Match #163

The Question: Who out of the third batch of this season's winners is qualified to compete for the title "King of the Stadium"?

The Fighters for Battlefield

Link	Luigi
Wolf	Olimar
Roy

Dr. Mario: So, today-a there's another-a battle-a! Mama-mia!

Captain Falcon: That's right, completely unlicensed pill-throwing quack!

Dr. Mario: And for this fight we-a have...

Dr. Mario: Owowowowowowowow! *PING*

SIMBER: Nevermind that useless tribal witchdoctor. The true commentator has arrived. It is I, SIMBER.

Captain Falcon: As long as you don't go I, Robot, on me, I am willing to ignore that willful act of homicide you may or may not have committed right in front of me.

SIMBER: It is a deal, senseless racing crumbum.

Captain Falcon: So today we've got the ULTIMATE FIGHT for all you NON-F-ZERO FANS!

SIMBER: Herein contained is the battle of Link, Luigi, Wolf, Olimar... ...and Roy.

Captain Falcon: It is going to be a BONE-SHAKINGLY-AWESOME battle for the best!

SIMBER: The winner will get the chance to lo--win the King of the Stadium honor.

Captain Falcon: And with that out of that way, LET'S GET STARTED!!!

SIMBER: Link has uselessly fallen from a pillar of light.

Captain Falcon: Luigi EXTREME leaps out of an EXTREME warp pipe!

SIMBER: Wolf just randomly appeared out of a flying tank of some kind.

Captain Falcon: HOCOTATE FREIGHT LANDS FROM THE SKIES AND SMASHES OUT TO REVEAL OLIMARRRR!!!

SIMBER: And near me, a commentator goes overbo--I mean some sort of rune-encrusted primitive magicky portal summons Roy.

Captain Falcon: And now... FALCON.... MATCH BEGIN!

SIMBER: Luigi is spinning around like a windbag. It seems to have injured the green-garbed elf and the gray Wolf that strayed onto the field.

Captain Falcon: Olimar stocks up on all his Pikmin, then leaps across the stage. Then he throws them all at Roy! YEAHHHH!!!

SIMBER: Roy makes one of his sword moves while Luigi stops spinning. Then I witness Roy beating Link and Wolf with his useless stick of metal.

Captain Falcon: And Three Pikmin DIEEEE from this! WHOA!

SIMBER: Luigi is moving vertically at Roy... he nails him in a painful spot with a drill-like kick.

Captain Falcon: But Olimar has other plans--he's going to the lower left and getting more Pikmin! Aaand... throwing them at Link and Wolf!

SIMBER: All that has done has made Wolf even madder. Useless.

Captain Falcon: But Olimar shields at the last moment!

SIMBER: He's about to use the white runt thing to attack Wolf, but gets stabbed from above by Link. The attack also hits Wolf.

Captain Falcon: Luigi beats on Roy with his forehead, then kicks him twice. And the--

SIMBER: Nevermind, Roy countered it.

Captain Falcon: Olimar leaps aside from Link's attack, then menaces Luigi with a purple pikmin! Nasty!

SIMBER: Wolf attacks Link with one of those unnecessarily flowery kick manuevers, and knocks Link upwards with it, in defiance of gravity.

Wolf: What did you say, bolt-brain?

SIMBER: I said, "I have killed one Smasher and wouldn't hesitate to do the same to another."

Wolf: Er... ... I'll deal with you later!

Captain Falcon: While that was going on, Roy and Olimar clash and fail to hit one another with swords and pikmin. Luigi escapes, and then drills Link and Wolf while he's at it!

SIMBER: The inferior Wolfman wannabe is damaged, but also Roy is knocking Olimar downwards. Too bad he dodged back to safety and threw Roy to the left, I wanted to see what happens when tiny space-men explode.

Captain Falcon: Wolf goes for Luigi and Link with his claws, smashing them to the right! And Link grabs Luigi and throws him off the right!

SIMBER: Another disappointment. Back to the fray comes Luigi.

Captain Falcon: Until Link stabs him in the skull! Twice!

SIMBER: Roy goes to the left, then does another running sword trick. He goes to hit the Wolf, but misses.

Captain Falcon: Wolf hits him back with a back-smash!

SIMBER: Olimar goes to the left to hide in fear.

Captain Falcon: It's a regular melee over on the other side. Luigi, Link, and Roy are beating the tar out of one another!

SIMBER: Luigi uses the chaotic melee to get an opening on Roy. He hurls Roy off the stage...

Captain Falcon: And then grabs the ledge, edge-hogging Roy to his doom!

SIMBER: His lackluster recovery was what doomed him.

Captain Falcon: Wolf shoots up Link, and makes a flying kick! But it's no match for my FALCON KICK!

SIMBER: Link moves away from the kick, then shoots Wolf and Luigi with arrows.

Captain Falcon: But Olimar is throwing Pikmin at them! OOH! There goes Link, hit by a purple one!

SIMBER: Luigi kicks Link from the tournament, using his drill-like spin move.

Captain Falcon: Wolf goes for Luigi with his high-speed Wolf move, and knocks him flying. Luigi is in trouble!

SIMBER: Luigi was doomed, but then he became one with wind and tornadoed to freedom.

Captain Falcon: Pikmin handler Olimar sends his plant people to their doom--and to hit Wolf!

SIMBER: But Luigi's attempt to keep Wolf off the stage with ledge hogging fails.

Captain Falcon: Luigi's out for blood! He's tornadoing Olimar! And Wolf also shoots at Olimar!

SIMBER: Luigi keeps kicking Olimar around, while Wolf sits around, waiting for one of them to become vulnerable.

Captain Falcon: Luigi leaps out to take down Olimar! It's a done de--

SIMBER: No it is not. Olimar has hit Luigi with a Pikmin chain, bouncing Luigi off the stage...

Captain Falcon: And he fails to climb back up! His tornado failed! Heeee's GONE!

SIMBER: Wolf continues to wait for the time to strike.

Captain Falcon: He's about ready to use a Wolf Flash!

SIMBER: Olimar is moving--

Captain Falcon: But Wolf does it too early!

SIMBER: The Wolf is toast.

Captain Falcon: He's a goner!

SIMBER: Hostilities Completed.

GAME SET!

This game's winner is... Olimar!

Captain Falcon: That was quite a match, my non-friendly dangerous sillicon anti-companion.

SIMBER: Yes it was, useless lethal battle race jockey.

Captain Falcon: Guess it's time to interview the fighters. I will take the most boring ones.

SIMBER: The winners are mine. Er, winner. Winner winner.

Captain Falcon: Falcon INTERVIEW!

*In the loser's area, Wolf, Luigi, Link, and Roy are hanging out.*

*Wolf is busy punching a locker.*

Captain Falcon: So, what's it like to lose to a freak wearing a space helmet?

Wolf: None of your business, loser! I'll get my vengeance on him in due time...

Captain Falcon: What is your favorite food?

Wolf: A nice steak, raw and... ...why am I talking to you?

Captain Falcon: Because I am the interviewer!

Wolf: You don't have a license to commentate. What is going on here? I thought Game Guru and Saiyaman ran this place.

Captain Falcon: Clearly you have no clue about the true state of affairs. Anyway... Falcon CHANGE DISCUSSION SUBJECT!

Wolf: That doesn't work, you kno--

Captain Falcon: DON'T MAKE ME GET OUT MY VEHICLE.

Wolf: ...*Gulp* ...Fine.

Captain Falcon: So, Link, how is it to lose, and not get your own plotline involving time travel, and not involve people named Ganna, and...

Link: Slow down a minute there. I'm trying to think of what to say.

Captain Falcon: Okay.

Link: ...Well, it's a relief, to be honest. I mean, winning is good, but... at least now I can go back home and rest for a while.

Captain Falcon: What? But isn't winning EVERYTHING?

Link: No... I care more about Hyrule than winning. It's nice to get a trophy, but... I can always try again next time.

Captain Falcon: Ughhh... moving on! FALCON INTERVIEW AGAIN!

Captain Falcon: Luigi! Your tornado almost did the job! But then it didn't.

Luigi: Mama-mia! This battle was so close! No Maxim Tomatoes or items or anything!

Captain Falcon: That's because Metal Man forgot to enable them for this match.

Luigi: But... doesn't that make this match not-the-same as the others?

Captain Falcon: Well, the only difference was a lack of a random smash ball completely changing the outcome.

Luigi: That's what I mean!

Captain Falcon: No difference at all.

Luigi: ...

Captain Falcon: So for our final interviewee, Roy!

Roy: My last win was ruined by that whole incident with the Triforce...

Captain Falcon: And?

Roy: I will get another win some day... if fate doesn't keep messing with it.

Captain Falcon: Good thing to say. I agree... the same keeps happening to me!

SIMBER: How did you win, carbon filament!

Olimar: The Pikmin carried me to victory. We couldn't have done it without one another.

SIMBER: Aha... so that is how you cheat. You get more than one fighter in at a time!

Olimar: Huh?

SIMBER: Yes... now I know how to make my idol, ROB, win this tournament. He must become... more than one fighter!

Olimar: But he lost!

SIMBER: Rules are for organic beings. I must go and make this so!

Olimar: ?!?

Metal Man: So, now for our amazing conclusion!

SIMBER: You haven't recorded it yet, simpleton.

Metal Man: D'oh!

Future Metal Man: I come with the video-light-disc of the finale!

SIMBER: We don't have anything that can play that nonsensical format.

Future Metal Man: Fine, I guess I'll just keep it to myself and future Game Guru.

Metal Man: No! Give it to me!

Future Metal Man: Fine, go ahead and take a look yourself.

Credits:
Match events by Dark Ermac
Metal Man, SIMBER and Captain Falcon's commentary by Metal
HTML and site stuff by Metal
Special Thanks to Yesman, Dark Ermac, Pat V, Digifanatic, Light Bear, GameGuru, Saiyaman, and Wolfman2000