Match #17

Fighters for Dream Land

Green Team	Green Team	Red Team	Red Team
Player 1	Player 2	Player 3	Player 4

Lemmy: Hello. Today I have decided to try color commentary. For those of you who don’t watch wresting shows, color commentary includes the commentators having emotions toward the battle. So, instead of us talking like football commentators, I’m going to be Jerry Lawler, if you will. In addition, for this match and this match ONLY, my younger sister, Wendy O. Koopa, will be commentating with me.

Wendy: Hi people. Our match today is something that has already been decided...sort of, but many wanted a re-match. A battle of the sexes. I don’t think a rematch is required, but I don’t work here.

Lemmy: Let’s see why we’re going to have a rematch. Let’s play the video. (Pops a video tape into a VCR)

(On the tape, Mario, Link, DK, and Fox are playing Euchre)

Mario: I can’t believe you two. Losing to a pair of girls.

DK: It’s not my fault! Fox is the one who left me to fight them alone.

Fox: You should have been helping me more!

Link: You two are losers.

Mario: I claim. (Plays down both black jacks)

DK: How do you two always win?

Link: We’re winners. We can take a pair of girls, unlike a monkey and dog I know.

Fox: I’ll have you know foxes are in no way dogs!

Mario: Either way, we’re better.

DK: Why don’t we see how tough you really are? You take on Samus and Yoshelly!

Link: Okay. We will. (Picks up the phone and dials) Hey Samus. ... It’s Link. ... Mario and I are challenging you to a match ... Because we feel that Fox and DK are losers who couldn’t beat up a pair of Magikarp ... yes ... Yoshelly can’t come? ... Aren’t there other girls you could team up with? ... I don’t know, maybe Jigglypuff? ... Okay ... hold on ... (Turns to Mario) What arena do you want to fight in?

Mario: Umm ... Dream Land.

Link: (back on phone) Dream Land ... Okay. We’ll see you there. (Hangs up)

Lemmy: (turns tape off) There you have it. The match will be held now. Same rules as normal.

Wendy: So, as VGW Man says, LET THE--

Lemmy: SILENCE!

Wendy: Why?

Lemmy: That’s his line! Want me to get fired?

Wendy: Why not?

Lemmy: I won’t tell Dad about the you-know what...

Wendy: Okay...

Lemmy: READY!

Wendy: SET!

Both Lemmy & Wendy: FIGHT!

Wendy: And Samus is off to a good start, getting a screw attack off on Mario near the top.

Lemmy: She can "screw attack" me ... seriously, though, Jigglypuff falls victim to a twirling sword attack!

Wendy: Jigglypuff is retaliating with a few pounds.

Lemmy: A FEW pounds? Jigglypuff’s FAT!

Wendy: Not funny ... OW! Mario’s tornado sends Samus into the air. PULVERIZE THE PLUMBER!

Lemmy: Link’s fighting back with a few stabs, and Mario seems to have control on the top level.

Wendy: Jigglypuff looks to be in trouble! Link’s taken out a bomb!

Lemmy: Hey, look in the crowd! Ness is starting a cheer!

Crowd: MARIO! MARIO! MARIO! LINK!

Wendy: AHHH! JIGGLYPUFF’S HIT! SHE’S GOING DOWN!

Lemmy: What the ...? DRAT! She floated back.

Wendy: Jigglypuff has started her best attack: Sing.

Lemmy: And Link falls prey to the bloated Pokémon. WAKE UP!

Wendy: But, unfortunately, Mario has come to his friend’s rescue, throwing Samus into Jigglypuff!

Lemmy: And Puff’s been thrown to the side!

Wendy: But Samus wakes up before Link, and starts to charge up!

Lemmy: But what’s that? A BOB-OMB! Mario throws it at Puff, almost killing her!

Wendy: Samus is almost fully charged and Link still hasn’t woken up! He’s gonna get blasted...

Lemmy: HA! Samus is too slow! Mario kicks her, making her lose her charge! And Link is awake!

Wendy: Link’s running away from Samus while she battles Mario! Where’s he headed?

Lemmy: To Jigglypuff! A simple "Cut in two" and Jigglypuff is blasted away!

Wendy: Simple? That’s one of his best attacks!

Lemmy: Whatever. Mario and Samus are really going at it!

Wendy: But she’s grabbed him! She throws him off!

Lemmy: But not quite! Mario’s back and fighting mad!

Wendy: Jigglypuff’s back and ready for action! She starts beating Link like there’s no tomorrow!

Lemmy: And Link raises his shield! Jigglypuff can’t hit him.

Wendy: Jigglypuff picks up a capsule that virtually landed in her lap!

Lemmy: But what’s in it? She throws it at Link’s shield!

Wendy: And it’s a pokéball!

Lemmy: Link goes to pick it up...

Wendy: But Jigglypuff gets him first. She knocks him aside and throws down the ball!

Lemmy: It’s Chansey! It throws eggs everywhere! Link and Puff each grab one and throw them at each other!

Wendy: A pair of star rods. Jigglypuff picks one up, but Link pulls out a bomb.

Lemmy: He throws it at Samus! It explodes and she’s blasted into oblivion! Mario’s down, but not out!

Wendy: Jigglypuff starts shooting stars at Link rapidly. He’s hit, and hit, and hit, and hit.

Lemmy: He raises his shield! Mario throws a fireball at the Clefairy-wannabe and she truly is en fuego.

Wendy: En fuego? Stupid foreign languages ... Oh, Jigglypuff runs toward Mario...

Lemmy: But is stopped by Link. A few stabs shows the puff who’s boss.

Wendy: Look, up in the sky!

Lemmy: It’s a bird! It’s a plane!

Wendy: It’s Samus Aran! And a quick throw kills Mario.

Lemmy: Darn! I’m the only one who’s supposed to kill Mario!

Wendy: Deal with it. Samus has focused her attention on Link now and they’re going at it!

Lemmy: Jigglypuff runs toward them, but stops when she sees a crate!

Wendy: She smashes it open, only to reveal...

Lemmy: A heart container and a Hammer! Someone’s going down! And Mario’s coming down!

Wendy: Jigglypuff ignores them and goes toward Link! What is she THINKING?

Lemmy: I don’t know, but a low double-chop knocks them both away.

Wendy: OH, NO! Link’s over at the heart container!

Lemmy: And he grabs it!

Wendy: AHHH! HE’S GOT THE HAMMER!

Lemmy: And the crowd starts cheering!

Crowd: GO LINK! GO LINK! GO LINK!

Wendy: OOH! Samus and Jigglypuff are both hit!

Lemmy: YES! And he smashes a crate on the edge, too! I wonder what’s inside!

Wendy: A BOMB! LINK EXPLODES! He’s blasted away!

Lemmy: Mario’s the only one left on the field. He does a little victory dance and smashes open a capsule.

Wendy: It’s a beam sword. He picks it up!

Lemmy: Samus and the powder-puff come down on the floating platforms, and they double-team Mario!

Wendy: And Link is nowhere to be found! The girls can still win this!

Lemmy: AHHH! SHE’S USING SING ATTACK!

Wendy: And Mario’s asleep!

Lemmy: And Link’s coming down from the top...

Wendy: But not soon enough! Jigglypuff’s Nightmare attack blasts Mario away by going to sleep!

Lemmy: And Link runs down to the girls and starts hammering away!

Wendy: But he can’t take both at once! Samus’ Screw Attack sends him into the air!

Lemmy: He comes down with a drop stab, knocking the little pink alien aside.

Wendy: Alien?

Lemmy: Yup. Jigglypuffs come from our moon.

Wendy: Ha! Samus gets Link with her flame-thrower!

Lemmy: And Mario’s platform comes down from the sky! He starts attacking Jigglypuff!

Wendy: They’re really going at it. And so are Samus and Link. I can’t tell who’s winning!

Lemmy: I can! It’s Mario! He just got a head-butt off on Jigglypuff, knocking her sky high!

Wendy: Never spit into the wind. The tree helped Puff stay on her feet from that hit!

Lemmy: Darn ... AHH! Link’s hurt bad!

Wendy: Really bad. Samus picks him up and throws him away!

Lemmy: But Mario does his ultimate punch to Jigglypuff, and she goes flying!

Wendy: But Samus gets a charged blast to Mario! He’s been put away for good!

Lemmy: Link should have no problem taking out Samus with her having 64 damage!

Wendy: Don’t look now, but a tomato just landed! And she has it!

Lemmy: And here comes Link!

Wendy: A few quick hits knock the Hylian off his feet.

Lemmy: But a "Million Stab" attack sends Samus back.

Wendy: Samus starts charging up her blaster from across the arena.

Lemmy: But Link’s boomerang knocks her down.

Wendy: Samus shoots Link a few times with uncharged shots.

Lemmy: Link’s raised his shield!

Wendy: So Samus runs in close!

Lemmy: A chop and a punch and a kick...

Wendy: And the two are going at it!

Lemmy: Link gets off a spinning sword attack!

Wendy: And Samus lands on a beam sword! She picks it up!

Lemmy: It’s a good old-fashioned duel! Link slashes twice!

Wendy: And Samus slices back!

Crowd: TAKE IT OFF! TAKE IT OFF!

Lemmy: And Samus is distracted. Link takes a slice!

Wendy: But she’s back on her feet!

Lemmy: Slice! Slash! Chop!

Wendy: We don’t need sound effects...

Lemmy: Huh? Something black has appeared on the field...

Wendy: IT’S A BOB-OMB!

Lemmy: LINK DOESN’T NOTICE IT! HE SLICES!

Wendy: And Samus gets caught in the explosion! They are BOTH blasted away!

Lemmy: They both die at once. Let’s see what the judges say. Judges?

Judge: Though both were caught in the same explosion, Samus hit the ground first, giving Link the win.

Samus: WHAT?!?!?!? Stupid armor ... makes me heavier ... I demand a rematch!

Link: Don’t feel bad, Samus. I’m sorry. (Smiles) Why don’t you let me by you an ice cream?

Samus: Buzz off. (Walks away)

Link: Oh, well. It was worth a shot. (Thinks) I wonder what Malon’s doing tonight ... (Walks away)

Lemmy: There you have it. Samus does NOT want to go out with Link. I hope we answered your questions, fans.

Wendy: The question was whether guys are better than women are!

Lemmy: Oh, well. You can’t win ‘em all. Bye everybody, see you again.

Wendy: Yeah. Lemmy will see you again. Bye!