Match #87

The Question: Which space fighter is the best?

The Fighters: Fox vs. Falcon vs. Samus vs. Geno.
The Arena: Great Fox
Item Ratio: Low
Lives: Two

Saiyaman: Hello, everybody! Welcome to another exciting match!

Audience: Yaaaaaaaay.

Saiyaman: Yeesh.

Amber: So unappreciative, these people.

Saiyaman: I'll say. Ah, yes, let me introduce my co-commentator and catgirl-girlfriend, Amber!

Audience: YAAAAAY!

Boshi: TAKE IT OFF!

Saiyaman: Oh, not this running joke...

Amber: Sigh...when you've been where I have, you get used to it...

Saiyaman: Well, let me introduce my other co-commentator, one of the many captains of the Enterprise...

Guy in Crowd: Captain Kirk?

Other Guy in Crowd: Captain Picard?

Saiyaman: Captain Jonathan Archer!

Audience: Who?

Saiyaman: Um, the first captain of the Enterprise? He's the star of Enterprise? Hello?

Audience: Oh...

(Captain Archer enters the commentating booth.)

Archer: Hello, everyone. Good to be here.

Saiyaman: Since you know the details, Captain, why don't explain the match to the crowd?

Archer: All right...a match is a piece of wood used back in the 20th century...

Saiyaman: Stop, wrong kind of match! Amber, think you could explain it to him?

Amber: Sure. Come with me.

(Amber starts explaining it to Archer.)

Saiyaman: I guess I'll just explain to our home audience, then. Today is a space-themed match, complete with the space arena-the old Great Fox area-and space fighters. Also, all the items are space-like, including the Ray Gun, Beam Sword, Starman, Mine, Cloaking Device and Screw Attack. The item ratio is low and there are two lives each.

Lakitu: Need a backstory, sir?

Saiyaman: Sure.

Lakitu: You got it! (Pops in the tape.)

(On the tape, we see Samus talking to Falcon. Fox is listening off to the side.)

Falcon: Samus, I understand you're still mad that I beat you in that match, but can't we just let bygones be bygones? I'm sorry, really I am!

Samus: Hmmph!

Fox: (Enters) Hey, buddy boy, why don't you let someone else help her out, huh?

Falcon: You're saying you can be a better boyfriend to her than me?

Fox: Damn right! I've been trying to hook up with her too, ya know!

Samus: Honestly, I don't need either of you! Stop talking about me like I do!

Falcon: Thems fighting words, Fox!

Fox: I'll see you in the ring!

Samus: You boys need some sense knocked into both of you! I'll take you both on!

(End tape.)

Saiyaman: And if you're wondering what Geno's doing here, I asked him if he wanted something to do and he agreed to fight.

Amber: ...so, do you get it?

Archer: Yeah, I got it.

Saiyaman: Actually, it will be interesting to see how emotions play into this match, since Fox may have a chance of winning Samus back.

Archer: Isn't there some ban on interspecies dating?

Saiyaman: Not at all. In fact, I can't recall us having any sort of ban on most anything here unless it involves blowing the place to kingdom come and even then, no one seems to care.

Amber: Damn right.

Archer: You're very slack on rules here.

Amber: Shall we get this match started? The contestants are in the field already and they're getting bored. I think Fox and Geno are playing cards down there.

Fox: Three kings! My win!

Geno: I'll bet you double-or-nothing!

Saiyaman: Oh, yes! So, let's start the introductions!

Amber: Ladies and gentlemen...

Archer: Vulcans and Klingons...

Saiyaman: Children here who have nothing better to do, SSS is deeply ashamed to bring you...

Archer: STARSHIP CAPTAIN JONATHAN ARCHER!

Amber: THE SWEETIE FROM HELL, AMBER!

Saiyaman: THE HEROIC GREAT SAIYAMAN!

All: YOUR SSS COMMENTATORS!

Amber: And now, for the three thousand, seven-hundred and fourty-two in attendance...

Archer: And for the 12.7 billion watching from Earth, Vulcan and the Klingon Empire...

Saiyaman: ENGAGE!

F: 0% S: 0% G: 0% CF: 0%

Amber: Obviously, Samus is still mad at Falcon from when he beat her in their last match together, as she's pounding him with some punches like there's no tommorrow!

Archer: Geno leaps over Falcon and Samus and fires the Geno Beam at Fox! Fox takes the blow and retaliates with his phase pistol-I mean, Blaster!

Saiyaman: Samus slices up Falcon with the Screw Attack! Falcon finally fights back with the old Raptor Boost/Falcon Dive combo!

Amber: Geno throws Fox, who comes back with the Fire Fox, slamming into Geno!

Archer: Falcon seems to be getting the upper hand on Samus, but she's rolled away and fired a Missle at him point-blank! He's blown back by the explosion!

Saiyaman: Geno uses the Geno Beam on Fox, but Fox had his deflector up, causing the beam to smack Geno! Fox then throws Geno into Samus, who has Falcon and is beating him in the face!

Amber: Having a giant doll slam into you is an efficent distraction, as Samus has turned around, giving Falcon the time he needs to escape and smack her with the Falcon Punch!

F: 26% S: 41% CF: 57% G: 42%

Archer: Geno, who landed behind Falcon, hits Falcon with a weak Geno Whirl and follows up with some punches!

Saiyaman: Falcon doesn't take that lightly, responding with his lightning-fast punches! Samus has just landed behind Fox and slams him with a quick running attack!

Amber: Fox rolls behind Samus after that, clearing her way for Falcon, who's about to hit Geno with...hold on, Samus just grabs Falcon with the Grappling Beam and throws him!

Archer: An unidentified ship just dropped out of warp on the aft side of the Great Fox and is firing its phase cannons at everyone, but Fox managed to...polarize himself?

Saiyaman: Translation: An Arwing is firing at all four and all are hit, expect Fox who used his Reflector!

Amber: Fox seems to be gaining the upper hand, using the Fox Illusion on all three!

Fox: 37% S: 61% CF: 98% G: 72%

Archer: Samus powers up the Charge Shot while Geno fires the Geno Blast, knocking back Fox and Falcon!

Saiyaman: Samus finishes charging and fires at Falcon! The blast blows him out of the arena!

Amber: With Falcon gone, Samus fires a Missile at Geno, who dodges it, leaving it to hit Fox! Fox fires back with the Blaster, smacking Samus a few times!

Archer: Geno lands and shoots Fox with the Geno Beam, then throws him into Samus, who knocks with a Smash back into Geno! Meanwhile, Falcon returns to the fight!

F: 74% S: 61% CF: 0%D1 G: 72%

Saiyaman: (Thinks for a second.) Say, is it pronounced "Ge-no" or "Gen-o"?

Archer: I don't know. I've heard it both ways before, but I've never thought about it too much.

Saiyaman: My friend says it "Ge-no", but I say it "Gen-o". What do you think, Amber?

Amber: I think we're missing the match.

Archer: Oh, geez!

Saiyaman: Shoot!

F: 0%D1 S: 101% CF: 24%D1 G: 96%

Saiyaman: This fight is closer than a toupee on William Shatner's head!

Audience: (Groans.)

Amber: It was Falcon who took out Fox there. Looks like Samus is dropping some bombs on Falcon.

Archer: Fox has returned! He uses his Fox Illusion on Geno, who's heading for that item container on the ship's fin. Who threw that crate in?

Saiyaman: That was me. Fox throws the crate at Geno. He misses, but a Mine and a Screw Attack had come out.

Amber: Fox manages to get the Mine, but Geno has the Screw Attack, which he's using on Samus and Falcon.

Archer: He's screwing two people at once? That's just wrong.

Saiyaman: That's why the Screw Attack is here: easy jokes. Well, Fox plants his Mine, then leaps over it and slams the three of them with the Fire Fox!

Amber: Geno falls backward onto the Mine! He's flow outta there!

F: 0%D1 S: 118% CF: 51%D1 G: 0%D1

Archer: Fox starts kicking Falcon, who's getting punched by Samus! What a double team!

Saiyaman: Hang on there, a capsule has just landed on Samus...AND IT BLEW UP! Falcon took some damage too, but Samus is gone! Where'd that come from?

Amber: (Whistling innocently.)

Saiyaman: ...and yet, I'm not surprised. Well, Fox bounced Falcon off with the Reflector as Geno returns, but Falcon gets him back with the Raptor Boost and an upward kick!

Archer: Fox lands fairly close to the front of the ship with Falcon in hot pursuit, but Geno powers up the Geno Whirl after him! Falcon's grabbed Fox and throw him off, but gets hit by the Geno Whirl and is blown away for good, just as Samus reappears!

Samus: Hey, I wanted to do that!

F: 43%D1 S: 0%D1 CF: OUT G: 0%D1

Amber: Well, while Samus is disappointed, Geno uses the Geno Blast on her! She lands toward Fox, but Fox leaps past her and runs toward Geno for some reason.

Archer: Samus gets up and fires a Missle, which hits Fox while he's punching Geno! Geno then throws Fox at Samus, who hits him with a Smash!

Saiyaman: Fox is in the middle of punishment, as Geno hits him and Samus with the Geno Beam!

Amber: But Samus doesn't take that lying down! She drops some bombs on both of them and hits them with a Smash!

Archer: Due to his high damage and ridiculous light weight, Fox is out!

F: OUT S: 23%D1 CF: OUT G: 34%D1

Saiyaman: It looks like Samus had taken the advantage, grabbing Geno, smacking him and throwing him up and then a Screw Attack! She's fighting like she had PMS!

Amber: It wouldn't surprise me if she did. Geno throws Samus, but she charges the Charge Beam!

Archer: Geno leaps and kicks her, but Samus hits him with a low kick then socks him with a Missile!

Saiyaman: And fires the Charge Beam to boot! It's too much and Geno is OUT!

THE WINNER IS...SAMUS! I think. Is it? I'm not sure now...

Saiyaman: Um...what say we check in with Navi about this? Navi?

Navi: Thanks. I'm here with Fox. Sir, how do you feel about this match?

Fox: Not so good. I thought that if I went easy on Samus, she'd just go easy on me, y'know?

Navi: Meh. How about you, Geno?

Geno: Samus put up a good fight at the end. I respect that.

Navi: That's good to hear. How about you, Falcon?

Falcon: Dang, why was Samus beating on me so bad? She's still mad at me after we broke me, I'll bet.

Navi: I'm sure that's it. How about you, Samus? How do you feel?

Samus: Yes, I am still mad at you, Falcon!

Navi: I'll leave you two to work it out. Back to you.

Archer: (Flips open communicator.) Archer to Enterprise.

Reed: Lt. Reed here, sir.

Archer: Has the crew been watching this, Malcolm?

Reed: Yes, sir, and they've got a few questions they'd like to ask.