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Super Shy Guy: Who is ready for a Stadium fight?
Crowd: (Cheers)
Sergeant Jamjars: Tonight, soldiers, we will be having two--or should I say three--fighters duking it out for the title of Rare's mascot position.
Diddy Kong: And if Rare doesn't like this decision, then the winner here will be the official mascot at the Stadium.
Super Shy Guy: We are talking about Banjo- Kazooie & Donkey Kong, some of the best that Rare has to offer.
Jamjars: But how did we get these two trainees to fight in the trenches, you might ask?
Diddy: Well, I just so happen to have a video tape of what happened. Now where is that VCR?
Jamjars: Right in front of you Chumpy!
Diddy: Well, excuuuuuse me! (puts in the tape; the fighters are arguing over what video game to play [again])
Donkey Kong: I have a game of DK 64 to finish, but you can help if you want.
Kazooie: Not on your life Hairy! I almost had Gruntilda beat in Banjo Tooie! Besides, I don't see why you were made the mascot at Rare; was it because of Father Cranky?
Banjo: Will you stop it Kazooie? Most likely, without Donkey Kong, we wouldn't be around.
Kazooie: Traitor! You are a traitor Beary! I'll fight Monkey Breath for the title of mascot alone if I have to!
Donkey Kong: Why don't the both of you fight me? Besides, if you do feel you have to Split Up, then that will give me a good challenge.
Kazooie: You're saying I can't work with anyone?!?
Banjo: That's enough! I will accept the challenge DK, but only because I have to fight a good opponent before I can even be considered a chance to become the Super Smasher.
Donkey Kong: Well, bring "O Filthy Feathered One" over as well. Later, Banjo. (he leaves)
Kazooie: "O Filthy Feathered One"? NOW I am going after him!
Banjo: Oh breegul.
(tape stops)
SSG: I didn't think that B- K would be allowed to Split Up.
Diddy: That's why they can only do it once. That's also why this match is three lives long, not two like you requested.
Jamjars: While double teaming is an effective tactic on the battle field, the one-life cost might not be too worth it in this fight.
SSG: Knowing Kazooie, she will probably want to escape from that backpack pretty soon.
Diddy: Yeah, & maybe shoot out some eggs out of her mouth while she talks. But enough of that; I think I see the fighters coming!
SSG: You're right Diddy; DK's barrel has just exploded, revealing him inside.
Jamjars: And the "Mole Recruits" are flying in!
Diddy: And now, ladies and gentlemen...it is the Champ of Chimps, Diddy!
Jamjars: The Mole Sergeant, Jamjars!
SSG: And the good guy of the shy guy crew, Super Shy Guy!
All: THE RAREWARE COMMENTATORS!
Diddy: And for the thousands in attendance...
Jamjars: And for the millions of troops in other battles...
SSG: LET THE RARE JEMS GO AT IT!
Jamjars: Is that the best you can do Private?!?
SSG: Well, everything else is copyrighted.
Diddy: Donkey Kong just narrowly missed a Beak Barge attack, but now goes in for a few basic attacks.
Jamjars: Banjo is suffering big time in the field, but Bird Brain fires some eggs in the meantime.
SSG: But that won't do if she can't aim right; DK is moving away from each attack.
Diddy: However, the last one stuns by buddy, and Banjo goes at it!
SSG: Now Banjo starts to use the Breegull Bash, hoping to hit their opponent.
Jamjars: But DK uses his own artilery to cancel out the shots.
Diddy: Will any of their shots get through?
SSG: It looks like--yes! The Breegul Bash gets through the Coconut Gun shots and DK gets some pain--and breakfast.
Diddy: DK is now just trying to charge up his Kong Punch while his two opponents are arguing.
Kazooie: Let's Rat-a-tap Rap him!
Banjo: Don't! Use the Bill Drill instead!
Jamjars: Rule # 1 in army training; never quarrel with your fellow soilders! That can get you in trouble.
SSG: And it does get our duo in trouble, for DK has just landed a Slap Kong Punch Kombo Finisher!
Diddy: Going...going...gone! That's one down, two to go.
Jamjars: And the quarrel is still continuing between the two fighters even as the lifts bring them back in!
Kazooie: I would do much better off if I wasn't trapped in here! SPLIT UP!
SSG: And by calling the move, both backpack fighters are now solo, making this a two on one fight.
Jamjars: Despite this being 2 on 1, my odds are on the monkey.
Diddy: Well, Kazooie just landed a solid Beak Barge attack, and it looks like DK isn't going to make it.
SSG: He doesn't! Now, how do we represent the stats for this handicapp fight?
Jamjars: Allow me Cadet...
SSG: Now DK is back in this fight, and starts things off with a Super Simian Slam, which startled them both!
Diddy: In this fight, the Super Duper Simian Slam isn't needed, but he brought it just in case; there was no move-limit on this fight, after all.
Jamjars: In either case, Banjo is resorting to throwing special Jiggies we made for this Stadium. Since the originals are too valuable for throwing, we used the two remaining ones he had in his first adventure for cloning.
Diddy: Nice story...does it come with fries?
Jamjars: Don't talk back to a Sergeant, Chumpy!
Diddy: Can't you take a joke, Shrimp?
SSG: This is why I wanted Dark Horse to commentate with me; this wouldn't have happened! We missed a lot of the fight!
Captain Falcon: (from audience) Hey! It's 69! Why don't you "hatch up" something?
Kazooie: Why you little--hey! You just reminded me of my secret weapon! Thanks Racer!
Banjo: While I don't like whatever you are trying to do, I'll stop DK.
Kazooie: Just make sure I'm left alone for about 15 seconds.
Jamjars: Is Kazooie trying to use Hatch?
SSG: I think she is! And she will need the time to hatch anything!
Diddy: Meanwhile, both furry fighters are dueling against each other on the right side of the arena.
Jamjars: Both fighters tired, Banjo uses his Claw Swipe SMASH Combo to steal DK's second life.
SSG: I think Kazooie is done hatching, just as DK comes back and starts charging.
Kazooie: It's ready! My Fire Shield is now--gone?!? Who stole it?!?
Jamjars: Hang on Beaky; I'm getting a fax. "No items can be brought in Master Hand's Domain. Moves that bring items in this arena are wasted moves; they won't bring items. Even if fighters purposely put one in their 'item moves'--which is illegal--they won't appear when they perform said item move." This is from Master Hand himself!
Diddy: Does this mean that both fighters are disqualified?
Donkey Kong: (Kong Punches Kazooie out of the match) O Filthy Feathered One was the cheater, not Banjo. Let him use whatever rest move he has, and we will fight each other one on one to see who is the mascot.
Jamjars: Civilians, what do you say to that?
Crowd: (cheers for DK)
Diddy: I see an "Honorable Fighter of the Month" award coming soon.
SSG: I don't know if Cranky would have liked to hear that. If that was him, he wouldn't have shown mercy on Banjo.
Jamjars: That's why Mario and Cranky are immortal enemies, right?
Banjo: Yawn...I'm ready. Start the countdown!
Announcer: It's time for Sudden Death! Three...two...one...GO!
Diddy: Again, DK is using his Coconut Gun to take advantage.
Jamjars: But Banjo uses his Roll ability to get underneath the coconuts--oops; spoke too soon. That last one got him.
SSG: However, Banjo uses his Pack Smack move and connects beautifully on his adversary.
Jamjars: Now this is one fight I'm proud of!
Diddy: We got a bear-monkey fight over there; both fighters have sustained heavy damage!
SSG: Now DK is going for his Bongo Blast!
Donkey Kong: (drum sounds) Oh, yeah!
Jamjars: And the sound of music is deafening to Banjo's ears! He's going...going...SAVED?!?
Diddy: He used the Pack Whack just in time and caught the edge.
SSG: He gets up and uses the same Claw Swipe Combo to send DK off the platform!
Jamjars: He's going...going...GONE! Banjo did it; he has become a Marshall in my very eyes!
Post-Match:
Diddy: It was a good match, even though DK did lose it.
Jamjars: He might have lost the battle, but the war can go either way.
SSG: I think the two sides have declared a truce guys! Look at what's going on!
Donkey Kong: It was a pleasure to fight you. Kazooie, on the other hand...
Banjo: I know what you mean. I didn't think that whatever she wanted to do was good--or legal. I'm glad we Split Up.
Donkey Kong: Perhaps if you join Fox and myself, we can become the improved Furry Fighters. What do you say?
Banjo: I don't know. Don't forget that I usually have a big bird in my backpack, and she might mess up whatever plan we would have made.
Donkey Kong: The invitation will always be open to you, Banjo. Take care. (he leaves)
Jamjars: The battle has ended peacefully; that's always a happy ending.
Diddy: But I don't know...I still feel something's not right.
SSG: Well, let's see how the fans answer to these questions:
Diddy: I think maybe, yes, and doubtful.
Jamjars: Yes, yes, eventually.
SSG: No comment. Well, from everyone here, I'm Super Shy Guy, saying goodbye from the Stadium. Later guys!