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| Player 1 | Player 2 |
Note: Due to Cranky's presence, this match has been rated PG 13 - Houou
(in the commentating box)
Cranky: Tough luck fans, I will commentate this match alone. Why? I've taken care of theGod-wannabe and the Oversized chicken, so they won't be here for commentating. Now, let's see who's fighting in this sorry thing you call "carnage", shall we?
(pounding)
Cranky:Who's there?!
(more pounding, a steel door outside the commentating box breaks)
Houou:Grr..I'll get you, old monkey!
Lugia: Calm down.
Houou:You messed up my note!
Cranky:Oh shut that beak and let's see who's fighting.
Lugia: OK, here, you will anounce the fighters. (hands Cranky a list)
Cranky: Ahem the fighters are a huge ball of saturated fat and my good-for-nothing son! Pah! I could kick both losers' behinds alone!
Houou:Um..translation: Wario will battle DK.
Lugia: How did they get into fighting? Lakitu! Come over here!
(lakitu flies over to Lugia)
Lugia: Can we see the tape?
Lakitu: Sorry, I lost it or.. someone took it.
Cranky: (whistles)
Houou:OK, hand it over, Cranky.
Cranky:Grr... (hands Houou the tape)
Houou: That's better, now, let's see how this began. (pops tape in the VCR)
(tape begins)
Lugia: Looks like there is a conference...
Man: Now the strongest Nintendo Star award the first candidate is..Chunky Kong!
(Chunky walks up to the stage and gets a trophy)
Cranky:Pah! I can't believe that useless bum got a trophy! In my day, I would have gotten a trophy for skill!
Man:Next... Donkey Kong!
(DK walks up to the stage and gets a trophy)
Cranky: WHAT?!?! I should be getting that trophy!
Man: And finally, Wario!
(Wario walks up to the stage and gets a trophy)
Cranky: Sheesh, now that dope gets a trophy, I wonder who will be next?
Man: These are the strongest Nintendo characters! Now-
Wario: I bet DK paid for that trophy!
DK:That's not true, I got it fair and um... (scratches head) square.
Wario: Let's see if you are as strong as you are supposed to be!
Cranky: Pah! I demand a match against both liars! I am stronger!
DK: OK Wario, let's see you get beaten up by me in SSS. Let's go! I'll meet you in Mushroom Kingdom in 2 hours!
Wario: OK! Prepare to lose!
(tape ends)
Houou: I WOULD have heard if SOMEONE would have kept his mouth shut.
Cranky: I wonder who...
Lugia: Quiet, both of you! Let me explain the basics of the match!
Cranky: Let me! (lights up a match) A match is usually made of timber, and lights up when you rub it against-
Houou: Not THAT kind of match, Cranky.
Cranky: Uh? People these days are weird muble..mumble
Lugia: Anyway, the match will have no items:this will truly test who has more power-
Cranky: The answer is obvious, I do.
Lugia: Stop interrupting! As I was saying, the match will test each fighter's strength. Each fighter will have three lives.
Cranky: Hey! Look! A fat pipe is coming out of the ground, and Fatso is coming out of it!
Houou:And a barrel has appeared! DK pops out! They are ready to fight!
Lugia: Ladies and gentlemen...
Houou:Boys and girls...
Cranky: Losers and sorry bums...
Cranky: Super Stupid Smashers shamefully brings to you...
Houou:Err... it's Super Smash Stadium proudly brings to you...
Lugia: The Legendary Lugia!
(cheers)
Houou: The Flaming Houou!
(cheers)
Cranky: And the MOST POWERFUL AND SKILLED GUY, Cranky Kong!!
(crowd boos)
Cranky: Hey! And now, without further ad...whatever it is...
Cranky: LET THE DOPES DUKE IT OUT!!!!! (Crankyrighted to Cranky Kong 1901)
Lugia & Houou: He will never learn...
Houou: Wario has started with a fireball!
Lugia: Too bad the fire ball didn't make it to the other side of the stage...
Cranky: My unskilled son is going through a pipe and appears behind the Ball of fat!
Lugia: Wario turns around and hits DK with a super jump punch!
Cranky: I always knew my son would never have my skill!
Houou: DK manages to counter Wario's attack with a Spinning Kong attack!
Cranky: Where did he get that from?!
Lugia: I don't know. Wario falls and DK lands. DK jumps towards the pipe!
Cranky: And a strange plant comes out and bites his furry butt!
Houou: Wario uses the chance to hit DK with a smash attack! DK lands on the other side of the arena!
Lugia:A POW block has appared, and both fighters are making a run for it!
Cranky: Those fata...(beep) can run?
Houou: Whatever...DK gets there first, and hits the switch, Wario is blasted!
Cranky: Hmph!The good-for-nothing jumps towards "Skinny" and hits him, sending him downwards.
Houou: Let's check the stats:
W86 DK92
Lugia: Wario gets on his feet and hits DK with a smash attack... DK gets blasted up high!
Cranky: Poor loser! Oh well, at least he's the first Gorila to get so high...
Houou: Why isn't the platform coming back?
(A few seconds pass)
Lugia: It is now. DK is back! He looks angry.
Cranky: He jumps towards The fat guy and grabs him!
Lugia: DK is using monkey back to carry Wario to the edge of the level! DK throws Wario and Wario is gone!
Cranky: My son ...WHAT?!?! He finally used his head instead of his rear end?!
Houou: DK taunts!
Lugia: Wario is back on the arena! He goes towards a pipe and goes down the-
Cranky: TOILET! Err pipe..
Houou: Another POW block pops out! Neither fighter has seen it yet though. Both of them are fighting on the right side of the screen!
Cranky:This is boring, I'll give you guys the "stats," whatever those are:
W23 D1 DK19 D1
Lugia: Wario has finally seen the POW block and hits it! DK gets hurt.
Houou: I sense a pattern here... DK takes a pipe to the left side of the screen.
Cranky: Fatso does the same thing a well. But the pipe takes him to the center of the screen. And there is no floor there! So long, greaseball!
Houou: Wario is back, DK makes a run for the far left of the arena!
Lugia: Wario follows him, and ANOTHER POW block pops out. This is getting old, just like Cranky.
Houou: Speaking of Cranky,where is he?
Lugia: Uh? (looks around) I don't see him
Houou: Look! In the arena!
Lugia: Not again!Wait! He hit the POW block!
Houou: DK was knocked out, but Wario is still there!
Lugia: Cranky, get out of there!
Cranky: No, sir! I'm going to kick this Piece of 100% saturated fat, with high cholesterol, out of his senses!
Wario: Poor old man(runs towards Cranky and uses Super Jump Punch on him)
(Cranky gets hit and the hit sends him up high)
Houou: He deserves it. And DK is back!
Lugia: He's finally back, to kick some tail!
Houou: That sounds familiar...
Lugia: DK is charging up his Giant punch!
Houou: (silence)
Lugia: And now, DK uses uses Giant Punch and hits Wario!
Houou: (silence)
Lugia: HOLY MAGIKARP®! Wario would have been knocked out if it weren't for that pipe! Houou, why aren't you talking?
Houou: I was just enjoying peace and quiet without Cranky.
Lugia: DK is going for it! He's hitting Wario, but Wario has his defense up!
Houou: Eventually, that defense will wear off.
Lugia: It just did! Wario 's head is spinning!
Houou: DK uses a smash attack and finishes off Wario!
(Lugia & Houou hear a cry from the distance)
Cranky: (falling) here we go! (falls on Donkey, and Donkey gets Koed)
Cranky: Weakling, I just weigh 900lbs!
Lugia: THIS GAME'S WINNER IS....
Houou: The judges call it a draw because DK was Koed when Cranky fell on him.
Lugia:Was it unfair for DK?
Houou: Only YOU can decide, fans! E-mail the God-wannabe..err..I guess I've been around Cranky too much...I meant Lugia... with your vote, and he'll announce the winner! If the votes say that it is fair though, there WILL be a rematch.
Post-match
(in Wario's private room)
Wario: How could I lose?! I'll get my revenge someday!
(in the main lobby)
Cranky: Well, the good-for-nothing almost did something.
DK: Thanks a bunch,=( ... I won fair and triangle! Um..square.
Cranky: You never play fair. If you played Fair, you would have lost.
DK: (sighs) Some people never learn...
(Mash Toady walks in)
Mash: So Cranky, what do you think of your son's performance?
Cranky: I think it stinks! (leaves)
Mash:Woah, what a nice dad.
DK: He's worse sometimes...that was NICE.
(in what used to be Powers' office)
Geno: VGW, when will I fight this "mystery person" that Powers told me about?
VGW: I have no idea. But the match will come, eventually...
Geno: Very well. Thank you for telling me. I will be in the Star Road if you need me.
(Lugia enters)
Lugia:Could you repeat that word?!
Geno:Star Road, but DON'T try to say it, please. (leaves)
Houou: I guess I'll have to ask the questions...