| Player 1 | Player 2 |
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| Samus | Killer |
| Player 1 | Player 2 |
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| Samus | Killer |
Lemmy: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Today’s match-up, hosted by yours
truly, is for numerous reasons, so let’s go to the tape! (Pops the tape in)
Cala: Kalvin, why are you watching that show? Shouldn’t we be doing something fun?
Killer: I haven’t caught anybody in a while and I’m running low on cash. This is
the best way for me to find out who the escaped criminals to look for are.
Cala: But Kalvin…
Killer: Shhhh!
(Meanwhile)
Captain Falcon: Samus, you work at the SSS now. You don’t need to keep bounty hunting.
Samus: It’s an old calling. I do it for the thrill, and the SSS just doesn’t give
me the thrill I need. I’m going to find out who’s loose and I’m going to go out
and catch them.
(Camera moves to the TV)
Reporter: Also in the breakout, the “Exterminator,” as he liked to be called, escaped.
He has hijacked a spacecraft and seems to be headed toward the planet Mobius. He
is a very dangerous murderer and there is a 50,000 gold coin reward for him, dead
or alive.
Samus and Killer: Perfect! Someone to catch!
(The two head out into the hallway from their rooms, and bump into each other)
Killer: Watch where you’re going, ya’ hairless Kong!
Samus: Why don’t you watch where YOU’RE going, lizard!
Killer: Because I don’t have to! Where do you think you’re going with all those
weapons, anyway?
Samus: Not that it’s any of your business, but I plan to apprehend the escaped “Exterminator.”
Killer: Not on my watch you’re not! That’s my catch!
Samus: Well you should have called it earlier!
Killer: I don’t need to! I’m Killer!
Samus: You want to fight over this?
Killer: I don’t see why not. Winner gets to find the Exterminator. Loser has to
stay at the stadium and wait!
Samus: Deal!
(Tape ends)
Lemmy: So there you have it. Two hunters fighting over the same prey.
Iggy: And, as an added incentive to this fight, we promised a free dinner for two
to the winner and his or her significant other (Falcon or Cala) at our very own
restaurant, the Koopa Kafé!
Lemmy: We did? I hope Samus wins. Killer would put us out of business… He has the
metabolism of a frog.
Iggy: A frog?
Lemmy: Yeah. He licks anything that looks edible and only stops eating when he can’t
find any food.
Iggy: Come to think of it, yoshies do look sort of like frogs…
Lemmy: Uhh… I’ll be right back. I have use the little koopa’s room… (Walks away)
Iggy: Uhh… (Starts to sing) I want to be the very best, like no one ever was… To
catch them is my real test; to train them is my cause… I will travel across the
land, searching far and wide… Each pokémon to understand the power that’s inside…
Pokémon gotta catch ‘em… It’s you and…
Lemmy: (Sits back down) I’m back. Uhh… What are the rules?
Iggy: This match is scheduled for three falls. All official rules apply. There will
be three special moves for each fighter and no time limit. Disqualifications are
in effect. Items will be medium.
Lemmy: Oh…
Iggy: So, without further ado, the introductions.
Lemmy: Ladies and Koopas, Pokémon and girls, yoshies of all ages…
Iggy: Super Smash Stadium PROUDLY brings to you…
Lemmy: The clown prince, Lemmy K!
Iggy: The four-eyed Iggy K!
Lemmy: (Waits)
Iggy: (Waits)
Sir Adam Cooper: Zzzzzzz…
Lemmy: (Pokes Adam)
Adam: What? Huh?
Lemmy: The clown prince, Lemmy K…
Iggy: The four-eyed Iggy K…
Adam: The ageless hero, Sir Adam…
All: THE SUPER SMASH COMMENTATORS!
Lemmy: The fighters are in the arena!
Iggy: Killer’s above the Pokémon door and
Samus is below to the left.
Adam: This looks like it’ll be a great match-up.
Lemmy: And now, for the thousands in attendance…
Iggy: You mean thirteen…
Lemmy: And the millions reading worldwide…
Adam: I only count fifty or so…
Lemmy: LET’S GET READY TO SMASH IT!
Adam: Killer jumps down toward
Samus and slashes her with X!
Iggy: And Samus retaliates with a flamethrower!
Lemmy: Charmander?
Adam: No… not yet.
Iggy: Killer uses the old Eggify attack to turn
Samus into an egg!
Adam: And he starts a relentless attack!
Lemmy: Mmm… scrambled eggs…
Iggy: Samus breaks out and jumps to the building on the right! She’s charging her
gun!
Adam: Killer throws a magically controlled Bolt 2 her way!
Lemmy: Actually, X controls his lightning element magic most of the time…
Iggy: Samus gets a quick shock and loses her charge!
Adam: Samus jumps up to
Killer and gets him with a screw attack!
Lemmy: Isn’t that for Cala to do?
Iggy: WAND SHOT! (Blasts Lemmy)
Lemmy: Ouchies…
Adam: But Killer slashes
Samus away!
Iggy: And she torches him again!
Lemmy: Now Charmander?
Adam: Not yet…
Iggy: So Killer Eggifies
Samus!
Adam: On the edge of the right-most building, that’s deadly! The egg falls into
the pit!
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Iggy: Killer makes a quick taunt!
Adam: (Flips a switch) And Samus is on her way back to the arena!
Lemmy: Where’s the Charmander?
Iggy: Killer runs over to her!
Adam: But she kicks him into the Pokemon door!
Lemmy: CHARMANDER!
Iggy: No, Venusaur!
Adam: They both are caught in the blasts!
Lemmy: I wanted Charmander…
Iggy: As the Venusaur leaves; Samus uses her flame-thrower once again!
Lemmy: Charma…
Adam: But no Charmander.
Iggy: Samus grabs Killer with her hook arm!
Adam: She throws him over her shoulder to the left platform!
Iggy: Then, she picks up the pokeball someone threw in!
Lemmy: I wanted a Charmander…
Adam: Then why’d you throw in a Hitmonlee?
Iggy: It does high jump kick and Killer’s outta there!
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Adam: (Flips another switch) And the yoshi knight is back in the arena!
Iggy: He uses Bolt 2 on Samus!
Lemmy: Shouldn’t there be a Charmander by now?
Adam: Samus rushes him and punches him in the gut!
Iggy: To which he responds with a quick chop!
Adam: To which I respond by throwing in a crate!
Iggy: Samus picks up the crate!
Adam: And Killer kicks her! She’s in the Pokemon door!
Lemmy: CHARMANDER!
Iggy: Porygon, actually. He knocks Samus back and the crate is now open.
Adam: It reveals a beam sword, a pokeball, and a bob-omb!
Lemmy: Does the pokeball contain a…
Iggy: NO!
Lemmy: But I didn’t even say Cha…
Iggy: IT’S NOT IN THE POKEBALL!
Lemmy: Darn…
Adam: Killer picks up the pokeball first and throws it down!
Iggy: The Beedrill calls its swarm!
Lemmy: Oh, pooh. It wasn’t a Cha…
Iggy: SHUT UP ABOUT THE CHARMANDER!
Adam: Killer picks up the bob-omb!
Iggy: Samus heads back up to the roof of Silph Co…
Adam: He throws it!
Lemmy: Ouchies…
Iggy: Samus jumps out of the way and drop kicks
Killer!
Adam: Killer hits the ground and
Samus gets the sword!
Iggy: The two get in close for a good old-fashioned duel!
Lemmy: Kujian?
Adam: The slashes are blocking each other! They aren’t getting anywhere!
Iggy: Which means… WE interfere! (Throws a bob-omb into the arena)
Adam: But that’s right between the fighters, idiot!
Iggy: Exactly. And a slash but Samus blows them both outta the arena!
Lemmy: KABOOM!
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Adam: (Flips two switches) It’s down to sudden death. Next loss loses for good.
Both have full health and one life left. Here we go!
Iggy: Samus starts charging her blaster as
Killer prepares a Bolt 2.
Adam: As the lift’s invincibility wears off, Killer gets
Samus with the Bolt 2 and
she loses the charge!
Lemmy: Bye-bye charge…
Iggy: Samus and Killer start out with some hand-to-blade combat!
Adam: Killer seems to have the upper hand… err… sword.
Iggy: He knocks Samus into the Pokemon door once again!
Lemmy: Cha…
Adam: Don’t say…
Iggy: It’s CHARMANDER! Both fighters are scorched!
Lemmy: YEAH!
VGW: (Over Radio) You guys had better turn on the TV! Your match has just become
a moot point.
Iggy: STOP THE MATCH!
Samus: Uhh… Okay…
Killer: Sure…
Adam: (Turns on the TV)
Reporter: The hero that apprehended the villain was a purple porcupine named “Tonic.”
He claims that The Exterminator was in his territory, so he did the right thing
by capturing him. He will soon return The Exterminator to the prison after a short
stop at his work.
Iggy: Purple Porcupine?
Adam: Tonic?
Sonic: (Strolls in dragging a net behind him) Hi, guys.
Lemmy: A net!
Killer: Hey, hedgehog. What’s with the net?
Sonic: Didn’t you hear? I caught The Exterminator.
Killer: You caught…
Samus: The Exterminator…
Killer and Samus:
THAT WAS MY BOUNTY!
Sonic: I’ll be going now. (Runs away at Sonic speeds)
Samus: Drat! He got away!
Killer: I know what you mean.
Samus: Well, I promised Falcon that dinner at Koopa Kafé, expecting to win. I guess
I have to pay for it now.
Killer: Yeah. I’m going there with Cala now.
Samus: (smirks) You two make an odd couple, but a good couple none the less. (Walks
away)
Killer: I know what you mean. (Walks away with X)
Adam: Two pairs of lovebirds.
Iggy: Which pair do you think’ll get married first?
Adam: I don’t know, but either way, it will be a fun wedding.
Lemmy: WEDDING CAKE!
Iggy: Wedding…
Adam: Cake?
Lemmy: WEDDING CAAAAAAKE!
Iggy: That’s not Lemmy!
Adam: It’s a mask! (Pulls off Lemmy’s face)
Morton: (Revealed) WEDDING CAKE!
Lemmy: (Runs in) HEY! HE LOCKED ME IN THE BATHROOM!
Adam: (Glares at Morton)
Morton: Wedding cake… (Runs away)
Lemmy: So, what happened in the match? Who won?
Adam: Sonic…
Iggy: Yup.
Lemmy: Fill me in later. First, ask the questions.
Mash: (On radio) Attention Koopalings and Adam, we have video footage of
Killer
in the locker room! We’d like to show it.
Iggy: We’d rather you didn’t…
Adam: We don’t want to see him in the locker room…
Lemmy: No way. No how.
Mash: (On radio) Too bad. It’s Lugia’s orders.
(A tape starts)
Killer: X, do you hear anyone?
(Brief silence)
Killer: Nothing? Okay then. Prepare for tonight.
X: (Starts to glow)
Killer: (Smiles)
X: (Turns pure white, then grows two large legs and two small forearms, the handle
forming into what appears to be a head, and in a sudden flash of light…)
Killer: Well, we didn’t win, so I guess we have to pay.
Cala: (Takes Killer by the arm) Nonsense. Lemmy gives us free food anyway often.
Killer: Oh, right. By the way, thanks for the help in today’s match. At least we
didn’t lose.
Cala: Well, as Dr. Robotnik always says…
Killer: I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!
(End tape)
Adam: Well, that’s it.
Lemmy: I can’t believe that got out…
Iggy: You knew it was inevitable.
Adam: Well, now for the questions. Whose turn is it?
Iggy: You’re the guest. You ask.
Adam: Okay.
Iggy: Well that’s all!
Lemmy: So, from Super Smash Stadium…
Iggy: And from Lemmy’s Knights.
Adam: Good-bye and good-knight!
Lemmy: There’s no K in night.
Adam: You need a punnier life.