Match #160

The Question: How will the Stadium's largest and smallest fighters fare under different size rules?

The Fighters for Jungle Japes
Bowser Olimar

Mode: Best of Three Series (Normal, Mini, Mega)
Stock: 1 life per battle (3 total)
Items: None

(Bowser is walking down the halls when a Bulborb latches onto his leg)

Bowser: Hey, get off me! (turns around and slams the Bulborb onto the ground) Nobody messes around with the King of the Koopas, not even some slimeball Toad wannadude!

(The Bulborb squirms a bit as it runs away from Bowser, headed towards the outdoors. Bowser gives chase, spewing flames from his mouth.)

Bowser: (grunts) You little vermin!

(The Bulborb dives into a flower patch, which causes a small cloud of Pikmin to flee the scene. The Bulborb's eyes can still be seen poking above the flowers.)

Bowser: And you flowermen, don't get in my way eith--

(Olimar's rocket touches down near Bowser and the flower patch, the Captain hopping out of there with a chain of Pikmin of his own. Bowser immediately looks down at Olimar.)

Bowser: You! Are you responsible for these pests floating around here?

Olimar: ...the Pikmin are my friends, Spikeshell.

Bowser: I thought you were too small to train Pokemon!

Olimar: No, they are called Pikmin. (looks at the flower patch) And apparently Bulborbs have found this planet.

Bowser: Oh, whatever they are, they're getting in my way. (looms in on Olimar, with an evil grin) Then again, those plumbers have smushed Goombas larger than you! You should be a piece of cake in the ring, right?

Olimar: I would not have you make that conclusion yet.

Bowser: You wanna see about that?! I'll be throwing fire around quicker than you can whistle for that hunk of metal!

Olimar: Then, I accept.

(Later on, we go up to the booth, where SIMBER has been reluctantly commissioned again to join Digifanatic...)

SIMBER: So this is actually a fair fight against the turtle man and the glass dome man?

Digi: Well, it won't be so easy to crush Captain Olimar. Not with the rules we've set for this match.

SIMBER: Oh, goody.

Digi: As they represent the opposite sides of the size spectrum, we'll be using Super and Poison Mushrooms as the only items in the match. Not only that, but it'll be contested in a two-out-of-three wins format.

SIMBER: That will take way too long to settle, and everyone will turn it off.

Digi: ...not when each match is one life in itself.

SIMBER: Then it'll be too repetitive.

Digi: Their first match will be contested at their normal sizes. The second will have them shrink down to Mini Brawl size, and if a third is needed, they'll be Mega Brawl size.

SIMBER: Then it'll be too confusing.

Digi: (sighs) No it won't. Trust me. Our scoreboard has been configured to recognize these rules. Also, the arena is Jungle Japes, fitting in with the scenery of Olimar's adventures and Bowser's--

SIMBER: --obnoxiousness akin to Cranky Kong's.

Digi: (facepalm) No, Bowser's geographical association with the Kongs. Mushroom Kingdom, Kongo Jungle, Dinosaur Land, all somewhat close on the map...

SIMBER: I didn't even know we mapped that out.

Digi: Right. Anyways, Bowser is not wasting any time, stomping his way out of his flame portal, and Olimar is soon to follow with his rocket. (peers out) For Pikmin, two blues and a yellow to start.

SIMBER: Opposite platforms on the extreme ends. Why can't they just start in the center to begin with?

Digi: Dramatic tension. ...And there we go! The first fight is underway. Bowser immediately jumps to the middle platform near Cranky's hut, while Olimar plucks a few Pikmin to round out his chain. Now he jumps over to join King Koopa.

SIMBER: But the turtle mercilessly roasts the glass domed chrome dome, killing a white Pikmin as well.

Digi: (tilts his head) "Glass domed chrome dome?" Oh well, Olimar retaliates by tossing a few Pikmin to latch onto Bowser, but Bowser slashes at Olimar some more.

SIMBER: It perfectly matches his appearance. A Super Mushroom appears stage right, but nobody is tempted to grab it. They wasted a perfectly good mushroom.

Digi: They're comfortable as they are now. Oh, Bowser comes back with a huge smash and Olimar is sent flying! The captain returns to his original starting platform, pulls out a purple Pikmin and leaps back unafraid.

SIMBER: But for now, a white one launches at Bowser, poisoning him for a few points before floating back. What a slave.

Digi: SIMBER, Olimar said the Pikmin are his friends.

"MISSING: Giant knives" --Wart
Score: 0
Score: 0

SIMBER: Whatever, let's keep going. Bowser has grabbed Olimar, slamming him into the ground. The little man gets back up and hits Bowser a few times, who appears to be fleeing.

Digi: That's cause he's leaping for a Super Mushroom...falls off the platform stage right, but Bowser gets it as it falls and still catches the edge! This is not good for Olimar!

SIMBER: I believe Olimar will need to change his pants before the second match. Bowser leaps back towards the center platform, Olimar wants to retreat, but that extra range gives Bowser more smashing power.

Digi: Olimar can't keep pace with Bowser closing in on him, and he's sent well off the edge! Bowser dominates the normal match to take the 1-0 lead!

Bowser: Oh, yeah! I'm the King! I'm the--(gets whisked away)

SIMBER: A shame Olimar didn't get a Poison Mushroom. Such a disparity would cause great reaction from the audience.

Digi: Well, they're still applauding Bowser for his efforts...and now Bowser reappears on his starting zone in Mini size!

Bowser: This ain't fair! Especially the squeaky voice!

SIMBER: Yes, it is, Bowser. You agreed to this match. Olimar's mini rocket touches down, and unfortunately, I don't think anyone will be able to see him get out of it. I need to click my zoom.

Digi: We have cameras for that. And the Mini Brawl is underway! This should be fun.

SIMBER: If you're good at squinting. But nonetheless, I can see Olimar plucking a few Pikmin. He has one of every color plus a second yellow, as Bowser needs two good jumps and a Whirling Fortress to make it to the center.

Digi: Olimar zaps Bowser for a few points. Too bad those Pikmin shrink with him...

SIMBER: It doesn't stop Bowser from dropping on him Bowser Bomb, though. They trade a few quick blows in the middle, but that purple Pikmin does shove the king away.

Digi: A Poison Mushroom is dropped onto the center platform. Bowser sees it and goes for it, shrinking again!

Bowser: WHAT?!

(Digi is now laughing out loud in the booth)

SIMBER: Ian, do I have to terminate you for being amused at this? He must have thought it was a Super Mushroom when it wasn't.

Digi: Sorry, just the sight of a twice-shrinked Bowser is amusing! Olimar seems to be enjoying it too, as a red Pikmin blows some fire on His Majesty...

"Clearance Sale: Sonic Shoes for 75 rings!"
Score: 1
Score: 0
36% (+PMush)

SIMBER: He should probably get those platform shoes Napoleon had. Now I'm having problems seeing him.

Digi: True, but you can hear the awkward roars. Bowser reverts to his normal size and uses the Klaw on Olimar, knocking away a stray red Pikmin. Olimar retaliates by slamming the purple one into Bowser's noggin.

SIMBER: Shouldn't they be worrying about knockout hits?

Digi: Indeed. Bowser tosses Olimar up into the air, though it's not good enough to clear him from the arena.

Olimar floats over to the stage right platform, and Bowser follows.

SIMBER: The turtle man impales Olimar with his shell. If he's lucky, we won't have a third match and we'll all be disappointed.

Digi: If nothing else, it'd back his claim up. However, Olimar's not backing away, resetting the chain and using

it to lash at Bowser, who gets tossed around a few times.

"Warning--Sonic Shoes not guaranteed to give you supersonic speed or to be stalked by that one girl you used to know in high school."
Score: 1
Score: 0

SIMBER: A Super Mushroom appears on the center, but nobody's going for it. Instead, Olimar grabs Bowser with a white Pikmin and tosses him around, bleeding him a bit...

Digi: Poisoned.

SIMBER: Still steadily increasing damage. With Bowser at about 70%, Olimar headbutts Bowser a few times before tossing him into the water below.

Digi: Well, we're tied at one, that's a good thing.

SIMBER: Yes, we'll actually be able to watch a full best-of-three series.

Digi: And I hope you're not disappointed. The fighters are back to their starting areas, but of course, in their Mega Brawl size.

Bowser: Ohh, sweet, this is more like it!

(Olimar flinches a bit when he sees Bowser's size as he exits the giant rocket, but just nods a few times to his Pikmin)

Olimar: Stay strong, friends.

SIMBER: Let's hope they can even fit on a platform like this...

Digi: You're tempting me to toss a pair of Super Mushrooms onto the arena. (smirks) Anyways, the Mega Brawl is beginning and Bowser is the one holding his position at first. Olimar takes the initiative to leap for the center.

SIMBER: A king being patient? Someone shut me down.

(Bowser grabs Olimar halfway over the gap between the center platform and the one Bowser's standing on)

Digi: Well, that's not showing much patience. Bowser tosses him back, but he shouldn't be expecting a lot of knockback for that throwing considering how large Olimar is now.

SIMBER: The Captain continues to get tossed around, but finds his way back onto the center platform, plucking a couple of his friends up.

Digi: He promptly tosses a blue one at Bowser, but the Koopa retaliates with some flames that kill that one Pikmin off in addition to hurting Olimar some.

SIMBER: Of course, the red Pikmin remain, but Olimar just picks up another one, a white one this time. A Poison Mushroom appears but likely too far away for anyone to catch it. You need better aim, sir.

Digi: I'm just doing it to see if they'll bite. (shrugs) Bowser shields against another Pikmin smash, returning the favor with the Koopa Klaw, trying to chuck Olimar over to the opposite end...nope, Olimar somehow dodges that too.

SIMBER: And flustered, they resort to mundane punches and swipes. How mediocre.

"Will the real Metal Man please kill Mega Man?"--Dr. Wily"
Score: 1
Score: 1

SIMBER: And now dome man jumps over to one of the small side platforms, which is probably too small for them.

Digi: If nothing else, Bowser will hit him to make room, but it's Olimar who's able to toss a Pikmin over to trip Bowser up mid-jump. However, a Whirling Fortress helps clear the gap with some damage to the captain as well.

SIMBER: Bowser hits hard with an aerial smash to send Olimar flying, but the extra size gives him enough resistance to not lose the match.

Digi: Wait, Super Mushroom over the center platform. Olimar's jumping for it and snatches it! The airtime he had gave him an advantage in chasing after it.

SIMBER: Bowser is not shaking in his shell, though. However, those Pikmin have to be as large as a Koopaling by now...

Digi: A red one latches on, and Olimar jumps back over, tossing a white one straight down to poison Bowser again!

SIMBER: It's still going to take a lot more to kill Bowser with his size. Olimar sacrifices a few friends to latch onto Bowser while he sits back from the center, shrinking back to regular size.

Digi: Bowser finally breaks free from the swarm, leaping back to face Olimar, who's regathered a full army of six, and there's the Koopa Klaw once again.

SIMBER: And somehow those fangs do not shatter the dome. I think he needs a dental exam.

Digi: Well, nonetheless, Olimar is tossed away for a bit but a purple Pikmin slams right back into Bowser. Olimar definitely holding his own against the big guy.

"9 out of 10 drunks agree: Suika throws better parties than Tingle!"
Score: 1
Score: 1

SIMBER: Olimar is continuing to trip Bowser up. Apparently that size is not doing him well.

Digi: Well, he is slow as molasses out there...

SIMBER: What a predictable comparison. However, the turtle man does smash Olimar on the ground.

Digi: A yellow Pikmin zaps Bowser just as a Poison Mushroom appears, but nobody going for it. I wouldn't if I was either of them.

SIMBER: Bowser grabs Olimar and slashes at him a few times, slamming him into the ground of the center platform. Bowser jumps up to the higher platform, which leaves him exposed to a smash from below.

Digi: Some endurance shown by both fighters, but they've got to be nearing the end. Bowser tries to grab Olimar, but the little guy rolls out of the way, picking up a white Pikmin who latches onto the Koopa.

SIMBER: Bowser taking even more damage and swarmed by a red one as well...he swipes them away to kill them off, but Olimar keeps plucking more.

Digi: The king's got no choice but to drop down, clawing at Olimar some more, but Olimar dodges another Bowser Bomb.

SIMBER: Bowser takes a while to jump back up, and Olimar tosses him around. No wonder why Mario destroys him all the time.

Digi: Olimar jumps up a couple of times and rockets Bowser into the air with a smash and that will...send Bowser out of it! Captain Olimar prevents the comeback to take it 2-1!



SIMBER: Bowser really needs to get his head out of shell and actually fight if he wants to stay around, you know...

Digi: Unless someone fires him, I think he has the right to stay regardless of his performance. Shouldn't be criticizing him like that. (his phone beeps)

SIMBER: That better not be an explosive device.

Digi: No, it's my cell phone, Olimar just texted me: "To think that I have already beaten both King Dedede and King Bowser in my first two matches is a pleasant surprise. I hope that my fighting will help promote the success of Hocotate. Also, please exterminate or cage the Bulborbs from the garden."

SIMBER: Good to see he's actually keeping up with technology here...probably better than Navi's phone buzzing.

Digi: Let's see, he uses a rocket ship to handle cross-galactic shipping, I sure hope his co-workers are able to track their deliveries. Therefore, I should expect him to keep up with technology like this. Oh, speaking of Navi, let's see if she survives her interview with Bowser! (grins)

(And Navi is waiting in some hall, nowhere near any of the locker rooms)

Navi: Me against that guy? After that match? Nice wish.

Digi: handled Lucario pretty well, and he's the self-proclaimed successor of Mewtwo.

Navi: That was the chocolate speaking!

Digi: And he wanted to beat the wings out of you for mentioning that.

Navi: (pouts) Alright, I'll find Bow--

(Bowser starts stomping down towards the hall)

Bowser: Okay, first of all, that little blue Spiny beats me on a cheap Cheep Cheep ripoff at the beginning of the season, and now I lose to Spaceman Spiff and his army of stickmen?!

Navi: be fair, you pushed him to a third match.

Bowser: But I was huge! I should have cracked that little helmet of his. Now let me out of here, so I can go shred a Retardio plush to its stuffing!

Navi: Um, alright. Thank you Bowser. (flies away) I think I'll leave the rest to you two. (thinking) He might be married, but Olimar can send me messages any day at this rate... (rolls her eyes)

SIMBER: I knew that was going to be a disaster. You should hire someone more husky to handle these interviews.

Digi: You're not my boss, and Navi held her own. It's not like she got set on flames by anyone back there.

SIMBER: Metal Man should have never let you have the password to activate me for the matches you host. And he called himself the leader of the Questers...

Digi: You may stop ranting. (shuts SIMBER down)

SIMBER: I'm sorry, Ian. I'm af--(systems power off)

Digi: Stranger things have happened. So, with all those mushrooms we tried throwing into the match in mind, here's some food for thought!

1. Should Bowser pick on someone his own size?
2. Is Olimar's start impressing you?
3. Do you wish the Super and Poison Mushrooms were picked up more often during the match?
4. Do you want Suika throwing your party sometime?
5. Did Metal Man make a bad choice by giving me access to SIMBER?

Digi: Anyways, those are for you to figure out. I think I'll sign off. Hopefully the next Superpower and Navi will have better luck next match!