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Background:
Note: There will be three fights going on at the same time in this "Triple Threat Theater" (thank WCW for that name idea). I will try to cover each fight equally. Now, back to your regularly scheduled viewing.
The Question: Who would make the better man with the ladies (fights 24A and 24B) Which married couple is the better one (fight 24C)? |
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VGW: Hello, folks, and welcome to my first take on color commentary. Normally, I'd leave that job to Prince Lemmy Koopa, but my normal commentary methods won't cut it on this match.
Patrick: Don't you mean matches?
VGW: Right you are. Folks, meet my commentating partner, Patrick V! (cheers)
Lemmy: Don't forget me!
Patrick: How could we forget you? Folks, meet the original color commentating co-worker himself...Prince Lemmy Koopa! (cheers)
Lemmy: I also brought in a special guest for commentating. Meet the Koopa Wizard himself: Kamek "Wizard-heimer" Koopa! (even more cheers)
Kamek: Thank you, folks, for inviting me here.
VGW: Don't mention it. Sooner or later we all have to get along, good guys and bad. You do help run The Koopa Klub, don't you?
Kamek: I know...say, VGW, Pat, Lemmy, why are these fights happening today?
Lemmy: The first two fights will determine who gets a girl; the third fight determines who the better married couple is.
Patrick: Fight 24A will have the Three Mario Brothers fighting to find out who gets Peach.
VGW: How Wario got involved is beyond me (is he even a Mario Brother?), but here's how Luigi became involved. (pops in a video; it's the after math of The Mario Party double header)
Luigi (screaming): I AM THE SUPER STAR!(video stops)
Kamek: Why are those three are fighting for the girl Bowser and I try to catch each time?
Patrick: Sorry, but I don't know. I only know what I'm told to say.
VGW: Good answer.
Lemmy: Thank you. The second part, Match 24B, pits futuristic male against futuristic male to win the futuristic female.
Patrick: You mean that Fox and Captain Falcon are fighting for Samus?
Lemmy: I believe so. Also, another match question will be answered in that match: Who is the fastest person in the Stadium?
Patrick: Captain Falcon, obviously. He will also have the home turf on Planet Zebes.
Lemmy: I have told you before that fighters have the home team disadvantage in their own arenas.
VGW: We'll figure that out later. The final fight--
Kamek: --I know! It is between two married couples in the Stadium; the Yoshis and the Dreamlanders.
Patrick: How'd you know?
Lemmy: More importantly, who do you think will win?
VGW: I think that history will completely repeat itself, and the Yoshis will win. They have won every match against the Dreamlanders.
Kamek: What about the dream match?
VGW: Dream matches don't "officially" count, Kamek. Patrick, do you see the fighters coming?
Patrick: Yes, I do! All nine fighters are in their respective positions and ready to go at it.
VGW: Here's how this thing works. We will start by covering match 23A first, and then someone (maybe Lakitu) will flip over to another fight occasionally. We must try to catch up on commentating quickly.
Patrick: We'll handle that, VGW; don't worry. Now, for the thousands in attendance--
Kamek: --and the million Koopalings watching this Triple Threat Theater on the Web--
Lemmy: --ladies and gentlemen...
VGW: LET THE CARNAGE BEGIN!!!
Patrick: Luigi again uses his speed to start hitting his opponents!
Kamek: There's Mario cycloning Wario. Fight back Wario!
VGW: However, after a few seconds of getting into this fight, Wario looks like he is safe for the moment. The others are going at it towards each other, while he picks up a fan.
Lemmy: Does he have any fans?
Patrick: I don't think so, Lemmy, since Mario just stole it!
VGW: And look! Luigi is coming towards his brother. He just--(static)
Lemmy: He just what?
Patrick: We have a new picture now. Fox just drop kicked Captain Falcon and sent him towards the right side of Zebes.
Kamek: So, we just changed channels. Interesting; but what happened to the other fighters?
VGW: We'll head back to the Mario Brothers eventually.
Lemmy: Pay attention to this fight! Falcon has just Falcon Punched Fox off the arena!
VGW: Wait...the Fire Fox helps Fox get on solid ground.
Kamek: I wanted him to be "fired".
Patrick: Guys, look! A bob-omb just fell on the top platform! Falcon is going for it!
Lemmy: So is Fox! Who will get there first?
VGW: Falcon does! He has the bomb! But...he throws it down?!?
Patrick: Duh! Fox was under him! And both are--(static)
Kamek: Here we go again.
VGW: Both Dream Landers are sailing towards the clouds! And they land!
Kamek: Stop changing the fight channels, VGW!
VGW: I didn't. I think Lakitu is doing this.
Patrick: We have a match to commentate here. Now pay attention.
Lemmy: The Dream Landers are coming back, but are stopped by Yoshelly with an Egg Toss. They--(static)
VGW: They can't make it back!
Kamek: WHO?!?
VGW: Mario & Wario! They can't make it on the platform! Luigi has taken the lead!
Lemmy: Luigi should be thankful for the bumper and those "slant ramps".
Patrick: I thought you said "equal time" for each fight, VGW! We only saw 23C for about 10 seconds!
VGW: It's not my fault that Lakitu could be changing the channels for us.
Kamek: Stop fighting and pay attention! Wario has just knocked out Luigi via smash punch!
Lemmy: However, that left Wario open to some fireballs by lard-boy.
Patrick: Wario is starting to fight back!
Kamek: Luigi just grabbed--(static)
Lemmy: What did Luigi grab?
Kamek: Not Luigi...Fox! He just grabbed a pokéball and threw it down!
Fox: I choose you...CHANSEY?!?
Crowd: (laughs)
VGW: The eggs have been damaged...and so have the combatants.
Patrick: I see the contents of the eggs. They are--(static)
Kamek: NOT NOW!
Lemmy: The contents are a star rod, a ray gun, and...a HAMMER?!?
VGW: I never said cheap items were off. And Yoshelly grabs it!
Patrick: Everyone bites the dust, including Red Yoshi!
Kamek: I thought couples don't hurt each other at all.
Lemmy: Team Attack was on, Kamek.
VGW: Yoshelly now taunts, but the Dream Landers are coming!
Patrick: You're right! Kirbetty has just landed--(static)
Kamek: WHY MUST WE SWITCH FIGHTS? I'M SO CONFUSED!
Lemmy: Mario has just landed a kick on Wario, but he came back.
VGW: Those fighters only have one more life left, and one will leave soon.
Patrick: Another pokéball has appeared!
Kamek: After some fighting, our #1 arch-nemesis got it and threw it down.
Crowd: Mario! Mario! Mario!
Lemmy: Out came a Snorlax! This is trouble!
VGW: Trouble is right! He came down, and both Luigi and Wario were knocked out! Match 24A is over!
B
Kamek: Now we are at fight 24B again, where Fox and Falcon are injured badly.
Patrick: They only have one more life left, you know--hold on! The lava's rising!
VGW: Falcon makes it to the top platform with ease. However, Fox didn't!
Lemmy: He got burnt by the lava and is outta here! Kamek, you got your wish saying that you wanted him "fired".
Kamek: I know.
C
Patrick: The final part of this Triple Threat Theater is here, where I see Yoshelly, Red Yoshi, and Kirbetty.
Lemmy: And Kirbetty knocks out both Yoshis to take the gold. She hops up to the top and taunts--
VGW: YOU'RE WRONG! Yoshelly had one more life left! And here she comes!
Patrick: History is repeating itself! Kirbetty was again knocked out by a Yoshi-style Hip Drop.
ALL: Look's like Kirbetty's sailing away again...... (star quickly shines)
The better player of the team is...Yoshelly!!!
Post-Match (finally):
Kamek: That was weird, but fun! We should do that again sometime!
Lemmy: Maybe in the future. Who knows?
Patrick: All I do know is that Mash Toady, interview extraordinaire, has some things to say to everyone in the hallway. Mash?
Mash: Right, Pat. I'm with Princess Peach Toadstool, who appears that she has something on her mind. What is it, Peach?
Peach: I DIDN'T WANT TO BE OFFERED AS A PRIZE! I WILL DECIDE WHO I WISH TO MARRY!
Mash: Did anyone tell you of this prize offer ahead of time?
Peach: Only Prince Lemmy Koopa told me of this.
VGW: Lemmy, what were you doing telling top-secret information to Peach?
Lemmy: I didn't know it was top-secret. However, speaking of top-secret, when you said you didn't want to talk about Powers to me, something inside of my head told me to get someone to tell me of this news.
Patrick: You have been unsuccessful so far, Lemmy. VGW, was this the news you--
VGW: Everyone shut up before he hears of this!
Kamek: Amateurs. Mash, is anyone else going your way?
Mash: Yes, Kamek. I am with Fox, the loser of his fight to Captain Falcon.
Fox: If you think I'm upset, I'm not. However, I think that Samus & Captain Falcon are hitting it pretty big.
Mash: If Powers sees them, though--
Fox: What he can't see can't hurt him.
Lemmy: Fair enough for me. How about the Dream Landers or the Yoshis?
Mash: Nope; they declined interviews awhile ago. However, I do have the KO information sheet that says who KOed who in each of the three fights.
VGW: Send it here.
(transmitting...transmitting...transmitting)
VGW: Thanks, Mash.
Mash: No problem. However, we have a little problem from someone who wants to see you.
VGW: Put 'em onscreen.
Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff! (I'm back!)
Patrick: Turn off the TV!
Lemmy: Let's hear what she has to say, first.
Jigglypuff: Puff puff, Jigglypuff! (I'm mad, Kirbetty!)
A pokéball falls right by Jigglypuff.
Lemmy: Huh?
Pikachu: (pops out of pokéball, with a valentine shaped cutout; on it is written a strange code) PIKACHU PIKACHU! CHU PIKAPI!
Kamek: What's he saying?
Lemmy: (shrugs)
VGW: (shrugs)
Jigglypuff: (blushes)
Kamek: Well, that's all.
(The lights fail for a few seconds)
When they turn back on, two screams were heard and a Yoshi-like figure is on a flying platform in front of us.
Mystery Person: It's about time I meet you, STUPID-Powers.
Patrick: Just who are you anyway?
Mystery Person: You don't need to know that right now. What you do need to know is that I have kidnapped DK & Green Yoshi after match 23, and I have just kidnapped the Dreamlanders as well!
VGW: You had no right to do so! Return them at once!
Mystery Person: Not so fast, VGW. You can't rescue them at all! Like you have any fighting talent!
Kamek: If not him, then I have fighting talent. Bowser is supposed to be capturing his enemies. Turn them over to me, and I will turn them over to him.
Mystery Person: I don't think so, Kamek. Soon there will only be one fighter left in the Stadium, and you folks can't do anything about it!
Kamek: Oh, yeah? Take this! (he shoots a magic shot)
Mystery Person: I don't have time for this. Later, losers! (he teleports away; the shot missed him)
Patrick: What was that about?
VGW: Lemmy, do you have anything to say about this?
Lemmy: One word. Strange.
Kamek: Like I said, that was wild. For everyone here in the Super Smash Stadium, I'm Kamek "Wizard-Heimer" Koopa, saying so long from the Super Smash Stadium, where it's not just an arena: it's WAR!
VGW: Can we borrow your trademark?
Kamek: Nope. I'm leaving here. Later!
What did you think of the Triple Threat Theater? Did you enjoy the [abridged] matches? Was Kamek an excellent commentator? Will this mystery person really capture everyone at the Stadium (I hope not)? Head here & cast your reaction.
Sprite Credits: