Roy vs. Link
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Lemmy: Hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of the Super Smash Stadium.
Iggy: Just to get you caught up, in case you haven't been watching recently, Roy has come to town and is, as of yet, undefeated. He has posted an open challenge to any fighter that wishes to battle him.
Lemmy: Today, another challenger wishes to fight Roy.
Iggy: Why? Because he's got a sword, and Roy's got a sword, and he wants to prove that he's better than Roy!
Lemmy: Actually, that's not the full reason...
Iggy: Than what is it?
Lemmy: Let's go to tape! (Inserts tape)
(Security Camera, at the Koopa Kafé)
Troopa: Link, party of two! Your table is ready!
(Link and Malon go to their table, near the bar. They overhear Roy talking to someone)
Roy: ...So then, I leapt up high and slashed down, slicing the beast in half! I tell you, neither man nor beast can stand up to my might!
Malon: (To Roy) No way! Link's a better fighter than you!
Roy: Ha! You saw what I did to the one called Killer!
Link: (Mutters) Oh, boy...
Malon: Link can defeat you!
Roy: Oh, really?
Malon: Of course! He's the best warrior ever!
Link: (Softly) Malon, calm down...
Roy: Then he can fight me!
Malon: Fine! Tomorrow at Four O' Clock! Great Fox arena!
Roy: ...Great Fox?
Malon: Foxes are cute!
Roy: ...
Link: ...
Crono: ...
Bartender: ...
Fox McCloud: She digs me.
Falco Lombardi: Nobody digs you...
(Tape Ends)
Iggy: So, there you have it. We're hovering around the Great Fox, waiting for the fighters... It's almost four.
Lemmy: Now, this is to be considered the common Roy challenge, so no items, one life and 150 HP each. We've also asked the Star Fox team NOT to interfere in this fight. The fighters wanted NO luck to be involved in the battle.
Iggy: Bets are now closed, and the match is about to begin.
Editor's Note: People are actually betting?
Lemmy: Link has shown up, and Malon is no doubt in the crowd.
Iggy: Yup, she's in the "Fighter's Wives" section.
Lemmy: Sadly, none of our fighters even HAVE wives, as far as we know,
so that section is usually just used by Terri.
Editor's Note: "Wives" section used by Terri? That's a scary thought...
Iggy: What about Red Yoshi?
Lemmy: Didn't he explode or something?
Terri: Hi, again, Malon!
Malon: Hi, Terri! It's been a while. (Hug)
Iggy: A side note: Terri has appeared in more matches than any other fan... I think.
Lemmy: Roy leaps onto the ship... It looks like the fight is about to begin.
Iggy: Ahem...
Lemmy: Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, children of all ages...
Iggy: The Super Smash Stadium PROUDLY brings to you...
Lemmy: The Clown Prince, Lemmy!
Iggy: The Four-eyed Iggy!
Both: The Koopa Kommentators!
Lemmy: And now, for the Terri in attendance...
Iggy: And the dozens reading worldwide...
Both: LET'S GET READY TO SMASH IT!
Lemmy: Roy's decided not to fight defensively today as he rushes at Link!
Iggy: The two start out with some basic slashes... Roy clearly has the advantage of power, though...
Lemmy: Roy's ended the quick duel by knocking Link away with a Counter!
Roy 121 HP Link 107 HP
Iggy: Link tosses his boomerang at Roy, but the flame swordsman knocks it away.
Lemmy: ...Duel Monsters?
Iggy: Yup.
Lemmy: Link runs towards Roy and throws it again, this time connecting!
Iggy: Roy's unable to recover as Link lets loose a Running Hack at his head!
Lemmy: ...Why don't they bleed when they get cut? Iggy: Don't ask questions! Roy's up with a quick slash and gets off two shots of a double-edge dance before Link dodges the third.
Lemmy: A spinning sword attack knocks Roy to the top of the fin!
Iggy: Seeing the opportunity, Roy leaps down to the bottom level...
Lemmy: Link leaps over and tries his patented Sword Plant!
Iggy: Roy leaps up with a Blazer!
Lemmy: The two connect, dealing heavy damage to both!
Roy 68 HP Link 67 HP
Iggy: The match is close, with the fighters only an HP away as they head towards opposite ends of the Fox to refocus.
Lemmy: Roy leaps up onto the fin and the two fighters slowly near each other...
Iggy: Link begins to move and makes a powerful chop!
Lemmy: But it's countered away!
Iggy: Roy uses his sword's Sharp Edge to attack the downed Link before he can get up!
Roy 68 HP Link 43 HP
Lemmy: As Link uprights himself, he pulls out his bow and shoots an arrow swiftly!
Iggy: Roy's shot in his off-arm, but it doesn't faze him much. He shouts something in Japanese and runs to Link!
Lemmy: Anybody here speak Japanese?
Ken Ichijouji: He said "I'll have your head for this."
Iggy: Then it makes sense that he's unleashing his Dragon Killer attack against the hero of time!
Lemmy: Link falls to the edge, and he looks wounded as he pulls himself back onto the stage...
Roy 59 HP Link 25 HP
Iggy: Roy smirks at him as Link mutters a few words to himself.
Link: Can't... lose... Must... impress... babes...
Roy: (Something in Japanese)
Lemmy: Ken?
Ken: He said "Said the man in a dress..."
Link: It's not a dress, it's a tunic!
Iggy: Roy's charging up his Flare Blade...
Lemmy: Link's hit by a barely-charged Flare Blade, but he's at about 10% now...
Roy 59 HP Link 16 HP
Iggy: Link comes back up and slashes Roy away!
Lemmy: Roy's down, and Link approaches...
Iggy: Only to be knocked back by a Blazer!
Lemmy: He shakes himself off and gets back up...
Iggy: He runs, leaps up into the air,and Roy leaps up and attempts a Luna Slash!
Lemmy: But he's countered by another Sword Plant, sending him into the ground!
Iggy: Link lands next to him...
Lemmy: Roy makes a mighty slice to Link's back as he gets up!
Iggy: And Link's... Unconscious.
Judge: This game's winner is... ROY!
Malon: (Leaps into the arena) Link! Link! Are you okay? (Picks up Link) I'll get you home... (Takes Link away)
Roy: That was good... Now, where's my heart container?
Lemmy: (Tosses a container in so Roy can heal) Bah...
Roy: As I said, neither man nor beast can defeat me!
???: Well, how about boy?
Roy: ...Boy?
Young Link: (Leaps onto the Great Fox, landing next to Roy) That's right! Boy!
Roy: Either you're kidding, or you've had way too much Mountain Dew...
Young Link: No joke! You're nothing but talk! Try picking on someone HALF your size!
Lemmy: Looks like we've got a second match.
Iggy: Do the fighters agree?
Roy: I accept the challenge of this little boy!
Lemmy: In that case...
Lemmy and Iggy: LET'S GET READY TO SMASH IT!
Iggy: Young Link runs towards Roy and leaps up above him!
Lemmy: Roy readies a counter...
Iggy: But Young Link doesn't attack...
Lemmy: So Roy leaps up with a Blazer!
Iggy: And Young Link counters with his version of Sword Plant!
Lemmy: The young one wins the face off, sending Roy into the ground without getting hurt.
Iggy: He bounces aside, out of harms way when Roy gets back up.
Lemmy: Roy runs towards him and makes a few slashes.
Iggy: The lightweight child is knocked aside, and Roy runs towards him, knocking him to the edge!
Lemmy: As Young Link gets up and Roy tries to slash him again...
Iggy: But Young Link swerves to the side and then slices Roy away from him!
Roy 132 HP YL 129
Lemmy: The two near once again, and Roy leaps up from a boomerang!
Iggy: Unfortunately for him, it nails him in the back of the head on the return trip.
Roy: (Something Japanese)
Lemmy: Translation?
Ken: Sorry, this is a PG show.
Iggy: Young Link's charging his bow as Roy nears!
Lemmy: Roy catches it on his power shield, blocking the damage.
Iggy: Within range now, Roy attempts a Double-Edge-Dance.
Lemmy: Two shots connect, and the Hylian child leaps into the air.
Iggy: Roy attempts a Blazer...
Lemmy: But a miraculous midair dodge sends Roy above him as he lands...
Iggy: And Roy's hit as he falls with a Triple Sword Swipe!
Roy 119 YL 114
Lemmy: Young Link takes a moment to have
a drink of Lon Lon Milk (sold at the Koopa Kafé)
Editor's Note: And, for a limited time, get your Chateau Romani for
every 3 bottles of Lon Lon Milk!
Iggy: And Roy refocuses and nears the young swordsman.
Lemmy: Young Link tosses his boomerang at Roy as he runs near!
Iggy: Roy's wising up, and his Counters the boomerang away so it can't hit him on the return!
Lemmy: They begin to slash once again, and a powerful shot from Roy sends Young Link to the fin.
Iggy: Roy runs up to greet him and Raid Chop knocks Young Link behind the fin.
Lemmy: Roy leaps over now, and Young Link attempts to meet him with a Spin Attack in the air!
Iggy: But Roy makes an aerial dodge and hits the ground, shooting up through the spinning Young Link with a Blazer!
Roy: Mmm... (More Japanese)
Lemmy: Ken?
Ken: He said "Mmm... Kentucky Fried Midget."
Iggy: The two are now on the lower part, and it's sword to sword again, though nobody lands a hit.
Lemmy: Roy makes a mighty slash and sends Young Link into the fin, bouncing back to the floor!
Roy 99 YL 68
Iggy: Things aren't looking good for the young hero...
Lemmy: But he's just slashed Roy into the corner!
Iggy: He runs next to Roy and begins slashing randomly...
Lemmy: It's his Illusion Stab attack, slicing Roy at massive speeds!
Iggy: Roy's trapped against the wall and can't avoid the boy's massive onslaught!
Lemmy: Roy's HP is dropping like a swimming sandshrew!
Iggy: But it's Counter to the rescue, knocking Young Link back, but he grabs the edge and stays on the ship!
Roy 58 YL 58
Lemmy: They're all tied up, and it's anybody's game now...
Iggy: Roy leaps to the top of the fin and runs to the main section. Young Link follows suit.
Lemmy: Young Link runs towards him and Roy begins to charge his sword.
Iggy: But Young Link stops him with a boomerang to the chest.
Lemmy: Roy runs to Young Link and begins to slash like mad, sending the boy back to the fin!
Iggy: Young Link leaps up above Roy and does his Sword Plant once again!
Lemmy: And once again, it's successful, and he hits Roy with a Sword Sweep!
Roy 23 YL 39
Iggy: Young Link leaps up and kicks Roy in midair with his Double Kick attack.
Lemmy: Roy stands up and glares at him.
Roy: (What? You expected English?)
Ken: He said "Now I'll show you that you can't win... Come on, try and attack!"
Iggy: The none-too-bright Young Link runs to Roy and attempts a Running Hack!
Lemmy: Only to be foiled by a Counter!
Iggy: Send back, Young Link leaps over Roy and attempts another Sword Plant!
Lemmy: Only to be stopped by another Counter...
Roy 12 YL 16
Iggy: Young Link now tries a Sword Chop...
Lemmy: And Roy counters again...
Iggy: Young Link tries his boomerang, but it, too, is Countered away!
Lemmy: And now a shot from the Fire Arrow...
Iggy: But Counter catches it on Roy's sword.
Roy 12 YL 1
Lemmy: Yong Link seems out of options as he pulls out a bomb.
Iggy: He hurls the bomb at Roy!
Lemmy: And Roy counters...
Iggy: DETONATING THE BOMB IN HIS FACE!
Roy 0 YL 1
Lemmy: This game's winner is...
Iggy: ...In an explosive victory...
Both: YOUNG LINK!
Ken: Who's that on the field?
Lemmy: It's... Doctor Mario! And he's taken Roy away for healing, no doubt...
Iggy: Not only that, but he left the injured Young Link a heart container, restoring the boy's HP to full.
Lemmy: Looks like Link's awake and Coop's over there talking to him! Let us have a look.
Coop: So, Link, what would you say happened out there?
Link: Roy's strong... And... it's still a tunic...
Coop: And what's your comment on the child who defeated Roy?
Link: ...Cute kid... Reminds me of someone... Can't put my finger on it...
Coop: ...
Link: My head hurts... I'm going back to... zzzzzzzzzz....
Coop: Well, Malon, what do you think of Link now that he's been beaten by a redheaded stepchild?
Malon: (Hugs Link) He just had an off day...
Terri: Hi, Adam! (Winks)
Coop: AAAAAAH! (Runs away)
Lemmy: Do we have questions today, Iggers?
Iggy: Nope, but we have spiffy hats.
Lemmy: Yeah! Spiffy hats!
Iggy: Free for everyone in the audience.
Lemmy: So join us again next time...
Iggy: For another exciting edition of...
Both: The Super Smash Stadium!
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