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Lemmy: Hello, everybody. We're here at Dream Land, so welcome to the newest episode of Super Smash Stadium. Today's match will be a single item, two-life match between Mario and Ash. I'll explain what that is a bit later. First, I would like to introduce BOTH of my co-hosts today. On my right, is the favorite commentator of many of you, my twin brother, Prince Iggy Koopa!
Crowd: (cheers)
Iggy: But we also have a special guest commentator today. He's the one you've ALL been waiting for.
Lemmy: The big cohune, the head poncho...
Iggy: That's HONCHO!
Lemmy: Whatever.... Let us present KING BOWSER KOOPA!
Crowd: (cheers, claps, whistles, and yells like there's no tomorrow)
Bowser: They like me! They really like me!
Lemmy: Oookay....
Bowser: So who's beating up who today?
Iggy: Mario Mario, our mortal enemy, is facing off against Ash Ketchum in a Single Item Match.
Bowser: A whachamawhat?
Lemmy: In a single item match each fighter may bring one item to the ring from his adventures. They may use these items at any time they want.
Iggy: And to make sure this is a SINGLE item match no items will be thrown into the ring.
Bowser: So what items are they bringing?
Lemmy: We don't know.
Iggy: I heard that Ash is bringing a pokéball, but nobody knows what Mario's bringing.
Bowser: Hey, here they come!
Lemmy: You were right, Iggy. Ash is tossing a pokéball to himself as he walks.
Iggy: I can't see what Mario has...
Bowser: Start the countdown! I wanna see them fight!
Iggy: Lemmy, I believe intros are your area of expertise.
Lemmy: Right. Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, children of ages three and up, Super Smash Stadium PROUDLY brings to you, the four eyes, Iggy K., the clown prince, Lemmy K., the Mario masher, Bowser K., the Royal Koopas!
Iggy: And for the thirty in attendance, and the hundreds reading worldwide...
Bowser: LET'S GET READY TO SMASH IT!!!!!
Lemmy: And they're in the ring! Mario and Ash are both reaching for their items.
Ash: Pikachu, I choose you! (Throws down a pokéball)
Mario: It's-a time for you to come-a out-a now! (Sets down a Yoshi egg; it hatches)
Iggy: Pikachu pops into the ring to help Ash!
Lemmy: And Red Yoshi reveals himself from inside the egg!
Bowser: Those are the only four fighters not yet captured!
Iggy: Nope, Yoshelly's still free, and Daffy Duck isn't known by Killer. But I thought this was supposed to be one-on-one!
Lemmy: Life's full of surprises. The match has begun! Let's commentate already!
Bowser: Lard Boy is running towards Ketchup but Rat Face got in the way!
Iggy: I think I should translate...
Lemmy: Right.
Iggy: Mario's attacking Ash but Pikachu got in the way!
Lemmy: But Red made it through and starts kicking Ash!
Bowser: Ketchup kicks The Red Donkey into Fatso!
Iggy: Ash kicks Red Yoshi into Mario!
Lemmy: And Mario kicks Pikachu into Ash!
Bowser: Ketchup dodges!
Iggy: Oh, they can figure these out on their own...
Lemmy: But Mario is hit by The Flying Yoshi!
Bowser: I thought Blue was the flying Yoshi...
Iggy: Ash runs toward Mario!
Bowser: But he gets eggified by Dino!
Lemmy: Dad, this isn't Flintstones...
Bowser: Well it should be!
Iggy: Mario grabs Pikachu and throws him!
Lemmy: He's jumping back...
Iggy: But Mario blasts him with a fireball! He's down!
Lemmy: Red Yoshi & Pikachu's battle stats are in, but it's sort or irrelevant--
Iggy: --because the match only ends when Mario or Ash is out for good.
Lemmy: Thank you, twin brother.
Iggy: Whatever.
Bowser: Pay attention brats! Fat-tub-o-lard and The Red Mule are taking this opportunity to beat the living daylights out of Ketchup!
Lemmy: But Bash hits them both with his Wombat Toto. Ahh! Now you've got ME doing it!
Iggy: It's "Combat yo-yo" Lemmy... I wonder if I was adopted...
Bowser: But Marinara grabs Cash and The Donkey does a skull bash!
Lemmy: Mario throws Ash, but he Poké-thunders himself back!
Iggy: Pikachu's back and he's mad as a bull with a black gear!
Lemmy: That's DIGIMON!
Iggy: Oops...
Bowser: Either way, Ratty does Thunder, taking out Saddle Back!
Lemmy: Remember that Red and Pikachu's damage are irrelevant.
Iggy: Ash and Pikachu are now fighting Mario, getting him with close-range attacks.
Bowser: YEAH! Go Ketchup!
Lemmy: But Lard Butt fights back with a Super Retardio Tornado.
Bowser: Good boy, Lemmy! You're making your old man proud!
Lemmy: Keyword: "Old"
Bowser: HEY!
Iggy: Red's back on the field and he's in business! A hip drop to Ash sends him off!
Lemmy: Mario's fighting Pikachu as Red taunts the fallen pokémon trainer!
Bowser: Pikapoo lets off a few low hits to Retardio!
Lemmy: That's MY word!
Bowser: I'm you're father. All your property legally belongs to me.
Lemmy: ...
Iggy: Ash comes back to the field and starts taking his anger out on Red Yoshi with a few quick hits!
Red: LEHUM! (Slurps up Ash)
Lemmy: And Ash is trapped in a shell!
Ash: LET ME OUTTA HERE!
Bowser: Thunder Butt tries to protect the shell from enemy attacks!
Lemmy: But he's slurped up, too!
Iggy: Ash escapes the egg and hits Mario with his Combat yo-yo!
Lemmy: And Red doesn't notice! He's kicking Pikachu's shell!
Iggy: And Ash grabs Mario for a psychic throw!
Bowser: AND HE'S OUTTA THERE!
Lemmy: Ash taunts as Pikachu pops out of the shell!
Bowser: Dead Yoshi kicks Pikapoo!
Lemmy: But Pikachu retaliates with a few electric attacks!
Iggy: Ash throws a Poké-fire toward the fighting sidekicks and Red Yoshi is torched!
Bowser: Marinara's back and he's fighting mad! He jumps down toward Pikachu with a Potato attack!
Iggy: He means Tornado...
Lemmy: Ash runs toward Mario...
Bowser: Only to be (aluminum) foiled by The Red Dragon Wanna-be!
Iggy: He means Red Yoshi.
Lemmy: Ash just got kicked in the head by Red and fell aside!
Bowser: And Cash fights back with an around-the-word attack using his tomcat Lolo!
Iggy: Why can't I have a normal father like everyone else...?
Bowser: What you mean?
Iggy: (shakes his head)
Lemmy: No time for chatting. Ash has just whacked Red Yoshi with his bat!
Ash: I AM THE BABE!
Iggy: It's going... going...
Bowser: OUT! Caught by the left fielder!
Iggy: That is, Red caught the edge...
Lemmy: Ash was caught off guard by Mario and was grabbed from behind!
Bowser: Mario spins him around and throws him!
Iggy: But he gets back with a Poké-thunder tackle!
Bowser: Good. Mario has to lose.
Lemmy: Pikachu's fighting Red Yoshi now!
Bowser: And Red slurps him up and spits him out!
Iggy: He's out! Pikachu is out of the match!
Lemmy: Red taunts!
Iggy: He shouldn't have! Ash just hit him with the bat again!
Ash: YOSHI BALL, GO!
Lemmy: HOME RUN! Yoshi's gone!
Pat: (runs in) LEMMY!
Lemmy: What are you doing here?
Iggy: Mario kicks Ash!
Pat: (pant) The black (pant)
Lemmy: Don't interrupt me! (Hits him)
Bowser: And Ash hits him with Poké-Fire!
Pat: Yes (pant) but this (pant) is (pant)
Lemmy: I said DON'T interrupt!
Bowser: And Ash grabs Mario!
Pat: But the (pant) black yoshi (pant)
Bowser: You heard him! Don't interrupt! (Throws Pat out of the commentator's box)
Iggy: And he's thrown!
Pat: (climbs back up) But you need to...
Iggy: But Mario grabs the edge!
Lemmy: You shouldn't be here! This is MY match! (Grabs Pat)
Iggy: He jumps up and grabs Ash!
Bowser: (grabs Pat) Do your OWN matches if you want to commentate!
Lemmy: One...
Iggy: And he's spinning Ash!
Bowser: Two...
Iggy: Spinning...
Lemmy: THREE! (He and Bowser throw Pat out the window)
Iggy: AND HE'S THROWN!
Pat: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Iggy: AND HE'S GONE! MARIO WINS!
Lemmy: BYE!
Post-Match:
Mario: YEAH! C'mon Red, let's celebrate!
Lemmy: Just...where is he?
Pat: That's what I was TRYING to tell you!
Iggy: Well, what is it, Small Fry?
Pat: Killer, the black yoshi who's been kidnapping everyone, got Pikachu, Ash, and Red Yoshi when they were knocked off!
Killer: (appears) King Bowser, I have done as you have commanded. !!! They're filming this, aren't they?
Bowser: (nods)
Killer: D'OH! Either way, there's nothing they can do about it.
Mario: YOU'RE BEHIND THIS, KOOPA!
Bowser: Yes. And I have especially asked Killer to leave you for me to fight! (Jumps into the ring)
Killer: Not just yet... (Throws down something; they all are transported to Master Hand stadium) NOW you fight.
Bowser: No, this isn't how I want it done... Mario, if you ever want to see your friends again, you'll have to make it through my castle! (Jumps down a warp pipe; it disappears)
Lemmy: So we're behind this?
Iggy: I guess so...
Lemmy: Why didn't anyone tell us?
Iggy: Maybe because we're blabbermouths.
Lemmy: Good point. C'mon, let's go back to the castle! I wanna challenge Ludwig to a game of chess!
Iggy: Wait, we're getting some live coverage from outside the locker rooms. Let's watch. (Starts up a tape; the camera zooms into the screen)
Mash Toady (interview extraordinaire): Iggy, Lemmy, I am currently spying on Yoshelly, who is talking to someone; I don't know who. The next voice you here is Yoshelly.
Yoshelly: I don't care what you say, Boshi! You're still evil and heartless!
Boshi: I may be evil, but I'm NOT heartless! I told Killer to leave YOU alone, didn't I?
Yoshelly: This is why we stopped dating in the first place! You don't care about anyone but yourself! If you really loved me, you wouldn't have captured Red Yoshi!
Boshi: ...
Yoshelly: You don't care about me! You just want me to think you do! You just want your friends to be jealous!
Boshi: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
Yoshelly: You heard me!
Boshi: That's it! You're joining your friends in Bowser's dungeon! LEHUM! (Swallows up Yoshelly into an egg)
Yoshelly: You'll never get away with this!
Boshi: (Picks up the egg) Oh, yes I will. The heroes don't always win.
(Carries the egg away from Mash's view)
Mash: That was weird; I'm going to see if I can get some more information about Boshi. Back to you, Koop-entators. (Tape stops, the camera goes back to its view on the Koopa twins)
Iggy: Well, we finally know who Yoshelly's first boyfriend is.
Lemmy: And who Killer's partner in crime is.
Iggy: But Mario has to storm the castle to get them back.
Lemmy: And we'll make sure that we have coverage for that!
Iggy: Until then, we don't have enough fighters for a match. I doubt that Daffy Duck would want to fight right now. So, we'll have to wait. I wonder if Mario will be able to make it...
Lemmy: Let's hope so. I like commentating these matches for Super Smash Stadium.
Iggy: JUST WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?!?!?!?
Lemmy: Eeep... (Lemmy runs from Iggy; VGW Man comes on the commentating booth)
VGW: Okay, that was a weird fight. However, we want to know what you thought of it. Here are the main questions I have in mind.
VGW: You can head here to cast your reaction. Next time, we'll see if Mario can stop Killer, Boshi, and Bowser. I will admit one thing, though. Bowser is much better at commentating than kidnapping. Later, folks!
Sprite Credits: