphanage! If we were to postpone it, think of the children!

Wario: Then we'll-a have to fight around them.

(Wario, Mario, Yoshi, and Donkey Kong storm off in different directions)

Peach: Oh, heavens, what will we do?

Toad: I think the best thing to do is to make the best of it. Why don't we get Super Smash Stadium to sponsor the fight? That way we could raise money from both the fight and the race!

Peach: Well...

Bowser: Carnage! I love it! I'll order my minions to attend, just for the occasion!

Toad: You can't pass that up!

Peach: Well... okay...

(Bowser, Toad, and Peach head off somewhere. Luigi kicks a pebble on the track)

Luigi: And nobody wants MY opinion, of course...

Light Bear: And indeed we've agreed to sponsor this brawl for today's fight! We even agreed to have Princess Peach, Toad, and Bowser aid as announcers for the battle!

Peach: Thank you, Light Bear. Well, I hope nobody will get too hurt today...

Toad: They'll be fine. They've gone through worse.

Bowser: I wanna see destruction! I wanna see blood! I wanna get my money's worth!

Light Bear: Well, this will be interesting, indeed... I've set items to low. It's enough chaos between the fight and the race without too many items flooding the track.

Bowser: Boo! Let's have some action! Let's see some bodies flying!

Toad: Bowser's... being a little morbid today.

Light Bear: Agreed. It looks like the four fighters for the day are walking onto the track.

Peach: Mario's entering through a warp pipe...

Toad: Yoshi appears from a Yoshi Egg...

Bowser: Donkey Kong is bursting from a barrel...

Light Bear: And Wario's driving his motorcycle. Did he remember that he was fighting, or did he think he'd be driving?

Toad: I bet that's why Wario wanted an hour to get started! He was probably getting his motorcycle.

Peach: The Shy Guy racers are getting ready, too. I'm still not sure how this is gonna go...

Light Bear: It'll be okay. The music for today seems to be the Mario Circuit theme. Well, it makes sense.

Bowser: *stomping* Let's get started already!

Toad: Alright, alright! Settle down, Koopa!

Peach: For the thousands in the audience today, especially the little Mushroom Orphans...

Light Bear: Super Smash Stadium and the Mushroom Kingdom-

Bowser: And the Koopa Kingdom!

Light Bear: -ah, yeah, and the Koopa Kingdom present today...

Bowser: ...a battle that will decide the fate of the Mushroom World!

(A Lakitu drifts towards the Shy Guy racers, holding the “start” lights)

Lakitu: 3!

Toad: Get ready!

Lakitu: 2!

Peach: Get set!

Lakitu: 1!

Light Bear: Let's ride!

MATCH START!

Bowser: That Green Dinosaur starts the action with an Egg Roll towards the Biker!...Mmm, egg roll.

Toad: But Wario revs up his motorcycle and drives towards Yoshi!

Peach: Meanwhile, Mario trades a few punches with Donkey Kong!

Light Bear: As Donkey Kong quickly claps at Mario, Wario and Yoshi cause each other to bounce in the other direction. Wait, huh?

Bowser: Dino pops out of his egg and charges at Weirdio, who is turning his bike around.

Toad: Yoshi jumps up, but he's hit by Mario's Mario Tornado as he passes overhead.

Peach: Donkey Kong falls down by Wario and slaps him off his motorcycle!

Light Bear: A crate appears at the top level! Mario goes for it!

Bowser: Meanwhile, Loser Kong gets the Really Fat Guy's chopper thrown at him, but Reptile throws an egg at Chubby!

Toad: Mario kicks the crate to break it open, but it just ends up rolling away! It must have been a rolling crate!

Bowser: I think a rock could have guessed that, genius.

Peach: Mario drops down into the main fight, but... oh, look! The Shy Guys!

Light Bear: They're rounding the bend! I don't think the fighters see them! They're too busy beating each other!

Bowser: YEAH! Now THIS is what I'm talking about!

Toad: Looks like Mario and Donkey Kong managed to get out of the way, but Yoshi and Wario weren't so lucky!

Peach: Oh!! ...Thankfully, Wario and Yoshi landed on the track above.

Light Bear: As Yoshi and Wario stand up, Mario peppers Donkey Kong with some Fireballs!

Bowser: But Donkey Wrong Headbutts the Red Dude into the ground. Shows him.

Toad: Yoshi quickly eats Wario and turns him into an egg... that's gotta taste nasty.

Peach: Yoshi beats up the defenseless Wario while Donkey Kong delivers a powerful Giant Punch to Mario! It looks like he's knocked out on the left side!

Light Bear: Wario breaks out of Yoshi's Egg and chomps down on his face! I guess he's getting back at Yoshi?

Bowser: Oh, look, the Red Plumber is back. He smacks the Yellow...uh, Designer on the back of the head.

Toad: “Designer”?

Bowser: Hey! You try to come up with a one-word job description on the spot!

Toad: Whatever, Koopa.

Peach: Donkey Kong hops up and kicks Yoshi to the right while Mario and Wario trade blows!

Light Bear: Lakitu's issuing a warning sign! Looks like the Shy Guys are coming around the bend!

Bowser: None of the fighters are on the upper track, so they don't get hit... but Hairy Kong fixes this by hurling Scales into the traffic!

Toad: Yoshi bounces down and to the right! The momentum sends him off the arena for a knock-out!

Peach: It looks like Wario tried the same trick with Mario, but Mario's Cape spins him right 'round.

Light Bear: Mario quickly charges up a fiery smash attack, but Donkey Kong interrupts him and throws him towards the go-karters!

Bowser: Looks like Red got lucky; the Shy Guys already drove on. He flies right past the Green Beast.

Toad: Hey, look, another crate! Think this one rolls, too?

Peach: Yoshi drops down with a Yoshi Bomb onto it, breaking it. I guess not.

Light Bear: A Beam Sword, a PokéBall, two fans, and an Unira pop out.

Bowser: ...a what?

Toad: That spiky-looking thing. Look, Yoshi's picked it up, and he threw it at Wario.

Bowser: Well, why didn't he say “spiky-looking thing”?

Toad: I guess he wanted to sound smart. Donkey Kong took one of the fans and is beating Mario with it.

Light Bear: I'm right here, you know...

Peach: Wario shoves Yoshi up onto the top track while Mario rolls away from Donkey Kong.

Light Bear: Donkey Kong throws his fan at Mario, then quickly snatches up the other fan!

Bowser: Fuzzball tosses this one at Plumber Pete, too. The Ape goes to grab the PokéBall, but he grabs the Yoshisaur instead. I guess he was going for that PokéBall, too?

Toad: Meanwhile, Wario performs a Corkscrew and flies up into Mario. Mario flies up a little bit and lands near the item pile.

Peach: Donkey Kong carries Yoshi over towards the edge of the stage and tosses him out of bounds! That's a dirty trick!

Light Bear: Wario's really taken a lot of damage, especially compared to Yoshi.

Bowser: Bah, that Dinosaur's no good at fighting. He's gonna be the first to fall, anyway.

Toad: Look! Mario got that PokéBall and threw it at Wario! Let's see who's inside...

Peach: It looks like... Snorlax was released from the PokéBall!

Light Bear: Snorlax? On [i]this[/i] track?!

Bowser: Yeeeeaaahh! And look! Here come the Shy Guys, too!

Toad: Donkey Kong and Wario try to get away, but Mario's keeping both of them at bay with a fan!

Peach: Yoshi's staying on his revival platform. That's probably a good idea.

Light Bear: Snorlax falls into the track, crushing fighters and go-karters alike! That's a knockout for both Wario and Donkey Kong!

Bowser: Excellent! I'm loving this!

Toad: Yoshi drops down and quickly kicks a taunting Mario! Ya can't leave yourself open like that, Mario...

Peach: Wario and Donkey Kong are back, too. It looks like they're trying to help Yoshi beat up Mario!

Light Bear: Yoshi rolls out of the way of the three fighters and... oh, look, a Smart Bomb appeared!

Bowser: Scales gets it aaaaaand... YES!!!!

Toad: Yoshi threw it at the other three fighters! And he throws in a little taunt for extra humiliation.

Peach: The blast ends, and Mario is thrown off the track! That's a knockout for him, too!

Light Bear: Donkey Kong and Wario aren't happy. Looks like they're gonna go for Yoshi now...

Bowser: But Rubber Pants decides to eat Monkey Pants instead! Plumber Pants stays away from the pair and goes after Dino Pants!

Toad: Seriously, King Stoopa, you're trying too hard on these names...

Bowser: Hey, I gotta keep it up for all my fans out there!

Toad: “Fans”? You?

Light Bear: Please focus on the fight, you guys...

Peach: Wario tosses Donkey Kong away and drives over him with his motorcycle. Meanwhile, Yoshi encases Mario in an egg.

Bowser: Isn't, uh, the Guy with the Motorcycle glowing?

Toad: Um... It... kinda looks that way, too.

Peach: Wario throws Donkey Kong towards the other fighters and waddles by them. His walking looks pained...

Light Bear: Oh, crap! He's gonna...!

Wario: WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRIOOOO WAAAAAAFTTT!

Toad: DisGUSTing! He just blew the other fighters away with a giant fart!

Light Bear: Thank goodness we're upwind... Anyway, it looks like it didn't knock anyone out, but it did a lot of damage to the other fighters. They're pretty close to the side of the arena; anyone could be knocked out at any time.

Peach: A Fire Flower appears on the other side of the arena! Donkey Kong gets up and runs over there.

Bowser: But Stinky blows past him on his motorcycle, sending him flying!

Toad: It's not enough to knock him out, but it does let Wario get the Fire Flower. Meanwhile, Yoshi tosses Mario onto the track above.

Light Bear: The Shy Guys come down the track and ram into Mario, sending him flying away! It's not enough to clear the screen, though.

Peach: Wario tosses the Fire Flower at Donkey Kong, burning him a little. Wario then performs a flying kick at him while he's stunned for a knockout!

Bowser: Alright! Now THIS is where things get exciting!

Toad: Mario drops down and attacks Wario with a Mario Tornado.

Light Bear: A Maxim Tomato appears in the middle of the track, which Yoshi grabs as he dashes over towards Mario and Wario! That's a big help.

Peach: But Donkey Kong drops down and deals some quick damage to Yoshi! A Headbutt keeps Yoshi rooted in his spot.

Bowser: The two Lardios trade hits. Fat strikes with an uppercut, but Fatter gets back with a Corkscrew!

Toad: Donkey Kong claps, dealing some big damage to Yoshi! But since Yoshi is – err, [i]was[/i] stuck in the ground, it didn't send him flying.

Light Bear: Yoshi rolls into Donkey Kong in his Egg a few times, but a capsule catches Donkey Kong's eye, and he makes his way over to it.

Peach: Wario sends Mario flying over towards Donkey Kong, but Donkey Kong stops Mario's flight with the capsule. It breaks on him and drops its contents onto the track below.

Bowser: It's... is that what I think it is?

Toad: Looks like... a Spiny Shell?

Light Bear: Ah, yes, it's another experimental item suggested to us. Looks like Yoshi picked it up and threw it!

Peach: But what does it do?

Light Bear: Well, it works like it does in your go-karting races. When thrown, it homes in on the fighter currently in first place and detonates!

Bowser: First place...? Oh, that'd be-

(The Spiny Shell flies around a bit, then shoots towards Wario, who is leaping over towards Mario when he spots the Spiny Shell.)

Wario: WAAAH! Not agaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnn!

Toad: Holy COW! That's a huge blast! Both Mario and Wario are knocked out!

Bowser: Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! I LOVE this fight!!

Peach: Mario's out for the fight, it looks like...

Light Bear: Boy, Wario looks stomping mad! He lunges over towards the other two and drills into them!

Bowser: Banana Breath and Lizard Lips fly in separate directions, but Flabby chases the Dinosaur!

Toad: Wario deals a couple quick punches, which easily send Yoshi out of the arena! That takes care of Yoshi, too!

Peach: Wario taunts at this victory, but he completely forgot about Donkey Kong! Donkey Kong grabs Wario while he isn't paying attention.

Light Bear: Donkey Kong slings Wario over his shoulder. Is he gonna go for the cheap finish?

Toad: Yes! Donkey Kong walks over to the edge and throws Wario out of bounds!

Bowser: Man, that's such a lame ending of such an AWESOME fight...

THE WINNER IS... *hops around and grunts satisfactorily* Donkey Kong!

Light Bear: What a fight, though! It really could have been anyone's fight out there! Let's see what the fighters have to say about it!

(The scene shifts to the race track. The four fighters are gathered there. Donkey Kong looks pleased with himself. Yoshi and Mario look somewhat unhappy, but Wario obviously looks furious. Navi is before the fighters.)

Navi: So what-

Wario: WAAAAH!! I lost!!

Navi: Yes, you lost. Now-

Wario: CHEAP! You guys are-a CHEAP LOSAHS!

Yoshi: Wario-!

Wario: Don't even get-a STARTED, Dinosaur! You're-a the cheapest here! I didn't know we were-a gonna have those LOUSY Blue Shells in this fight! I call for a rematch! REMATCH!

Donkey Kong: Wario, just-

Wario: And YOU! That throw! What-a was with that? Cowardly monkey!

Mario: Look, Wario-

Wario: Wario still-a mad at you, Mario. Don't even try to talk to me.

Navi (sighing): I'm not going to get anywhere with these guys... back to you, Light Bear.

(The scene returns to the commentator's box)

Light Bear (sighing): Wario's such an attention hog...

Bowser: Bah, that's just the way some people are, trying to take the focus away from those that deserve it. Like ME!

Toad: Yeah, of course you'd say that.

Bowser: Eh?!? What's THAT supposed to mean!

Toad: Just as I said, Fire Breath!

Peach: L-let's just get to the questions now, okay?

Light Bear: Ah, yes, today's questions:

1) Is Donkey Kong really the strongest hero from the Mushroom World?
2) How well did the Blue Shell work?
3) How many nicknames does Bowser even have prepared?
4) Was the fight and race a good show for the Mushroom Orphans?

Peach: I think so. None of the fighters or drivers seriously got hurt, and it was definitely exciting enough.

Bowser: What's with that crack about me? What does it matter to you how many nicknames I have prepared?

Light Bear: Just... forget it. See you next time, faithful viewers!